


What Will the Future Hold, Part II

by fems



Series: Future Series [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: 2011 GateFic Award, AU, Angst, Divergence Fic, Drama, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family, Graphic Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Romance, UST, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-16
Updated: 2010-05-16
Packaged: 2017-11-08 11:12:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 173,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/442587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fems/pseuds/fems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years have passed and Colonel Samantha Carter has stepped down from commanding SG-1 and is devoting her genius solely to understanding and reverse-engineering alien technology in her lab at the SGC. At home, she is fulfilling the role of wife and stepmother as best as she can but doubt is creeping in: perhaps she has finally found something she is not good at?</p>
<p>With Daniel's return from his assignment at Atlantis Cassie is planning a welcome home party at the SGC for all his friends and coworkers on Earth.  Coming face-to-face with her former commanding officer there, Sam realizes her marriage has not resolved her inappropriate feelings for him. </p>
<p>She also becomes aware of the fact she compromised who she is in order to obtain that elusive normal life and has distanced herself from her loved ones all this time.  Understanding the consequences of her choices and how her actions have hurt them, Sam decides drastic measures are needed. Starting with rebuilding her friendship with Major General Jack O'Neill.</p>
<p>However, it looks like she might be too late; have the roles been reversed and is Jack the one with the normal life and a happily ever after, while she was the one craving it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Coming Home

**Author's Note:**

> The story originally had 80 chapters but I've decided to split it in two here since there's a two-year gap in the middle; this is the latter half of the fic.

**2006**

**  
**

“Cut it out, kids,” Sam said over her shoulder while trying to keep her eyes on the road. Glancing sideways at Pete, she made an almost imperceptible nod with her head, telling him to end the argument between his children. Tim and Lola kept yelling and Pete just sighed, frustrating her even more. “Pete,” Sam protested, glaring at him when he finally looked at her.

“You heard Sam, stop it,” he scolded. Turning to the backseat he reached between the two children, who were hitting each other, and separated them. “Damn kids,” he muttered under his breath, turning back in his chair, shifting to get comfortable.

She could see Lola glaring at her via the rear-view mirror and locking eyes with her, the four-and-a-half year-old girl stuck out her tongue at Sam in an impudent gesture. Clenching her jaw, Sam had to stop herself from gritting her teeth, instead gripping the steering wheel even harder. This is supposed to be a good and joyful day, she thought, focusing on the road again. Cassie was flying in and they were on their way to the airport to pick her up, after which she would probably stay the weekend, or at least that’s what Sam assumed. Tomorrow, Daniel would finally come back from his two-year stay on Atlantis and they would celebrate him returning to their humble planet that Saturday night.

Daniel had visited their galaxy about every three months, but Sam had only been able to see him about two times a year. In the last two years Teal’c had actually visited her twice together with Daniel, and as she was still working for the SGC, she knew that he came back more often than that. Probably to see the General as well, she mused. He, the General, had actually gone to Atlantis as well as Dakara at least two times, claiming the visits were all business to review the status of Atlantis or strengthen the diplomatic relationship between the Jaffa Nation and Earth. Not that she was tracking his movements or anything, it was just hard to avoid overhearing…

Thankfully, the General would usually visit the SGC on Fridays or the weekend, if not during school holidays and those happened to be her days off, because Pete’s children would visit. This way, she needn’t worry about running into Jack O’Neill. Thinking about him, she let out a deep sigh, which drew Pete’s attention.

“Something wrong?”

“No, I was just thinking,” she replied with a weak smile. She hadn’t seen the General in two years, had hardly heard anything about him because Cassie, Daniel, and Teal’c never spoke about him to her. Per her request but that didn’t stop her from thinking about him… how he was doing, what he was doing, where he was. With  _whom_  he was. The General himself had kept his word as well, not contacting her in any way unless it was for work, which had only happened twice and she was pretty sure it had been a standard letter.

Daniel  _had_  told her they’d kept in touch through letters, like he did with her and Teal’c. He had also been the one to organize tomorrow’s event and Cassie had helped him prep from Earth, as he was still in the Pegasus Galaxy. It made Sam wonder if the General would be there as well. Secretly, she wanted to know how he was doing and perhaps even wanted to see him.

Mentally kicking herself for her wandering mind she turned the corner as they reached the airport. Cassie didn’t visit often, she claimed to be very busy with med school but Sam knew she still didn’t like Pete. The young alien woman also couldn’t get along with his kids, who still came over every other weekend if not every weekend. Today she would spend the day with Cassie, maybe send Pete out with the children so that they could talk as they used to, with Janet.

* * *

 

“So, I was sitting there and–”

“I want candy,” Lola cried out, interrupting Cassie.

“Lola, calm down,” Sam sighed, walking over to the girl.

Rolling her eyes, Cassie got up from the couch and grabbed her coat. “I’ll just go for a walk or something,” she mumbled, annoyed she couldn’t have a normal conversation with Sam without being interrupted by the little brat.

“Cassie, wait,” Sam exclaimed, as she had finally taken care of Lola. “Don’t go, we were in the middle–”

“Yes, we  _were_  in the middle of a conversation, as we were the five previous times she interrupted us. I’m sorry but I can’t talk like that. I probably haven’t said more than ten sentences in total and I’ve been here for over two hours, Sam.”

“Where will you go?”

“I don’t know; I’ll just take a walk. Look around the park, read a bit,” she shrugged, pointing at her bag, which contained a medical journal and walked over to the door. “Call me if I’m getting late for dinner.”

“Sure,” was all Sam could say before Cassie walked out the door. As she looked down, she saw Lola smiling a smug little smile and not for the first time she wondered if the girl actually disliked her. Lola was a smart little brat, who got everything she wanted from her mother and Pete usually gave into everything as well. Sometimes he would listen to her – Sam – and he would try, he really would, until Lola started crying again or just be plain annoying and he just gave her what she wanted, to shut her up. Maybe it was a good thing they didn’t have any children themselves, Sam thought glumly.

They had used the first few months of their marriage to get to know each other better, to adjust to their new life together and trying to handle his two children as well. After six months, they had broached the subject of their own children and she had forced herself to tell him about the consequences of blending with Jolinar again. He’d said he understood but still wanted to try, as did she. Now, she had almost given up. She hadn’t told Pete in so many words, but she figured he knew. Their sex life wasn’t that bad but she wasn’t jumping him when she was ovulating either.

She had resigned herself to the idea of not being able to conceive a child and maybe, just maybe, it was for the best. If they couldn’t handle Lola, how could they handle a baby? Tim was quite easy, although Lola’s influence on him was growing but if they would have a child together that would mean Sam actually had a right to say something about the parenting. Experience had taught her that she and Pete weren’t completely seeing eye to eye on that matter, but it was probably close enough. It would clash with Lola’s upbringing, though, Sam was sure of that. She wasn’t Lola’s mother and didn’t really have the right to judge the other woman but she knew for sure that her child would actually learn what boundaries were and Sam would make sure it wouldn’t turn out a brat like Lola already was. However, if she would have a child with Pete, they couldn’t treat their child differently in front of his two kids because that would be unfair…

Tired of her own thoughts, Sam let out a yawn and a glance at the clock told her that it was almost 1630 hours. Sitting down, she wondered where Pete was. He had been here when they came home… had he told her he’d be gone? Rubbing her tired eyes, she shrugged to no one in particular and lay down on the couch. It wouldn’t hurt to take a little nap, Lola was in her playpen, and Tim was… where was Tim?! Sitting up, all thoughts of sleeping gone, Sam quickly glanced around the living room, while trying to relive the last two hours. She had taken Lola inside, Cassie had followed her and Pete had taken Tim, right? Unsure, she looked in the study and kitchen, not finding any sign of Pete or Tim and decided to go upstairs.

“Babe, what’s for dinner?”

Startled, Sam turned to Pete who was standing in the doorway of their bedroom. “I was looking for you, where is Tim?”

“Napping, I put him to bed when we came home; I was just about to wake him. Why?”

“Nothing, I just realized I didn’t know where he was. Or where you were for that matter.”

Turning around, Pete walked back into their room and settled on the bed. “I was bored and decided to watch a movie, so you and Cassie could talk,” he gestured at the TV as she entered the room.

“Oh, well, that didn’t go too well.”

“It didn’t?” Pete asked surprised, trying to keep his joy at hearing that to himself. He’d never liked Cassandra – which he was sure was mutual – and it had only taken a turn for the worse over the years. He could only be more satisfied if she would completely stop coming by, but that probably wouldn’t happen. Besides, Sam still cared for the girl, so he had to put up with her. Those few times a year he could handle.

“Lola, eh… kept asking for attention,” Sam answered, trying to keep the irritation out of her voice.

Not looking away from the screen, Pete just shrugged. “Really?” 

“Yeah, Cassie left for a walk to the park, so she could read in silence.”

“Too bad.”

“She’ll be back in time for dinner though, which I’m not cooking by the way,” Sam smiled a bit. Even after being married for two years, she couldn’t cook. Either Pete would cook or they would order in or go out to dinner.

However, since Pete’s demotion last year they kept the dining out to a minimum. She didn’t care much for going out to fancy restaurants if she were honest, especially not if the kids would go with them because Lola just wouldn’t behave. Sam would always end up feeling embarrassed.

So, married life wasn’t what she had expected… did life ever turn out the way you want it?

* * *

 

“Sorry if I’m late,” Cassie said as she opened the door and shed her coat. “I lost track of time.”

“It’s okay,” Sam said happy to see her again. “We ordered pizza, which can be here any minute now.”

“Great,” Cassie smiled, walking over to the couch and coldly greeted Pete who was sitting there. “Sam, do you know what time Daniel will be here tomorrow?”

“No, I don’t, I haven’t been on base all day,” she replied as the doorbell rang. Grabbing her wallet she walked over to it and paid for the food.

“Could you find out?”

“I guess I could call, why? He did say it would be some time in the afternoon.” Placing the pizzas on the dining table, she turned to Cassie. “By the way, I haven’t made the bed in the guest room yet, I’ll do it after dinner, okay?”

“Um… that’s part of the reason I asked,” Cassie bashfully admitted. “I was thinking I’d stay on base, to welcome Daniel tomorrow and go over some last minute details if his gatelag isn’t too bad.”

“You want to stay… on base?”

“Yeah,” Cassie gave her a small smile, really  _not_  wanting to stay here with Pete and his kids. It was hard for her to see Sam settle for a life like this, when she could’ve been with Jack… what really hurt, was to see the way Pete didn’t respect her opinion in regard to his kids, Cassie thought. She knew Sam was a great mother, she had been the first to experience that after coming to this planet, but Pete didn’t give her the chance. “I already cleared it, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Frowning, Sam walked over to her and Pete, completely forgetting about dinner. “When did you have the opportunity to ask General Landry?”

“Jack okayed it,” she softly stated. “I would’ve gone to his house, but I lost my key,” she continued. Seeing the conflicting emotions on Sam’s face and in her eyes, Cassie decided to keep it at that because she knew how Sam felt about Jack. Well, not really of course, but she had asked them not to talk about him to her or when she was around and, so far, they had respected her request.

Not that Jack never asked about her, he always asked “How’s Carter?” if she talked to him. Cassie knew he asked Daniel and Teal’c the same question if he saw or spoke to them and it wouldn’t even surprise her if he asked Landry about it. The only reason for Sam not wanting to talk about him was probably because she still cared, Cassie mused. Still, she had a funny way of showing it.

“Oh… he, er… he still has his house here?” Sam stammered a bit, her curiosity getting the best of her. She noticed Cassie was surprised by her question and she quickly held up her hand. “Never mind, just forget I asked.”

“It’s okay to ask, Sam,” Cassie gave her a real smile. “Yes, he still has his house here, where I still have my room.”

Nodding, Sam turned around, the growling of her stomach reminding her that she needed food. “Okay,” she retorted absentmindedly, banning the General from her mind. She had been very close to asking Cassie if he would be there tomorrow during the afternoon, but had kept it to herself. “Food, anyone?”

* * *

 

Hearing the knock on the door of her base guest quarters, Cassie spat out her toothpaste and quickly rinsed her mouth. Towel still in hand, she opened the door to see Sam standing there. “Sam!”

“Hey,” Sam smiled at Cassie, who was obviously getting ready for bed. “I’m not interrupting, am I?”

“Of course not,” she replied, beckoning her inside. “What are you doing here?”

Taking a seat on the bunk, Sam looked at her. “I was called in because of a problem with the ’gate. I figured I’d come by to apologize…”

“Apologize, for what?” Cassie asked, sincerely confused.

Shrugging, Sam gave her a half smile. “For today, I really wanted to talk to you, hear about your life and med school… it’s just that–”

“Kids are hard work, I know that,” she replied in an honest voice. She had seen Jack juggle his work at Homeworld Security with his life as a father to three small children.

“Yeah,” Sam sighed, her shoulders drooping slightly. “Siler told me General O’Neill is supposed to be here tomorrow,” she cautiously continued, not knowing why she brought up the subject. She wondered why no one had told her. Of course, she knew she had asked them not to talk about him to her but they could’ve at least given her a warning, she mused. Siler was probably the only one on base who felt he could tell her something like this, she thought, grimacing.

Nodding carefully, Cassie sat down next to her, throwing the towel in a corner. “He called me to tell me he was already here.”

Startled, Sam squealed. “He is?” Clearing her throat, she tried again. “Really?”

Grinning, Cassie slowly bobbed her head. “Just half an hour ago, but it was too late to get a ride over there or just lend a car.”

“I could drop you off,” Sam automatically offered, surprising the both of them.

Stunned, Cassie stared at her. “You could?”

Fidgeting with the woolen blanket Sam shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

Not giving her a chance to back out Cassandra immediately jumped up from the bed to grab her bag, throw in her clothes and toiletries, before grabbing her coat. Within three minutes, she was ready to leave. “Let’s go!”

Startled by her sudden energy outburst, Sam slowly got up. What had she gotten myself into? Why did she make the offer? Shaking her head slightly she tried to clear her mind and followed Cassie to the elevators. For some reason she was nervous, which was ridiculous. She would give Cassie a ride to the General’s old house, drop her off, and go home. So what if Pete wouldn’t like it? He probably didn’t mind Cassie staying with the General - he had seemed somewhat relieved when Cassie had told them she would be staying on base – but she knew he didn’t like  _her_  going over to the General or just talk to him. She wondered why. Before, it hadn’t mattered to her but lately she found herself thinking about it more and more often. Not just about  _that_ , about the General himself as well. Unsettled, she stayed quiet during their rides up with the elevators and silently got into her car, ready to drive Cassie over to his place.

Cassie realized Sam was thinking – when wasn’t she? – and decided not to disturb her, so stayed quiet as well. Smiling slightly she got into the car and looked out the window during the short drive. Every now and then, she’d glance at Sam and notice the emotions in her expressions. Would she finally realize Pete wasn’t the life she wanted? As they neared the turn to Jack’s house Cassie saw Sam’s grip on the wheel tightening, her fingers turning white. “Will you come inside with me?”

Sam’s head snapped up, hearing the innocent tone of Cassie’s voice and she stared at her, her mouth turning dry. Swallowing hard, she shook her head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea, Cass.”

“I’m sure Jack won’t mind,” Cassie replied, schooling her features in an innocent expression.

“It’s late Cassie and we haven’t spoken for over two years. Besides, me driving you over here doesn’t change anything,” she bluntly retorted.

Biting her lip, Cassie nodded. “Fine. Thanks for the ride.” Grabbing her bag, she got out of the car and slammed the door closed. She jogged past the SUV on the driveway and when she reached the door she rang the bell and waved at Sam, who apparently took that as her sign to leave.

* * *

 

“Pete, please,” Sam said through gritted teeth. “Just take them for a walk in the park or something, that way I can enjoy a nice and quiet bath.”

Rolling his eyes, Pete relented. “Fine, I’ll take them to the park.” He stalked off to grab the stroller and some essentials, before putting the kids their jackets on and walking out with Tim and Lola.

Stretching her tall frame Sam smiled at the peace and quiet in her house. It was strange; the children had only been here for the past week, with their mother being on vacation, but she couldn’t even remember the last time she had been relaxed in her own house. Walking over to the bathroom, she turned on the faucet and padded back to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of iced tea. Hearing the phone ring, she grabbed the receiver and picked it up. “Samantha Carter.”

_“Sam?”_

“Cassie, what’s up?” She smiled at hearing the younger woman’s voice. For some reason it had felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders after she had dropped off Cassandra at the General’s house last night.

_“I was just wondering if you wanted to go shopping for a new outfit for tonight? I brought some things with me but I don’t like them and want to look for a new dress.”_

Frowning, Sam walked over to the bathroom to check on the water. “Are you sure?” She remembered one of their two-monthly phone calls from a week and a half ago, in which Cassie had told her she was having some financial problems.

_“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”_

“Well, I just thought about our phone call the other day,” she gently reminded her. She knew college was expensive, especially med school and she also knew Cassie was fitting right in with the other students and liked to party, which probably wasn’t cheap.

_“Don’t worry about it, Jack gave me his credit card to buy myself a nice dress.”_

Shaking her head slightly, Sam couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. It was so like the General to do that for Cassie; even it wasn’t the best approach in her opinion. Thinking about her own wardrobe she decided she should go shopping with Cassie, especially now that Pete took the kids out. “Okay, but I was just about to take a bath.”

_“Is half an hour long enough? We could meet at the mall in an hour?”_

“Sure, I’ll see you then,” Sam replied, said her goodbyes and hung up. Quickly undressing, she lowered herself in the bathtub.

* * *

 

Pulling up her driveway Sam jumped out of the car, dragging her bags with her. Her little shopping spree with Cassie had been quite a success, even if Sam had been the one who had done most of the shopping. She’d bought some new lingerie, a sweet thin-strapped little black cocktail dress and a new sweater. Cassie had found the perfect dress and had been in heaven the entire afternoon. They had been just in time as Daniel was about to arrive and Cassie had insisted on being there when he came in, claiming she had only seen him once in two years. She and Sam had said their goodbyes at the mall before going their own way.

Walking into the kitchen Sam put the grocery bag on the counter before bringing her clothes to the bedroom. After leaving the mall she had gone out to get some groceries for tomorrow and it had taken longer than she’d expected. Right now, she had to get dressed, put on some makeup, brush her hair and get over to the commissary on base, where the party would be. As she was brushing her teeth Pete came into the bathroom and smiled at her.

“How did the shopping go?”

Rinsing her mouth Sam looked at him via the mirror. “It was nice, we actually had some time to catch up and I bought some new things.”

“Yes, I noticed. You didn’t spend too much money, did you?”

Rolling her eyes, Sam shook her head. After his demotion last year he’d started earning less money and was always worried about not having enough money, even if she was still working. She didn’t get hazard pay anymore since she spent most of her days in the lab and left the frontlines over two years ago, but she still made a good sum of money. “Did you call the sitter?”

“Yeah, she’s still sick and can’t make it,” he sighed. “So, I guess that means I have to stay here with the kids while you go over to Daniel’s party.”

Sam muttered something incomprehensible under her breath at hearing the girl was sick and decided they needed to look for a new sitter. “I guess, too bad,” she gave him a sympathetic smile.

“Don’t worry about it,” he shrugged, winking at her.

Nodding, she walked over to the bedroom and quickly grabbed her little black dress to show him. His whistle made her smile and she ushered him out of the room to get dressed. Undressing, she grabbed a strapless bra and put it and her new dress on. Padding back to the bathroom she put on some light makeup and brushed her hair. Spraying some perfume before going downstairs she hummed at the idea of seeing Daniel again. To have him live on the same planet again!

Putting on her shoes and coat she gave Pete and the kids a quick peck on the cheek before getting into her car. It was only 1600 hours and it was a nice temperature outside with the sunbeams dancing over every surface. Grabbing her sunglasses, she put them on to keep from being blinded and took off. During the ride over to the base, she didn’t even notice she had taken a wrong turn on the road which she had taken for over a decade. Glancing around she realized she was in the General’s neighborhood again. She contemplated driving up to someone’s driveway to turn the car around but decided she could just as easily drive by his house – he probably wouldn’t even notice – and continue her way to work.

The closer to his house she came the faster her heart started beating, which was ridiculous and she cursed herself for acting so stupid. She slowed down a bit as she saw his house coming up and when she passed it she almost had a heart attack. It was hard to miss the blonde, curly-headed woman standing in the front yard… it was almost harder to miss her protruding belly, a clear sign of a pregnant woman.

 


	2. Unexpectedness

“I’m glad you got back safe and sound, Space Monkey,” Jack grinned as he hugged Daniel.

Smiling, Daniel hugged him back. “Me too,” leaning back he looked at his friend. “You look great, Jack.”

“Daniel!” Was all the warning Cassie gave him as she launched herself in his arms to hug him tightly. “I’ve missed you!”

Hearing her muffled voice, Daniel squeezed her shoulders before letting go. “I’ve missed you too, Cassie.” He nodded at the familiar faces in the gateroom and the control room, before following Jack out to the infirmary. On his way, a lot of people stopped him to welcome him back and while it was touching, it was getting annoying pretty fast.

“How is your gatelag?”

“Don’t know yet, just got here and so far so good,” Daniel shrugged, smiling at her. “Then again, I am underground.”

They chatted amicably until Daniel was led away by one of the nurses and Jack and Cassie were left standing in the infirmary. “Cake?”

“You’re going to get fat if you keep eating so much cake,” Cassie replied, patting his still taut stomach.

Rubbing his stomach, Jack shrugged. “I’m still getting enough exercise, don’t worry,” he smirked, referring to his running after three kids.

“We should wait until Daniel gets back; maybe he wants some good Earth food.”

“On base?”

“We could go off base,” she offered.

“Well, the party is in an hour,” Daniel protested as he pulled the curtain to the side to join them. He hastily righted his clothes and watched the nurse walk away with his blood samples.  “We can’t leave now; we’ll never be back in time.”

“Commissary then?”

Cassie and Daniel both nodded and they walked towards the elevator, ready to go up to get some cake. Of course, there was a lot of personnel in the elevator that all wanted to talk to Daniel and him being the patient man he was, he took his time, while Cassie and Jack were waiting for him to get off the elevator when the doors opened.

“Daniel,” Jack whined, beckoning him with his hand to hurry up.

“Sorry,” Daniel mumbled as he joined Cassie and Jack through the corridors. “Did everything go as planned?”

Nodding, Cassie summed up all the preparations she had made.

* * *

 

It was as if time slowed down as Sam slowly passed the General’s house and watched the blonde woman in the front yard. It was obvious the woman was pregnant and Sam hadn’t been prepared for the pain she felt in her heart. Inhaling deeply, she tried to get her feelings under control and she quickly glanced at the road in front of her. It was still empty, so she figured she could cast another glance at the woman. As she did, the woman was nowhere to be seen, but Sam did notice the sandbox that hadn’t been there before and even a little tricycle. She hadn’t been able to see that dropping of Cassie late last night with the darkness, but now it was there in plain sight.

Speeding up again, she continued her way to the base while the thoughts kept whirling in her head. The General had moved on, obviously. She wanted him to be happy, right? If she did, then why did seeing that woman hurt so much? Holding back a sob, she blinked her eyes to stop the tears from forming. Looking around, she pulled over to the curb before going back on the freeway. Her hands were shaking, she noted as she let go of the steering wheel. _What have I done?_ Realization struck her hard as feelings of betrayal, hurt, and rejection coursed through her body. The force of her feelings surprised her; she had been a fool and thought she was over _him_ for a while. Now, she knew the only one she had fooled was herself, even Daniel, Teal’c, and Cassandra knew, which was probably why they had been a bit reserved around her and honored her wish not to talk about Jack O’Neill.

What about Pete, did he know about her feelings? Was that why he didn’t like the General? No, he couldn’t know, she thought, shaking her head. He hadn’t liked the General from the start, when he’d been a colonel; it was probably a male-thing. Thinking about it, she couldn’t believe the fool she had been. Why had she even considered marrying Pete when her feelings for another man were so strong? Even now, after having no contact for two years, she still felt the same.

What if he would be there, at the party? People would expect them to at least talk for a minute and she wasn’t sure she could. Not knowing what she now knew. How could she have thought things with Pete would change? Their marriage had been a desperate attempt at a normal life on her part, to show people she _was_ normal and could do normal things. She had hobbies, she loved a man, she was married, had a family… the only thing was that it was the wrong man, the wrong marriage, and definitely the wrong family. The right man had a family of his own now, it seemed. Would he even want to talk to her? After the way she had treated him, she couldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to have anything to do with her.

Reaching out, she tried to start the car, but her hands were still shaking and she could feel the lump forming in her throat. Sam let her hand fall in her lap and concentrated on her breathing, to get her body under control. Clearing her head, she used some of the techniques Teal’c had taught them years ago. _They had known… everyone had known… even the General had known…_ The voices kept chanting in her head and she bit her lip, frustrated. The voice was right though, _hell_ , the General had even asked her if there was anything he could do to stop her from marrying Pete. Why hadn’t she paid more attention to her friends? Or her own father and Selmak, even _they_ had known. They kept trying to help her see, but she only saw what she wanted to see. Felt what she wanted to feel and the rest she stubbornly put away.

Not that she expected the General had asked her because he loved her, because he didn’t. Maybe once he had, as a good friend, perhaps a little more. _I care about her… more than I’m supposed to._ She had repeated his words that day, over seven years ago, and when she had, she’d looked at him, telling him with her eyes that she loved him. What if he hadn’t recognized it? If he just meant that they were best friends, almost family, and perhaps he’d felt that way about Daniel and Teal’c as well.

That weekend before her wedding he had asked her if she was sure and she’d lied to his face, he had told her he wanted her to be happy to which she had replied she was. He had wanted to make sure his _friend_ was happy and that she wouldn’t make a stupid mistake. Yet, there was that kiss… that amazing kiss, which had haunted her for weeks. He was physically attracted to her, he’d even told her during the quarantine he wanted to be with her, _someday_. Her foolish heart had hoped he meant the whole package, but what if he hadn’t? In that case, he’d just taken the last chance he had to kiss her before the wedding. Had he not said that himself?

“Aarghh,” she cried out frustratingly hitting the wheel with her fist. Her thoughts were driving her crazy! She couldn’t just sit here and _think_ about all the possibilities, she actually had to ask _him_ if she wanted to know the truth. Wasn’t that why she’d never asked? After years of working on the front lines, nothing could scare her – nothing but the cold hard truth, especially coming from Jack O’Neill, the man who had held her heart for so long.

Okay, maybe she was too scared to ask him for the truth, but it _was_ time for her to be honest to herself. To Pete.Rubbing the tears from her eyes, Sam knew she had to end it. Their marriage had gotten off on the wrong foot with her being in love with another man and apparently, no amount of time could change that. Well, she wasn’t planning on testing that theory, if two years didn’t work out then nothing would. Right around their first anniversary doubt had wormed its way into her heart as her mind had wandered off to Jack O’Neill and she kept thinking about _him_ instead of Pete. She hadn’t been comfortable around Pete’s kids or friends and kept wondering if she was happy.

Then her father had come by so they could visit Mark for his birthday and she had asked him about his marriage to her mother. He’d told her they’d had their fights, disagreements or doubts, especially their first year… his words had made her doubt her doubts and eventually, she figured things would change. They had to, because Pete loved her and she loved him, right? Now, another year had passed and she still yearned for someone else…

Grabbing her bottle of water, she took a sip, before looking in the mirror. She had a few mascara smudges and quickly fixed her appearance, started the car and drove off to Daniel’s party.

* * *

 

“I was afraid you wouldn’t be able to make it,” Daniel said, his eyebrows raised in an unspoken question.

Nodding, Jack straightened up a bit. “Yeah, me too, thankfully we could get away in time.”

“I’m glad you did, even if you can’t stay, it was great seeing you again. Talking to you like I never left,” he smiled.

“You’re right,” Jack agreed, looking at his watch. “I should get going–”

“Already?” Cassie squeaked, grabbing his arm in an effort to keep him at her side.

Frowning, Jack looked at her small hands clamped around his arm. “Well, I better get going now, so I won’t run into Carter. I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate it,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

“Oops, too late,” Cassie replied, schooling her features in an innocent expression, her tone matching her face.

“Sam!” Daniel exclaimed, walking up to her and throwing his arms around her. “I’m glad you could make it!”

“It’s so good to see you again, Daniel,” Sam smiled, hugging him a bit closer.

“I love your dress,” he complimented her as they parted.

Smiling, she looked up… and locked eyes with the General. Her heart skipped a beat and her body shuddered involuntarily, as those gorgeous, chocolate brown eyes hypnotized her. “Sir,” she greeted him after clearing her throat.

“Carter,” Jack retorted, letting his eyes roam over her body, which was wrapped in a little black dress accentuating every curve of her body. She looked different, he mused, looking at the pale complexion on her tired face. Had she been working too hard? He always asked Landry how everyone was doing and he hadn’t mentioned anything about her working so much. Jack had even been surprised to hear that she willingly took off two Fridays a month and school vacations, not even coming back to work in the weekend. Then again, she was married now and the cop had a family. Jack himself knew how hard it was to combine work and family… “I should get going,” he softly stated, knowing he had to get out of there because of Carter.

“Please Sir, don’t leave on my account,” Sam replied, surprising herself even more than she did him. Making a vague hand gesture around them, she continued. “After all, we’re here to celebrate Daniel’s return.”

“Yes, well, I already told Danny-boy I couldn’t stay; I just came by to welcome him home.”

“Oh, I see, you have to get back to work?” She asked, cautiously.

Uncomfortable, Jack stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked on his feet, before looking up to her. “Ah, no… we just got back, I have a jetlag and we still have a lot of things to take care of–”

“How was the funeral?” Daniel interrupted him, mindful of Sam’s lack of knowledge concerning Jack’s life.

“It was, er… nice, respectful, you know, everything a funeral is supposed to be. Ilse had a beautiful speech and there were a lot of friends to pay their respect…”

Glancing at the General shyly, Sam decided to ask the question she wanted to ask. He could always tell her off if he thought it was inappropriate. “Funeral?”

“Ah, yes, Ilse’s mother passed away last week,” Jack stated, clearly still upset. “We just flew back in.”

Nodding, Sam felt the cold hand around her heart squeezing it even harder. The blonde woman had been Ilse, his _girlfriend_ who was pregnant… they hadn’t gotten married, had they? Without thought, she brought up her hand over her heart, contemplating how much the General had moved on in the past two years. In a way, she would’ve insisted her friends would have told her, but after today she wasn’t so sure… they hadn’t told her that Ilse was pregnant, had they? “Sorry for your loss,” she managed to reply.

“Thanks,” Jack said, before turning to Daniel to say his goodbyes. “Why don’t you come by tomorrow?”

“I’ll have to get back to you on that, because I’m supposed to meet Sarah in the park,” Daniel bashfully admitted.

Grinning, Jack clasped his shoulder. “You dog! Call me if you want to come by.”

Daniel nodded, smiling back at him. He was looking forward to seeing Sarah again. After she had been freed from Osiris, it had taken her some time to cope with what had happened to her; on the other hand it had helped them grow closer. After he’d told her about Atlantis, she had encouraged him to go and they had kept in touch ever since.

“I’ll see you later tonight? We’ll be at home since Ilse isn’t feeling too good,” he told Cassie, who nodded. Before walking away, Jack turned to Carter. “Colonel? I guess I should congratulate you now that we’re meeting here in person for the first time since your promotion.”

Taken aback at first Sam quickly recovered and smiled her megawatt smile at him. It made him grin, which only served to make her smile even brighter. “Thank you, Sir.”

“You certainly deserved it,” he stated.

“For what, sitting at my lab all day, Sir?” She huffed, still not feeling worthy of being a full bird.

Jack scowled at her and he saw her eyes widen in response. “They should’ve promoted you a long time ago, Carter, it’s just that they’re bound by rules and it’s kind of hard to explain why an astrophysicist should be promoted to full bird after she has just made Lieutenant Colonel. If this,” he gestured around him, indicating the SGC and their work, “was made public, you’d be a general already.”

Blushing, Sam ducked her head at his unexpected compliment. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Don’t mention it,” he smiled at her, before turning and waving his hand over his shoulder, ready to go home.

 


	3. Facing the Music

Padding through his house, Jack looked around to see a sign of Ilse. Finally, he found her in the upstairs bathroom, hanging over the toilet. “What are you doing?”

Snorting, Ilse didn’t even look at him before speaking up, her words and tone slightly twisted from the porcelain. “You’re back early,” she ignored his question, because the answer was too obvious as she heaved again.

Leaning down next to her, he carefully pulled her hair back as she emptied her stomach in the toilet. His other hand rubbed soothing circles on her back and he gave her a sympathizing smile. “That bad, huh?”

“Just kill me now,” she whined, sitting up. Placing a hand on her belly and the other on the floor, she tried to get up, knowing there wasn’t anything left in her stomach to throw up again. Failing miserably, she grabbed Jack’s outstretched hand, letting him pull her up from the floor. “I’m serious, Jack. I’m not enjoying being pregnant,” she groaned before rinsing her mouth, trying to get rid of the disgusting taste in her mouth.

“You’re just saying that,” Jack retorted, flushing the toilet while watching her. “It’s just the morning sickness, once that has passed you’ll enjoy it.”

“What idiot made up that term? In case you haven’t noticed, it is way past morning already,” Ilse huffed, grabbing her toothbrush and -paste, still not satisfied with the nasty taste in her mouth.

Biting back his grin – he remembered Sara uttering the same words when she was pregnant with Charlie – Jack just nodded, solemnly. “Well, I’m sure it’s morning somewhere,” he couldn’t help but joke. The evil glare that was sent his way quickly ended his teasing. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “It’s probably from the jetlag.”

“Great,” she sarcastically replied, her words coming out a bit muffled because of the mouth full of toothpaste. Ilse quickly spat out the toothpaste and rinsed her mouth, before drying it with a towel. Straightening, she looked at him via the mirror. “I’m being serious, though. Lily always made it look so easy, both times and I’m ready to inflict some serious bodily harm just because I can’t stop puking.”

Jack subconsciously took a step back, wary of any sudden movements by her. He squinted at her and held up his hands in a defensive posture. “Really, on who?”

Rolling her eyes, she stomped out of the bathroom. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you,” she yelled over her shoulder.

Smirking, he followed her downstairs. “That’s always good to hear,” he remarked, before walking to the kitchen to grab something to drink. “You want anything?” He yelled to Ilse who sat on the couch.

“No, that would only leave me vomiting all night, I’m sure,” she huffed undignified. “So,” she started as he walked out of the kitchen, towards her on the couch. “Why are you back so early?”

“Carter came by,” he replied.

Sighing, she forced herself not to roll her eyes at him. “Well, that was to be expected, wasn’t it?”

Jack just shrugged as he plopped down on the couch, next to her. Propping his feet up the table, he took a sip of his soda.

“You didn’t seriously think you could avoid her? I was sure she’d be there–”

“I know,” he interrupted her. “I just hoped she’d be there a bit later, after I was gone.”

“Can’t have it all, huh,” she grimaced.

“At least the cop wasn’t following her around,” he said lightheartedly.

Chuckling, Ilse poked him in his side. “He probably doesn’t have high enough clearance to even the commissary unless he or Carter ends up in the infirmary. Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if Landry revoked his clearance after he called him old in the Doc’s face.”

Her comment elicited a small smile from him and Jack took another sip of his drink. “Daniel asked about the funeral and Carter gave her sympathies.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Yeah… anyway, that’s when I left, I’m still a bit jetlagged and I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you alone with the kids after you got sick,” he turned to face her. “Did you even leave the bathroom while I was gone?”

“I guess I’m still jetlagged as well,” she muttered. “And yes, I’ve left the bathroom for an hour or so. Shouldn’t have eaten those cookies then.”

“Feeling better?” He gingerly asked as he placed his hand on her pregnant belly.

Nodding, she leaned forward, letting out a yawn while stretching her back. “Yeah, just a bit tired, I think I’ll be heading for bed soon.”

“Okay,” Jack replied. “Oh, by the way, I asked Daniel to come over tomorrow, but he wasn’t sure if he could make it.”

Ilse smiled at him, bobbing her head, while getting up from the comfy couch, ready to get a good and long night’s sleep.

 

* * *

Having spent the night on base, Sam got up from her bunk and walked over to the shower. Daniel’s party had gone on for quite some time, all the personnel were happy to see him again and just have some fun. If she were honest, she knew that wasn’t the only reason she hadn’t gone home. Her epiphany about her failed marriage on her way to base had nagged at her the entire evening and it had taken her quite some effort to be cheerful. Seeing the General in person again after two years hadn’t helped either… To avoid questions, she’d grabbed a beer and got one for Cassie as well. That way, she wouldn’t be able to drive and Cassie couldn’t drop her off with her own car since they would both be intoxicated, which was a good excuse to stay the night.

The alcohol had made her sleepy, which she was thankful for since she doubted she could’ve actually gone to sleep with her mind racing a light-year a minute. Apparently, she had been exhausted, she thought, seeing that it was already 0900 hours and that was very unusual for her. Usually, she didn’t sleep in and if she did it was till 0700 hours tops. Still a bit lightheaded, she supported herself against the wall and turned on the water. She really needed a shower to clear her head and wake up a bit, she mused, shedding her lingerie and stepping under the hot stream. As the water cascaded down her back, she tried to think of what to do with Pete. She had to tell him they couldn’t go on like this; their marriage was a farce, because her heart wasn’t in it, no matter how many times she kept telling everyone it was.

Trying to imagine his reaction, she found herself wondering if he’d seen it coming or would be caught off-guard? Sam thought it was the first, he must have known she hadn’t been happy for a while now? What did it say about their marriage if it was the latter? Either way, it wasn’t working and she needed to end it.

She had loved Jack O’Neill for years and now she knew distance would never diminish that feeling and it could never compare to her feelings for Pete… she still cared for him, though and her epiphany had made her realize that this – their marriage, her loving another man – wasn’t fair to Pete either. He was a kind and gentle man, although he could be somewhat controlling every now and then and she didn’t like that. However, he deserved something better than a wife that didn’t love him the way she should.

Hearing the alarm on her cell phone, Sam stuck out her head and – seeing the clock – knew she had to hurry. She had totally forgotten about the breakfast plans she had made with Cassie, it was a good thing she had set her alarm last night at the party… Lathering her body in record time, she immediately rinsed it under the hot stream. Rubbing her face once more, she turned off the faucet and grabbed a towel to dry herself. Glancing around, she noticed her underwear and little black dress on the floor. Shrugging, she picked them up and threw them in her bag. Luckily, she always had a change of clothes – BDUs – in her quarters, so she grabbed those and hastily got dressed.

Still tasting the liquor from last night, she brushed her teeth and only then she noticed the makeup smudges. After brushing her teeth, she quickly cleaned her face with makeup remover, only to see that she still looked like crap. Well, she mused, at least the makeup is gone…

Fumbling in her bag, she found her ID card and laptop – she might as well work a bit – and left the room to cross the corridor to knock on Cassie’s door.

* * *

Cassie’s hand immediately went to her head, which was hurting like hell! She cautiously opened one eye to look around and was glad to see that she was in the guest quarters on base and not… somewhere else, with a hangover. Wondering why she had woken up she glanced at the clock, which told her it was already 0930 hours. A knock sounded on her door. Realizing that was what woke her she rolled out of her bed and grabbed the BDUs the airman left with her last night. She donned the pants and opened the door. “Sam!”

Sam smiled at her hoarse voice and raised her eyebrows. “Did I wake you?”

“Um… yeah,” she bashfully admitted, ducking her head while stepping to the side to let Sam enter. “Why are you here?”

“We were supposed to have breakfast, remember?” Sam frowned, taking in her sleepy appearance. “We can reschedule if you want…”

Running her hand through her hair, Cassie shook her head. “No, it’s okay, I just forgot… let me take a quick shower!”

Nodding, Sam sat down at the small table, shoving Cassie’s bag to the side to make room for her laptop. Closing her eyes for a moment, she leaned her head on her fist and waited for her laptop to finish startup. Luckily for Sam, Cassie grew up on a poor planet and later ended up with a military CMO as a mother, so she knew how to shower quickly.

“Almost done,” she heard Cassie yell from the bathroom as the shower was turned off.

“I could get us some breakfast already,” Sam murmured, leaning back in the chair.

Cassie walked back into the quarters, freshly showered and wearing BDUs. “No, I’ll get us some, you look like crap,” she smirked with an evil glint in her eyes. “You’re not twenty anymore, Sam, you need your beauty sleep.”

“Gee, thanks Cassie,” she uttered, rolling her eyes. “I guess I’ll just wait here then. Do you have some music or something? I might fall asleep if I start working before my first coffee.”

Looking around, Cassie grabbed Sam’s laptop and hooked her iPod onto it. “Just let me check my mail,” she murmured, logging onto her e-mail account. She smiled looking at the new mail she got from Ilse and clicked on the attachment. Ilse had made some pictures this summer, when they’d all spent two weeks in Lily’s old house up north in the Netherlands and there was one of Cassie and Jack that was perfect, she’d said. Ilse had been right, Cassie thought as the picture opened, showing her, smiling and leaning into Jack who had his arm around her and had a lopsided grin on his face. “Sorry,” she apologized to Sam before turning the computer to her and turning on the music player at a moderate volume. “Should I just get us some things?”

“It’s okay, is that a picture of you and the General?” Sam gently prodded her, wanting to see the picture as long as it was just him and Cassie. “And anything is okay, as long as there is coffee…”

“Yes it is,” Cassie replied, reopening the picture to show her. “No blue jello?”

“My stomach is still a bit upset; I think that would be too much to handle right now. Just black coffee and something to eat,” she replied.

“Okay,” was all Cassie said, before running off with her ID badge ready to plunder the commissary as she was hungry!

Settling her elbows on the table, Sam leaned forward and turned the laptop to take a good look at the picture. It was dated earlier this summer, when Cassie had gone on vacation… Apparently she had gone with the General, Sam mused. all Cassie had told her was that she would be gone for two weeks. Probably because she hadn’t wanted to mention his name. Sam sighed; she had been such a fool. It was childish as well, she figured, as if she had forbidden her friends to talk to the ‘other kid’ in school. She rolled her eyes at herself, before looking back to the screen.

She looked at his face, and saw him smiling _that_ smile. The one that made her feel special and loved. The one he used to reserve for her and Cassie… The music had faded to the background and Sam startled a little as a new number started to play.

♫ _“…If roses are meant to be red_

__

__And violets to be blue__

 _

_Why isn’t my heart meant for you…”_ ♫

_

 

But it was, she knew that now. She had finally realized yesterday that her heart would never belong to someone else. She had given it to him many years ago and he probably never even realized he had it. It was meant for him though, she was sure of that. It had taken her two years and a lot of missing out on, but she finally knew. However, he _didn’t_ know… if she were to die today, he’d never know!

She swallowed and looked at the picture again, it was a perfect picture of him and Cassie and he smiled right at the camera. As if he could see her… her hands fidgeted of their own volition as she looked at _those_ eyes. She used to be able to read him like an open book and knew when he was faking something; it had always been the eyes. In this picture, his smile and obvious joy were sincere, his eyes told her that.

 

♫ _“…My hands longing to touch you_

_

_But I can barely breathe_

_Starry eyes that make me melt_

_Right in front of me…”_ ♫

_

 

Shaking her head, Sam tried to ignore the song playing on the laptop and focused her eyes on the picture version of Cassie. She was slightly tanned and her hair had light streaks in it, probably from all the sunbathing. She wasn’t just smiling in the picture, no, she was laughing at the General. He had probably made one of his lame jokes, Sam thought, a small smile tugging at her lips. Her eyes automatically moved to his form and she looked at his strong, tanned arms. He had always been tanned, even working in Washington didn’t prevent that and he apparently didn’t stop working out as his arms looked just as muscular as she remembered from the last time she had seen him… no, two years ago, when his arms had pulled her against him, when he’d kissed her. The last time she had seen him was yesterday – when he’d looked so handsome in his dark jeans and an off-white sweater – and had heard his voice again after a long silence of two years…

 

♫ _“…Your voice makes my skin crawl_

_

_Innocent and pure…”_ ♫

_

 

She shuddered, listening to the words the woman sung. His voice was another thing that was so sexy about him, she thought, blushing furiously even as no one was around. His eyes, his mouth – especially if he quirked a smile or grin – and his voice all did strange things to her heartbeat. The moment she had laid eyes on him – yesterday after two years _as well as_ during their first meeting all those years ago in the briefing room– her heart started pounding, her mouth turned dry, she could hardly say a word and tried to swallow to greet him while stealthily wiping her sweaty palms on her dress. Then he had opened his mouth, squinting at her and his voice had caught her off-guard. It wasn’t the brusque, harsh tone she had expected; instead it was velvet-like and felt like a lover’s caress on her soft skin. The worst part about it was that he had no idea what that voice of him did to her…

 

♫ _“…Mister Inaccessible_

_

_Will this ever change…”_ ♫

_

 

She should’ve never rejected him during that quarantine, but how was she to know what the consequences would be? Why had she been so stubborn and full of pride, too scared to take a chance or wait for him? She had thought he wanted to hold her back, keep her for himself while he had nothing to offer at the time… now, all she could wish he _had_ taken her for himself. Her life would’ve been so different!

 

♫ _“…One thing that remains the same  
You’re still a picture in a frame…”_ ♫

Before she realized it, her hand reached out to touch his cheek on the screen. Closing her eyes, she berated herself for being so damn stubborn and unwilling to wait for him, not wanting to risk her chance of happiness with Pete or her career for something that would take weeks, months maybe even years before it could happen and even then, she couldn’t be sure of the outcome. She needed certainty, she always had and Pete had provided that for her. Yet, she wasn’t happy…

 

♫ _“…I get lost in this world_

_

_I get lost in your eyes_

_And when the lights go down_

_Am I the only one…”_ ♫

_

 

She literally jumped up from the chair, hand quickly withdrawn, as the door opened and Cassie entered with two trays of breakfast. Swallowing, she turned slightly and quickly wiped her eyes dry with her hand.

“Hope you like it,” Cassie said as she placed the trays on the small table, before closing the laptop and shoving it to the side, oblivious to Sam’s actions and feelings.

* * *

 

“Colonel Carter,” Thor greeted her as she walked into the briefing room.

Looking up from the files she was reading as she heard him, Sam glanced around the room to see the gray alien. “Thor,” she affectionately said as her eyes took in his small form.

“Colonel,” General Landry barked as he came out of his office and stood behind their ally. “Thor has requested your help with, eh… something hard to pronounce.”

Suppressing a smile, Sam nodded. That had to be why he’d asked her to come by. “Yes Sir,” she turned back to Thor. “How can I help you?”

Instead of answering, Thor pushed one of his buttons and the two of them were enveloped in a bright light.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that,” Hank groaned, his hand trying to shield his eyes, but he was too late. Blinking a few times, he eventually got rid of the black spots in his vision and he could clearly see Dr. Jackson smirking from across the room. “Is there something funny I should know about?”

“No, General,” Daniel smiled. General Landry had been in command of the SGC for over three years and he still hadn’t gotten used to the Asgard, no matter how many times he tried to deny that. Daniel could tell, unlike Jack he – Hank Landry – didn’t know how to behave around the small gray aliens. “I take it he took Sam to his spaceship?”

Chuckling, Hank nodded an affirmative. Sometimes it was like he was living a science fiction novel, he mused. “He asked to borrow her for the day, since she was already here because of your party last night.”

“Ah, yes, I see. Well, I was actually on my way out of here before Thor came by, so unless there is something you need me for I’d like to go?”

“Of course, go on, Dr. Jackson, you haven’t been a resident of this planet for the last two years, I can only imagine the things you need to take care of,” Hank replied, turning back to his office.

“Thank you,” Daniel responded to no one as the General was already gone. He quickly grabbed his files and brought them to his temporary lab on level 19, one of Sam’s previous labs she had cleared for him. He’d been afraid he’d be running out of time to get to the park in time, but it looked like he would actually be there before he was supposed to meet Sarah. He wasn’t taking any chances, though, and decided to leave immediately before someone needed him to figure something out.

* * *

 

“Thank you for your assistance, Colonel Carter, the Asgard High Council appreciates your efforts,” Thor said blinking his large eyes at her.

Sam just shrugged. “That’s okay, Thor, I don’t mind. It’s a nice change of scenery from my lab,” she smiled. Seeing the confusion on his inexpressive face, she hastily explained. “It really is okay, I like you and the rest of the Asgard, it’s always nice to work with you.”

“We feel the same, Colonel. However, unlike the Asgard, humans need to rest properly every few hours. Your bio-scans indicate that your body is in dire need of relaxation and sleep,” Thor responded as he fiddled with his computer interface.

“What?” Sam gaped at him, stunned. “You can tell that from your computer?”

“I can, the _Samantha Carter_ is equipped with our latest technology now that you have helped us get rid of the replicators,” Thor nodded. “I shall beam you back to your quarters, where you can rest. We can continue our work tomorrow. Will you tell O’Neill that I am looking forward to our ‘shindig’ as he named it.”

Again, he surprised her. “Shindig?”

“I have asked O’Neill for a favor and we were in agreement of our terms, he will come by in sixty-two of your hours.”

“I see,” Sam said, clearly not understanding what was going on. With Jack O’Neill, one could never be certain. For all she knew, he would come by to teach Thor how to play cards. She had hardly said her goodbyes, before she was standing in her quarters again.

She sighed as she realized what time it was and picked up the phone to leave a message for Pete that she couldn’t make it home, telling him to drive back carefully after bringing the kids to their mother. Hanging up, she felt like crap, thinking about the next time she would have to talk to him and had to face the facts.

 


	4. Friends

Getting out of the car, Daniel stretched his legs and walked up to Jack’s front door. He knocked and waited for him to open the door, while looking around the garden. It hadn’t changed much these past two years, with the exception of a small sandbox on the side of the porch with two little colorful buckets and a small shovel in it.

“Daniel,” Jack exclaimed, grinning at his friend.

Hearing Jack’s voice, Daniel tore his gaze from the toys and looked at his friend. “Jack! I hope you don’t mind me not calling, I was on my way over to the base and–”

“It’s fine,” Jack waved his objections away, walking into his house not waiting for the other man to follow him. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“Er… a glass of water,” Daniel suggested, walking over to the window. It was only then that he noticed the TV was still on and seeing something yellow flash by, he assumed Jack had been watching _The Simpsons_.

However, as he spotted movement from the corner of his eye, he looked at the couch to see a little, blond-haired girl sitting there, smiling at the TV. Stunned for a moment, he was brought out of his stupor as the girl recited the alphabet together with the voice from the television. Glancing back at the TV, he realized she was watching _Sesame Street_ and the yellow flash had been Big Bird. “Um… hi?”

Jack walked back into the room, carrying two bottles of water and handed one to Daniel. “I see you’ve met Milou?”

“Er… yeah, wow,” Daniel stammered, seeing Jack almost beam proudly.

“Milou, sweetie,” Jack said, getting her attention. “This is Daniel.”

Daniel observed Jack interacting with Milou and it made him smile. He’d always known that Jack was father-material, but to see Jack with his – adopted – daughter and not just an alien child was wonderful. It showed his caring and gentle side, which Daniel knew he had, but Jack wasn’t the touchy-feely kind of a guy and didn’t usually wear his heart on his sleeve. This only served to amaze him even more. Daniel didn’t know what to say for a moment as Milou glanced up at him, still a smile on her face, little dimples showing and brown eyes shining with curiosity.

“You know,” he started, looking back at Jack. “I find it quite, eh… disturbing to see that she resembles you somewhat, it’s strange to think there was a younger, female version of you.”

Grinning, Jack picked up Milou and held her up in front of Daniel. “Why don’t you get acquainted so I can get you a picture of Lily,” he proposed.

“Um… sure,” Daniel hesitantly replied, taking the girl in his arms. At first, he was a bit unsettled, but as Milou started playing with the collar of his shirt and reached out to his glasses, he relaxed and babbled a bit at her. Every now and then, she would murmur something he didn’t understand or exclaim a color pointing at him or an item nearby.

“Where are the twins? After all you’ve told me about your kids, I was looking forward to finally meeting them,” Daniel asked as Jack came back in the room. When he’d visited Earth from Atlantis, he usually went by Sam’s if she was at home, sometimes Sarah and only a few times Jack in DC, but he was usually working or Ilse had taken the kids so he’d never had the chance to meet them. Jack, however, always talked about them and had showed him a few pictures about six months ago, the last time they’d seen each other which was when Jack had visited the Pegasus Galaxy.

“Asleep, I think they’re jetlagged as well. Somehow, Milou and I hardly have had trouble with the adjustment to the new time zone, while Ilse and the twins are very confused. Ilse has been sick all weekend, can hardly sleep at night and the twins keep crying and whining and sleep a lot.”

“Well, I’d like to see them as soon as possible, because I hardly recognized this angel,” Daniel retorted, gently tugging on a blond lock of her, “from those pictures six months ago, so I can only imagine how much they have changed. Oh and where is Ilse? I haven’t seen in her almost a year…”

“She went to a spa, mentioning something about needing to be pampered and waxing, I didn’t ask any questions,” he grimaced, making a rejecting gesture with his hands. “Didn’t want to know the details, you know.”

Nodding, Daniel agreed. He carefully placed Milou on the floor before grabbing his water bottle. “That’s Lily?” He asked pointing at the picture Jack had in his hands.

“Yeah, that was her,” he ruefully answered, handing the picture over.

“Wow, she’s a beauty,” Daniel uttered, looking at the photograph of the late woman. Glancing back and forth between the picture and Milou, he could definitely see the resemblance. “Let’s hope she turns out like her Mom, huh?”

Jack rolled his eyes, thinking about all the men he’d had to keep away from his sister over the years, not really looking forward to the same experience with his daughter in fifteen years. “Time will tell… So, are you staying for dinner?”

Shrugging, Daniel gave back the picture. “Not sure, I’m not really in the mood for charred steaks if you don’t mind,” he jokingly responded.

“Funny, Daniel, very funny. I was actually going to cook, but if you don’t want to…”

“Wait, you’re cooking? A beer-omelet isn’t cooking, you know.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Jack picked up Milou, placed her in the playpen and walked towards the kitchen, beckoning Daniel over his shoulder. “Come here and I’ll show you,” he commented in a petulant tone, slightly offended by Daniel’s insult of his cooking skills.

“Fine,” Daniel relented and followed him. “You rearranged the furniture here,” he noticed, looking around. “It looks bigger and your counter looks different…”

“That’s because it _is_ bigger and I _do_ have a new counter,” Jack retorted, waving his hand around. “You know, with the contractors already here I figured they might as well give me some room to move around here.” Casually opening the fridge, Jack grabbed a bottle of milk, some vegetables, and chicken.

Curiously observing Jack in the kitchen while he put some rice in water in a pan, Daniel noted how he seemed to know what he was doing and he was genuinely surprised and said so. “You’re not going to tell me you’ve been able to cook since we met, are you?”

“No,” Jack smirked, looking over his shoulder while continuing to chop some vegetables. When he was done, he placed the wok on the cooker and added the sliced chicken breast.

“So…?”

Throwing in the chopped vegetables, Jack turned around after stirring in the pan with water and rice. “I figured I had to learn it someday,” he shrugged.

“You figured or Ilse did?”

“Maybe she mentioned something… about me not being able to feed my kids a proper dinner,” he bashfully admitted. “She was kind enough to teach me some recipes and gave me these really neat packages to make sauce and everything – you only need milk and water! Did you know it’s actually really easy to cook?”

* * *

 

 “Sam? What are you doing here?” Daniel asked, as he walked over to the door of his base quarters. When he’d left for Atlantis he had to give up his apartment and since he’d only been on Earth since Saturday, he didn’t have a new one yet. Besides, he was used to sleeping on base. Especially after two years on Atlantis!

Looking up, Sam smiled at him. “I was waiting for you,” she replied, getting up from her cross-legged position on the floor. She had been sitting there, her back against the wall, waiting for Daniel to return. She really needed a friend to talk to and as Cassie had gone back to the General… besides, this conversation was better to be had with Daniel than Cassie.

“Come in,” he gestured with his hand, unlocking the door.

Without saying a word, she followed him inside and plopped down on his bunk. Making herself comfortable, she tucked one leg underneath her and pulled the other up for her chin to rest upon. She mutely kept an eye on Daniel, who was pacing in front of her, obviously waiting for her to say something. Not knowing what to say or how to begin, Sam just sighed loudly, blowing her bangs out of her face.

Wondering what his friend was doing here so late in the evening, while she was supposed to be home. Daniel kept walking back and forth glancing at her from the corner of his eye every now and then. Finally, he couldn’t take the silence anymore, stopped and turned to her, pulling off his glasses to rub his eyes in a frustrating manner. “Sam?”

Glancing up from under her lashes, she watched him lower himself slowly down on the only empty chair in the room. “I think I made a mistake…” her voice trailed off after breaking the heavy silence.

“Well, I’m sure Thor would’ve told you if you had,” Daniel replied, frowning. _This_ was why she was looking so worn and tired? Well, she had been working a lot lately, almost around the clock with the Asgard and he hadn’t seen her leave the base since he got here.

“No, that’s not what I–”

“Relax Sam, you know how they are, they would’ve been rather blunt about it.”

“I was wrong…”

“Are you listening, Sam? Thor would’ve told you if something was impossible–”

“I can’t believe I screwed up….”

Daniel finally realized she _wasn’t_ listening to him and was just talking to herself or perhaps thinking aloud. Shrugging, he leaned back, waiting for her to be ready to talk. Her sentences turned incoherent until she was only muttering under her breath, and Daniel actually startled as her head suddenly snapped up and she called his name.

“Daniel,” Sam started, locking eyes with him. “I- I think I really messed up.”

“Sam, the Asgard–”

“I’m not talking about them, Daniel,” she cut him off, annoyance sounding through her voice.

His eyebrows almost shot up and he managed to keep a straight face. “Then what are you talking about?” He innocently asked her.

Thinking of how to tell him, she gnawed her lip, rocking herself a bit on the bunk. Her eyes held his honest, unguarded blue ones as she softly whispered. “Pete.”

Slightly taken aback, although he had been hoping she was talking about her marriage, Daniel shifted uncomfortably in his chair. “What do you mean?”

“I know what I said… but I started thinking and I realized this isn’t how I imagined my marriage to be,” she replied, carefully choosing her words.

“Don’t you think you should be having this conversation with him, Sam?”

Seeing her just nod absentmindedly as a response to his question, Daniel leaned forward, letting his elbows rest on his knees. “Did you already talk to him? Is that why you haven’t left the base since I got here?”

Shaking her head, she uttered a “No” and pulled both her legs against her chest as if trying to protect herself. Why had she come here, to Daniel? Because she needed a friend!How could she ever explain the predicament she’d found herself in to him? Would he be understanding? Maybe even supportive? Perhaps he’d tell her it was her own fault, because – really – wasn’t it her fault? If only she had been a bit braver, had dared to take a chance…  Well, too little too late, now, she mused. “Daniel, I–”

“Yes?” He asked as she cut herself off, wanting to help her… anything if she would finally get rid of Pete.

“I, um… I- I, I don’t think I’m happy anymore,” she sobbed, tears finally breaking through as realization – about her marriage to Pete, everyone she’d hurt, what she’d missed out on because of that – set in and she finally spoke the words aloud, breaking her resolve.

 


	5. Moment of Truth

Knowing she needed a moment to compose herself, Daniel just stayed where he was and looked at Sam. It was obvious she was struggling to keep her brave soldier mask on, but failing miserably and it almost broke his heart to see her so helpless. They had known each other for years and hit it off the moment they’d met, and their friendship had only grown stronger this last decade.

Yet, he had to admit that the past two years it had been a bit shaky. He’d been frustrated with her after she’d hurt Jack and married Pete, who didn’t deserve her. At the same time, he knew she was still his friend and tried to be there for her, which was complicated by the fact he was on Atlantis… in the galaxy where she should’ve been as well!

He still couldn’t fathom that she gave up a command position on Atlantis for her marriage; it wasn’t like her to _not_ put work first. Maybe it was the result of working on the front lines for almost ten years that had made her choose Sam for once, instead of the universe or the planet. That thought alone frustrated him, not because she didn’t deserve to choose herself over duty for once, but because he’d always thought that _if_ she would ever reject or step down from a position it would be because of Jack. Everyone knew those two were meant for each other and then she threw it away for a normal life… He could understand it at some level although he still thought her a fool after everything he’d had with Sha’re and knew how easily it could all disappear – but for her to choose Pete over their work…

No, that wasn’t the Sam he’d known and loved. This had changed their friendship in a way he’d been afraid was irreparable, but perhaps there was still a chance for them. Now that she finally realized Pete wasn’t meant for her, she might go back to being Sam again…

He watched her as she wiped the tears from her eyes and got her breathing under control, even as her shoulders were still shaking with every sobbing sound she uttered and knew this was the best she could do for the moment. Quickly rising, he crossed the space between them in three large steps and sat down next to her. He threw his arms around her and hugged her, which only served to make her cry again. For a moment, Daniel thought he’d done the wrong thing – he was no good with crying women, no matter what everyone thought of him – but then he heard her murmur a “Thank you” against his shoulder and he gave her a small smile. “Anytime, Sam.”

Taking a deep breath, Sam pushed all the emotions back and leaned back, smiling shyly at Daniel. “I feel like such a fool,” ducking her head, she spoke softly, ashamed for the way she had treated him the past few years. Not just him, the General and Teal’c as well… Not to mention Cassandra! “I don’t know what to do, Daniel.”

Cocking his head to the side, Daniel frowned at her. “I would say you know exactly what to do, Sam-”

“Yes, I do,” she sniffled a bit, before looking straight at him. “But how?”

“You’re asking me?”

The surprise in his voice put a genuine smile on her face, and she chuckled despite the seriousness of their conversation. “Daniel, I don’t know what to say to him, or how to explain that this isn’t working for me anymore.”

“Maybe he feels the same way?” Daniel offered, even though he knew that wasn’t true since he’d seen them together and knew that Pete didn’t really know Sam, at least not the Sam he knew and therefore not the _real_ Sam. So, it was very likely that this would come as a shock to him.

“I don’t think so,” she stated, only a little doubt creeping in her voice.

Rubbing his chin, Daniel thought for a minute. “How or when did _you_ realize this wasn’t what you wanted?”

“Er… I- I, um… does it matter?” Sam stammered for a bit, not planning to tell him it was seeing Jack O’Neill moving on with his life that gave her an epiphany.

He shrugged, “Well, I don’t know, it might. Kind of depends, I think.”

After stretching her legs, Sam placed her feet on the floor and let her hands fidget with the hem of her BDU jacket. “I don’t think it matters… we’ve been married for two years, Daniel and sometimes I feel like he doesn’t know me at all. Or I him, for that matter. He can behave so strange sometimes, or is unwilling to talk about things,” she let out a deep sigh, before jumping up. “I should write it down and rehearse before I go to him.”

“You can’t be serious, Sam?” Daniel exclaimed, also standing up. “You can’t rehearse this, it’s not a presentation. You have to think about what you’re going to say – and if you feel like it might help, write some points down – and then go over to him and try to explain. Talk together, tell him how you feel and why you’re unhappy, but you’re not going to rehearse it like it’s some presentation or meeting.”

“That’s just it, Daniel, I’ve been thinking for days now and still don’t know what to say.”

“You’ve been walking around with this idea for days, now?” His eyebrows shot up and he felt slightly guilty that he hadn’t noticed before. Then again they weren’t as close as they had been before she met Pete. “Wait, this doesn’t have anything to do with Jack, does it?”

“What?” Sam yelped, almost jumping at his question and she quickly averted his gaze. “No, I’ve hardly seen the General, why would it have something to do with him?”

“Well, he’s been here for a few days now and you’ve been carrying this around for days…”

Shrugging, Sam casually threw up her hands. “So have you… no, I was just thinking the other day, well, that’s not completely true. I’ve been thinking for weeks and about a year ago I was sure it was over…” Her voice trailed off as she thought about that time, it had been around the time of their anniversary. They’d been trying for a baby for weeks and she was asked to come into work – during her weekend off – because of DHD malfunction off-world, and Pete had gotten mad, afraid that she would go through the gate and couldn’t get back or something.

She still didn’t understand why he started acting so strange, it wasn’t the first time she went through the gate and it were their people stuck on a hostile planet! She remembered the time she’d been stuck on that sand planet, getting sunburns and having no idea how to get back until the then-Colonel O’Neill had made blue prints for the DHD which helped her figure out the problem. It was something she didn’t wish on anyone, except for some of their enemies perhaps… but he hadn’t understood her position and kept insisting they’d send someone else, because for all they knew she was already pregnant and gate traveling might be dangerous. In a placating tone, Sam had explained to him there were many pregnant women out there who traveled through the gate on a daily basis, which only fueled his anger, it seemed. When she’d gotten back – safe and sound, of course – he was still mad and she tried talking to him, but he was acting stubborn and wouldn’t listen.

Therefore, she had just gone to bed and was surprised to see him in the kitchen the next morning, thinking he’d gone to work. Instead, he’d told her – after she’d kept insisting she knew something was wrong – that he’d been demoted and his hours had changed. It had come as a shock to her, but he didn’t want to talk about it, which hadn’t surprised her at all. It turned out that Pete was willing to talk about everything except the serious things, which upset her because she’d thought he was different before they’d gotten married. Had she been so wrong or had he changed? She’d seriously reconsidered their marriage up until then, which was about the time her father had visited them and they’d gone over to Mark’s and she’d learned her parents’ marriage had been difficult at first too. That gave her the idea that perhaps she’d underestimated the hard work it took to make a marriage successful, and so she’d relented and she and Pete had figured it out – she couldn’t remember how, though.

“Sam?” Daniel asked again, seeing she was engrossed in her own musings. He’d been asking her about her remark of her marriage to Pete being over a year ago, but she’d just kept staring at the wall and he could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

“What?”

“You’re with me again?”

“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking…”

Nodding, Daniel crossed his arms and smiled a smug smile. “I noticed… so, let’s talk.”

* * *

 

“Are you sure you’re up for this?”

Looking at Jack’s worried expression Ilse smiled and patted him on the cheek. “Yes, now stop fussing!”

Rolling his eyes, Jack picked up her bag and carried it downstairs. “You finally stopped throwing up; you’ll probably get sick again…”

“I know, I know,” she sighed, following him down to the front door. “I can’t put everything on hold just because I get sick.”

“Well, it _is_ your company,” he shrugged, turning back to her.

Scowling at him Ilse grabbed her coat. “I already explained I have to get back, I have a load of paperwork to do now that my mother…,” she swallowed hard, suppressing the emotions that were about to resurface. “With her passing, I have to take care of the finances and other work-related things that were in her care. Besides, the twins need their check up and since you can’t make it this week…”

Jack grimaced, knowing she was right. “It’s just that I don’t feel comfortable knowing that you’ll be back in Holland with the twins, hanging over the toilet for hours and if you finally feel better, they’ll want all of your attention,” he shrugged, sending her an apologetic look. “Unfortunately, I can’t get away, at least not until next week. I don’t want you to have to take care of everything and yet there is nothing I can do to help.”

“Don’t be silly, you’re doing everything you can. Like you said: you’ll follow when you have the time, which I’m sure won’t be too long.”

* * *

 

“Pete?” Sam walked into the house looking for her husband – a word already sounding foreign in her mind. She padded through the living room, peeked into the study and ended up in the kitchen, with no sign of him. Annoyed, she walked upstairs, all the while calling out his name. Again, there was no sign of him and she went back to the kitchen to get something to drink. As she walked over to the terrace, she heard a dog bark. Frowning, she glanced at the garage where the sound came from and she quickly crossed the grass and opened the door. For a moment, she was distracted by the sight of her bike and realized she hadn’t ridden it for months! Smiling, she ran her hand over her beauty and all of a sudden, letting go of her worries she decided to take her for a ride. The dog completely forgotten, she ran back to the house and quickly donned her leathers before starting her bike and driving off.

Shifting gears, she heard her Indian roar and could feel the reverberations flow through her body. The road ahead was as good as empty, so she allowed herself to close her eyes for two seconds, enjoying the feeling of utter bliss and freedom her bike always gave her. She let out a soft sigh, careful not to let her visor mist over and refocused on the road, letting her motorcycle speed up, pushing it towards its limits. Her bike was the only thing that could give her a clear head, with the exception of a new doohickey or a life-threatening situation, and that might just be what she needed…

Sam knew she had to calm down and think about how she was going to break it to Pete, if he would ever get home. _Where could he be?_ She slowed down a bit to take a sharp turn and smiled at the ease with which she could still maneuver her baby. As the long, straight road stretched out in front of her, she sped up again and flawlessly slalomed around the cars ahead, passing them without breaking a sweat. Feeling the adrenaline course through her body, she gingerly rolled her shoulders as if to release a weight that had burdened her for weeks, if not longer. Glancing around, Sam noticed that there were fewer streetlights up ahead, and only then did she realize the time. She took the first exit and turned around, feeling a bit more relaxed and ready to talk to Pete…

* * *

 

The light flicked on as soon as she stepped into the living room and Sam blinked her eyes a few times, bringing up her hand to shield herself, having to adjust from the darkness to the bright light. “Pete?”

“Yeah, why, were you expecting someone else?” He sneered, angry that she had been gone for almost a week, leaving him nothing but voicemails.

“What? No, of course not, I just didn’t think you’d be here…”

“Is that why you decided to come back? Because you figured I wouldn’t be home?”

Sighing, Sam padded through the living room, sitting down on the couch across from him. “I came back earlier, you weren’t here–”

“When?” He interrupted, not believing her.

“Just now, before I took my bike for a ride,” she explained, waving with her hand towards the garage.

Nodding, Pete understood. “Oh,” he shrugged and then pointed at her leathers. “That’s why you’re dressed like that?”

Looking down, Sam nodded an affirmative. “Yeah, I decided to clear my head since you weren’t here.”

“I see,” he leaned back and looked at her. She looked tired, but still beautiful. _Actually, quite sexy, all clad in leather_ , he mused, looking her up and down; she was wearing her riding boots, tight leather covering her long, strong legs and he could see the leather wrapped around her torso underneath her slightly oversized leather jacket. Her helmet was nowhere to be seen and was probably lying around the garage somewhere. As his eyes lingered on her body, she moved to take off her jacket and he took in the sight of her lean frame entirely clad in leather.

Hearing him squirm in his chair, Sam looked up at her husband after taking off her jacket. “Pete?”

“Yeah,” he replied with a hoarse voice and he quickly cleared his throat. “We have to talk, Sam. You can’t just stay away for days–”

“I know, I’m sorry,” she softly apologized; the guilt she thought she’d left on the road came back with a vengeance. Biting her lip, she looked him in the eyes and her carefully prepared speech went flying out the window as their gazes locked. Swallowing, she wondered if she could still do it; tell him they were done.

Seeing her frown, Pete tried to get comfortable in his chair, but had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what she was about to say. “Then why did you?” He asked, as she remained quiet.

“Look Pete, I-I don’t know how to tell you this, but,” Sam sighed as she averted her gaze, taking a moment before she continued. “This,” she motioned her hand between them, “isn’t working anymore.”

“What are you saying?” Pete asked, getting up from his chair, throwing her a suspicious glance. “Sam, where have you have been these past few days?”

“What?” Sam stammered for a moment, frowning. “On base, like I told you. Thor came by and asked for our help and the General assigned me–”

“O’Neill?”

“No, General Landry, why?”

“I happen to know that O’Neill came back last weekend, around the same time you’ve been off the grid,” he accused her, without so many words.

Gaping, Sam didn’t know what to say. _Could he_ be _aware of my feelings for General O’Neill?_ “Pete, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I was working with Thor every day.”

“Is that why I couldn’t get a hold of you? You could’ve still answered the phone, you know!”

“No, I couldn’t!” Sam yelled, getting angry over his false accusations. “His ship happens to be in space and he doesn’t own a telephone.”

Pete snorted, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s the best you can come up with? Didn’t you just say you were on base the last few days?”

Sam clenched her jaw and silently sat back on the couch, her fists balled as she tried to rein in her anger. “I was in space with Thor,” she started in a placating tone, trying to calm him, “and because of the long hours, it was too late to go home by the time we were done, so I stayed on base.”

“He used that white beamy thing, like he did when he came here to heal your father?” Seeing her nod, Pete let out a humorless chuckle. “He couldn’t just beam you home?”

Stunned, Sam blinked a few times, opening her mouth and closing it again. She’d never even considered it… _well I guess that says it all, huh?_ Of course, she knew Thor didn’t like her choice of Pete – not that he’d broached that topic again – so it could very well be that the alien did it on purpose. Or perhaps he knew how she felt? Could her gray little friend be so observing, having no experience with such emotions?

“Well, it’s because of security,” she lied. “We can’t just beam everything and everyone in to and out of unsecure locations… our house isn’t one of those secure locations,” she tried.

“Yet he could beam in here back then,” Pete huffed, sitting down.

Fidgeting with the jacket next to her, Sam looked up at him. “Well, he wasn’t aware of protocol and thought my Dad needed immediate attention.”

“Right,” he sarcastically replied, leaning back and crossing his legs.

“Pete, I didn’t come here to argue about this… I have to tell you something.”

“I know,” he shrugged. “What? You thought I wouldn’t realize it?”

“Well–”

“I’m a cop, Sam, I get paid to notice things,” he huffed.

Shifting uncomfortably, Sam nodded absentmindedly. What had she prepared again? “I wanted to tell you in person,” she started, until he interrupted her.

“Just tell me why and who, if it wasn’t O’Neill,” Pete responded through gritted teeth, his nails sunk into the armchair, knuckles turning white.

“Wait, what?” Sam jumped up, eyes blazing. “You thought I was having an affair?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” He jibed, pointing at her. “You’ve been gone for days, no explanations only voicemails and now you want to talk…”

“Pete, I’m not having an affair!”

“Of course you’re not, you can’t admit that for the divorce,” he yelled, waving his arm around. “Was it good, huh, was it worth it? To throw your marriage away for a quick roll in the hay?”

“God, I can’t talk to you when you’re like this,” Sam responded; turning around, ready to walk away.

“Don’t you dare leave now, Sam!” Pete walked over to her, grabbing her arm. “I’m still waiting for an answer.”

“Let go,” she hissed, pulling her arm free. “I told you, I’m not having an affair!”

Looking into her eyes, he could only see the blazing anger and perhaps some hurt, but he didn’t think she was lying. “So, you’re telling me you didn’t cheat on me?” He asked softly, taking a step backwards.

Biting her lip, Sam looked down at the ground. Had she cheated on him? Not physically, but mentally? _Well, there was that amazing kiss with Jack O’Neill_ , a little voice whispered in her head. Afraid he would misinterpret her reaction, she shook her head. “No, I didn’t sleep with someone else. I- I thought you knew me better than that…”

Now, Pete could clearly see the moisture forming in her eyes and he realized she was telling the truth. “God, Sam, I’m sorry! I just freaked out when you said you wanted to talk! I’ve been so worried these last few days and I didn’t know what to think. I’m sorry, babe, please forgive me?”

Taken aback by his quick change in demeanor, Sam frowned for a moment. “Pete, I–”

“I can’t believe I accused you of that, I should’ve known better, you’d nev–”

“I want a divorce,” Sam blurted out, shocking both of them.

“What,” Pete exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air in a frustrated manner. “You just said you weren’t having an affair, then why–”

“I’m not happy,” she spoke softly, but her answer couldn’t have been any louder if she’d yelled it.

“God Sam,” Pete started, throwing his arms around her, not knowing what to say. “Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

“No,” she replied, breaking from his hold. “You don’t understand. I don’t want to fix it. We’ve been married for two _years_ , Pete and this isn’t what I expected from a marriage…”

“Is life ever what you expect?” He retorted in a wiseacre tone, his hands still on her arms.

Irritated by his tone of voice, Sam felt her anger – his accusations had hurt her – rise and she shrugged his hands of her arms. “Let me be clearer,” she stated in an icy voice. “It’s not what I _want_ in a marriage.”

“Babe, let’s think about this. We’re both upset and tired, I don’t want us to say things in the heat of anger and not be able to take them back afterwards,” Pete tried in a placating tone, his hand cupping her cheek.

“No, Pete, I _have_ thought about this,” she replied, turning her head away from his hand. “I’ve thought long and hard about it and this is the only conclusion I came up with.”

“Sam, a marriage only works if both parties work hard and make compromises; you can’t just throw in the towel without even trying.”

“Pete–”

“No, just… don’t, not another word. We’ll go to bed, have a good night’s sleep and talk about it tomorrow. You can go into work later, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

“I don’t want to go to sleep–”

“Babe, you’re tired. You had Daniel’s party last weekend, then you had to work long hours every day, it’s worn you out and that’s understandable… you just need some rest, we both do,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders, turning her towards the door. “Come on, let’s go to sleep.”

“God Pete, I can’t just go to sleep now, I want to finish our conversation,” Sam petulantly stated, turning back, stopping him in his tracks.

“Fine, I’ll go to sleep. You come to bed when you feel like sleeping,” he huffed, confident he’d be able to dissuade her in the morning, before stalking off.

Stunned, Sam stood there, hearing him walk up the stairs behind her. Looking at the clock, she saw it was already 0230 hours…

_Now what?_

 


	6. Foolishness

Getting cold, Sam got up to grab a soft blanket, having no idea how long she had been sitting on the couch after Pete had gone upstairs. There was no way she was going back to bed now, especially not if he was in it. She hadn’t known what to expect after she’d left Daniel’s quarters and gone home, but Pete practically dismissing her arguments and just walk upstairs to go to bed, wasn’t one of the possible scenarios.

Rummaging about in the box, she pulled out the baby blue blanket the guys – Daniel, Teal’c and the then-Colonel O’Neill – had given her a few years ago when she had gotten the flu and had to stay in for a week. The memory made her smile as she hugged the blanket closer to her, not caring about the musty smell for it hadn’t been used in years, and she took it back to the couch with her, wrapping it around her body. The softness caressed her cheek and her mind wandered back to that time, when they’d been as close as family – maybe even closer. What had happened since then? Surely, they couldn’t have drifted apart just because of her marrying Pete? Suppressing the nagging feeling that perhaps that _was_ the reason, she turned on the radio in an effort to stop thinking about lost time and opportunities.

It worked… for less than half an hour before her mind wandered back to Jack O’Neill. If she were honest, she’d contemplated going to his house the moment Pete went upstairs, but, luckily for both of them, she’d realized the foolishness of that just in time. They hadn’t spoken – properly – in over two years, she had broken off their friendship and he’d obviously moved on. Yet, she still yearned to see, touch and – dare she think it – taste him. Even one of his comforting hugs would be enough to keep her going.

_♫_ _“…_ _Comparisons are easily done,  
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection…”_ _♫_ __

 

Her head snapped up as she heard the lyrics of the next song playing on the radio softly spreading through the room thanks to her surround system. Sam glared accusingly at the radio, knowing the truth in those words and she didn’t need anyone to rub it in for her – radio or otherwise. Was that not what she had been doing from the moment she’d met Pete? Or any other guy for that matter, over the past decade or so, after meeting Jack O’Neill and falling – hard – for him? She couldn’t pinpoint the moment she fell for him, but she could still clearly remember the first time she tasted perfection… it didn’t matter that it had been under the influence of some alien virus, she’d still tasted it. Thinking back to the last time she’d tasted him, when they’d shared that passionate kiss days before her marrying another man, she held back a sob and repressed the urge to smack her forehead for her stupidity. He, General O’Neill was attractive and sexy and didn’t even realize it, but that wasn’t why she fell for him. It was mostly his personality and how her body would react to simple things he did. For her, Jack O’Neill was perfection.

_♫_ _“…_ _You said move on, where do I go?  
I guess second best is all I will know…”_ _♫_ __

He’d obviously moved on and she’d make a fool of herself if she were to go over to him now, risking that his _girlfriend_ – if not more by now – would open the door or something. Pete and all the others were second best, could she still get perfection? Would she dare to go after him? Who was she kidding, she snorted to herself. His feelings for her were probably long gone by now, if they had ever exceeded good friend- or comradeship. She’d ruined _everything_ by going out with Pete in the first place, to listen to her own hallucinations on board of the _Prometheus_ , for crying out loud!

Letting out a humorless chuckle, Sam shook her head. People expected her to have the answer to everything; it was one of the things she’d learned in her adult life and especially after joining the Stargate Program. They told her she was brilliant – Jack O’Neill had even called her a national treasure once – and yet she had made a mess of her personal life and this wasn’t the first time. Not to mention, that she – regarded as very intelligent for her species by the Asgard – had made a life altering decision based on _hallucinations_ she’d had being stranded on a spaceship for four days…

_♫_ _“…_ _’Cause when I’m with him I am thinking of you  
Thinking of you, what you would do  
If you were the one spending the night  
Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes…”_ _♫_ __

 

She couldn’t even remember all the times she’d spent the night alone in bed, thinking of him for all those years… she was embarrassed to admit – even to herself – that there were times, many times, she had been lying awake next to Pete, wishing he was Jack O’Neill. What Sam wouldn’t have given to open her eyes on those nights, to see _him_ looking back, with those delicious brown eyes of his, and maybe even a small grin? Especially during the time she’d been doubting her decision to marry Pete – and even those moments regretting she’d married him instead of going after her General – she’d been thinking of Jack O’Neill and what he was doing or what he’d do if he were next to her, instead of her husband.

_♫_ _“…_ _He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!  
He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself…”_ _♫_ __

Her body shuddered involuntarily, remembering those feelings. Days after the wedding, she kept thinking back to the kiss she’d shared with her General. She’d felt guilty for kissing another man and yet, now…?

Dragging her hand through her hair, she felt frustrated; knowing that if she could do it all over again she’d never let him leave the bar. At least, not without her. What had she done? She’d let perfection slip through her fingers – perhaps even threw it back in his face – even after _that_ kiss and after he practically asked her not to go through with the wedding. She’d let him go, banned him from her life in the hopes that… what? She’d _forget_ about him? The soft sound coming from her chest broke the quiet atmosphere in the room and came out as a mixture of a strangled cry, sob, and snort. _Yeah, like that’ll happen…_

Even the first time they – her and Pete – had slept together, she had caught herself thinking of Jack O’Neill as he was making love to her. That moment, when the realization of her thinking of another man during sex hit her, she’d almost blown him off. She’d been… well, disgusted was probably very accurate, Sam mused, disgusted with herself afterwards and then Pete had looked at her with  his – also brown – eyes which held the promise of love, caring and a normal life.

_♫_ _“…_ _You’re the best, and yes, I do regret  
How could I let myself let you go  
Now, the lesson is learned  
I touched it, I was burned  
Oh, I think you should know...”_ _♫_ __

Regret doesn’t even cover it, Sam told herself, fidgeting with the soft blanket the General had picked out for her. And burned she was! As the song was ending and the first sunbeams shone through the window, she hit the kill switch and made up her mind. She’d go after him, she’d do what was needed to be done for him to forgive her and she’d get everything she wanted, including a happy ending!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is by Katy Perry and titled "Thinking of you."


	7. Sweetheart

As she was walking out of the living room, Pete came down the stairs.

“Sam!”

Startled by his unexpected and loud voice, Sam’s head snapped in his direction. “Pete,” she mumbled, unsure of how to proceed.

“I was worried you might be gone,” he replied softly as he descended the last few steps, stopping in front of her. “Why didn’t you come to bed?”

“Why didn’t I–” Sam repeated his words with disbelief. “I didn’t come to bed because I wasn’t in the mood! We were having a serious discussion about our marriage and you just upped and left.”

“Come on, babe, we both know you’re just tired. You’ve been working around the clock, you didn’t mean it,” he made a dismissive hand gesture.

“That’s just it, Pete,” Sam sighed, rolling her eyes. “I _did_ mean it and still do. I can’t believe you just dismiss what I have to say.”

Pete grunted, before pushing her back into the living room. “Sam,” he said her name in a tired, exasperated voice, as if he’d been explaining something to her for hours. “A marriage is hard work; I know that – I’ve been married before. You don’t just decide you don’t like it anymore. We have to talk about this, before you start talking about divorces and such.”

Clenching her fists, Sam had to stop herself from screaming. “That’s what I suggested last night,” she said through gritted teeth. “But you wanted to go sleep.”

“Yes, because we both need our rest. However, thanks to you dropping your little bomb I hardly got any sleep,” he whined, taking a seat on his chair. He frowned as she sat back on the couch and pulled the blanket around her shoulders. “Didn’t we get rid of that thing before moving here?”

“What? This,” Sam held up a piece of the blanket, “blanket? No, I still had it and I _like_ it,” she petulantly stated, wrapping it tighter around her body to emphasize her point.

“Whatever,” he muttered under his breath before standing. “I should make us some coffee before we talk.”

Sam shrugged and watched him walk towards the kitchen. She heard him mess about in the kitchen and rocked herself in an effort to calm herself. She wanted this divorce, it was about time… Hell, it probably never should’ve come this far. She should’ve never married him in the first place. God, she was such a fool! Now that she was trying to fix the mistakes she’d made she had to follow through with this; they needed to talk about this. She couldn’t just leave without explaining herself. He deserved better than that, he deserved more than the life he had with her…

Pete walked back into the living room, placing milk and sugar on the table before getting the cups of coffee and return to his seat. He shoved one cup towards her and put two sugars and a dash of milk in his own, before pushing the plate with the milk and sugar towards her.

Rolling her eyes, Sam held up her hand and grabbed her cup with the other. “Pete–”

“Sam, we love each other and I know life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it, but we have it good, don’t we?” He interrupted her with his rhetorical question.

“No,” Sam softly replied, even if his question had sounded rhetorical, ducking her head. “Pete, I get the feeling you’re not even listening to me half the time. You don’t want to talk about important matters unless it comes from you and you expect me to be the perfect wife, which I’m not,” she started summing up everything that irritated her.

“Of course I listen to you, babe and I don’t expect you to be perfect,” he chuckled softly. “You already _are_ perfect the way you are. I know these last few weeks have been hard on you, especially with the kids being here the entire time and your increased workload. I brought the kids back to their mother Sunday night, we have the house all to ourselves again,” he smiled. “You just need to relax and I’m sure we can fix whatever you feel is wrong.”

“‘Whatever I feel is wrong’?” Sam asked him, frowning. “The way you phrase it, makes it sound like it’s all my fault and I’m seeing things that aren’t there–”

“Well, you are the one who is… you know,” he waved his hand around. “Complaining.”

“You know, sometimes I wonder if you even know me,” Sam stated in a sad voice, more to herself than him.

“Of course I know you, Sam, I love you,” Pete exclaimed, dragging his hand through his hair. “I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

“We’ve been together for almost four years, two of which we’ve been married,” Sam started and seeing him nod, she continued. “And even now, you still don’t know I take my coffee black.”

“Oh come on,” Pete directed his eyes to the sky and spoke in an exasperated tone. “How many times do I make you coffee? Most of the times you’ve already gone to base by the time I get breakfast and you get home late and don’t drink any coffee then.”

“It’s just one of the things,” Sam replied, annoyance sounding through her voice. Didn’t he understand she was talking about the principle? “There are other things as well, like the way you didn’t want me to go back to work when our people were stranded off-world because you didn’t want me to go through the gate… It’s my job, my life and it’s what I do. I gave up command of SG-1 because you wanted me to and were trying so hard to convince me, but I won’t give up the SGC and what it stands for. If you don’t understand that by now, you don’t know me at all,” she confessed in a hurt tone.

“What, when was that?” Pete asked, confused.

Snorting, Sam glared at him accusingly. “I can’t believe you already forgot, it has hardly been a year–”

“Please Sam, I thought we’d let bygones be bygones, huh?” He rolled his eyes, almost unable to believe she was dragging that up after all this time.

Letting out a humorless chuckle, Sam shook her head. “Just like that, you want me to forget about it because it’s been a while?”

“Well, if you want to go down that road, there are plenty of things I gave up for _you_ ,” Pete yelled, getting angry with her. “I told you my ex-wife was still pregnant with our child when we were dating… when she told me, I was already head over heels with you or else I would’ve gone back to her, to be there fulltime for my children, instead I chose _you._ I took all my personal days to spend time with you, while you hardly took any of your own and just expected me to be there when you _did_ have the time. However, did I complain? No, because I was crazy about you and in love!

“I asked a transfer to be nearby, I practically gave up my job for you, so don’t you start about giving up your precious command! I left my own town, my friends and family, even my children so I could move to Colorado Springs because you couldn’t take the time of day to come to Denver. I proposed to you and gave you _all the time_ you needed to think it over, any other guy would’ve been gone after a week, you know? My friends all declared me a fool for waiting for your answer for over two weeks! I bought us a house, hell; I even arranged everything for our engagement party and even the wedding, because you didn’t have enough time! I had to convince my mother to help me because she thought I was crazy for letting you off the hook! Did you really think I expected to marry a woman who saves the planet on a daily basis? Who is friends with aliens and considered exceptionally bright for our race? Damn it, Sam, I invested just as much if not more in this for you, but I did it because I love you!”

Stunned, Sam just sat there, letting his words wash over her. Too astounded to say a word… she’d never realized any of that, he made a good point, she mused. Not enough for her to stay, though, because she just didn’t love him the way she was supposed to…

“I even got demoted because of you,” Pete muttered under his breath, exhausted after his raging and he plopped down on the couch, having no energy left to argue.

Creasing her brow, Sam repeated his words in her head. “What, demoted because of me? You never wanted to talk about it,” she cried out.

Realizing he’d said too much, Pete stammered while thinking of an explanation. “Well, I eh, I didn’t want to bother you with it… not wanted you to feel guilty,” he hastily added.

“I don’t understand,” she frowned, cocking her head to the side. “Why did you get demoted because of _me_?”

“Well, I had to take a lot of time off because of the planning of the engagement party and the wedding,” he lied, motioning with his hand. “I messed up a stakeout by leaving too early, which eventually blew up an entire case,” the words popping in to his head as he talked. There was no way he would ever admit to her that he had used Farrity at the FBI to run a background check on her and later O’Neill. Nor that he had followed her to the stakeout that had changed his perception of ‘life out there’ and certainly not that _someone_ had figured it out and got Farrity fired and him demoted – he suspected it was O’Neill, but he didn’t think the old geezer had that much influence, especially not with the FBI.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Like I said, I didn’t want you to feel guilty,” he shrugged, not wanting to overdo it. “Look babe, what I’m saying is that we were both prepared to give up things for the other. If you’re not satisfied, we should work on it… I don’t know; maybe get marriage counseling or something.”

Horrified, Sam stared at him. _He really doesn’t know me_ , she realized. She would never talk to a stranger about her personal life, besides; she could hardly make up cover stories for all things related to her work. No, even if she wanted to, that wouldn’t work. “It’s not enough, Pete. I’m not happy and I don’t want to try anymore, I’ve given it my all, and… I don’t think it’s meant to be,” she concluded lamely, shrugging apologetically.

“Babe, we love each other, we can work this out!”

“Dammit Pete, it’s not enough,” she yelled, jumping up from her seated position. “I don’t _want_ to work it out, this,” she motioned her hand between them, “is obviously not working anymore. I’m not sure it ever did,” she ended in a soft tone.

Frowning, he got up as well and stood in front of her. “What are you saying? That our marriage never worked? We were happy, Sam, you can’t deny that. We love each other, how could it not have worked?”

“I- I don’t think I love you anymore,” she stammered, not daring to look at him. “It’s not enough.”

“You don’t love me?”

Hearing the disbelief in his voice, she slowly raised her eyes. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “You deserve more than I can give you and you’re not making me happy.”

Pete shook his head as she was talking. “No, you’re the best that is out there,” he smiled. “Look, we obviously have a lot to think and talk about.”

“That’s just it, there’s nothing more to say,” she gave him a sad smile. “I’ll get the papers and send them to you. You can keep the house, I can stay on base until the lease of my house runs out and I’ll send someone for my things.”

“No, Sam, you can’t just give up. I still love you, I can change–”

“It won’t work.”

“Please Sam,” Pete whispered, tears in his eyes. “At least think about it for a while, before you go and get an attorney and divorce papers…”

“I’m sorry,” she repeated her earlier words, shaking her head. “This is the best for both of us.”

“We can take a break, to think it all over and if you still want a divorce after that we can take care of it,” he offered, hopeful.

“Pete–”

“Just think about it, I’ll be here… I didn’t give up everything so you could decide our marriage was over, Sam.”

Sam frowned at his last words, not understanding and grabbed her bag. “I’ll call you if I know more,” she simply replied, before leaving the house.

* * *

 

Daniel looked up as he heard the telltale sign of stopping footsteps in his lab doorway. He smiled when he saw Sam standing there, but his smile disappeared as he noticed the look on her face. “Sam, is something wrong?”

“I talked to Pete,” she started, letting her hand wander over the various books scattered on his worktable as she entered his lab.

“Oh,” Daniel said, immediately understanding what she was talking about. He put a paper between the pages and closed the book, giving her all his attention as she was clearly struggling. They had talked for hours the other night, about her decision to leave Pete and she had given him a lot of her arguments – although he was sure she left out a few on purpose – but he knew she’d been nervous to go home and confront Pete.

If he were honest, he’d assumed she’d backed out because she hadn’t shown up for work at her usual time and hadn’t called him to tell him about her confrontation. He had expected her to go home, talk to Pete and come back. However, she hadn’t come back, instead it looked as if she had spent the night at home – he’d checked the sign in sheet this morning, and she hadn’t come to base last night. “How did it go?” He hoped she finally got rid of him, but he had a nagging feeling she hadn’t…

“It didn’t,” she sighed, leaning her head back.

Confused, Daniel leaned his elbows on his workbench and let his head rest on his hands. “Didn’t you just say you talked to him?”

“Well, yes, but it didn’t go the way I planned,” she imitated his position from across the table and looked down.

“Why?” he asked giving her a scrutinizing look. Her skin was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes, had they talked all night? “What happened?”

“He wasn’t there when I came home,” she fidgeted with the corner of a paperback. “So, I went for a ride on my bike.”

Daniel grinned as he saw the smile her bike elicited from her. It had been a while since he had seen that smile on her face. “Then what?”

She shrugged and let out a yawn. “Sorry,” she mumbled, stretching. “I’m a bit tired, I guess.”

“Didn’t get any sleep or breakfast?” He asked, noticing her glancing at his coffee. Seeing her shake her head a ‘no’, he suggested they go over to the commissary to get her some jello and a coffee.

“Fine,” Sam relented hearing her stomach growl.

Daniel asked her why she got in so late on their way over to the elevator and – entering it – Sam told him about her confrontation with Pete after which he’d just gone upstairs to get some sleep. As always, Daniel was like an open book and she immediately saw his unasked question to which she explained she’d spent the rest of the night downstairs, thinking. She didn’t add the fact that most of her thinking had involved Jack O’Neill, for now she wanted to keep that to herself.

As they reached the commissary, a comfortable silence descended on the two friends, both feeling the need of privacy. Sam quickly grabbed a cup of coffee, a bowl of jello and a sandwich while Daniel just got another cup of coffee and a cookie. They walked over to ‘their’ table; the one that SG-1 had always occupied. Neither of them were part of SG-1 anymore, but that didn’t stop them from using their old table. Nor did it discourage other personnel to keep treating the two as if they were still SG-1. After all, they’d been on it for almost a decade and went through a lot of things most people couldn’t even dream of.

“This morning, I was about to walk out as he came downstairs,” Sam continued her earlier story as they were eating and she’d made sure no one was eavesdropping. “He wanted to talk, so we did,” she sighed and quickly took a sip of her coffee. “I insisted on a divorce,” she whispered, not wanting to be part of the rumor mill as she and her CO had been for years, “while he wanted us to work it out…”

Daniel nodded his understanding, after their talk he finally knew how unhappy Sam actually was and he’d felt bad for letting their friendship become superficial, but he could imagine that Pete wouldn’t want to lose her. She was brilliant, kind, gentle, honest, beautiful, strong, capable, independent, and had a good sense of humor – at least, the ‘old’ Sam had been like that, the Sam of the last few years had been less kind, honest and strong… or so he thought. “What did you tell him?”

“I said there was no way I would go to a counselor and that I didn’t _want_ to work it out,” she took a spoon full of jello and quickly ate it, before continuing. “He suggested we’d take a break before I went over to an attorney and–”

“No, you’re going to get that divorce, Sam, you’re not going to let him to dissuade you,” Daniel quickly replied.

Sam’s eyebrows rose at his remark – especially his forceful tone – and she was surprised that Daniel, of all people, was telling her this. “I told him he could keep the house, I’d stay on base and after the lease on my house is over I can just move back.”

“Good for you,” Daniel retorted, emptying his coffee cup in a long swig, before standing up. “I’m sorry; I have to go back to work. Unless you want to talk some more?”

“No, that’s okay, I should probably check with Thor, I’m late as it is,” she flashed him a quick smile and grabbed both their trays and disposed of them.

* * *

 

Jack quickly walked through the old, familiar corridors of the SGC on his way to Hank’s office. Every now and then, he would nod at the airmen who recognized him, despite his civvies, but there was a lot of new personnel. Some didn’t even look old enough to be a recruit, he mused. The airman at the entrance hadn’t recognized him, so Jack had to go back to his car to get his ID. He didn’t have much time, Cassie was supposed to go back to college today but his conference call this morning with the European delegates overran for an hour, making him late for his meeting with Hank and Davis and in his hurry he’d forgotten to bring an essential report.

Therefore, he had to go back home after the meeting to get the report and since it was highly confidential he couldn’t send it over the mail and had to deliver it himself. Cassie was babysitting right now, but she had to be at the airport in – he quickly checked his watch – a little over an hour. When he finally came back to the entrance and showed his ID to the young airman, his colleague had joined them and he had recognized Jack and apologized profusely for the other airman. Jack just shrugged it off, telling them he’d rather have them be extra vigilant for people claiming to have access than to just let anyone in.

When he was in the elevator, Jack had prayed Daniel wouldn’t join him, since the archeologist would chat his ears off and make him late. Luckily, he didn’t have to worry about that, since the elevator went straight down, not making a stop. Now he was almost at Hank’s office, his own former office, file clutched in his hand and he rounded the corner… only to stop dead in his tracks. Carter was standing in the briefing room, talking to Hank, and Walter and Major Davis were there as well. He hadn’t expected _her_ to be there, she was supposed to be ‘up there’ with his buddy Thor to fix some… thing. Had something happened, was that why she was here? He surely hoped it didn’t mean that Thor or Carter was in trouble.

Fidgeting with the zipper of his leather jacket, Jack stood there watching them. He hadn’t noticed how skinny Carter looked at Daniel’s party; then again, he had been a bit distracted by that sinful black dress of hers. Cocking his head to the side, he nodded agreeing with himself that she looked – unhealthily – skinny and it didn’t suit her. Her BDUs were already covering every feminine curve, well at least while she was standing still, because he could clearly remember the old days when they’d been walking around in their BDUs and he couldn’t remember ever seeing anyone wear them that good. He’d never realized that one could actually have a nice six in those, but she was the only one he knew who could pull that off, he thought smirking to himself.

Casting another glance at her figure, he concluded that her sweet curves had totally disappeared under the BDUs. Jack hoped it was only because of the clothing, but he feared it had something to do with her skinniness. He couldn’t help himself but wonder if that cop was the reason she was losing weight. She was looking rather pale as well, not that this was the best lighting but he was used to see her in these poor conditions, so he had good reference material. Pale, skinny, and tired, he concluded, again nodding to no one in particular. Well, at least it was better than to run into her and finding out she was pregnant or something, he mused. Still, he hoped it was nothing serious.

Clearing his throat, Jack walked into the briefing room, knowing he couldn’t take his time and wait for them to finish. Especially with Cassie waiting for him to get back, he just had to suck it up and ignore Carter the best he could. “Hank, I got you that report,” he stated lamely, handing it over. “Well, I’ll be on my way, bye campers,” he made a small wave at Carter, Walter and Davis.

“Jack, wait,” Hank called out, beckoning him inside. “Colonel Carter was just telling us about–”

“Ah, sorry Hank, Carter, but I really have to go,” he responded, arching his eyebrows.

“Afraid you might get a parking ticket, Sir?” Sam dared to joke, unsure if it was wise, but she had to try something, right? She watched the General as his expression changed and a quick glance at the others confirmed her suspicion that they were afraid she’d stepped out of line.

“Funny Carter,” Jack quirked a smile, “but so far it’s still fee free, right?”

“Yes Sir,” she ducked her head, not wanting him to see her smile.

“Aren’t you supposed to be up there?” Jack asked, pointing his finger up at the ceiling and he quickly looked at Hank and Davis.

“That was what General Landry wanted to say, Sir,” Major Davis started. “There’s a problem with the Colonel’s locator beacon, so we have to wait for Thor to come and get her.”

“Ah, though luck. Well, I’ve got to,” he nodded at them, before pivoting on his feet and walking out. He couldn’t stand there much longer, with Carter smiling like that. Damn woman.

* * *

 

Sam stood and stretched her lean frame, trying to get the kinks out of her shoulders and back. She had been hunched over the equipment for a few hours now and at moments like these she was reminded that it was an _Asgard_ ship. It may be called the _Samantha Carter_ – which she thought was a great honor and completely unnecessary since she wasn’t that special – but it was still built for small, gray aliens who were about a meter tall.

“Would you like some sustenance, Colonel Carter?” Thor asked her, his big eyes watching her strange movements.

Remembering the incident with his favorite yellow cube, Sam declined. “No, thank you, Thor, I’m not really that hungry.”

“Are you not well?”

“What, why would you think that?”

“It is well past your evening, Colonel Carter, surely you must be hungry. You have been working for hours without taking rest; this is not good for your body.”

Surprised, Sam looked at her watch. He was right, it was already past 2230 hours, and she hadn’t even noticed! The last thing she’d eaten was the blue jello with Daniel late this morning… She’d been engrossed in her work, trying to figure out the problem and all thought of Pete or Jack O’Neill had gone from her mind, for which she was grateful. “Right, perhaps I should eat something,” Sam mused aloud.

Hearing a bleep on his computer, Thor excused himself and padded over to his control panel. It was a message from the High Council, requesting his return within three of Earth’s hours. He quickly sent out a confirmation, before turning back to Colonel Carter.

“This is most unfortunate,” he started, getting her attention. “I have received a message requesting my return. We have not yet finished,” he pointed at her workbench.

“Well, it may not be finished yet, but I’m sure you or another Asgard can finish it without my help,” Sam said, a bit disappointed she wouldn’t be able to complete her work. “I could leave instructions, if you want?”

“That would be very much appreciated,” Thor nodded gratefully. “At least you can get your sustenance. Shall I ‘beam’ you back to Stargate Command?”

“Yes, that would be great, just let me finish the instructions,” Sam mumbled from her position at the other control panel. She had already started the instructions, knowing by the sound of Thor’s voice that he didn’t have much time.

“Very well,” Thor padded over to her position. “Could you request O’Neill’s presence at Stargate Command?”

“What, why?” Sam asked absentmindedly.

“As I have told you, Colonel Carter, we had an agreement. My return would prevent our ‘shindig’ from happening and it is of high importance,” he stated solemnly. “I am unable to ‘beam’ O’Neill out of his house, due to the technology you have created…”

Hearing his voice trail off, Sam was unsure if she’d heard admiration in his voice as he’d mentioned the doohickey she had made to prevent anyone from beaming in or out of a room. Apparently, General O’Neill had one at his house in the Springs she mused. Hearing Thor go on and on about the importance of their appointment, Sam just nodded as she finished her work. “I could tell General Landry, who could contact General O’Neill and then he could turn off the technology so you’d be able to beam him out.”

“Very well,” Thor acknowledged her plan. “Let him contact me when he is ready,” he said, showing her an Asgard communicator which he proceeded to beam down into O’Neill’s garden, just out of reach of the field generated by the technology made by Colonel Carter.

“Will do,” Sam smiled, before the bright light enveloped her as well and she found herself standing in the briefing room once again. “General,” she slowly stood at attention as General Landry looked at her with wide eyes.

“Can’t you or Thor make some sort of doorbell to go with that beaming technology?” Hank asked, annoyed that he had been caught off-guard again this week. It was really getting on his nerve, this beaming in and out of people. Especially Colonel Carter who he sometimes didn’t even notice, because she moved so quietly, until he turned around and she was standing there with a grin tugging at her lips.

“Um… you should really ask Thor, Sir,” Sam replied, not wanting to have to create such a device and offer it to the Asgard, since they had their own beaming technology, which would only be activated after a warning. “Sir?”

Nodding at her reply, Hank leaned down and quickly scribbled it on a note, so he could give it to Jack. The Asgard liked him better, so that way they wouldn’t be insulted. Hearing Colonel Carter’s questioning tone, he looked up. “Yes?”

“Thor has been contacted by the Asgard and has to leave in a few hours. However, he had some sort of agreement with General O’Neill, which was of ‘great importance’ and he wants him to come anyway, before he has to go. So, he asked me to tell you to contact General O’Neill and tell him to get ready and then grab the Asgard communicator from his garden to contact Thor,” she explained, not mentioning the fact that she was the one who suggested someone else contact the General.

“Well, that’s fine. I know Jack had some sort of appointment with Thor. It had something to do with getting some of their technology and in return he’d do something for them. Not sure what it was, though, but I do know the President really wants that technology. I was about to head out and go home, since I have to go to Washington for a meeting with the President tomorrow, in which I’ll tell him about your request,” he nodded at her. “So why don’t you call General O’Neill? I’m sure he’d rather have you wake him up than me or Walter, who has probably already gone home…”

Sam fidgeted with her BDU jacket, really not looking forward to waking up Jack O’Neill by calling him – she could think of more than one way she’d like to wake him in person, but thought it would be unwise to tell her CO about that. At the same time, she knew it had been more or less of an order, instead of the suggestion he made it sound like. Besides, if she declined now, he might not follow through with her request. She had asked him for more working hours, since she needed to get back into her ‘old’ rhythm and life, now that she and Pete were splitting up. She hadn’t told General Landry the reason, but knew she had to tell him eventually… later rather than sooner, in this case.

Sighing, she relented and nodded at General Landry. He immediately pushed the phone in her direction and walked out of the briefing room, ready to go topside. Hesitating for a moment, Sam’s fingers were hanging over the numbers until they automatically pressed the right buttons, calling Jack O’Neill. Her heartbeat immediately increased as she held the receiver to her ear and she berated her treacherous body. She could hardly hear the dialing tone because of the blood rushing through her ears with an almost deafening sound.

 _“O’Neill,”_ his hoarse and sleepy voice sounded.

Swallowing, Sam was sure she was blushing at the intimate sound of his voice and was glad no one was around to see her fidgeting with the cord as she tried to greet him. “Hi Sir,” was all she could come up with, and she mentally slapped her forehead.

_“Carter?”_

She heard the surprise in his voice and nodded. After a few seconds she realized he couldn’t see her – she had been distracted with imagining him in his bed, still half asleep – and she cleared her throat. “Yes Sir, General Landry asked me to call you and I’m sorry–”

_“Ack, slow down Carter.”_

“Yes Sir,” she smiled at the familiar tone of their conversation. “I’m sorry to wake you, Sir.”

_“Yeah, well, you mentioned something about Hank?”_

“Actually, Sir, Thor has to leave and wanted to see you because of your appointment at the end of the week?”

_“Yes?”_

Apparently, he wasn’t going to tell her, which of course wasn’t all that strange. Still, she felt like she had to try. Sam had never been the curious girl, but this had piqued her curiosity. “He asked me to get someone to contact you, so you can get dressed and whatever it is you have to do, before grabbing the communicator he placed on your yard, Sir. That way, you can contact him when you’ve disabled the doohickey you apparently have, so that he can beam you out, Sir.”

 _“Oh, great,”_ she heard him mumble something about needing some shut eye and annoying aliens who didn’t have any respect for his circadian rhythm, which surprised her since he always claimed to be stupid. His tone of voice changed as she heard him whisper away from the receiver. _“Ssh, it’s okay, sweetheart.”_

Sam clenched her jaw, having totally forgotten about his _girlfriend_ or _‘sweetheart’_ while she had made up her mind about Pete and Jack O’Neill. Could she still do it? Go after him and get what she had always wanted? “Sir?”

_“Yeah, thanks Carter. O’Neill out.”_

For a moment, Sam just stared at the receiver, unsure of what she had to do now. Well, obviously she needed to eat something and then sleep, since she had been up for days, but her mind kept wandering to Jack O’Neill… making up her mind, she turned on her heels to go to Daniel’s lab and convince him to go eat something with her. It was nearing midnight, so he was probably still at his lab. If not, she’d go over to his quarters, this was too important for him to sleep through. Apparently, the time had come for her to inform Daniel of her feelings for her General and ask him for advice, she thought, letting out a shaky sigh.

 


	8. Discoveries

Groaning, Jack stretched his arm to place the receiver back on his nightstand, before rolling over. Milou blinked sleepily at him, and he gently brushed the hair out of her face. It hadn’t been his intention to wake her, but apparently his mumbling had woken her as she had started stirring while he was on the phone with Carter. Throwing the blanket off Jack got out of bed and stretched before grabbing a change of clothes and a towel.

“Daddy?” Milou asked, sitting up, clutching her stuffed kitten with one hand while using the other to rub the sleep from her eyes.

“Stay in bed, sweetie,” Jack replied, motioning with his hand for her to lay back down. “I’m just going to take a quick shower and then we’re going to visit a friend.”

“Fwiend?”

“Yeah, my buddy Thor, I told you about him. He’s gray and, um… probably about as tall as you are,” Jack said, nodding. “Now, go back to sleep.” He waited for a moment with his hand on the doorknob, making sure she tried to go back to sleep, before entering the bathroom.

He turned on the faucet and quickly took off his shirt, sweatpants and boxers, before stepping under the stream of warm water. Grabbing the shower gel, he lathered his body with swift movements and reaching out to get shampoo he ended up with the kids’ baby shampoo. Shrugging, Jack used it and rinsed his hair and body afterwards. Done with the shower in two minutes and toweling down, he donned his fresh set of clothes and looked into the mirror. Grimacing, Jack realized he needed a shave because his visit to Thor would probably take a while and after that, he had to get the data Thor was supposed to give him in exchange, to the SGC. Therefore, he probably wouldn’t have the time to shave in the morning. Luckily, he didn’t cut himself in his haste, he mused as he finished and looked at the end result. Cleaning his face, he left the bathroom and quickly retrieved the Asgard communicator from his backyard. Locking up, Jack made sure everything was left in perfect order before going back to the bedroom.

“Wakey, wakey, Milou,” he tickled her, which elicited a sleepy giggle that made him smile. “Come on, you have to meet my friend Thor.”

Letting her father lift her up, Milou just nodded, still half asleep. She could hear her father talk to someone through a shiny white thingy and she reached for it with her free hand. Before she could grab it, however, a bright light blinded her and she let out a startled yelp. “Ieeh.”

“O’Neill.”

Thor’s voice greeted him, but looking around Jack saw no evidence of his gray form and thus concluded he must have used the intercom. “Thor, buddy,” he yelled, still glancing around. Realizing Milou was still hiding her face against his neck Jack rubbed soothing circles on her back, telling her it was okay for her to look up. He probably should’ve prepared her for the beaming up, he mused. On the other hand, how was he supposed to prep anyone to be beamed up to an alien spaceship, let alone a little girl? “Milou, do you want to meet my friend Thor?” Jack asked her as he heard Thor’s footsteps approaching.

Leaning back in his arms, Milou looked at her father before slowly nodding her head. “Yes, Daddy.”

Straightening her red pajamas, Jack turned around to face Thor. “Thor! Good seeing you again,” he grinned, while Milou cocked her head to the side as she gave the small alien an appraising glance.

“O’Neill, I was pleased to hear you were available,” Thor replied, his eyes shifting from Jack to the small human in his arms.

“Well, actually, I was already asleep,” Jack objected.

Ignoring him, Thor took a step closer, his eyes still fixed on the young female. “This is the one?”

Nodding, Jack slowly lowered Milou on the floor. “Yes, this is Milou.”

“Greetings Milou O’Neill,” Thor spoke, stretching his hand out to shake her hand the way most humans usually did.

“Go on,” Jack softly encouraged her, pressing his hand against her back.

“Hello,” she said shyly, taking in his strange appearance before looking back up at her father.

“‘It’s nice to meet you’,” Jack prompted, with a hand gesture.

Milou repeated his words as she stuck out her hand as well, taking a moment as she felt his strange hand. “Why are you gray?”

Stunned, Thor blinked. “It is my physiology,” he explained. “All the Asgard are gray.”

“Oh,” Milou, feeling brave, walked around him to take a look at all the blinking lights and nice buttons. It didn’t take her long to get a hold of a smooth, round stone from the control panel.

“O’Neill, she must not do that,” Thor stated, almost frowning while watching the young female. “I do not understand.”

“She’s a kid, Thor, it’s what they do,” Jack explained, before taking a few large steps and taking the stone back. “This is dangerous, you can’t play with it.”

“Sorry,” Milou muttered, casting her eyes downwards.

“I have never before met a human of this age,” Thor walked over to her, taking in her appearance. “Shall we start?”

Jack looked at his, now yawning, daughter and scooped her up. “Yeah, just a few small non-invasive tests, right?”

“Indeed.”

Squirming in his arms, Milou glanced up sleepily at her father. “Tired,” she moaned, yawning again.

“Hand in front of your mouth,” Jack automatically replied, keeping an eye on Thor. He knew the Asgard were technologically advanced and that they didn’t need any invasive maneuvers to learn about ones physiology, but the thought of Loki kept coming back in his mind. Not that he didn’t trust Thor, he was just careful when it came to his daughter. “You’re sure it won’t hurt?”

“It will not,” he replied, walking up to O’Neill and his daughter. Holding up the scanner, he explained it would only sting, as it would acquire information about her genetic makeup and overall health. As O’Neill nodded an affirmative, Thor gently placed the stone on the female’s bare arm. He noticed her inquiring gaze and was, once again, reminded of the first time he met O’Neill. The human had informed them the people from Earth were a curious race and apparently, it was a design of their genetic makeup as the girl kept focusing on his actions. “If she is indeed a carrier of the Ancient gene, she might bring us all a step closer to understanding the human evolution and perhaps can provide a hint for our cloning problem.”

“A good reason for cake,” Jack remarked, grinning as Milou kept staring at Thor not showing the slightest bit of discomfort. “D’oh, I didn’t bring the cake… Sorry Thor.”

“That is most unfortunate, O’Neill,” Thor replied without looking up from the retrieved data on his scanner. “I was looking forward to this treat of yours.”

“Well, it’s not my fault you rescheduled our appointment,” Jack petulantly stated, realizing he started to sound like Milou. “I planned on buying the cake tomorrow or the day after…”

“Excellent,” Thor exclaimed.

“Excuse me?” Jack frowned; there was nothing excellent about missing out on a perfectly fine cake.

“Milou O’Neill is indeed a carrier of the ‘Ancient gene’ as you call it,” he explained.

Jack was surprised to see Thor almost smile – he didn’t think Asgard could smile; it was as if they were injected with Botox – and grinned himself. “That’s good news, was that all?”

“No, there are a few more tests she needs to perform.”

Sighing, Jack rolled his eyes, feeling the exhaustion of a long day creeping up. “Thor, can we hurry, I don’t know how much longer she’ll stay awake. Or me, for that matter,” he yawned.

“Very well,” Thor said, before walking over to one of his hidden compartments and taking out a few items. He handed a medium sized ball to O’Neill and saw it light up brightly, an indicator for a strong Ancient gene.

Playing with the glowing orb, Jack knew he’d catch Milou’s attention sooner or later.

It was sooner, as she held out her hands. “Can I play with it, Daddy?”

“Sure,” Jack nodded, handing it to her. He could swear he heard Thor gasp as the orb grew brighter and brighter until it was almost white.

* * *

 

“Daniel?” Sam inquired, sticking her head around the corner of his lab. Blinking against the darkness, her eyes took a moment to adjust and she could see him hunched over a translation with a small desk light next to him. Smiling, she walked over to him and turned off the light.

It was enough to wake Daniel and he quickly sat up, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I’m awake, I wasn’t sleeping!”

“Of course you weren’t,” Sam teased him, pointing at the drool on his sleeve.

“Oh,” was all he said as he wiped it clean, a bit embarrassed. “I need a coffee,” he yawned, rubbing his face.

Creasing her brow, Sam looked at him. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather go to bed?”

“And miss the chance to talk to you? I don’t think so,” he replied smugly.

“I didn’t say I–”

“You didn’t have to,” Daniel answered, still smiling smugly. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

“Well,” Sam started, but seeing he wasn’t going to buy her excuse, she relented. “Yeah.”

“Great,” he exclaimed, jumping out of his chair with renewed energy. “Let’s get some coffee and talk.”

Nodding, Sam followed him through the – almost empty – corridors of the SGC heading towards the commissary.

* * *

 

“This is most extraordinary,” Thor repeated again.

Jack had been afraid he’d have a stroke or heart attack for a moment, but of course Asgard don’t do that, he mused. He redirected his gaze back to his daughter playing with various items Thor had given her to test her Ancient gene. A few items responded in a normal manner, but others, like the orb, seemed to be highly sensitive once Milou touched them. “You didn’t give her anything dangerous, right?”

“I have not given her any hazardous materials since the last time you inquired,” Thor repeated for the umpteenth time that night. He was interpreting the data provided by some of the items the young female had played with and had decided to contact the Asgard High Council, asking for more time because of his findings. “What of the other children, O’Neill?”

“Whoa there, we agreed: just Milou,” Jack said, raising his hands.

“I had not expected such results, it must be because of her age,” Thor pondered aloud. It made perfect sense; since the first time O’Neill’s gene had been activated, it had only grown stronger with each interaction to an Ancient device. If the girl had inherited the same, strong gene through her mother and O’Neill’s father, it would only grow stronger as she aged. He explained this to O’Neill, who kept shaking his head. “If we test the other two and they are carriers as well, they must be exposed to Ancient technology as soon as possible.”

“No, we agreed it would be just Milou,” Jack insisted, going over to her to pick her up. “Are we done?”

“O’Neill, this is very important for the future of the Asgard,” Thor tried, blinking at his friend.

Sighing, Jack dragged his free hand through his hair. “I know that, but the twins are too young. I didn’t want this for Milou and I don’t want it for them, it’s too much pressure,” Jack replied. “Besides, they’re not even in the country,” he explained, Ilse had taken them to Holland early that morning. “They need a checkup because of their premature birth,” he reminded Thor, they had been over this a few times when he’d been in DC. They had finally agreed that Thor could test Milou and in return, the Asgard would install more technology in their new BC-304 class vessels.

“We could test them here and I could scan their genetic makeup for any flaws,” Thor offered.

Adamantly, Jack kept shaking his head. “No maybe later, not now. We can talk about it by the time you get back,” he offered a compromise and Thor gladly took it, realizing he couldn’t change his mind.

* * *

 

“So,” Daniel started as they got back to his quarters, cup of coffee in hand. “What could you possibly want to talk to me about after our long talk this morning – or should I say yesterday?” He asked, glancing at the clock, it was way past midnight. “Could it possibly have anything to do with the reasons you didn’t mention to me for breaking up with Pete?”

“I- I,” Sam stammered, doing a perfect impression of a goldfish. Shaking her head, she scowled at him. “What are you saying?”

“Oh come on, Sam, I’m not blind and I _know_ you’re not stupid,” he shrugged, cradling his coffee cup and focusing all his attention on it as if it was the most important thing in the world.

Ducking her head to hide the flush creeping up her neck, Sam let his words sink in. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” her soft and insincere tone belying her answer.

Daniel looked at her, knowing she knew exactly what he was talking about and seeing her posture and burning cheeks, he knew he just needed one word. “Jack.”

Her head snapped up at his reply and she automatically denied everything. “No, no, that’s not true. I don’t know why you’d think that and–”

“Sam,” Daniel almost whispered and patted her knee to stop her. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Besides, I don’t think anyone saw this coming, not after… you know,” he finished lamely, not wanting to remind her of everything her relationship – and marriage – to Pete had caused. “I’ve known you for years. You can’t lie about this to me.”

She gave him a weak smile, realizing he was right; she wasn’t sure if she had hidden it the first time, but she knew she couldn’t hide the feelings her epiphany had caused her. She _wouldn’t_ hide her feelings, at least not for Daniel, not if she wanted their friendship to go back to the way it had always been, before… life happened. These last few days they had talked like they used to and she knew she could tell him anything. Well, with the exception of embarrassing stories because she’d learned her lesson on a team night years ago when he drunkenly thought it was ‘funny’… He would never willingly tell anyone about this and she could already feel their superficial relationship from the last few years change back to the intimate friendship they’d shared. “Okay,” she nodded.

Frowning, Daniel looked at her. “Okay, what?”

“Okay,” she inhaled deeply, “you’re right.”

“I am?” Daniel exclaimed, his eyebrows almost reaching his hairline. “I mean, I am,” he continued, after clearing his throat. “I knew it.”

“What, you’re telling me that you–” 

“No, I was sure,” he interrupted her. “Maybe not one hundred percent but close enough,” he grinned his boyish smile.

Smiling, Sam couldn’t believe she fell for that. “Look, I don’t know, um… how to say this,” she pondered aloud.

“You still have feelings for Jack,” Daniel replied making it sound like a statement instead of a question.

Swallowing, Sam averted her gaze and focused on the doorknob. “Yes,” she said shyly.

Daniel’s smile only grew wider at hearing his friend’s confession and he had to remind himself to remain serious and keep a straight face. “You love him.”

Biting her lip slightly, Sam nodded her head, not daring to actually speak the words.

“You’re in love with him,” seeing her bob her head, Daniel continued. “And have been for years.”

“Yeah–Wait, what?” She frowned, looking at his open face, which – upon closer examination – looked too innocent. “Look, Daniel, I don’t know what you’re thinking, but–”

“Please Sam,” Daniel interrupted her again, waving his hand in a vague gesture. “It’s been an open secret,” he shrugged, “at least for me and Teal’c.”

“Well,” she started, but upon seeing his exasperated expression, she cut herself off. “Okay, maybe you’re right…”

“I know,” he responded cheerily. Daniel quickly tuned his excitement down a notch as she scowled at him the way she used to reserve for Jack, if he had gotten them in trouble after touching a piece of technology, or a Goa’uld system lord.

“I’m sorry,” Sam rubbed her tired eyes, realizing she still hadn’t eaten and was exhausted from sleep deprivation. “I don’t know why I came here. I really should eat something and get to bed…” She let her voice trail off as she got up and walked to the door.

Watching her move around his room, Daniel waited until her hand was on the doorknob. “You hurt him, Sam.”

His words were spoken in a soft tone, but they felt deafening in the – now broken – silence. Her shoulders sagged as his words sunk in, it was what she’d feared. Blinking her eyes furiously, Sam tried to keep the stinging tears at bay. She pressed her forehead to the cold surface of the door and inhaled deeply, trying to get her emotions under control. “Daniel–”

“No, you _hurt_ him, Sam,” he repeated, coming up from behind. He recognized the – almost pleading – look she was sending him over her shoulder, and he shook his head. “He would never tell you, but someone should,” he explained in a gentler tone. She needed to know what she had done to Jack if they could ever have their chance. “You hurt him and I think it almost broke him.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, biting back a sob as she felt the tears trail down her cheeks. “God, I’m _so_ sorry,” she whispered in a shaky voice, banging her head against the door to emphasize her words.

Daniel gently squeezed her shoulder in silent support. “You shouldn’t tell me,” he replied.

Wiping the tears from her face, she turned around to face him. “I should, I hurt you – and Teal’c – as well,” she started, but stopped as he shook his head and held up his hand.

“The most important thing is that you’ve come to your senses,” he stated rather bluntly, not keeping his feelings about her marriage to Pete a secret any longer. “If you want Jack, you should focus on fixing things between you two, don’t worry about me.”

“Thank you.” She hugged him and berated herself for being so emotional today, for which she blamed sleep deprivation.

“It’s going to take time, you know that, right?” Daniel asked carefully, loosening his grip on her.

“I know,” her voice sounded muffled against his shoulder.

Leaning back, he looked at her tear-streaked face. “I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive you.”

“I know that, too,” she sniffled a bit, embarrassed about her emotional breakdown. She broke away from him, reaching to open the door.

“A lot has happened in the last few years, Sam.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” She turned to him, her eyes blazing, hurt written all over her face.

“Sam, I’m not just talking about you. Do you know… has Cassie ever told you about Jack?” He thought it wise to tread carefully.

Sagging against the door, Sam sighed. “No, like all of you, she respected my wishes,” Sam huffed at the irony of it all. God, she’d been a fool.

“There are things that you don’t know about Jack, about his life, Sam,” Daniel broke to her, unable to hold her gaze.

Nodding, Sam looked at him. “I saw Ilse the other day, I know,” she replied, not showing the pain she felt inside at the acknowledgement.

“I’m not sure you do,” Daniel said evasively. “Look, it’s not my place to tell you… if you want your friendship with Jack back, you have to talk to him, he’s the one that should tell you. He is the one that has to eventually forgive you, if he can.”

Sam swallowed hard and bit her lip, afraid to be rejected by Jack O’Neill, the love of her life – her perfection. “I know,” she whispered, giving Daniel a weak smile before finally opening the door and walk away.

“He seems happy, Sam,” Daniel told her as a warning and by the straightening of her back he knew she’d heard him.

 

* * *

“So, what time do they expect you back?” Jack inquired, tearing his gaze from his daughter, sound asleep in one of Thor’s pods.

Looking up from the computer screen, Thor blinked his eyes. “I should have arrived many of your hours ago.”

“You played hooky?” Jack asked surprised, arching an eyebrow.

“I do not understand your meaning,” Thor replied.

Shrugging, Jack tried again. “You were absent without a note from your parents?”

“O’Neill, my parents died many centuries ago, before the Asgard started cloning.”

Rolling his eyes, Jack gave up. “Never mind.”

“I informed the Council of the importance of my findings and requested more time, which they granted some time ago,” Thor explained, moving around another of his control stones.

“I see,” Jack nodded. “Well, when do you have to leave?”

Grabbing a yellow cube for sustenance, Thor turned towards his friend. “Within two of your hours.”

“Oh,” Jack mouthed, glancing over his shoulder. “I guess that means we,” he motioned between himself and Milou, “should get going, huh?”

“Indeed.”

Jack waited as Thor walked out of the room and looked around a bit. This ship was definitely better than his previous ones, Jack mused. Or any of the other Asgard ships he’d seen. Well, perhaps it wouldn’t have been better than the _O’Neill_ had Carter not blown it up, he thought, smirking. He remembered how disappointed Thor had been as he’d informed them of the loss of the ship and he had to suppress a smile. It was an honor to have a ship named after you, he knew that, let alone a space vessel from a superior alien race. He wondered if the Asgard had taken extra care to the design of the ship, give it a touch of Carter… he wouldn’t be surprised if they had, he mused. It surely looked less… well, maybe, a tad more feminine, then again, it could be his imagination. It seemed the woman kept haunting him, wherever he went; change cities, countries or even leave the planet.

“O’Neill,” Thor stretched out his hands holding several control crystals. “I am sure Colonel Carter will be most pleased.”

“Yeah, sure you betcha,” he gave him a fake smile. It wasn’t like he’d recognize the fakeness or his buried emotions, Jack thought as he accepted them. “So, can you beam us down?”

“I most certainly can,” Thor retorted, walking over to his control console to open the pod in which Milou O’Neill was sleeping. “However, I will not be able to send you to your house, since Colonel Carter’s technology was only turned off for a short while and is now activated once more. Since your kind wishes to keep the Stargate a secret, I am also unable to send you just out of reach of the field–”

“Ack!” Jack interrupted him, afraid the alien would give him the same techno-babble Carter used to. “Just send us back to the SGC, that way I can give Hank the crystals right away. It’s already 0800 hours, he should be there.”

“Very well,” Thor acknowledged, saying his goodbyes to O’Neill as well as the female child who had just woken up. Before he ‘beamed’ them out, he handed her the orb she had been playing with earlier.

“Wait Daddy,” Milou protested, suppressing a yawn. “Put me down?”

Frowning, Jack did as he asked and was surprised to see his daughter run over to Thor and _hug_ him. He was even more surprised as Thor seemed to return the hug, as far as he knew how. Jack chuckled at the sight of the two of them, hugging. No one would ever believe him, he thought, shaking his head. “Ready kids?”

“Where’s kitten?” Milou asked in a serious tone, looking around in the search of her stuffed animal.

“Ah, crap,” Jack exclaimed as he informed a dumbfounded Thor about her toy and started searching.

* * *

 

Feeling refreshed after her short nap Sam walked through the buzzing corridors of the SGC. She was going over to General Landry’s office, who was supposed to leave for a meeting with the President in Washington sometime last night, to report to Colonel Reynolds. Apparently, he’d requested her presence because of some technology they’d acquired. She hadn’t asked Walter what he’d meant by that, knowing the off-world teams’ mission rosters by heart and she was certain no team that had returned had carried such technology.

Walking through the hallways, she overheard some of the airmen talking rumors – what else? She hadn’t been paying any attention to the rumor mill lately, especially because she wasn’t their prime subject anymore for the last few years. She wondered who their new victim was… turning the corner, she could’ve sworn she overheard something about General O’Neill, but just shrugged it off to wishful thinking. She had been thinking and dreaming about him the entire night and he hadn’t left her mind for a minute since she had gotten up. Something about a new office being prepared – well, if that was dominating the rumors she hadn’t missed out on anything. Although, she couldn’t think of someone needing a new office and there wasn’t any new personnel coming to the SGC, she mused. Apparently, the two airmen she joined in the elevator were thinking the same thing.

Sam just rolled her eyes as she heard their excited voices going over the latest rumors, completely ignoring her with the exception of an acknowledgement of her higher rank. Maybe the SGC was becoming too informal?

“Well, after seeing him this morning I can certainly understand,” the woman chuckled.

“Oh Lord, women,” the man groaned and Sam was sure he was rolling his eyes by the tone of his voice.

“Oh come on, it is _so_ obvious.”

“I don’t know. Why would he need a desk here?”

“Because he’s settling down,” the woman said in an exasperated voice.

“A bit late, don’t you think?” The man sneered and Sam felt a smile tugging at her lips, the banter sounding familiar and reminding her of the time they had started out as SG-1.

“Better late than never… Excuse me, Ma’am,” the woman said as they stepped out of the elevator. “I’m telling you, it’s for General O’Neill, you saw him just now…”

The rest of her voice trailed off as she turned the corner and Sam frowned as the doors in front of her closed again. It kind of made sense, she mused. No one else was supposed to get assigned here, so General O’Neill was a logical choice. On the other hand, he was the commander of Homeworld Security, how was he going to pull this off? Perhaps he’d step down? Or just continue from here? She knew he didn’t like Washington, well, at least he _had_ never _liked_ it, she couldn’t be too sure nowadays. Shaking her head at her own thoughts – it was just a rumor – as the doors of the car opened Sam stepped out and headed for General Landry’s office. She had decided to take the side entrance, instead of going through the briefing room, seeing the door was closed.

“Enter,” Colonel Reynolds’s voice sounded at the other side, in response to her knock.

“Sir,” Sam greeted him, he still had seniority, after all.

“Colonel Carter,” Reynolds smiled, getting up from the comfy chair behind the desk. “I take it you were informed about General Landry’s meeting and the fact that I was the one who asked you to come?”

“Yes Sir,” she nodded, wondering where he was going with this.

“Well, I can’t imagine the General having any problems with this, especially as it was General O’Neill who suggested you’d work on this,” he pondered aloud.

“Sir?”

“Huh,” Reynolds turned around, realizing she was still in the dark. “Right, well, General O’Neill was just here to deliver these.”

Sam’s smile could have lit a room as she saw the Asgard crystals. “What are they?”

“Some new technology the General got from Thor,” he shrugged, not knowing the details. “He said Thor thought you might like it and suggested you’d be the one to work with them.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Sam said gratefully, as she took the crystals from him, wondering what could be stored on them.

“Don’t thank me, as I said, it was General O’Neill.”

* * *

 

Placing the crystals in her lab, Sam called upstairs asking if General O’Neill had already signed out. She was told he signed out yesterday afternoon and hadn’t returned, which confirmed her suspicion that he’d came straight from Thor’s ship. She figured he’d leave any moment, seeing as he probably hadn’t gotten much sleep all night. Wanting to thank him – and maybe just _see_ him – she almost ran towards the elevators. The ride up was quick and she was annoyed when the elevator had to stop at the level which her favorite archeologist occupied at the moment, not in the mood to talk to Daniel while she wanted to hurry and catch the General before he left. She took a step back to make room as the doors opened and glanced at the floor, trying not to express the irritation she felt at the unwanted interruption.

“Sam!”

It was Daniel all right… yet, his tone was strange, almost alarmed. Looking up, Sam immediately recognized the back that was slightly turned to the side – but even half his back she’d recognize in a heartbeat – and she could see Daniel staring at her over the General’s shoulder. The General himself had stiffened, which she only observed because she had worked with him for years and immediately noticed that his fingers stopped drumming his thigh and his shoulders straightened even more in an almost impossible way. “Daniel, Sir?”

Hearing Daniel exclaim _her_ name, Jack froze. This wasn’t how he’d wanted to tell her, explain the situation… then again; he thought angrily, he didn’t _have_ to explain anything to her. Not anymore at least, she’d been clear on that before her wedding. Taking a deep breath, Jack turned to her and he could almost feel Daniel’s anxiety.

Sam didn’t understand why Daniel looked so… nervous. At least, not until the General turned around to face her. Her heart skipped a few beats as she noticed the child on his hip and for a moment she prayed to whatever God was out there that it was an alien child visiting, or for any other explanation to tell her it wasn’t his. However, as she looked at the blonde girl who was nodding off, fear gripped her heart.

Yawning, Milou tightened her grip on his sweater. “Daddy?” She asked sleepily, wondering where they were and why she wasn’t home yet.

Feeling like someone just slapped her in the face, Sam didn’t want to believe it, she could deny hearing the girl call him that, but at the moment the child looked straight at her, Sam knew it was a lost cause; those eyes. It had always been his eyes… apparently, now they were hers too.

 


	9. Making Amends

“Carter?” Jack asked in a concerned tone, seeing her ashen face.

Sam couldn’t tear her gaze away from the child – who was looking curiously at her – if her life depended on it. It was as if the world had stopped spinning, all the noise faded to the background and all she could see was this little, blond-haired girl with the General’s eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, the girl yawned and looked up at the General. Sam could see her lips moving, but she couldn’t hear the words, the sound of her own blood rushing through her body and her loud heartbeat deafening her. Feeling as if she couldn’t breathe, Sam gasped for air at the same time the elevator doors closed and shielded her from the others. The spell was broken as the gray doors filled her vision and she quickly blinked her eyes, trying to get her breathing under control to decrease her heartbeat.

On the other side, Jack glanced at Daniel, concern written over his face. Daniel took a step forward, slipping past Jack and Milou, and quickly pressed the button for the doors to open. Thankfully, the doors opened before the elevator went up again. “Sam?”

Steeling herself, Sam swallowed and looked up at the two men in front of her. For a moment she hoped the car would just go up so she could get out of here, but luck wasn’t on her side today. She cleared her throat, glanced at the child again, and managed to get a few words out. “Yeah, what is it, Daniel?”

“Are you all right?”

“I’m fine, Daniel,” she replied, gritting her teeth. _Just peachy…_

“You sure about that, Carter? ’Cause you look a little pale,” Jack remarked, leaning down to place Milou on her two feet as she became restless. He made sure to pull down the hem her PJs, before looking back up at Carter. She was just staring at him, her face displaying her perfect soldier mask and he found himself asking what he should do or say. _Just jump right in and explain?_ He glanced at his daughter who was fidgeting with her stuffed animal – Thor had been the one who found it, stuffed under a control panel.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?” Milou asked, cocking her head to the side, wondering why everyone was so silent all of a sudden, not saying anything, and just staring at each other. “Not polite to stare,” she mumbled, focusing her attention back on her stuffed kitten.

Jack repressed a chuckle hearing her soft reprimand and nodded, before his eyes went back to Carter.

“I should get going,” Daniel hastily said, afraid the thick atmosphere might suffocate him. “We’ll talk later about your reassignment, right Jack?”

“Yeah, see you later, Danny,” Jack replied, Daniel just waved his hand over his shoulder before rushing back to his lab. “So…”

Sam offered him a small smile before her eyes shifted back to the girl. “You, eh… the elevator, Sir?”

Confused for a moment, Jack frowned. “Oh, right,” he mumbled, before stepping in the car, prompting Milou to do the same. Standing next to Carter, Jack rocked on his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets since he had nothing to play with. He wasn’t wearing a jacket, just his off-white sweater so he couldn’t play with the zipper, only leaving him his pockets to stuff his hands in to prevent him from doing something else, like tugging on Milou’s hair – which he knew she didn’t like. As the doors closed, he saw Milou’s head turn towards the panel and he rolled his eyes, knowing what she was going to say.

“May I?” She asked in an excited tone, reaching her hand up towards all the buttons.

“No, no touching,” Jack answered, swatting her hand away gently. “Carter already pushed the right one.”

Despite the situation, Sam had to smile a bit at the irony of Jack O’Neill telling someone not to touch some shiny buttons. Especially his own daughter, she mused, once again looking at the child. She looked adorable with those brown eyes and blonde hair just over the shoulder, curling a bit at the tips. The red pajamas and slightly tangled locks gave her the impression the girl had been sleeping, before getting here. “I- I, um… I had no idea, Sir…” Sam let her voice trail off, making a vague gesture towards the girl.

Grimacing, Jack turned a bit to face her. “Yeah, well… it’s not like we kept in touch or something over the last few years,” he retorted. Seeing her cringe, he bit his tongue, realizing how that had sounded.

“I guess you’re right, Sir,” Sam mumbled, ducking her head to stare at the ground. “I’m sorry–”

“I’m sorry,” he said at the same time. Grinning a bit, he shrugged. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded…”

Sam looked up, saw that irresistible grin on his face, and quickly averted her gaze… only to see the same grin on the girl’s face, who was now looking at her. “No, you’re right, Sir,” she started.

Holding up his hand and squinting at her, he effectively shut her up. “Even so, it was below the belt,” he admitted bashfully. “I could’ve, probably _should_ have told you.”

“It’s not like I gave you a chance, Sir,” Sam snorted. “I was the one on insisting… you know,” she said, motioning with her hand, not wanting to say it aloud as the memories of that night were already invading her thoughts.

Jack nodded again, smiling ruefully. “Still, I could have called or sent a card or something,” he tried, deep down knowing it wouldn’t make a difference. Seeing Milou looking up at the two of them, her head turning whenever one of them spoke, he reached out his hand to stroke her soft locks of hair. “Let me introduce you two,” he said, after clearing his throat.

Her head snapped to the General and Sam immediately started feeling nervous, which was completely ridiculousshe berated herself. Throwing an anxious look toward the child she took a deep breath. “I’d li–” feeling her throat close up, she cleared it making it sound like a small cough. “I’d like that, Sir,” she tried giving him a sincere smile.

“Well, Carter, this is Milou,” he motioned his hand from Carter to his daughter. Gently tugging at her silken hair, Jack got Milou’s attention. “Sweetie, this is Colonel Carter.”

Her brown eyes curiously took in the woman standing next to her father and Milou gave her a big smile, showing her little teeth. “Hi Ma’am,” she spoke softly and bit her lip before reaching out her hand as she had done earlier with Thor.

“Hello, Milou,” Sam glanced at the General to silently ask him if she pronounced it properly and as he nodded, she continued, bending down to level with her. “It’s nice to meet you,” Sam almost choked out the ‘nice,’ but quickly caught herself. Looking out of the corner of her eye she confirmed the General hadn’t noticed it. She realized her hand trembled a little as she shook the girl’s hand and smiled nervously. Unable to prevent her mind from going a light-year a minute Sam couldn’t help herself from wishing things had been different… that maybe this girl could have been theirs. Shaking her head at her own foolishness, Sam got up as Milou’s arms went around the General’s leg.

“Up?” Milou asked, throwing her head back to look at her father. “I’m tired,” she yawned as if to emphasize her words.

“Sure,” Jack muttered under his breath, bending down and picking her up. It had been a long night for both of them, even if she had napped for a while at Thor’s ship. He had to suppress a yawn of his own as she cuddled up against him, throwing her hands around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder. Glancing sideways, he saw the quick glances Carter was throwing them and he sighed inwardly.

This was awkward… restless, he started rubbing Milou’s back while his other hand played with the hem of her PJs. He could feel her relax against him and knew she’d be asleep before they got home. Jack wondered if he should put her in her own bed or if that would mean she’d crawl out again and slip into his like she had done earlier. Normally, she slept through the night for which he thanked the – real – Gods, but not tonight. She’d claimed she couldn’t sleep, but he figured it was because Ilse had taken the twins with her and she felt left out and wanted, _needed,_ his undivided attention. So, he’d given in and she’d immediately cuddled up to him and fell asleep within minutes, unlike him. He’d only been sleeping for a little while when Carter had woken him with her phone call.

“Poesje!”

Jack winced as Milou cried out – next to his ear – and almost jumped. So much for being a tough general _,_ he mused, chuckling to himself. Turning his head, he saw Milou’s brown eyes wide with shock and he tightened his grip on her as she tried to lean backwards. Feeling her hands pushing against his shoulders, Jack rolled his eyes and looked over his other shoulder, looking for her toy.

Hesitating for a moment, Sam eventually leaned down to grab the stuffed animal, which had fallen on the floor behind the General. Realizing her head was almost against his ass she felt her cheeks burning up and quickly averted her eyes from his six, which was clad in jeans that hugged his body in an almost sinful way – at least, from her perspective. No man should be allowed to look that good in jeans, especially not a general, she thought to herself. Standing, she held the toy out to his daughter and immediately recognized that patented O’Neill grin as the girl practically beamed.

“Thank you,” Milou smiled, hugging her kitten, murmuring its name.

Seeing Carter frown, Jack felt he needed to explain. “It’s his name,” he shrugged.

“A very strange name,” Sam mused aloud.

“Coming from someone who has been traipsing around this galaxy for years, meeting all kinds of strange races with unpronounceable names?”

Sam smiled shyly, realizing he was right. “Yes, Sir.”

“It’s Dutch,” he elaborated. “Ilse speaks Dutch with her and since she got it from her grandmother…” his voice trailed off. “It means ‘kitten,’ very original, huh?”

“I see,” she nodded, smiling at the simplicity children possessed.

“Now, no more dropping,” Jack murmured to Milou, who vehemently shook her head. “You’re lucky Carter was here to grab it, next time you might lose it.”

“Cahter fwiend?”

Swallowing, Sam gave the General an askant glance, wondering how she was supposed to answer that. Hearing him clear his throat, she decided he could answer the girl’s questions and focused her attention on the lights that told her they were almost stopping.

“Like Thor?”

Sam frowned, once again wondering why the General had to go see Thor and why he had taken his daughter to meet him. As the car stopped, Sam was glad to get out, until she realized it had only been the first elevator. Closing her eyes for a moment, she regained her composure and slowly got out of the car, exchanging it for the next elevator. Pricking up her ears, Sam heard the General’s answer and sighed inwardly.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Why?”

 _You have got to love the age_ , Jack thought, shaking his head at Milou. He thought about his answer as he followed Carter into the next elevator and automatically pressed the button, forgetting that he usually let Milou do it. Shrugging, he assumed she was too tired anyway. “We used to be good friends when I still worked here,” Jack tried, seeing Carter gnawing her lip. “Now, we don’t get to see each other often.”

“How come?”

Rolling his eyes, he couldn’t help but notice Carter’s clenched jaw and he once again wondered why life had to happen like it had. “Because.”

Sam snorted, hearing his childish answer. Then again, what had she expected from the man standing next to her?

Leaning back, Milou scowled at him. “No fair,” she pouted.

“Fine,” Jack sighed. “It’s grownup stuff, I’ll explain when you’re older,” he smugly replied. _In about fifty years_ , he added in his mind.

Sulking, Milou gave up and snuggled up against her father once more, almost instantly falling asleep, worn out from all the excitement.

Jack heard her breathing change, her body went limp against his and he smiled to himself knowing she’d fallen asleep already. Short attention span, another one of the things he loved about the age…

A heavy silence filled the atmosphere in the small car, the only sound being Milou’s breathing. Sam glanced at the sleeping form, jealous that she herself wasn’t allowed to snuggle up against him. Not being able to stand the awkwardness any longer, she cleared her throat. “Bit uncomfortable, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, a bit,” Jack responded, flashing her an awkward smile.

As they reached topside, the doors opened and Sam was reminded of their awkward elevator conversation over four years ago. Only then, she had been the one to move on, apparently, now had he… “Good night, Sir,” she whispered before stepping out.

“Thank you, Carter.”

* * *

 

“She told me not to tell anyone,” Daniel whispered as they progressed through the corridors of the SGC, heading for Sam’s lab, “so you don’t know anything.”

“Are you not breaching her confidentiality by telling me this, then, Daniel Jackson?” Teal’c asked with a raised eyebrow. “I am unsure of humans of this planet, but a Jaffa does not forget anything he has been told minutes prior.”

Rolling his eyes, Daniel let out an audible sigh. “Teal’c,” he exclaimed in an exasperated tone. “I told you because I know Sam trusts you and I know she would’ve told you if you were here, but you can’t let her know you already know.”

“If so, why have you not waited for Colonel Carter to tell me herself?”

“Because I’ve been dying to tell someone,” Daniel responded, clearly frustrated.

“The news of another one of your demises had not reached me,” Teal’c replied, solemnly. “It is good to see you well once again, Daniel Jackson.”

Stopping in his tracks as Teal’c clasped his shoulder, Daniel frowned. “No, no, no, not literally!”

“Did you not just state that–?”

“I know,” he interrupted Teal’c, holding up both of his hands. “But…” His voice trailed off as he saw the quirking of the Jaffa’s lips. “Funny,” he huffed, walking past him; all of a sudden less excited to see his old friend again.

Grinning, Teal’c watched Daniel Jackson stalk off and waited several minutes before following him towards Colonel Carter’s laboratory. It was amusing to confuse him, O’Neill and Colonel Carter had stopped explaining years ago as they had realized he was merely ‘yanking their chain,’ as O’Neill would put it. Suppressing a chuckle, he rounded the corner and entered the workspace of his old friend without making a sound. As he had expected, Daniel Jackson noticed nothing, despite his years of training he would probably never learn to hear him approach. Colonel Carter, however, looked up and smiled a smile that warmed his heart.

Sam smiled as she noticed Teal’c entering her lab, before rolling her eyes at her brother who was on the other end of the phone. “Yes, Mark, I’m telling you; I’m fine,” she sighed.

 _“I don’t believe you, Sam. You don’t just decide to end your marriage! Holy Hannah, you’ve only been married for_ two _years! A marriage isn’t just fun as long it’s convenient, you know. It’s hard work, but I know you and Pete can figure this out! You should’ve seen Pete, he was so distraught…”_

Tuning out, Sam watched as Daniel was observing one of her experiments, still not realizing Teal’c was standing right behind him… it made her smile, and that was just what she needed. Mark had called her a few times these last few days and she had finally decided to call him back, if only to get rid of him by reassuring him she was okay. Unfortunately, he didn’t seem to believe her. He had already told her all about Pete coming to visit and talk to him, to which his response apparently was to ‘talk some sense’ into his sister. Bringing the receiver back to her ear, she could still hear him rant on and on…

 _“…can’t just file for divorce, you have to work for it, Sam. You think my marriage was always easy? That we didn’t have our problems? I know Dad already told you that he and Mom used to have all kinds of arguments, that didn’t mean they didn’t still love each other. Pete is crazy about you and I know you love him too, sis_ – _”_

Straightening on her seat, Sam inhaled deeply before interrupting him. “Mark,” she started and he immediately stopped talking. “Don’t think I haven’t thought about this long and hard, because I have. It’s just not working anymore and–”

 _“It takes two to make a marriage work, Sam, you can’t expect Pete to do all the heavy lifting while you’re off looking through your microscope all day,”_ she heard him huff and was slightly offended by how little he seemed to think of her… then again, it wasn’t as if she could tell him the truth.

“Don’t you think I tried? God, Mark, you have no idea and I’m really not in the mood to discuss this any longer. I made my decision and already requested the paperwork,” a little embarrassed about the loud tone of her voice, Sam lowered it. “Mark, I know you two are good friends, but it’s over and there is nothing you can do about it… I’m sorry, it was never my intention to hurt you, him… anyone, for that matter,” she added, looking at Daniel and Teal’c with a rueful smile. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m still on base and have to continue ‘looking through my microscope.’ Goodbye Mark,” she hung up the phone and closed her eyes for a second, needing a moment to rein in her anger at his meddling. Looking up, she saw Daniel smiling expectantly at her and Teal’c was… Teal’c.

“Teal’c!” Sam cried out, jumping up and running towards the Jaffa, almost throwing herself at him. She hadn’t known how much she had missed him lately, but upon seeing him now she had wanted to immediately drop the phone and run into his arms.

“Colonel Carter, it is good to see you once again. I have missed your companionship,” he smiled, tightening their embrace. “Did we interrupt important matters?” He inquired, glancing at the phone.

“No, just a call from my brother who can’t mind his own business,” she muttered under her breath, as she broke her hold on him and leaned back. “I had no idea you were coming by!”

Ignoring her questions, Teal’c gave her an intense look. “What of this ‘divorce’ you spoke of?” This way it would not have to be revealed that Daniel Jackson had, in fact, already informed him of her current situation.

Glancing at her two friends, Sam ducked her head. If she were honest, she was embarrassed to have to admit she had failed… always had been, soldier Carter never made mistakes, but Samantha could really screw some things up, she mused. She had failed to have a normal life, to love a normal, kind and funny man. She had failed to let the man of her dreams know that she loved him, that to her he was perfection. Now? It could all be too late. She had failed to keep in close contact with her friends, her family.

“Sam?” Daniel was worried about her, he had never heard her blow up at someone – perhaps with McKay or some annoying alien, but never a friend or family member, someone she cared about – and now she had practically been yelling at her brother! It was almost as if she was afraid to make eye contact with him and Teal’c… too afraid to tell him of her divorce? Heknew it was a good thing he’d informed him, Daniel had a fleeting thought. Her divorce, the end of her marriage, the attempt at a normal life… missing out on Jack’s life. Knowing Sam the way he did, he knew she was a perfectionist; could it be she was embarrassed? Noting the flush spreading from her neck, he assumed he guessed correctly. “There’s no need to be embarrassed, you know that right?”

Hearing his gentle voice, Sam looked at him from the corner of her eye. He looked sincere… shifting her focus on Teal’c, she noticed his expression was full of understanding and not rejection, as she had feared. Nor was Daniel looking at her as if she were a failure. Sighing, she lifted her head and faced her family. “Pete and I… it’s not working anymore, Teal’c,” she started. Seeing his almost imperceptible nod, she continued. “I told him so…”

Teal’c sympathized with her and wished there was something he could do to relieve the obvious guilt and embarrassment this wonderful and capable woman was feeling. “You have made the right choice, Colonel Carter,” he stated solemnly, giving her a slight nod of approval.

She gave him a wan smile and let out a humorless chuckle. “That’s sweet of you to say, but I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Yet it is,” his confident voice boomed in the small laboratory.

Cocking her head slightly, Sam looked at Daniel – who was bobbing his head, in total agreement with Teal’c – and then at Teal’c. “How do you know that?”

“You have made the correct choice in this matter, because your heart was not in it.”

Sam could feel a lump forming in her throat at his simple and yet _so_ truthful reply. When had she become this emotional, she asked herself as she pushed back her tears. Had she been that transparent? Teal’c had hardly visited Earth – her even less – in the last two years, not that she blamed him because he and Ishta had built a life of their own and he and Bra’tac were the vice-president and president respectively of the Jaffa High Council. Yet, he could still pinpoint the heart of the matter, even as he’d only set foot on the planet a few minutes ago.

“How–” She interrupted herself, biting back a sob as Daniel squeezed her shoulder in encouragement and Teal’c gave her the same tender look he’d given her when the then-Colonel had been trapped off-world and he had comforted her all those years ago.

“Oh, Sam,” Daniel said, throwing his arms around her as he saw her struggling with her emotions. He knew she preferred being the tough soldier, but she’d been through an emotional rollercoaster these past few days… seeing Jack since two years, telling Pete she wanted a divorce, confiding in him that she still had feelings for Jack and then she’d run into Jack and Milou. As if that hadn’t been enough, Mark had felt it necessary to come down on her… yeah, he’d heard almost the entire conversation and by the way Sam had been acting, he knew Mark had been tearing into her and she’d hardly defended herself up until that last moment. Right now, she was just Sam, his friend, his sister and she needed a hug even if she didn’t want to admit it. Therefore, he hugged her as Teal’c watched over them, making sure they wouldn’t be interrupted.

“God,” Sam sniffled, “I feel like such a – such a fool,” she sobbed against his shoulder. However, she was still keeping her tears at bay; she didn’t want to cry, not now. She’d save that for later, when she was alone… in her tub, with a nice glass of wine and no witnesses. She could wash off the evidence and no one would know. That’s the only way Carters cry, she thought snorting to herself. Yeah, Dad would be so proud…

“No, Sam, you’re not a fool,” Daniel said in a gentle tone, his hand stroking her long hair in a soothing manner as she continued to sob on his shoulder, her body shaking. “Anything but,” he added, smiling a sad smile. He kept holding her until she calmed down, and reached into his pocket to pull out a pack of tissues he always had with him and handed it to her.

Grateful, Sam took the tissues and wiped her face dry, while ducking her head. No need for the security cameras to catch Colonel Carter in an emotional breakdown, she thought. After she was done, she gave her two friends a small smile, thanking them for their support. “When?” Was all she asked, as she held Teal’c’s gaze.

“From the very beginning,” Teal’c nodded, knowing exactly what she wanted to hear.

Even Daniel was surprised at that, of course, he had suspected it as well, but knowing Teal’c he had been confident. Pushing up his glasses, he raised his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Indeed, many, many years ago,” Teal’c grinned at his friends.

“You never said a word,” Sam uttered, more to herself than to the two men with her.

Squeezing her hand in a comforting gesture, Teal’c nodded. “You stated you were happy, it was not my place to contradict or dissuade you. You are my friend, sister-in-arms, family; all I wanted was for you to be happy. If you thought Pete Shanahan made you happy, who then was I to interfere?”

“We all sort of interfered, except for you,” Daniel protested.

Snorting, Sam chuckled. “A lot of good that did, huh?”

“Were you not happy?”

“Teal’c?” She questioned him, had he forgotten what they’d just been talking about? “Like I said, it’s not working anymore. My heart isn’t in it… it’s somewhere else, with _someone_ else,” she shyly confessed.

“Indeed,” Teal’c replied, as if it was obvious. “Yet you were happy for an amount of time, were you not?”

Frowning, Sam looked at him. “I don’t know,” she hesitated. “I guess there was a time when I _thought_ I was happy, with Pete…”

“Indeed.”

“Doesn’t take away that I made an awful mistake and hurt all of you, everyone I care about,” she stated sullenly.

Looking at her, Daniel could almost feel her pain. “Hey, it’s not like we haven’t made our fair share of mistakes,” he chuckled. “I-I may have overreacted, Sam,” he turned serious again. “I was too harsh on you… you were already going through a rough time, you didn’t need me judging you. I just, I don’t know, I got carried away, I think. Somewhere along the way, I forgot you’re only human and – no matter how _you_ feel about it – you’re entitled to making mistakes. Your own mistakes… I’m sorry,” he apologized with a pleading look in his honest, blue eyes.

“I guess I chose a side, and it wasn’t yours… you may have hurt us, by losing touch and changing for Pete, but I’m sure I wasn’t too forthcoming either. It’s just that Jack… I’ve known him longer, I’ve seen him at his worst and I feared your marriage to Pete – your indirect rejection of Jack – would send him back to that black hole, back into a depression. He has lost so much already, I don’t know… Perhaps I could relate more to him, you know, because of losing Sha’re,” he stammered, his face red with embarrassment.

“No Daniel, you were right–” Sam started.

“No, I wasn’t, I was wrong. I, too, have made mistakes, lots of them… a lot of them affecting you, the team and you never judged me. None of you, and here I was ready to pounce on you for making one mistake,” he bashfully stated, interrupting her unnecessary apology.

Sighing, Sam tried again to make him see her way, to alleviate his guilt. “Well–”

This time, it was Teal’c who interrupted her, in a dinning manner. “Both of you have made mistakes, now is not the time to differ of opinions on this matter. You shall forgive one another and ‘let bygones be bygones,’” he concluded.

“Um… okay,” Sam stammered, looking at Daniel for approval.

Nodding, Daniel agreed with her. “What about you?”

“Of what do you speak?” Teal’c asked him, eyebrow raised.

“You know, if we’re all going to kiss and make up…”

“I do not believe that was what I said,” Teal’c frowned, not understanding Daniel Jackson’s proposal.

Rolling his eyes in an exasperated manner, Daniel relented. “Fine, now that we are all apologizing. You know, shouldn’t you…?” He let his voice trail off, gesturing with his hand, telling Teal’c to apologize.

Teal’c glared at him, before glancing at Colonel Carter. He gave her a small smile, before turning back to Daniel Jackson and responded. “I have nothing to apologize for.”

“What?” Daniel exclaimed, ready to argue with him as Sam held up her hand.

“Actually, I think he’s right, Daniel. Teal’c was still there for me, whenever he was… you know, _here_ or there,” she chuckled as her answer made less and less sense.

“Colonel Carter has never mistreated me, either,” Teal’c concluded, giving her an appreciative nod.

 


	10. Snippet

“Jack,” Ilse greeted him as she answered the phone, glancing over her shoulder to make sure the two children were still playing with their blocks in the corner.

 _“Hey you,”_ Jack answered. _“How are you and the kids?”_

“I’m fine and so are they. The doctors said everything was looking good, their social and intellectual development is right on schedule and there is no evidence of any permanent damage to their brains,” she recited the doctors’ words.

 _“What about their physical development, you know, their height and such_ ,” she could hear the concern in his voice and automatically shook her head.

“Well, they’re a bit shorter than Milou was that age, but she is above average. Maddy was of average height, nothing to be worried about and Nathan is a tad shorter, but no reason for concern. Girls usually are a bit taller, so…” She let her voice trail off as she observed the twins playing together building small towers with their colorful blocks. “Locomotion was excellent as was hand- and eye-coordination. Oh and the secretary of the welfare center insisted on making the next appointment already, I just went along since you can always reschedule by that time. It’s in eleven months, three weeks after their birthday.”

_“They need another checkup?”_

Hearing his disbelief, she grinned. “This was at the hospital; the appointment I was talking about was at the welfare center. They called confirming Milou’s appointment next month and noticing her siblings, the woman insisted on me making another appointment. I believe it’s for an eye test, it’s very common, you just have to make sure to show up.”

_“Right… yeah, I had that appointment on my calendar; I’ll add the one for the twins when I get there. How are they behaving?”_

“Rather good, actually. Maddy was drawing up until half an hour ago and now she’s joined Nathan and his blocks… he actually almost offered her some, which is quite the opposite of this morning, when he hit her after she took ‘his’ block,” thinking back about this morning’s events, Ilse scrunched up her nose. “Nothing to worry, though, I handled it the way my parenting book said,” she chuckled, referring to the book Jack had bought her a few weeks ago.

 _“Glad to hear that… God, I miss them,”_ hearing his tone of voice, she felt sorry for him.

“I can only imagine,” she usually spent a lot of time with Jack and the kids, but there were also days or even weeks that she was needed at the office or the other side of the world, so she had a bit more experience with not having them around 24/7. Besides, he was their _father_ , and she might be the closest thing they had to a mother, but she wasn’t. Sighing, she continued. “How’s Milou?”

She knew by his intonation that he was smirking, and felt her own mouth quirking in a smile. _“She’s doing great, a bit tired though. Thor had to leave for his homep_ – _eh, he had to get back home… so he called me, us, out of bed and insisted we drop by. That way he could still meet her, since he couldn’t say when he’d get back. Turns out Milou didn’t just inherit Lil’s eyes, nose and hair, but also that ATA gene we apparently all got from my father…”_

“Well, that’s a good thing, right?”

 _“I guess if it helps him and, um… his_ friends _, but I’m afraid that there will be people who’ll bring too much pressure to bear on her as she gets older. Thor already asked about the twins, hoping they are carriers as well_ ,” she heard him sigh and knew he was frustrated by this turn of events.

“It was to be expected, wasn’t it?” Ilse carefully asked. “Besides, she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to, but it’s a great opportunity for her if she _does_ want it later in life…”

 _“You’re probably right,”_ Ilse could picture him with the receiver to his ear, shrugging as he slumped down on his couch. _“How about you? They’re not driving you crazy yet, are they?”_

“Oh, don’t worry about that, I’m used to having them around… besides, it’s perfect practice,” she joked, rubbing her protruding belly lovingly. Walking over to the fridge, she grabbed the milk and poured it into the kids’ cups, before walking over to them and handing them their drinks.

_“I was glad to hear you didn’t get sick after the flight or that the kids were whiny…”_

“Most likely because I’m used to this time zone, flew forwards into time and that always works better than backwards for me. Besides, Maddy and Nathan had been staying here for over a week and had probably gotten used to the time as well, going back with me while they hadn’t adjusted yet might have helped. I’m not afraid to admit that I was worried I’d be hanging over the toilet for at least a day, but thankfully that didn’t happen.” She chuckled as she ruffled Nate’s dark blonde hair.

_“So, you’re okay? No more morning sickness or anything?”_

“Besides the fact that I’m getting fat as a whale? No, nothing, just get tired easily. ” She smiled as he chuckled at her retort and knew he was rolling his eyes, exasperated.

_“You’re not fat, you’re pregnant and have a baby growing inside of you; it only makes you look more beautiful.”_

Ilse huffed at his reply and shook her head to no one in particular. “I’m guessing Sara used to complain about getting fat when she was carrying Charlie?”

_“Huh, was it that obvious?”_

“Yeah, still… thanks. I guess I should count myself lucky; at least these days they have awesome maternity clothes,” she grinned, looking down at her accentuated pregnant belly before taking Maddy’s empty cup back to the counter. “Any news about your transfer?”

 _“Nothing definitive, yet_ ,” he sighed loudly. _“Don’t know yet when I can get out of here, but I’m still hopeful it’ll be somewhere next week. I know I said that before you left, but apparently my presence is important and the JCS can’t decide where they want me next…”_

“That’s okay, I was just thinking… if you’re going to end up here,” she snickered, “you might want to hurry and get registered. Milou is turning three in a few weeks and that is the time the municipality sends parents a letter, prompting them to enroll their child into primary school. So, if you don’t want to be late…”

_“For crying out loud, she’ll only be three years old!”_

She shrugged to herself. “Well, most kids go to school after their fourth birthday, although you’re only obliged at five, I think,” Ilse mused, not sure about the compulsory education. “Still, you should consider it.”

 _“Fine, fine,”_ Jack relented, in an exasperated tone. _“What are the kids doing, now?”_

Peeking around the corner, Ilse saw Maddy playing with her doll and Nathan was napping on the comfy rug. “Maddy’s playing and Nate fell asleep,” she chuckled. “Want me to wake him?”

 _“No, it’s fine, let Maddy play and I’m sure Nathan can use the sleep if he actually lay down of his own free will_ ,” Jack replied, referring to the trouble Nathan seemed to have to get to bed. Apparently, he was a very good example of the ‘terrible twos,’ having realized that ‘no’ is a fantastic word!

“Are you sure, I think I can tear her away from her doll long enough to talk to you…”

 _“Nah, I have to go. I’ll call back tomorrow to chat with them, just tell them I love them,_ ” he answered bashfully.

Grinning at his discomfort, Ilse nodded. “Sure thing, will do. Oh, by the way, if you’re going to be here in two weeks, would you like to go with me for my doctor’s appointment?”

_“You’re having an ultrasound?”_

“Yeah,” she beamed proudly. “Hopefully this one will be a bit clearer than the first one, because I could hardly distinguish anything then…”

_“I know… You know I’d love to, but what about Brock?”_

Ilse just shrugged, taking a seat on the couch. “Oh, you know how that goes… it was an accident; he’s not going to be involved. I told him though and will inform him regularly if he wants,” she hastily added, effectively stopping his objection.

_“I’m sorry to hear that, he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on…”_

“Perhaps,” she said lightheartedly. “We’ll stay in touch, though, I mean I still represent some of his work and I guess we’re still friends. It’s not like he doesn’t want to have anything to do with me, or something along those lines. A baby just doesn’t fit in his plans for the future,” she sighed, not because of her disappointment but because she had to explain it all the time. “Nor does a relationship… besides, I wasn’t in it for the relationship, you know–”

 _“Ack! I do not need details, Ilse,”_ Jack interrupted her in his usual way. _“As long as you’re okay with it_ – _”_

“What? As long as I’m okay with the situation you won’t kill him?”

_“Something like that, yeah… you know you can count on me, right? You’ve been there with me and the kids from the start; this doesn’t change anything, okay?”_

He suddenly turned serious again, and Ilse was touched. He had always been protective when it came to Lily and to her as well to some extent. But these last few years had brought them closer and she knew he meant every word of it. “I know and I love you for it, Jack.”

 _“Yeah, well, don’t mention it… I, um…I’ve got to, give the kids my love. We’ll talk later,”_ he said in a somewhat uncomfortable tone.

“Bye,” Ilse replied, disconnecting the call. Getting up, she realized she had to pee and was once again reminded of the life growing inside of her. _As if my huge belly isn’t reminder enough_ , she thought, rolling her eyes. Glancing back at the two children on the rug, she decided to put them to bed. She could tell Maddy was getting tired as well, as her shoulders were drooping and she kept rubbing her eyes.

“Bedtijd,” she spoke softly, as if not to wake Nathan.

“Nee,” Maddy replied, shaking her head in a ‘no.’

Thankfully, Maddy was much easier to handle than Nathan, who was really stubborn and Ilse leaned down next to her and gently stroked her hair. She told her that Maddy could play another five minutes, pointing at the clock – explaining that if the minute hand was on the six she had to put her doll away – and went to the bathroom. She was surprised to see that Maddy was already waiting for her, doll clutched in her hand, asking if she could take it to bed with her. Relenting, Ilse nodded, before lifting her – careful for her protruding belly – and took her upstairs. Telling her she’d be right back to read her a story, she went back down to get Nathan.

The intelligence of the two – actually three, counting Milou as well – still surprised her; she and Jack had agreed that Ilse would speak in Dutch to them as often as possible, while Jack would only speak English. That way, it wouldn’t be too confusing, the children would know what to expect with whom. Sometimes, they didn’t understand her, so she’d explain or she’d talk English when she was staying at Jack’s and there were visitors or something. So far, the children hardly seemed to have any problems with it… thankfully, since it had been very important to Lily that they’d learn their mother’s language and the history of where they came from.

* * *

 

Walking through the corridors, Sam thought she heard the familiar footsteps of General O’Neill. Frowning, she turned around, but didn’t see anyone. Continuing her way, she heard the footsteps again accompanied by the sound of rustling fabric, it was coming from around the corner, she realized. She quickened her step and turned an earlier corner, not ready to run into him yet. It had only been a day or so, since they’d had their awkward run in.

She wasn’t prepared to face him right now, she needed time for herself. Time to think, to contemplate how to proceed… not once had she suspected him to have moved on this drastically. Well, the moment she’d seen Ilse in his front yard she’d been shocked to see her pregnant state, but still… Sam didn’t have a lot of experience with children; Cassie had been closer to puberty when they’d met, unfortunately she hadn’t seen much of her niece and nephew in their earlier years, and Pete’s kids were the only other ones she’d had some experience with, but the General’s daughter – _Milou_ , she sternly told herself – was no infant. She’d looked about… God, she had no idea, why hadn’t she just asked? Two, two and a half, maybe? Then again, she’d been rather tall, Sam mused, recalling the image of the girl standing in front of her. On the other hand, the General and Ilse themselves could be considered tall, as well.

Pushing the button of the elevator, she heard him approaching and glanced over her shoulder. No sign of him, yet. Thankfully, this level was always quite deserted around this time; therefore, no one would notice her strange behavior. Quickly slipping into the elevator as the doors opened, she caught a glance of the General turning the corner. Again, she found herself wondering why he was there. He had been here for almost an entire week, already. How could she think and contemplate her feelings if she kept running into him? The doors closed again and only then she realized she’d been holding her breath, afraid he might need the elevator as well. He didn’t, and never even saw her. Sam congratulated herself on her stealthiness and waited for the car to bring her to her quarters.

This was getting old real fast, she mused, stepping out on level 25 and greeting a passing airman. Sam was glad that the lease with her sublessee was ending after next week, that way she could finally leave the base and have a house for herself again. She was almost craving for her old house, her safe haven… not having to account your whereabouts to someone, not sharing your space for once. It had been over two years since she’d been home alone, she figured. Well, of course there were the times that Pete had to work, but their schedule had been very similar most times – not similar per se, hers was way longer, but they’d be gone at the same time or he’d be back earlier – and that was different. Perhaps she shouldn’t rush anything?

Sam had always valued her independence– which she seemed to have lost by marrying Pete – and, unlike some of her friends, could appreciate a quiet night at home. Being home alone had always been a good thing to her, not having to think about someone else for a change. She knew her friends all thought she was too compassionate and caring, but the moment she got home it had been Sam-time… well, at least before she married Pete. Or started dating him. Figuring it was her fear of commitment – afraid to get hurt, rejected, or lose a loved one – she had hoped she’d be ready to move in with Pete. Now, she knew that perhaps that hadn’t been the case… even before they had moved in together he’d been staying over the weekend, which of course was nice because they only had time in the weekends. But it was also crowding at times, especially when Cassie had been staying with her as well.

“Can’t wait to get home,” she murmured as she opened the door to her quarters and let herself fall on the bunk. Too tired to shower first, she kicked off her boots, hastily got rid of her clothes, before sneaking under the blanket. Not tired per se, emotionally drained was a better description, she thought. Her eyes were heavy and she was more than happy to close them and sleep for a day…

* * *

 

Rounding the corner, Jack thought he saw a blonde flash resembling Carter almost jump into the elevator car, but he quickly dismissed that idea. He was exhausted and discreetly yawned. It was that he knew Milou was waiting for him at home, or else he would’ve gone down to one of the guest quarters to sleep there. Looking at the manila folder in his hands, he contemplated his next course of action. This folder was for Hank, since Jack had to do some off-world negotiations – which turned out to fill up his entire day. Sometimes it didn’t pay off to be the former leader, and thus first contact, of SG-1 – not for him at least and that was why he was on this god forgotten level. No reason Carter would be here, beside the storage rooms  but it was probably his mind playing tricks on him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to face her. Well, of course he _wanted_ to, but he didn’t think it was wise. Besides, Carter was probably long home to that _cop_ of hers, he grimaced as the thought of the two of them together… Not going there, Jack!

Reeling and shuddering with horror, he stopped and noticed some major coming towards him. “Major,” he used his stern, general-voice which always seemed to work miracles.

“Yes Sir,” the major immediately stood at attention.

Jack arched an eyebrow at the man’s eagerness and waved with his hand. “At ease, you see this folder major? You’re going down to General Landry’s office to deliver it, ASAP.”

“Yes Sir,” the man saluted, taking the folder from the general.

“Hurry up,” he couldn’t help himself and scowled at the man, he was sure the major was practically running by now. Smirking, Jack walked back towards the elevator again, ready to go home. This way, he only needed to go topside instead of going down to the office and going up again.

* * *

 

“We’re receiving a transmission,” Walter warned his colleagues as he hit a few keys. “It’s the Tok’ra IDC from Jacob and Selmak, Dr. Jackson.”

Daniel nodded, reading it from the screen above the men. “Who do you need to authorize Jacob visiting?”

“Um… General Landry, O’Neill, or Colonel Reynolds, I think,” Walter stammered.

“What about Sam?”

“That could work, too,” Walter admitted, remembering she was still a high-ranking officer with the authority for that.

“Great, I’ll tell her,” Daniel nodded, leaving the control room. As he walked through the corridors he smiled smugly; he knew it wasn’t fair, but he couldn’t wait for Jacob to learn about Sam’s divorce. Not that he wanted him to lash out at her and make her feel miserable and all that, but because he knew that Jacob had never liked Pete and thought he wasn’t good enough for his daughter. All he’d said after meeting Pete had been that ‘he seemed nice’ and Selmak really liked him, or so Sam had told Daniel. It hadn’t escaped Daniel’s attention that later, when Jacob had informed them about Selmak’s illness, it turned out Selmak had already slipped into a coma by the time she’d supposedly met Pete. Grinning again, Daniel reached the elevators, ready to go to level 25.

Some major he couldn’t recall ever meeting almost stormed past him, coming from the stairs and he was obviously in a hurry. Frowning, Daniel waited for the elevator to arrive, so he could go up to see Sam. The doors opened and revealed nothing but an empty car and Daniel quickly pushed the correct button. He almost skipped towards Sam’s quarters when he got to her level, looking forward to Jacob’s visit, knowing that his approval of Sam’s decision – her divorce – would do much good for his friend. No matter how bad their father/daughter-relationship had been in the past, Daniel knew that Sam had always cared a lot about her father’s opinion and his approval.

Stopping in front of her door, he knocked. At first softly but as he didn’t get a response he automatically knocked harder, until he was almost banging at the door. Still nothing, he placed his ear against the door but couldn’t hear a thing. Well, if his banging hadn’t woken her, then she could really use her sleep, he figured. Walking back to the elevator he had an idea. Turning on his heels, he padded over to his own quarters, grabbed his cell phone and called Jack.

_“Daniel, unless there is a foothold situation I’m not coming back!”_

“Hello to you too,” Daniel frowned, wondering what was wrong with him.

_“Sorry, I’ve been stuck at negotiations all day and I’m exhausted. Didn’t get to leave until a few minutes ago, I was just on the road. I’m almost home and I can’t wait to hit the sack… why?”_

“Um… I was wondering if you could approve something.”

_“Now? You couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”_

Hearing his exasperated tone, Daniel rolled his eyes and quickly explained. “I was just in the control room as we got a message from Jacob, asking if he could visit tomorrow or the day after. Sam’s a, eh… it’d really cheer her up, I think, to see her father again. I already tried to get her to approve it, but she’s asleep.”

_“Yeah, sure you betcha, he can come over. Haven’t seen ol’ Jake in months! If that was all…?”_

“Thanks Jack, I know Sam would really appreciate it,” he replied, not wanting to go into detail about Sam. It wasn’t his place to tell Jack. Besides, it would be better coming from her. Perhaps that would finally bring those two closer, he pondered. Calling the control room, he informed Walter that he’d gotten the okay from General Jack O’Neill and to respond to Jacob’s message telling him he’s expected the next day. After that, he too hit the sack.

 


	11. Daddy's Girl

"General Carter," Hank Landry greeted the man stepping out of the gate.

"General Landry," Jacob nodded and shook the man's hand. "Daniel!" He exclaimed, clasping the younger man's shoulder, happy to see him again.

Grinning, Daniel returned the greeting. "Jacob, you look good! How's Selmak?"

"Fine, we both are," Jacob nodded, looking around the gate room. "Where's my daughter, Daniel?"

"Colonel Carter was on her way," Hank started, frowning.

The blast doors opened and revealed a smiling Samantha Carter. "Dad," Sam yelped, bummed that she was too late and he was already there.

"Sammie," Jacob walked over to his daughter and hugged her tightly. "It's good to see you again, kiddo."

"You too, Dad," she smiled, leaning back from his embrace. "Want to get something to eat?"

"Yeah, we're famished," he rubbed his stomach to emphasize his words. "Daniel, are you going to join us?"

Turning, Daniel looked surprised. "Um… I don't know?"

"I'd like that, Daniel," Sam nodded her approval.

Smiling, he relented. "Sure, count me in."

* * *

Once Jacob and Selmak's checkup in the infirmary was done he joined Sam and Daniel again. The three of them made their way over to the commissary, where Teal'c was already seated at their usual table.

"It is good to see you again, Teal'c," Jacob smiled, shaking his hand in a Tok'ra greeting.

"As it is to see you," Teal'c replied, bowing his head slightly. "Are you and Selmak faring well?"

Sitting down with his tray, Jacob turned to the Jaffa. "Yeah, we're good, just a bit starved. You wouldn't believe the crap the Tok'ra live on."

Daniel and Sam sat down across the two men, both holding a tray with a steaming cup of coffee and various snacks.

"Still no coffee, Jacob?" Daniel informed, pointing at his OJ.

Rolling his eyes, Jacob shook his head. "Nah, Selmak was pretty clear on that one."

"Poor you," Sam teasingly said, before making a show of taking a sip of her coffee.

Jacob frowned, looking at his daughter. "Are you okay, Sammie?"

"Just enjoying my coffee, why?"

"No, that's not what I meant… you look pale, tired and you've lost weight," he replied disapprovingly, waving his hand at her.

Sam bit her lip, contemplating how to respond to his inquiry. Looking at her guys, she felt touched by the almost imperceptible nod they gave. She glanced around the commissary, making sure no one was eavesdropping before she turned back to her father. "Actually, there is something I want to tell you," she shyly stated, ducking her head, afraid of what his reaction might be. Her and Mark had been raised Catholic, but she knew that religion had always played a bigger part in her mother's life than in her father's. Still, he'd expected her, as well as Mark, to have a proper wedding and not to throw away their religion. However, this last decade a new world, universe even, had opened up for him and she knew his beliefs had been shaken, especially with all the races out there claiming to be Gods.

Worried, Jacob leaned forward and took her hand. "Why, what is it, Sammie?" He hadn't missed the way she'd asked her team for permission or how she'd glanced around the room, making sure no one could overhear them. That had worried him more than her tone of voice. What could be wrong with his daughter? She seemed to be debating with herself on how to break the news to him and he could feel the dread forming in his insides…

Slowly exhaling, Sam looked up at her father and decided to just come out and say it. "Pete and I… it's not working anymore," she spoke softly, holding his gaze. "I've filed for divorce," the last words were almost whispered as she tore her gaze away, not wanting to his the disappointment in his eyes.

"Thank God," Jacob exclaimed, rubbing his scalp and letting out a deep sigh.

Sam's head immediately snapped up at the utter relief she heard in his voice and she scowled at him. How dare he react like that?

Seeing her facial expression, Jacob quickly held up his hands. "Sorry, that came out wrong, Sammie. I didn't mean it like that," he apologized.

' _You shouldn't lie to your only daughter, Jacob,'_ Selmak scolded, yet she chuckled at the same time.

Ignoring his symbiote, he shook his head. "It's just–"

"Just what, Dad?"

"The way you were acting, your complexion, and weight loss, I was scared something was completely wrong," he bashfully admitted. "I'm glad to hear it's nothing serious–"

"Nothing serious?" Sam exclaimed, her eyebrows rising. "Did you even hear me? I told you I am effectively ending my marriage," she said through gritted teeth, still keeping the thought of spectators in the back of her mind.

"Of course I heard you," Jacob replied soothingly, placing a hand on hers. "I was scared, I had all these scenarios going through my mind, and I'm just relieved it's not anything like that," he stated solemnly. "I am sorry to hear this, honey."

Calmed by his explanation, Sam straightened and nodded. "Oh." She slid her hand from underneath his and absentmindedly took a bite of jello.

"Maybe we should leave you two alone, huh," Daniel said as he and Teal'c simultaneously got up. He walked around the table and squeezed her shoulder encouragingly. "I think you have a lot to talk about."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed, nodding at the two Carters, before taking his leave.

"I guess it's just you and me then, kiddo," Jacob quirked a smile at his daughter.

"Yeah," she replied, taking the last sip of her coffee. "Perhaps we should continue this conversation elsewhere," Sam suggested as more people entered the commissary.

* * *

Putting away the book, Jack leaned back and pressed a kiss on Milou's forehead. "Sweet dreams," he murmured, before closing the door and descending the stairs. As he walked through his old living room, he picked up a lost bread crust Milou had probably dropped as she ate her lunch. Unfortunately, she knew exactly when she could leave her plate and traipse around the room dropping her crumbs and crusts everywhere, he thought with a loud sigh.

Padding back to the kitchen, he grabbed a bottle of water and was about to go back to his study, to do some paperwork as the phone rang. Almost diving onto the couch, he found it under a pillow and was just in time before his voicemail sat in. "O'Neill," Jack barked.

 _"Jack, it's me; Cassie,"_  hearing the girl's voice, Jack relaxed.

"Hey, Cass, how are you?"

_"I'm good, how about you?"_

"Excellent, you just saved me from some boring paperwork," Jack smirked.

 _"I aim to please,_ " Cassie chuckled.

Jack stretched out on the couch as Cassie started talking about the past few days and the grades she had gotten back. He opened the bottle of water and took a sip as he listened to her stories, nodding and giving a response whenever he could get a word in. She asked about Ilse, her pregnancy and the kids and he reminded her of Milou's upcoming birthday party, which would probably take place in the Netherlands. They chatted a bit and Jack could tell there was something she wanted to ask or tell him, but was probably working up the nerve with her small talk.

_"You're not even going to ask me how Sam is?"_

Hearing the incredulous tone from the younger woman, Jack snorted. "Well, I'm in Colorado and already ran into her, so I don't need to ask, Cass."

_"You ran into her? What happened?"_

"Yeah, it was kind of awkward… I didn't get the chance to really talk to her, I was talking to Daniel, ready to go home with Milou after getting back from Thor and then, all of a sudden, the elevator doors opened, revealing Carter," he sighed, rubbing his face as he remembered that awkward moment.

_"Oh my God, are you for real?"_

Jack almost snickered at her popular teenage outcry, but the situation had been anything but funny. "Unfortunately, yes."

_"How did she react? What did you tell her?"_

"Well, Daniel, of course, immediately had to go look at a rock and left the three of us standing there. I had to take the elevator up, because I…"

* * *

"I take it you have thought this through?" Jacob asked as he sat down on a chair in his VIP quarters.

Nodding, Sam took a seat across from him, on the small couch and propped her head on her knees. "Yeah, I thought long and hard about it, and," she shrugged casually, her voice belying her inner turmoil, "I couldn't think of another solution."

Looking at her, Jacob could see right through her casual posture. "Well, if this is what you want, then that's what you should do."

"It's that simple?"

"It never is, yet it's your life and you're my daughter and I will support you any way I can," he replied, still feeling guilty about his attitude at the time of her marriage. It was true; he'd never liked the cop, he wanted his Sammie to have a man that could handle her, yet loved and respected her the way he had felt about her mother. Jacob never got that feeling from the cop, sure he was in love with Sam and would claim to be there for her in need and such, but Jacob had known that the man barely knew the  _real_  Samantha Carter. The woman, scientist, and soldier he'd only gotten to know after he'd gotten lymphoma and eventually blended with Selmak. The one she'd hardly ever show to strangers, only close friends and family knew that Samantha Carter, her own husband hadn't. Perhaps that was why he'd been denouncing her statement of marrying Shanahan. Secretly, he'd been hoping that Sam and Jack would finally realize that they were perfect for each other.

Jacob smiled to himself and shook his head, unable to believe he actually thought that Jack O'Neill was the one for his daughter. If anyone had told him a decade ago, he would've laughed in their face. Now, he knew how deep their connection had been, he'd seen them on the battlefield together, while recovering or just hanging out. He knew his daughter had strong feelings for her CO and had been in denial from the start, he didn't want to see it so it wasn't there. Apparently, his daughter took after him; she had denied her feelings for Jack, not discerning them and thus they didn't exist. Thanks to Selmak he'd realized that, she was very wise and had been nagging him about it for over two years now.

"Thanks Dad," Sam replied in an emotional voice. She hadn't realized how afraid she'd been for his reaction up until he'd gotten here and it was as if the weight of the world fell off her shoulders as he looked at her with understanding in his eyes. He wasn't yelling, arguing or telling her he 'told her so'. She smiled, once again reminded of how much her father had changed after the blending with Selmak. "That means a lot to me."

"You mean a lot to me, too Sammie," Jacob retorted, patting her knee as he leaned forward. He waited a moment in silence and got comfortable in his chair, before he spoke again. "What about Jack?"

Scowling, Sam glared at her father. "What about the General," she spoke through gritted teeth before clenching her jaw.

"Well, I just figured you're a free woman again and…"

"Holy Hannah, Dad, you can't be serious!"

Smiling, he took on a soothing tone. "Relax kiddo… I wouldn't normally say this, but I've seen the way you look at him when you think no one notices–"

"I've hardly seen the man these last few years," Sam interrupted him.

"–and it's the same way your mother used to look at me," he continued, ignoring her interruption. "I know you were startled that day at your engagement party when Selmak mentioned your feelings for Jack, and–" he held up his hand to stop her protest, "I also know that was because she was right."

"Please Dad," she rolled her eyes, exasperated. "I don't think we should talk about this."

"On the contrary, Sammie, who else will you talk to? As I recall from the few visits I was able to make these past two years, your friends all seemed very cautious to even mention his name and your contact with Cassie has declined since your relationship with Pete," he stated. Seeing her struggle with her emotions after his blunt remark, Jacob apologized. "I'm sorry to be so blunt, but sometimes you need some bluntness to get it through your head, kiddo."

"Since when?" Sam huffed, shaking her head, still upset about his comments.

"Since always, ever since you were a little girl. You're one of the smartest persons I – and even Selmak – know, but sometimes you refuse to see what's right there and you need someone to tell you that. Selmak tried at your engagement party, Cassie tried after your marriage and who knows who else tried at some point," he made a vague gesture with his hand. "This time I'm telling you, Sammie, don't let him get away again."

Gnawing her lip, Sam mulled over his words in her head. He had a point, she mused. Was she really going to talk to her  _father_  about this? Then again, she tried talking to Daniel but he had already 'chosen sides' once and his friendship with the General was different from theirs, plus, it seemed as if he was holding back. Probably for her own protection, because he could've told her about the General's daughter for one. Teal'c was wise, but she felt uncomfortable to talk to him about this, since he was also very close to the General. Cassie, well, she hadn't seen much of her lately which hurt – and Cassie had definitely chosen Jack O'Neill's side – so that wasn't an option. Who else did she have that she could talk to? If only Janet were still alive…

"Sammie?"

"I was thinking," she gave him a small smile. "Let's say, hypothetically speaking, you're right; I've treated him awful, Dad, I don't think we're even friends, anymore."

"Nonsense," Jacob disagreed, shaking his head vehemently. "Besides, he can't really blame you for choosing a normal life, can he?"

"That's just it, Dad, I think he can…"

"Samantha," he spoke in a stern voice, causing her to look up surprised. "How many times have you forgiven him for hurting you? I am sure that he once loved you and probably only wanted you to be happy, if that meant it was with Paul–"

"Pete."

"–then so be it."

"I know," she whispered as she ducked her head once again.

"Know what?"

"That he once cared for me," she hesitantly answered.

Slowly nodding, Jacob understood what she meant. "Ah yes, the zatarc testing."

"You knew?" Sam exclaimed, disbelief displaying on her face.

"Anise told me at the engagement party," he explained, shrugging. "Shouldn't that be enough evidence, Sammie?"

"God, Dad, that was years ago," she objected, rolling her eyes.

"Yet he still cared for you, there must have been a reason he wasn't at the wedding," he tried.

"There was: we were talking when his girlfriend called and he had to leave, he said there was a good chance he couldn't make it to the wedding and then I told him not to come back," she bashfully admitted.

"I see," Jacob rubbed his chin… this was going to be harder than he or Selmak had thought.

"I knew it was only a matter of time before we'd lose touch, so I figured we might as well say our goodbyes then."

"Didn't stop your feelings, though?"

"No," she gave him a rueful smile. "He's moved on, Dad. I don't know if I can just barge into his life–"

"Moved on how?"

"He… he has a daughter," she whispered, holding back the emotions she felt rising.

"I-I had no idea," Jacob stammered, surprised to say the least. "He told you–"

"I ran into them the other day… it was, um… awkward."

Nodding, Jacob understood. "I can imagine."

"When Daniel came back, I drove by the General's house and I saw his girlfriend, she was pregnant, Dad," Sam explained, scrunching up her nose as she thought back to that day.

"Oh."

"Yeah, that was quite an eye-opener for me, too," she spat out the words. "At first, I thought that perhaps leaving Pete would be enough, but…"

"You want Jack too," Jacob concluded, knowing how she felt about Jack.

"I felt awful for even thinking about it, with him having a pregnant girlfriend, but I still had hope… now? You should have seen him with his daughter, Dad. Daniel already warned me that the General looked happy and I could see he really was…"

"Oh, Sammie," Jacob stood and sat down next to her, wrapping his arms around her.

* * *

"So, you'll be coming over?" Jack asked, realizing they had been on the phone for over an hour.

 _"I'm not sure, I'll have to check my finances at the end of the week,"_  Cassie's bashful tone came through the receiver.

Gesturing with his hand, Jack replied. "That's okay, Cass, I'll pay for your ticket."

 _"I don't want you to have to pay for everything,"_  she objected.

"If it makes you feel better, you can pay me back the day you turn twenty five and get Janet's trust fund," he smirked.

_"Deal!"_

"Cassie, you don't happen to know if there is something wrong with Carter, do you?" He asked, suddenly serious again as he thought about her appearance the other day.

_"You just told me you saw her."_

"I know, but she looked so pale, tired and quite skinny," he elaborated. "If you're coming over, you should go see her, I think she misses you, Cass."

 _"I know,"_  he heard her sigh.  _"It's just that I really don't like Pete… or his kids, who are always there when I go over."_

"Me neither, doesn't mean you stop seeing her. She cares about you, Cassie; you can't just ignore her because you don't like  _him_."

_"Isn't that what you're doing?"_

He wished, Jack thought. If it would only be so simple, that he could just ignore her and she'd go away. "No, our situation is different," he objected, not sure how to explain it. Sure he didn't want to explain it. "Look Cass, I've got to go, you've been keeping me busy for over an hour and I really have some paperwork to do before Milou wakes up from her nap, or else the President will never let me work at home again," he joked. "I'll see you later, bye."

_"Bye Jack, give my love to the kids and everyone on base."_


	12. Family

  
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?”

Sam was startled by her father’s voice and looked up to see him standing in the doorway. “Dad,” she exclaimed, berating herself for being so engrossed in her new doohickey, not even noticing his approach.

“Hey Sammie,” Jacob smiled as he walked over to her workbench.

“How’s Mark and the family?” Sam asked, refocusing on the technology in front of her. “Did you have a nice stay and safe trip?”

“Yeah, it was good seeing them again. The kids have grown so much! It was nice staying with them for two days, but then I had about enough; I’m not used to being around teens that much anymore,” he chuckled. “Selmak really didn’t like the plane and its turbulence, but I’ve been through worse out there.”

“Glad to hear that,” she muttered absentmindedly, wiggling the screwdriver under a panel. “Ah!” She cheered as the panel finally opened. “Who knew it would be that easy, huh?”

Jacob smiled at her, reminded of the times she used to play with her puzzles and doohickeys when she was younger. His Sammie had always been so excited when she found a solution and he was glad to see that hadn’t changed after everything she had experienced in her life. “So, have you?”

Glancing up from under her lashes, Sam quirked an eyebrow. “Have I what?”

“Thought about what you’re going to do?”

She let out an exasperated sigh as she leaned back, placing the screwdriver on the table, leaving her doohickey for what it was. “Dad,” Sam protested, not wanting to talk about it now, especially not in her  _lab_.

“Have you even told him?”

“I can’t just waltz up to him and tell him I still have feelings, Dad,” Sam groaned, running a hand through her hair in a frustrated manner.

Shaking his head, Jacob held up his hand. “I was actually talking about the divorce; have you told Jack?”

“No,” she bashfully admitted. Seeing his frown, she quickly continued. “I figured I had to make up my mind before telling him, know what I want…”

“You want him,” Jacob pointed out.

Rolling her eyes, Sam stood. “If it were only that simple,” she sighed, packing up her tools.

“Aren’t you making it harder by  _not_  telling him? He might wonder why you haven’t told him before or what if someone else tells him first?”

“That won’t happen, no one besides Daniel and Teal’c knows and they won’t tell him,” she dismissed his argument. Feeling his eyes on her, she turned to him. “And neither are you, Dad.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Jacob hastened himself to say. “Still, wouldn’t it be better to inform Jack?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what to think anymore… Nor what to expect,” she sat back down and placed her head on her hands.

“What’s your heart telling you?”

Sam frowned at her father, never having realized he was such a… romantic. “My heart?”

“Yes, Sammie, listen to your heart instead of your head for once; what does it say?”

“That it wants Jack O’Neill,” she huffed, shaking her head wistfully.

Jacob clasped her shoulder and squeezed it. “Then go to him, salvage your friendship and tell him your feelings.”

“Dad, I can’t just tell him that, he has a family!” Hugging herself, Sam gnawed her lip. The moment she had finally decided to end her marriage with Pete, she’d been ready to go after Jack O’Neill. Now, for once, it was time to think about Samantha and no one else, only her own happiness. Then she’d realized his girlfriend was pregnant and it had made her doubt. What right did she have to try and pursue him? She didn’t want to be responsible for breaking them up, she’d never been the type to be ‘the other woman’ and she wasn’t about to start now. “He looked happy.”

Hearing her resigned voice, Jacob had to swallow; he didn’t want to see his daughter unhappy. “Is he happy or does he seem happy? Perhaps he’s just, um… content, like you were with Pete,” he tried, shrugging.

“No,” she shook her head, “you should’ve seen him with his daughter, he’s happy Dad.”

“What about her mother?”

“Well, I’d say they’re pretty happy considering she was quite pregnant and I’ve hardly seen the General these past few days, while he’s still in Colorado Springs. Daniel said he’s working at home, has video conferences, and only comes by base when he has to.”

“I see,” Jacob mumbled, his mind – and Selmak’s – racing a mile a minute trying to think of something.

* * *

 

“Yes Sir, Mr. President,” Jack confirmed, rolling his eyes, knowing the man couldn’t see him. How many times would he have to emphasize this until he and the JCS finally got it through their thick skulls?

 _“Very well, Jack. I’ll make sure the paperwork will be sent your way_ ,” the President responded, chuckling.

 _“Just don’t forget we actually expect you to come back to Washington regularly,”_ General Maynard, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs, added.

“Yes Sirs,” Jack almost sighed, tired of the negotiations of his transfer. “O’Neill out.”

He walked back to the living room to place the receiver in its charger, because the battery was low. Milou was ‘dancing’ to the music that was spreading softly throughout the room and it made Jack smile. It looked like she was turning out to be as musical as her mother’s side of the family. “Are you having fun?”

Giggling, Milou ran towards him, clasping her arms around his legs. “Daddy too?” She threw her head back so she could see his face, a pleading look in her eyes.

Jack looked down at her and gently stroked the bangs out of her face. No matter how much he loved her, he wasn’t going to dance to  _that_ , he thought grimacing. “Maybe later, sweetie,” he said instead.

“Maddy and Nate?”

Arching his eyebrows, Jack leaned down to pick her up. “I told you they’re with Auntie Ilse, we’ll go visit them later on.”

“When?”

“Hopefully next week,” he sighed and walked over to the window with her on his hip. On his way he turned the CD off, it was driving him crazy.

“Why?”           

“Because that’s when the President will let us.” Let’s just put the blame where it belongs, Jack thought smirking.

“Can I twycycle?”

Jack frowned, looking at the little tricycle in the backyard she was pointing at. “You want to ride your tricycle, now?”

Milou eagerly bobbed her head, squirming in his hold. “Yes, Daddy, please?”

“I’m sorry, but it’s raining, you’re not going outside while it’s raining,” he shook his head, determined.

“But Daddy,” she protested with a pout.

“No pouting, little miss,” Jack replied putting her on her own two feet again as the phone rang. Padding back to the counter, Jack grabbed the phone from its charger. “O’Neill,” he barked in the receiver, annoyed to be disturbed once again.

 _“Jack, how are you?”_ Hank Landry jovially asked.

“Hank,” Jack replied, not in the mood. Hank was a friend of his and a good man, but whenever he called it meant that he needed something, which probably included Jack’s presence at the SGC.

_“What, no courtesies?”_

Jack chuckled at his response and shook his head. Milou looked up at the sound and padded his way to see what was so funny. “Well, the only reason I can think of for you to call me is that you need something that I’m not going to like.”

_“Hmm… now that you mention it, I could use your help with something…”_

“Of course you could,” Jack heaved a sigh, his head whirling with possibilities, not looking forward to it at all.

 _“I need your expertise and possibly your advice on a situation on Atlantis…”_ Hank let his voice trail off, following protocol by not going into detail because one could never be too sure how secure a phone was.

His tone of voice told Jack that it was urgent and important. Hank obviously wanted him there as Major General O’Neill, commander of Homeworld Security and not just as ‘Jack’ or the former leader of SG-1 as had been the case a few days ago. He was about to relent, when Milou tugged his jeans, reminding him of her existence. Damn, he didn’t have a babysitter…“Look Hank, I understand, but I have a little problem. My neighbor is gone and she usually watches Milou if I have to get to base, but–”

 _“Take her with you, she wasn’t a bother the other day,”_ Hank quickly replied.

“Yeah, that’s just because she was tired from her adventure with Thor. But hey, if you’re sure, then I’ll take her with me and you can get to know the  _real_  Milou O’Neill.”

 _“She can’t be as bad as you, Jack,”_ the other man snorted.

“Oh, don’t worry, you’ll find out. Just remember that I actually have to follow the rules and regulations since I’m a general in the Air Force,” he teased Hank. “I’ll be there in twenty, O’Neill out.”

“Daddy leave?”

The startled, high-pitched voice next to him almost broke his heart and Jack gave his daughter a warm smile. “No,  _we_  are leaving. You’re coming with me to the base.”

“Can I take my twycycle?”

Combing back her blond locks with his fingers, Jack shook his head. “No, there’s no riding bikes through the SGC,” he smiled as he remembered that horrible time loop. “You can bring two other toys, though.”

Milou immediately ran over to grab her doll from her place on the couch and searched for the shiny orb her new friend Thor had given her. “Daddy, where’s my owb?”

“It’s on base, honey, we couldn’t take it with us, remember?” Milou had almost cried when he’d told her that they had to leave it at the SGC for the moment, since it had to be cleared first considering it was an alien ‘toy.’ Hopefully, one of the eggheads had already approved it by now, so they could take it back with them. For a moment, Jack thought he was crazy; taking proof of alien life with him to his house, for his daughter to play with… then again, only people with the ATA gene could activate it, so no harm no foul, right? As long as the Asgard were correct in their estimation of the carriers of said gene, he mused.

“Excellent,” Milou smirked, before grabbing ‘Poesje’ as well.

Surprised, Jack’s brows creased. “It is?”

As she held up her two toys, Jack knew what she meant; if her other toy was already there, she could still take two with her, resulting in her having her three favorite toys to play with.

 

 


	13. Accidents

“Walter,” Jack bellowed as soon as he entered the briefing room, Milou tagging along while clutching her stuffed kitten under her arm.

“Sir?” Walter’s voice sounded from the control room. It took him less than ten seconds to run up the spiral stairs and come face to face with an impatient General O’Neill and… a little girl?

Jack sighed exasperated when Walter finally stood in front of him. “Where’s Hank?”

“Um… I think he went to talk to Colonel Carter, Sir,” Walter stammered, glancing at the girl again.

“What is it, Walter?” Jack asked impatiently, seeing him peeking at Milou.

“Nothing, Sir,” he replied, tearing his eyes from the girl. “It’s just that… I heard rumors, but I- ah… never mind, Sir.”

“That’s okay, this is my daughter, Walter,” Jack rolled his eyes annoyed that he once again had been a topic of the rumor mill. He was hardly ever here, didn’t these people have anything else to talk about?

Gaping, Walter tried to say something, but couldn’t find the words. “Really?”

“No, I kidnapped her on my way over here, yes of course,” he sarcastically replied.

“Sorry, Sir,” he mumbled. “It’s just that, I didn’t think, ah…” Oh no, he wasn’t going to tell General O’Neill that he’d thought the General was still in love with Colonel Carter. “I found it hard to believe, Sir.” Damn, wrong thing to say!

Jack waved his hand at him. “That’s okay; I haven’t been here in a while so…”

“Yes Sir,” Walter stammered.

“So, Hank will be right back?”

“I think so, Sir,” Walter bobbed his head, glad to change the subject. “He didn’t have a meeting with the Colonel, he just had to give her a message, I think.”

“Fine, whatever, I’ll go see Teal’c and Daniel, have him call me when he gets back.”

Nodding in an approving manner, Walter uttered a “Yes Sir” before turning on his heels to resume his activities in the control room. Perhaps he should ask Siler again about those bets…

“Daddy,” Milou tugged his hand to get his attention.

“Yes?” Jack turned towards her, eyebrows raised. “What is it?”

“Where’s owb?”

“Right, your orb,” he murmured, “we’ll go find it later, okay? Now, we’re going to see Daniel and Teal’c.”

Contemplating this for a moment, Milou scrunched up her little nose, before nodding her head, making her choice. “Okay.”

Jack grinned and silently shook his head, before she pulled his arm.

“Let’s go, Daddy.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he joked as they rounded the corner… and he bumped into Jacob Carter.

“Well, Jack,” Jacob started with a stern voice. “I know you know about Selmak, but I’d still prefer ‘Sir’ if you don’t mind.”

“Ah, Jake,” he stammered for a moment, confused. “Didn’t see you there,” he grinned. “How are you and the old broad?”

Arching his eyebrows, Jacob put on a surprised expression. “Excuse me?”

“You know, you and Selmak,” Jack sheepishly explained.

“We’re fine, Jack,” he finally grinned, not able to fool the other man. “So are you, I’ve heard. Luckily some people here at the SGC  have kept me abreast of your shenanigans in DC these past two years now that I don’t get to check up on you myself anymore.”

“Really… What, no consequences escaping from the brink of death? I mean, Sel was pretty far gone before Thor came in the picture and saved your asses,” Jack elaborated. “You didn’t look too peachy, either.”

Jacob shrugged in a casual fashion, as if he made a habit out of almost dying. “Those Asgard have some pretty cool technology, there was not a trace of those toxins left after Thor got me out of his pod… I’m fine, Selmak’s fine, she feels like she’s one thousand again!”

“Excellent,” Jack smirked approvingly.

“So, what about you? I’ve been hearing some interesting things about you, Jack.”

“Ah, you know what they say, Jake. Don’t believe everything you hear,” now it was Jack’s turn to shrug.

“Oh, I see,” Jacob nodded slowly. “I take it then you don’t have a daughter? Who is,” he peeked around Jack to get a better look at the girl. “Blond-haired, brown-eyed and about yay high,” he gestured with his hand.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jack joked, grinning.

“Daddy,” Milou protested, walking around him and standing between the two men, placing one hand on her hip, the other still holding her kitten. “You coming?”

“Well, if that isn’t an O’Neill, I don’t know who is,” Jacob chuckled at the impatience on the girl’s face and the way her hand was now fidgeting with her stuffed animal.

Jack chuckled along, stroking his daughter’s hair. “Jacob, let me introduce you to my daughter, Milou. Milou, sweetie, this is Jacob and, err… Selmak.”

Frowning, Milou looked at the other man. She cocked her head slightly and tried to look behind him. “Where?”

Jacob couldn’t help himself but laugh at her facial expression. “You want to explain that, Jack?”

“Um… they both are,” Jack tried.

Turning back to her father, Milou wasn’t convinced. “Why?”

“Because.”

“Jack,” Jacob drawled out his name, rolling his eyes. “Let’s just say I’m Jacob, okay Milou?” He asked, stretching out his hand.

“Okay,” Milou shrugged and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you,” she mumbled, remembering what her father had taught her.

“Well, I didn’t think I’d live to see the day an O’Neill would be polite,” Jacob quipped, looking at Jack. “Guess she didn’t get that from you, huh.”

“Funny  _Dad_ ,” Jack retorted, rolling his eyes. “I didn’t think you’d still be here.”

“Yeah, I came by to visit Sammie and just got back from San Diego to see Mark and his family,” Jacob replied, serious again. “We’ve just finished a long recon mission and thus have some time off, you could say.”

Nodding, Jack just mouthed an ‘Ah,’ before Milou drew his attention once again. “Yes?”

“Daddy, my owb,” she sighed.

“Right, first we’ll go see Daniel and Teal’c, remember?”

“Okay,” she nodded, sauntering off towards the elevator.

“You’ll be staying for a while?”

“Yeah, I don’t know when we’ll go back, yet,” Jacob confirmed.

Jack grinned, before pointing his thumb over his shoulder to where Milou was. “See ya,” he murmured, turning on his heels and almost stumbling over Milou’s stuffed kitten. Heaving a sigh, he bent down and grabbed the animal.

“Oh and Jack?” Jacob called out, making the younger man turn towards him again. “That’s a good look on you,” he smirked, pointing at the kitten he was gently holding in one hand while the other held Milou’s pink backpack.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Jack replied, stalking off to catch up with his daughter.

* * *

 

“I’m not saying you have to decide right now, just think about it, Colonel,” Hank concluded, nodding at her.

Sam looked up at her CO and gave him a small smile. “Yes, thank you, Sir,” she replied, unsure of what to do next.

“Well, I should get going, I was supposed to meet Jack a few minutes ago,” he grinned. “I’m surprised he hasn’t found me yet.”

Sam snorted as he left her lab, shaking her head. He’d probably known General Landry was here, so he didn’t come looking. Jack O’Neill wouldn’t want to risk running into her.Frustrated, she groaned, and let her head rest in her hands, elbows firmly placed on the table. Her eyes fell on the manila folder Landry had left with her… well, she  _had_  asked him for more work, she just wasn’t sure if she liked his – and the President’s – proposals. Sitting up, she opened the folder again, ready to read it thoroughly, only to find her mind wandering back to the object of her desire: Jack O’Neill.

Landry had said he had a meeting with him, which meant he was probably already on base and that there was a good chance she’d come across him sooner or later. Unsure what to think of that, she glanced around her lab. Anything to help her take her mind off of  _him_. Not finding anything she decided to see if Daniel, Teal’c, or her father wanted to eat something with her. She could always use a bowl of blue jello, day or night. Besides, a cup of coffee wouldn’t be too bad, either.

Yawning, she stretched her lean frame as she stood. The sleeping quarters were in good shape, but she had gotten used to her comfortable bed at home. Well, that wasn’t really home or her bed anymore. Sighing, she glanced at her calendar. Only two more days before she could go back to her own house, the thought of that made her smile. The airman currently occupying it had been moving his stuff since this week and he would be gone tomorrow, after which she’d go to check it out and clean her house properly. Hopefully, she’d be able to get a good night’s rest after that. By then, she’d finally be able to get her motorcycle and such from Pete’s, although she was a bit anxious to go over to him. They hadn’t parted on best of terms, he was still adamant they could fix this and she was getting tired of the way he seemed to be so obtuse. She’d tried everything she could think of to get him to back off, but he just wouldn’t hear it. It had made her wonder if he’d always been so ignorant of her feelings…

Walking over to the elevator, she contemplated where to go; Daniel, Teal’c, or look for her father? She never knew where her father would disappear to when he was here, it always seemed like he had something to do. At first, she’d thought he went to see General Hammond since they were old friends from the Cold War. However, Hammond had retired a while ago and he hardly knew anyone else here; or so she thought. Perhaps he went over to see General O’Neill? Her thoughts seemed to keep going in his direction… Biting the inside of her cheek, Sam tried to think of something else. The doors opened and she stepped into the car. Her finger hovered over the panel for a few seconds, before she made her decision; level 18 it would be.

* * *

 

Daniel knocked on the door and waited until he heard Teal’c’s booming voice beckoning him inside. He gingerly opened the door and stuck his head in Teal’c’s quarters. “Hey Teal’c.”

“Please enter, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c said, eyes still closed while he was kelno’reeming cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by candles.

Doing as he was told, Daniel sat on a chair close by. “If I’m interrupting I can return,” he hesitantly stated.

“You are not, O’Neill has requested we join him for a midday meal,” he responded, opening his eyes and stretching his legs. It took him a few moments to blow out all the candles, before he stood.

“Shouldn’t we go to the commissary then?”

“He contacted me from the briefing room and would ‘drop by’ with Milou O’Neill who will be joining us.”

“Ah, okay,” Daniel nodded at his friend, pushing up his glasses. “What about Sam?”

“I believe Colonel Carter was executing an important experiment.”

Daniel knew what that meant: once Sam was engrossed in one of her experiments, it was hard to get her to leave it alone for something as unimportant as lunch. He was about to respond when he heard Jack’s voice coming from the corridors.

Teal’c arched an eyebrow at Daniel Jackson, whose interest seemed as piqued as his own and turned to open the door.

* * *

 

“Milou, careful,” Jack yelled when she stormed out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened. She’d already reached the corner – he was still amazed by the speed those little legs could produce – when she turned around to look at him. He grinned and called her back with a gesture of his hand, after stuffing her kitten in her pack so he had a free hand. “Come on, you’re going the wrong way.”

Running back to her father, she almost tripped as her hair fell for her eyes, and she stopped to wipe it away. As she was doing so, Milou heard a door opening on her side and when she turned, she saw who was coming from the room. “Teak!” She shrieked, running towards him.

By this time, Jack also saw Teal’c coming from his quarters, followed by Daniel. He was a bit surprised at his daughter’s enthusiasm, as it had been months since she had last seen Teal’c. The Jaffa, however, seemed unfazed as she almost jumped in his arms and caught her easily.

“Milou O’Neill, it is good seeing you once again,” Teal’c greeted the young Tau’ri in his arms, a slight smile forming on his face.

“Teak!” She cried out again, throwing her chubby arms around his neck to hug him tightly.

“Wow, I didn’t know you had a new girlfriend, Teal’c,” Daniel joked, patting him on his shoulder. “Ishta must be jealous.”

Glaring at him, Teal’c replied. “I do not know of what you speak, Daniel Jackson.”

“What, it’s cute. She has a crush on you,” he grinned.

“Perhaps it is you who is envious of the bond O’Neill’s daughter and I share,” he retorted, smirking.

“Am not!”

“Stop huffing, Danny-boy, I’m sure she’ll say hi once she’s done cuddling T to death,” Jack teasingly remarked as he joined them.

“I’m not jealous,” Daniel sighed, rolling his eyes. “It’s just funny to see Teal’c almost being attacked by cuteness,” he shrugged, gesturing towards Teal’c and Milou.

“That’s true,” Jack grinned. “You know, T, if you’re going to keep her, you might as well take her pack,” he held out the small, colorful  _Hello_   _Kitty_  backpack.

Lowering his head, Teal’c arched an eyebrow as he saw the small pack. “Very well, O’Neill,” he accepted the pack by sticking one arm through the two straps, the small pack slipping down to his elbow.

“Milou, aren’t you forgetting someone?” Jack gently prodded the girl in the side, making her lift her head from Teal’c’s shoulder.

Looking around, she saw the other man behind her large friend. “Hi Dannel,” giving him a wide smile, she showed her white teeth.

“Hey Milou,” Daniel returned the smile, carefully ruffling her hair until she leaned back, giggling. “How are you?”

“Fine,” she drawled out the word, “you too?”

Hearing her answer, Daniel shook his head, smiling. It must be something she picked up from Jack, he  _always_  drawled out his words. “Yeah, I’m good.”

“Excellent,” she smirked, before hugging Teal’c again.

“She’s been spending way too much time with you,” he teased Jack as they made their way over to the elevator.

Putting an innocent expression on his face, Jack acted surprised. “What makes you think that, Space Monkey?”

* * *

 

“Where are the guys?” Jacob asked as he joined Sam in the commissary.

Looking up from her research, Sam smiled at him. “I don’t know, I went by Daniel’s lab but he wasn’t there and when I called Teal’c’s quarters no one answered.”

“Hence your invitation,” he joked, not insulted at all.

“I would’ve asked you to join us anyway, Dad,” she replied, grabbing her cup of coffee. “I didn’t disturb you doing whatever it is you do when you’re wandering on base, did I?”

Shaking his head, Jacob prodded his meatloaf. “No, I was just updating some of the information in your computers,” he smirked. “It was time to get something to eat, I was starving.”

“What kind of information?” She frowned, not able to think of something.

“Oh, you know, just some information about former Goa’uld planets and such.”

Stunned for a moment, Sam’s hand holding a spoon with jello froze midair. “The Tok’ra don’t mind?” To say she was surprised was an understatement; the Tok’ra had never been very forthcoming with information. Let alone these last few years, when their alliance had weakened after the Jaffa, Tok’ra, and Tau’ri alliance had been dissolved. On the other hand, they – the Tau’ri and the Tok’ra – had been working closer together with the Ori threatening the newfound order in the galaxy.  

“Nah,” he shrugged. “I ran into Jack, by the way.”

“Oh,” was all Sam said, her tone belying her feelings when it came to the General.

“Yeah, he was looking for Landry, I think.”

“I know, General Landry came by my lab to hand me some important files and he said he had an appointment with General O’Neill,” she replied, casually.

Keeping a close eye on Sammie, Jacob took a bite of his food. “His daughter was with him,” he saw his own daughter wince at his statement and he felt for her. “I figured you might want a heads-up.”

Clearing her throat, Sam nodded. “Thanks Dad,” she spoke softly, taking a sip of her coffee to get rid of the nasty taste his words had left in her mouth. She could tell he was watching her, probably analyzing her behavior and decided to break the silence. “So, I take it you met her?”

“Yes, I did,” he gave her a small smile. “Takes after her father.”

“Figures,” Sam mumbled, really not wanting to hear about the General’s fabulous daughter.

“Oh-oh,” Jacob mumbled under his breath as he saw Daniel, Jack and Teal’c – with a little girl – entering the commissary.

Scraping out the last bit of jello, Sam heard her father mumbling and looked up. “What is it–Oh,” she startled as she saw who stepped in line at the counter. “Well, this is going to be fun,” she muttered, rolling her eyes as she saw every airman and marine turn their head towards the guys – or more specifically: Milou O’Neill. It could hardly escape their attention that she looked a bit like the General, she mused. Those brown eyes…

* * *

 

“Hey, look, there’s Sam and Jacob,” Daniel poked Jack in the side and pointed towards ‘their’ table.

Crap, just what he needed…“Sweet,” he said instead, giving Daniel a fake smile while piling two pieces of cake, some fruit, coffee, a carton of milk, and two bowls of jello on his tray.

“I must relinquish you, Milou O’Neill,” Teal’c said as he lowered the girl on the floor and grabbed a tray.

“Okay,” she nodded and walked over to her father, hugging his leg.

Daniel was already done; all he had was a cup of coffee, soup and a sandwich. “Come on, guys,” he sighed, rolling his eyes impatiently. “I’ll just go over to Sam and Jacob, okay?”

“Very well, Daniel Jackson,” Teal’c replied as he scooped up varieties of fruit.

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute, Danny,” Jack motioned with his hand, knowing it was just a stay of execution.

“You seem reluctant, O’Neill, is something amiss?”

“Huh,” Jack gently pushed Milou forwards so that he could move his leg and looked up at Teal’c. “Nah, I’m fine.”

Teal’c just arched an eyebrow, slightly cocking his head and decided he should not interfere at the moment and instead just nodded his understanding. He balanced his tray on one hand, Milou O’Neill’s small backpack still on his other arm and proceeded towards Colonel Carter, her father and Daniel Jackson. “O’Neill.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Jack muttered, pushing Milou out in front of him. “Follow Teal’c, sweetie.”

Milou padded behind Teal’c, looking around at all the people staring at them. “Daddy?”

As she stopped and turned, Jack bumped into her and almost fell, his tray balancing dangerously on his hand and he quickly grabbed it with his other to steady it the moment he regained his balance. However, the harm was already done as Milou was lying in front of him, sobbing quietly her shoulders shaking.

“Honey?” He immediately leaned down, placed his tray next to him and grabbed both her hands to uncover her face. “What’s wrong?” He had to swallow as her eyes, brimming with tears, looked up at him and he saw the tear-streaked cheeks and a small trail of blood forming from her bottom lip, which was trembling. “Ah, let me see,” he gingerly prompted her.

“No,” she whined, backing away from his hands. She raised her arm and quickly wiped her eyes, still sniffling. “Hurts,” Milou choked, pushing back her tears and biting back sobs.

“It’s okay,” Jack soothed her, pulling her towards him to take a better look. “I just want to look, I won’t touch.”

“O’Neill, what has transpired,” Teal’c’s voice boomed from their side. “Has harm been inflicted on Milou O’Neill?”

“Yeah, she stopped and turned,” Jack slowly explained, as he pushed Milou’s chin down to take a better look at her teeth and lip. “I didn’t expect it and almost tripped over her,” he heaved an emotional sigh, adrenaline and worry still present in his body. “Ah… looks like her tooth went through her lip,” he winced himself as he told Teal’c, remembering how painful that could be, especially at her age.

“Jack, what’s going on?”

As Jack looked up, he saw his former teammates – including Carter – standing behind Teal’c, Jacob almost hovering over Milou. “She bit her lip when she fell, Jake. Is there some gauze or a cold, wet cloth?”

“Sir?” Sam tried, frowning as she saw the still shaking, sobbing form of the little girl. “Maybe you should take her to the infirmary? Her teeth could’ve had quite a blow, it’s best to have a doctor check her out,” she offered.

“Yeah, Jack,” Daniel agreed, bobbing his head. “Besides, you weren’t that hungry, right?” He asked, pointing at the crowded tray.

Jack rolled his eyes at him, as he carefully gathered Milou in his arms, still soothing her. “That was for her as well, Daniel.”

“I shall accompany you, O’Neill,” Teal’c stated, stepping around them and glaring at curious personnel that had gathered around, keeping them at bay.

“I’m just going to take you to the doctor, Milou,” Jack murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. He wiped the blood on her chin with a napkin, making sure her favorite dress wouldn’t be covered in a slimy, bloody trail.

“Here,” Sam held out some extra napkins for him with one hand, while the other gently wiped Milou’s tears from her cheeks with a napkin of its own. “Better?” She asked the girl without thinking, as she gave her an encouraging smile.

Clearing his throat, Jack flashed her a small smile. “Thanks Carter.” He was touched by the caring and compassion he saw in her eyes, and immediately refocused on his daughter. “Sweetie?”

“Still hurts,” she whispered.

“You know, it’s okay to cry,” Jack spoke in the same tone as he followed Teal’c out of the commissary.

Milou snuggled up to him, her lip still trembling. “Jimmy says b-big kids don’t c-cry,” she protested.

“Jimmy’s an idiot,” Jack groaned, reminded of the annoying six-year-old son of Colonel Samuels, “like his father,” he couldn’t help but add. Unfortunately, he sometimes still had to meet and actually talk to him at the Pentagon, which is how Jimmy and Milou met in the first place. Who’d have thought a stickler for rules as Samuels would take his kid with him to work on a weekend? “It’s perfectly fine to cry if you’re hurting.”

“Yeah, your Daddy does it all the time,” Daniel piped up from behind them.

“Daniel,” Jack groaned, not even bothering to turn around and glare at him.

Stunned, Milou’s pain was momentarily forgotten she stared at her father, eyes wide. “Really?”

“Yeah, all the time,” Daniel grinned. “When he falls or someone accidently hits him and–”

“Daniel!”

Nodding slowly, Milou looked down. “Daddy was sad at the funal, too.”

Frowning, Daniel leaned closer, not understanding. “What?”

“God, you speak how many languages, Daniel?”

“Well, toddler-talk isn’t one of them,” he huffed.

“She was referring to her grandmother’s funeral,” Jack explained as they stepped in the elevator. He was surprised when both Carters joined them as well. “Going somewhere kids?”

“General Landry called the commissary, requesting we – you included, Sir – get back to the briefing room, Sir,” Sam explained, smiling apologetically.

“Oh,” Jack mumbled, glancing back at Milou, glad to see she’d forgotten about her pain for now. “Well, I’ve got to make a detour first,” he smirked as he pressed the button for the infirmary; level 21.

“Of course, Sir,” she nodded as her hand was reaching out for the panel.

Jacob swatted her hand away and smiled at Milou. “Maybe she wants to push it, Sammie. Milou?”

Grinning, despite her split lip, Milou bobbed her head. “Really, which?”

“That one,” Jacob guided her hand as Jack bent a bit so she could reach it. “The one with the two and seven, you see?”

Milou eagerly pressed the button, beaming proudly as it lit up.

Jacob chuckled at her joy, and Jack was happy to see that she was distracted enough not to notice the wound in her lower lip. Hopefully, it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be treated with a cold, wet cloth. As the elevator stopped at the infirmary level, Jack quirked his eyebrows, grinning slightly. “Our stop.”

“We’ll see you at the briefing, Sir,” Sam uttered as he stepped out.

“I’ll join him, it’s not like you need me or Selmak,” Jacob explained as he followed Jack and Milou. “Jack, wait up.”

Glancing over his shoulder, Jack was surprised to see Jacob following him as the elevator doors closed. “You’re not going to join them?”

“Landry doesn’t need my – or Selmak’s – help with the Atlantis situation. At least, not right now,” he explained as they continued their way.

“Okay,” Jack drawled out, curious as to why he chose to join him.

Contemplating his next move, Jacob halted at the entrance of the infirmary. He observed as Jack called a doctor and explained the situation, still debating with himself whether he should break his promise – he didn’t really  _promise_  – to his own daughter and tell Jack about her divorce. It was obvious he still cared for Sam, he’d seen the look he’d given her as her mother’s instinct took over and Sam tried to help Milou. Could he really betray his daughter’s trust like that? It would be for her own good, of course, she was too scared to tell him herself. Didn’t matter if she called it ‘thinking about her next course of action,’ he knew that meant she didn’t have the heart… if he were sure of the outcome, he’d do it if it was going to be a positive one. Yet, Sam had a point; Jack was a wonderful father and if anyone deserved a second chance at fatherhood, it was Jack O’Neill. Jacob knew Sam had told him Jack’s girlfriend, Ilse – the woman he’d met at Sam’s engagement party and had gotten along with from the start – was pregnant. He didn’t think Jack would be the kind of man to walk away from that, even if he still loved Sam, of which Jacob was convinced. If Jack felt he had an obligation to the younger woman, to his children, it would be no good to break his own daughter’s trust.

“Jacob?”

“Huh, what?” Startled from his thoughts, he was surprised to see Jack grinning at him. Milou was sitting on the cot, chewing on a wet cloth, looking unaffected by the earlier incident.

“Never mind,” Jack grinned, shaking his head. “You and Selmak were having a private conversation?” He teasingly asked.

“No, just thinking…”

“Great, well, I’ve got to get back to Landry,” Jack said as he lifted Milou from the cot. “You want to join me?”

“Actually, why don’t I take her with me?” Jacob surprised both of them with his offer, and he shrugged. “She’s bound to get tired and bored, especially after all the excitement in the commissary. I don’t have anything to do at the moment, so I can look after her and get her some of that food you got.”

A bit askant, Jack looked at him. “Are you sure?”

“Sure, I’ve done it before, don’t worry.”

Looking at his daughter, he automatically brushed her bangs back, and contemplated the offer. “Milou, you want to stay with Jacob while I go have a boring meeting?”

Milou, still holding and sucking at the cloth, looked at Jacob and shrugged. “Okay.”

“Well, there you have it, Jack. Hand her to me,” he said, motioning with his hands as he reached out his arms. Gently taking her from him, he placed the girl on his hip and smiled at her. “Did you bring her stuff with you?”

“Um… yeah, Teal’c still has her pack, I think.”

“Are you sure? I didn’t see a pack…”

Thinking back, Jack had to agree. “He must have left it in the commissary then.”

“Ah, no worries, I’ll go down there and we’ll,” he glanced back at Milou, “go drink something and get your stuff. You just go down to the briefing room, Jack.”

Nodding, Jack kissed her crown and patted Jacob on the shoulder. “Thanks Jake.”

“Don’t mention it,” Jacob smirked.

 


	14. Questions...

Jacob ignored all the attention he and Milou got as he carried her inside the commissary.

“Sir,” one of the kitchen staff called him, showing him the food they had all left behind when Milou had to go to the infirmary and the rest to Landry.

“Thank you,” Jacob nodded, clearing some of Jack’s things so he could place his own leftovers on the same tray. “Did you by any chance see this lady’s little backpack?”

“Still at the table, Sir,” the man pointed.

“Okay,” Jacob saw the pack and turned to Milou. “Are you hungry?” He asked Milou as he appraised the food in front of him.

“Nah-uh,” she shook her head, still sucking on the cloth.

As he picked everything out, Jacob grabbed the tray and they went back to the table. He carefully placed the food on the table, before lowering Milou on the seat. Taking a seat across from her, he pushed the milk carton in front of her. “You’ll have to drink something after your mouth stops hurting,” he prompted her.

Squirming a bit in her seat, Milou ducked her head. “Okay,” she mumbled shyly, not looking up at him.

Taking a bit of his food, Jacob studied her. She definitely had Jack’s eyes, he’d realized that the moment he laid eyes on her. Long lashes too, even if they were very light of color like her eyebrows. It was obvious she’d been spending a lot of time in the sun lately, her hair was almost platinum colored and her skin was tanned, which reinforced that effect. He couldn’t clearly remember Ilse’s features, but Milou certainly was a pretty girl. Even now, with a washcloth hanging out of her mouth, he thought grinning to himself. As he finished his meal, she was rummaging in her pack and eventually pulled out a stuffed animal and a doll, holding them up triumphantly. “Who are they?”

“Poesje,” Milou held up her stuffed kitten and replaced it at the table, before grabbing her doll. “Dolly.”

“Poesje,” Jacob repeated, frowning.

She nodded, shoving it towards him. “See, it’s a cat.”

“Yes,” he mumbled, still wondering what that had anything to do with it. “How did you think of its name?”

“Grandma gave it to me,” she shrugged, reaching her hand out to get it back. “Said it’s a baby ‘poes’, so I named it ‘Poesje’,” Milou explained.

“Ah, I see,” Jacob smiled as he gave it back. “How is your lip?”

“Better,” she mumbled, touching it with her fingers.

Jacob walked around the table and gingerly took the cloth from her. “Let me see,” he prompted her and to his surprise, she immediately did as he told her. Certainly not a quality she got from Jack, he mused. Besides her cracked lip, it didn’t look like there was any damage and the bleeding had stopped, so he figured it was time for her to drink something. “Drink your milk,” he pushed a straw through the lid and handed it to her.

Milou carefully took the straw in her mouth, before taking a sip. After swallowing, she smiled up at Jacob.

“You okay?” He asked, giving her a scrutinizing look.

She just nodded, continuing to drink, while her legs were dangling from the seat. Putting away the milk, she yawned loudly, immediately cringing as her lip stung.

Jacob himself grimaced as he saw her face contort and he gently stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. “Do you want to play with your doll?”

Her interest peaked; Milou looked at him and bobbed her head. “Yes,” she replied, pushing the milk away from her.

“Come on,” Jacob motioned with his hand and she got off her chair as he stuffed her toys back in her pack and grabbed the tray. Looking over his shoulder, he saw she was right behind him, catching everyone’s attention. He smiled as he waited for her at the exit, before taking her down to the guest quarters.

* * *

 

“Sorry, I’m late,” Jack apologized as he entered the briefing room and took a seat next Hank, who was at the head of the table, and Carter. Almost like the old days, only then it was Hammond, Jack thought smirking as his mind was already comparing the two men.

“That’s okay, I heard what happened. How is she?”

“Peachy, Hank,” Jack grinned, nodding his head. “Carolyn said it would heal on its own and gave her a cloth to hold against it, there wasn’t any other damage. It almost looked as if Milou had already forgotten about it, thankfully.”

“Good to hear.”

Looking around, Daniel frowned. “Where is she now, Jack?”

“What?” Jack asked looking up from the file he’d just opened.

Sam rolled her eyes, reminded of all those briefings years ago, when they were still SG-1 and Hammond the base commander. “Where’s Milou, Sir?”

“Oh, she’s with  _Dad_ ,” he winked at her.

Swallowing, Sam reminded herself to breathe and tried to ignore what his wink had done to her heartbeat. “ _My_  Dad?”

“Yes, he offered to watch her, saying he didn’t have anything else to do,” Jack shrugged, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Still frowning, Sam cast her eyes downwards. “Oh,” somehow, she felt uncomfortable about it. Her father was good with little kids, she knew that, but it was the idea that he was watching Jack O’Neill’s daughter that spooked her. He wasn’t supposed to do that, he was supposed to babysit  _her_  children – preferably a child from her  _and_ her General. Shaking her head, she tried to get rid of her thoughts but the man sitting next to her wasn’t helping.

“Oh and Cassie called me when I was on my way down, she’s coming over and is staying with me, but also wanted to see you and asked if you had time,” Jack turned towards Carter as he was talking.

“Um… of course, Sir, she’s always welcome,” Sam hastily responded. Perhaps that was what she needed; some girl time with Cassie. Lord knew she had to tell Cassie about her and Pete’s divorce, which probably also meant she had to inform the General… she glanced at him from the corner of her eye, but his focus was on the file in front of him as he fidgeted with his pen. Then again, Cassandra had never told  _her_  that he had a daughter, so perhaps she didn’t have to tell him right away. She needed to plan this, win him over as a friend…

“Well, perhaps  _now_  we could continue?” Hank asked, only slightly amused by the change of subject.

“Sure Hank,” Jack smirked.

“Indeed.”

“Yes, Sir,” Sam and Daniel said simultaneously.

* * *

 

“So,” Jacob started as he was watching Milou, who was playing on the carpet with her doll in his VIP quarters. “What do you like to do, Milou?”

Milou, however, was absorbed in her own imaginary world together with her doll.

“Milou?”

“Huh,” she looked up with big eyes, forgotten he was there. “What, Jac-Jacob,” she stammered a bit, having trouble with his unfamiliar name.

“What do you do?”

“I’m playing,” she frowned.

Shaking his head, he chuckled. “No, what do you like to do with your family?” He cautiously asked.

“The park,” Milou smiled, “and my twycycle.”

“You have a tricycle?”

Bobbing her head with enthusiasm, Milou placed the doll on the floor. “It’s wed.”

“Well, it’s been raining for two days now,” Jacob offered, shrugging.

“Nooo,” she giggled. “Wed, the color.”

“Ooh, it’s  _red_ ,” he emphasized the color, making her smile. “Well, that’s a pretty color. Is it the same as your tights?”

Looking down at her legs clad in red, Milou thought about this. “It’s more shiny,” she decided.

“Shinier,” he corrected her. “You like riding your tricycle, what else?”

“Swimming.”

“Really, you’re going swimming already?”

“Daddy takes us.”

His curiosity piqued; Jacob decided to prod a bit more. “Where does he take you?”

She shrugged her tiny shoulders, before answering. “Sometimes the cabin, when it’s summer… or Holland when the Pwesident lets him.”

Smirking, Jacob could imagine Jack complaining about his workload, while he had such a cute kid to play with. “Not the pool?”

“Yes,” she nodded, her attention starting to drift.

“Jack’s taking you to the pool in the winter- Um… Daddy,” he corrected himself as she creased her brow.

“U-huh. Sometimes the cabin.”

“Isn’t that cold,” Jacob muttered, more to himself than as a reply. “You mean the cabin in Minnesota, right honey?”

“Yes, we all go there sometimes.”

“To swim? In the winter?”

“No silly,” Milou almost shrieked. “Daddy’s going to teach me to skate,” she beamed proudly.

“Already?” Jacob asked, slightly stunned. “Milou, how old are you?”

 _‘Finally Jacob, I was ready to step in,’_ Selmak sighed.

Jacob could swear she was rolling her eyes, but had to admit he’d been dying to know as well. Milou was intelligent, tall, and already used to a tricycle and learning to skate and swim, apparently… At first, he’d promised himself not to interrogate the girl, she was an innocent child after all, but his curiosity was winning now that she was handing him this perfect opening.

Milou glanced up at him and slowly raised her hand. Smiling broadly, she stuck up two fingers.

“Two years old?” Well, it certainly fit the timeline, he mused, not able to contain himself, he continued. “When’s your birthday?”

“Soon,” she replied. “When’s yours?”

“It was my birthday a few months ago,” Jacob absentmindedly replied. “How soon?”

Shrugging, her hands were fidgeting with the hem of her dress. “Daddy says it’s a lot of nights.”

“Do you know the date?”

Thinking for a moment, she cocked her head to the side. “Daddy lets me cross off the days on his calendar,” she replied.

Knowing he couldn’t get any more out of her, he went back to the skating. “Aren’t you a bit young to skate, honey?”

“No,” Milou spoke with a raised voice. “Mommy could skate when she was thwee,” she petulantly stated, holding up three fingers.

“I don’t think you can fit into skates,” Jacob pondered aloud, wondering why Jack would let her get excited about it.

“Daddy got me thingies for my boots,” she beamed again, eyes shining with excitement. “They’re Mommy’s.”

Jacob arched an eyebrow. “Really?”

‘ _Must be safety speed-skates_ ,’ he explained to Selmak, who was wondering about why and how someone would cross frozen water.

Yawning, Milou stretched and almost lost her balance. She reached out for her stuffed kitten and hugged it close. “Jacob?”

As she looked up at him, Jacob could see the glazing of her eyes and sighed inwardly.  _Serves me right for questioning her_ , he thought. Her pronunciation was getting better, though. “You’re tired, aren’t you?”

“Nah-uh,” she shook her head, but the way her upper body swayed with the movement belied her words.

“Bedtime,” he grinned, getting up from his chair. “Did your father bring you clothing?” He grabbed her – mostly - pink and white backpack and looked at the contents. He found a hairbrush and some PJs, along with some other things. He was a bit hesitant to comb her hair, remembering the way his Sammie used to whine every time he’d tried to use a brush on hers. “Daddy can comb your hair after you wake up,” he decided with a small grin. “Come on, let’s get changed.” Jacob quickly helped her change outfits and helped her – and her stuffed animal – in the large bed.

“Stowy,” she protested as he told her to go to sleep.

“What?”

Milou pointed at the book that had fallen out of her bag. “Have to wead a stowy,” she tried again.

“Fine,” Jacob relented, settling down on the bed with the book.

* * *

 

 “Perhaps a short recess would be preferable,” Teal’c stated.

Nodding, Daniel agreed. “Yeah, I could cerainly use a cup of coffee; we’ve been at it for almost two hours.”

“Very well,” Hank replied, after glancing at Jack. “Thirty minutes until we’ll continue, I guess this would also be a good moment for Dr. Lee to join us?” He asked Colonel Carter.

“Yes Sir, I’ll make sure to tell him,” Sam stood and, after his dismissal, turned to Daniel and Teal’c. “Want to join me for jello in the commissary?”

“I just want some coffee and a cookie, but sure,” Daniel agreed and glancing sideways, he caught Teal’c inclining his head in approval.

Jack gave them a small smile as they left the briefing room and turned to Hank. “I’ll just go check to see if my daughter isn’t harassing Jacob,” he smirked, pointing at the door.

“Oh, I doubt that, Jack, she’s a peach,” Hank chuckled.

“Only when she wants to impress others, believe me,” he joked as he stalked off. The VIP quarters were his first stop, assuming that’s where Jacob was staying. Colonel Dixon was kind enough to hold the elevator for him and he quickly jumped in, pressing the elevator button. “Thanks, Dixon.”

“Anytime, General,” David Dixon smiled. “Sir… I was wondering about some of the, eh… rumors going around,” he stammered a bit, slightly uncomfortable to ask the question, but figuring he and Jack O’Neill had known each other for over a decade and had always gotten along, he tried anyway. “The girl in the commissary, Sir?”

“My daughter, Dave,” Jack explained, patting the other man’s shoulders as the elevator stopped. “Have to go check on her,” he made a vague gesture with his hand, got out of the car, and walked down the corridor, leaving a stunned colonel standing in the elevator.

* * *

“Do you have any pets?” Jacob asked pointing at the stuffed animal the girl was playing with.

“No,” Milou shook her head. “Daddy says maybe later.”

“What kind of pet do you want, a dog?”

Hugging her kitten, Milou turned to him. “Cat.”

“You don’t like dogs?”

She shrugged. “Boomer is cool,” she smiled.

“Ah, Cassie’s dog, huh. He comes over a lot?”

“Nah-uh. Daddy likes him. Wants a dog, too” she explained.

Nodding, Jacob got up as someone knocked on the door. “Yeah, your father is a real dog person.” Opening the door, he was surprised to see Jack standing there. “Well, speaking of the devil,” he smirked.

“Jake,” Jack grinned, “how is she?”

“Daddy!” Milou got up and ran to him, hugging him.

“Hey you,” Jack lifted her and stroked her hair back. “How’s your lip?”

“Better,” she opened her mouth slightly, so her father could see.

“Sweet,” he smirked. “Did you have a nap?” He asked, tugging at the hem of her pink pajama shirt and seeing her tangled hair.

Milou bobbed her head and snuggled up to his chest.

“I even read her a story,” Jacob stated, stepping aside so Jack could enter the room. “She loves her stories, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, she does,” he shrugged and eventually sat down at the already-made bed. “She hasn’t been giving you a hard time, has she?”

“Nah, she’s a sweetheart, unlike you, she actually listens when I tell her to do something,” Jacob joked. “She just got up; I figured she probably slept enough since I wasn’t sure of how long you usually let her nap. Is the meeting already over?”

“No, a short break was in order, especially after Daniel’s briefing,” Jack rolled his eyes, clearly still annoyed. Raking his hand through his daughter’s hair, he frowned. “Where’s your brush?”

“My bag,” she mumbled in his neck.

Jack set her on the bed and walked over to the table, where her  _Hello Kitty_ -pack was lying. Rummaging through all the crap, he finally found it and sat back next to her. “C’mere.”

Milou dutifully turned her back towards him and scooted up the bed, so he could comb her hair.

“I, ah… didn’t want to try, since Sammie hated it whenever I brushed her hair when she was younger,” Jacob apologized, cringing as he saw the girl’s face scrunch up every now and then.

“Yeah, well, it has to get done,” Jack mumbled, not enjoying it himself. Especially now that her hair was getting longer, it tangled more and more. “Maybe we should get you a haircut,” he offered.

“Nooo!” Milou protested, turning to look at him, placing her hands protectively on her hair. “Not a boy!”

“Fine,” Jack relented, pushing her hands away to keep brushing her hair. “Stop that,” he said, as Milou kept moving her head. “It’s only going to hurt more.”

“So Jack, when’s your break over?”

“A little under twenty minutes,” he replied, glancing at the clock. “I can understand if you’ve had enough for one day, I’m sure Hank won’t mind if I take her down to the briefing room–”

“No, it’s okay, we were just getting to know each other, right Milou?”

Milou threw him a smile and quickly scooted away from her father and his brush. “Yes, I talked about Boomer,” she told her father.

“Well, Cassie won’t be bringing him along this time.”

“Milou told me you want a dog?”

Surprised, Jack turned to Jacob. “Yeah, well, I’ve been saying that for years, ask Carter or the guys. Unfortunately, I still don’t have the time for that. For now, we’ll have to do with Boomer staying over every now and then,” he smirked. Jack pulled the loose strands of hair from the brush and threw them away, before placing it back into the bag. Peeking inside, he found her other things and grabbed them. “Come on, let’s go to the bathroom,” he beckoned Milou over.

* * *

Sam was waiting for the elevator after making sure her experiment was still running. As the doors opened, she looked up to see General O’Neill looking back at her. Swallowing, she gave him a small smile. “Sir,” she said, stepping inside.

“Carter,” Jack stepped a bit to the side to give her room. “Where are the guys?”

“They went straight downstairs, I just had to–”

“Check your lab?” He asked, smirking.

“Yes Sir,” she ducked her head, smiling.

“Was it still there?”

She chuckled, shaking her head. “Yes Sir,” she relaxed as he grinned back at her. For a moment, Sam just enjoyed standing there with him in the car – this time no awkwardness. During the meeting she’d realized how much she missed being around him, bad jokes and all and she found herself biting back smiles for almost the entire duration. Thinking about it, she smiled again.

Jack was looking at her from the corner of his eye and could tell she was deep in thought, so he shamelessly took in her features. Seeing the corners of her mouth quirk up, he felt his own lips curl up; her smile had always been infectious and he’d been enjoying making her smile or outright laugh at his jokes during the meeting, like he had done for so many years. That was before she’d gotten married to that  _cop_ , though, and he’d stopped trying. Clearing his throat, he fully turned towards her. “What?”

“Sir?” She questioned him, surprise evident in her tone of voice and eyes.

“You were smiling.”

“I was?”

“You were,” he nodded.

Sam shrugged, as if she hadn’t realized. “I was just thinking, Sir.”

“I’d be shocked if you ever stopped, Carter,” he retorted, smiling smugly as it, once again, elicited a smile from his Colonel.  _No, not_ my _Colonel_ , he reminded himself.

“Sir,” Sam started, a bit hesitant. “The other day…”

Hearing her voice trail off, his eyes found hers. “Yeah?”

“When I-I ran into you and Milou at the elevators,” she elaborated, feeling the awkwardness rise.

Jack sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, Carter… trust me when I say that was not how I wanted you to find out about–”

She gulped and held up her hand. “That’s okay, Sir. I just wanted to tell you that I was actually looking for you, that day–”

“You were?” He frowned, not able to remember what had been so special for her to come looking for him.

“I was,” she confirmed, a bit nervous. “I- ah… I just wanted to thank you, for getting me the crystals.”

“Oh,” Jack waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “Don’t mention it.”

“Sir,” Sam said, exasperated because he always did – used to do, she corrected herself – that. The elevator stopped and they got off, proceeding towards the briefing room. “Colonel Reynolds told me you were the one that assigned them to me, therefore, I wanted to thank you. You have no idea about the information that is stored on it, Sir. Well, obviously, you have some idea, but the readings and data I’ve been able to uncover so far is really–”

“Ack! Carter, I’m glad you like it,” Jack smiled, interrupting her before she got to the techno-babble. “Let’s just keep it at that, okay?”

Ducking her head, Sam felt a blush creep up her neck. “Yes Sir,” she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear.

Jack chuckled at her embarrassment, glad to see she was acting like her old self again, even if that only made it more difficult for him…

“Sir,” Sam almost whispered, gently grabbing his arm as they rounded the corner.

He froze as her fingers clasped around his arm and turned to her, eyebrows raised in an unspoken question.

Sam had glanced around the corridor and seeing there wasn’t anyone else, she’d automatically reached for his arm to stop him. Only now, looking at his expression and casting her eyes down to her hand around his arm, she immediately let go as if burned. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I didn’t mean to–”

“Carter,” Jack interrupted her, rolling his eyes. “What is it?” There had to be something, he mused, as she was blushing and biting her lip. “Carter? There’s got to be a reason you grabbed my arm, just spill.”

“Never mind, Sir,” Sam hastily said, feeling stupid and passed him to walk over to the briefing room… only now, he grabbed her by the arm. Surprised, she looked up to see him grin slightly.

“Now we’re even, so spill,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

Gnawing her lower lip, Sam tried to think of how to say this. For someone as smart as her, she could easily be at a loss for words, especially when it came to Jack O’Neill. “It’s just that I… I was wondering if we could be friends again, Sir.” She swallowed hard, unable to look at him and instead staring at her boots. However, as he didn’t respond and yet was still standing in front of her – she could see his boots, they were nose to nose with hers – she carefully glanced up from under her lashes. There was something in his eyes she didn’t recognize and she let out a shaky breath, getting more nervous by the minute because of his intense gaze. “I mean, I’d understand if you don’t want to… but I was hoping we could at least try?” She asked, almost shyly. “Sir,” she added belatedly.

Seeing the pleading look in her eyes Jack was close to give her whatever she wanted. After all, he’d always been a sucker for those big, baby blues, especially if she was pleading with him. Hell, she’d even convinced him to get Tok'ra-ed a few years ago, with the same pleading look in those expressive eyes. Yet, now he found himself hesitating. If he were honest with himself, he wanted nothing more – well, maybe  _more_  – than being friends with her again, but he was afraid to get hurt again. She’d hurt him with her rejections and her offer – suggestion? – to end their friendship before her wedding, had been more painful than getting zatted or even a staff blast to the leg.

Of course, he’d known they’d eventually lose touch, most likely even on purpose – if not from him, then by her doing – but to state it so bluntly… he hadn’t expected that to hurt as much as it did. On the other hand, hadn’t he enjoyed hanging around her these past few days? Hell, he always enjoyed hanging around her, he almost snorted at his own thoughts. But, there was still that  _husband_  of hers… Then again, he hadn’t seen him since he got back to Colorado Springs and Carter hardly mentioned him, he guessed he should be glad she wasn’t rubbing it in. No, Carter would never do that; rub his face into it. At least, not the Carter he loved.

His eyes shifted lower and he could see her swallow hard, probably afraid he might say ‘no’. He didn’t realize, up until now, that she was putting herself out there as well. Perhaps not in the way he’d done a few years ago, but still… she was trying, even if she was afraid he might let her down. Moving back up, his gaze lingered on her lips for a moment, remembering  _that_  kiss the night they’d effectively ended their friendship. Locking gazes with her again, he gave her an almost imperceptible nod and clearing his throat, responded.

“Sure, we can try,” he gave her a small smile. After all, he’d seen how she’d been affected by meeting Milou, that must’ve hurt her in some way – even if she didn’t love him – not being in the loop and all.

“I’m glad to hear that, Sir,” Sam smiled, feeling as if the weight of the world fell off her shoulders after making this first step in repairing their friendship.

 


	15. ... and Then Some

  
“Dismissed,” Jack said, as the meeting came to a closing. It had been another two long hours without interruptions – for once they hadn’t even been interrupted – before they decided to call it a day. So far, they had worked out a strategy they all felt comfortable with and Carter and Dr. Lee had convinced them the intergalactic bridge would actually be finished ahead of schedule. Teal’c had offered the support of the Jaffa movement, now that the situation on Dakara seemed to be stabilizing and the Jaffa were still willing to fight – mostly because they didn’t know anything else – and felt they owed the Tau’ri. Besides, if the Wraith and Replicators in the Pegasus Galaxy were successful they would surely come to theirs. Almost forgetting, Jack called back Dr. Lee. “Dr. Lee, could you stay for a moment?”

Sam was surprised to hear he was actually asking a scientist to stay  _longer_  for a private chat. “Sir, do you need–”

“No, you’re good to go, Carter,” Jack nodded and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. “It’s just Dr. Lee I need.”

“Of course, General O’Neill,” Bill stammered a bit, unsure of what to think. He watched as Colonel Carter shrugged and took off with the former SG-1 and the two generals retreated to General Landry’s office. Looking around, he couldn’t find any clue as to why O’Neill would want to talk to him, but he knew the man’s reputation – he’d seen him in action often enough when he’d been a Colonel and commander of SG-1 – so his curiosity was piqued. Perhaps he was a bit scared as well, he thought grimacing.

Closing the door behind him, Jack followed Hank into his office.

“What’s up, Jack? Forgot to say something during our meeting?”

“No, I was just wondering how your visit to Washington went,” Jack shrugged. “I haven’t been in touch much with the President this week, I was too busy with video conferences and getting my transfer through, therefore, I haven’t had an update yet.”

“Ah, I see,” Hank nodded and sat down in his chair. “Well, everything went fine… of course, the Appropriations Committee was whining about our budget and threatened to cut into it, but that was just a warning – like they did the previous years – we still have a few months before the budget is revised.”

“What about Atlantis?”

“The IOA is still backing them with their money, but have – again – requested a greater military presence, so the President and I have been thinking about that as well. Can’t really say anything about it now,” he saw Jack frowning and held up his hand. “The President ordered me not to say a word until it was completely taken care of, I’m sorry.”

“That’s okay,” Jack shrugged; it wasn’t as if he was actually worried. “That was all?”

“Yeah, I think that about sums it up,” Hank chuckled, leaning back in the chair. “Why don’t you go see your little girl?”

“I will, just have to talk to Dr. Lee,” he pointed over his shoulder with his thumb. “We’ll talk later,” with that, he turned on his heels and stepped into the briefing room. He chuckled as he saw Lee fidgeting with his papers, realizing the man was probably nervous and wondering why he had to stay behind. He cleared his throat loudly and smirked as the doctor jumped up.

“Aah, er… General,” Bill tried to find his composure and nodded, while wiping his sweaty palms on his pants.

“Doctor,” Jack smirked, cocking his head to the side. “Is something wrong?”

“Um… I don’t know, Sir, you asked me to stay here…?”

“I know, you just look, I don’t know, nervous,” he shrugged, smiling inwardly. He was enjoying teasing the doctor a bit.

“Really?” Bill squeaked, before clearing his throat. “No- No, I was just wondering why you wanted to talk to me in private, General.”

“Oh,” Jack drawled out the word, nodding. “Right, well, I was actually going to ask you about that thingamajig.”

Bill crossed his arms before his chest, frowning, and was trying to think of what to say. “My what?”

“You know, that doodad I gave you guys the other day.”

Scratching his chin, he was thinking what the man could probably be referring to. “I don’t know what you’re talking about General,” Bill shrugged, unable to come up with something.

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that. That gizmo from the Asgard,” Jack rolled his eyes.

“Sir, the Asgard haven’t given us anything except those data crystals which you assigned to Colonel Carter,” he replied, a bit dismayed. He’d been hoping to at least work with the data, but everything had been assigned to Colonel Carter and he was swamped in his own work so he couldn’t go over to take a peek. Most of the scientists had expected to each get assigned a part of the data to work out, no one had expected General O’Neill to butt in and hand everything over to her, especially not after their strained relationship – everyone knew their relationship had changed when the General had gone to DC or when Carter had married, pick one…

“For crying out loud, I brought it to you and your geeks myself,” Jack said exasperated. “That shiny ATA doohickey,” he tried. “Orb shaped, this big,” he motioned with his hands, “and it lights up when someone with the ATA gene touches it? It had to be cleared because it was an off-world gimmick. Thor gave it to my daughter and she wants it and I’m pretty sure Thor wants her to use it,” he said exasperated.

“Oooh, that orb,” finally a light bulb went on in Bill’s head and he nodded. “Yeah, I handed that over to Colonel Carter a while ago, I had other things on my plate, and she wanted the extra work. Besides, she  _is_  the expert on off-world technology,” he respectfully admitted with a shrug.

“Thank you,” Jack replied in a frustrated manner. “I guess I’ll just go over to her and get it then,” he mused aloud, forgetting all about Dr. Lee on his way out.

* * *

 

Sam immediately went over to her computer, to see if more data had been processed in the last two hours and was mildly disappointed by the lack of result. Reaching for her inbox, she scanned the few files there; most were requests, since she was now the unofficial head of the Science Department, and there was another file asking for her input on a problem from… of course, Felger and his assistant. Sam rolled her eyes and put the file to the side to check on after the weekend, because she would be too busy moving back into her house and cleaning. Not to mention relaxing, she thought as she stretched her lean frame. Thinking about moving in, she realized she still had to make an appointment with Pete to collect some of her personal things – some clothing, paperwork, official documents she didn’t keep in a safe at the bank, jewelry, her bikes, cars and some personal items, mostly from her mother.

Still feeling the buzz from the earlier conversation with  _her_  General, she found the courage to pick up the phone and dial her old number. The phone rang a few times and she glanced at the clock, making sure she wasn’t calling during one of his shifts, when it was finally answered.

_“Shanahan.”_

“Hey Pete, it’s Sam…”

 _“Sam, babe, I was hoping you’d call! I tried calling a few times but I couldn’t get through the switchboard or was put on hold for half an hour,”_  she heard his annoyance loud and clear and sighed herself.

“Look, Pete, I was just calling to make an appointment–”

 _“That’s great! We could talk and perhaps find a marriage counselor and_ – _”_

“No,” Sam grunted, her own annoyance getting the best of her. “I called to ask when I could pick up my things.”

A silence of at least two minutes followed and for a moment, Sam was afraid he’d hung up on her.

 _“Oh,”_  was all he said, breaking the silence.

“I’m sorry,” she tried, feeling guilty for smashing his hopes.

_“Well, I’m busy tonight, so…”_

“I understand,” Sam nodded, knowing she’d probably be late as well.

_“Sorry Sam, you know you can always come over, but I have plans for tonight and I can’t just cancel those last minute.”_

“No, that’s okay.”

 _“Sorry,”_  he muttered again.

Sam shrugged, playing with the chord. “I’ll probably be late tonight as well. I still have a lot to do.”

_“Working late again?”_

“Yeah,” she could hear the resentment in his voice.

_“I’m free tomorrow, so you can drop by then, okay?”_

“Okay, I’ll see you later, bye Pete,” Sam circled tomorrow’s date in her calendar and hung up the phone.

* * *

 

Jack padded slowly through the corridor on level 19, a bit apprehensive to go over to Carter and ask her about the orb. Sure, they’d said to try and be friends again, but that was easier said than done, he knew. It hadn’t escaped his attention that Carter kept glancing at him during the second half of the meeting and he had to admit that his own eyes had wandered over to her every now and then. He’d made some quips, she’d grinned or smiled shyly and, in turn, she’d done her fair share of techno-babble to the point he’d found himself just staring at her, at her mouth… hearing her voice, but not understanding the words, even blocking out the words, just enjoying the sound. Yeah, exactly like old times again _,_  he told himself.

Still, that had been in a familiar setting, now he had to ask her about a ‘toy’ for his daughter. A daughter she’d only met a few days ago and hadn’t known of her existence, not that that was entirely  _his_  fault, but still, it would probably be weird. That was why he’d decided to pick up Milou after, instead of taking her with him. Rounding the corner, he found himself in front of her lab. Taking a deep breath, he stealthily walked in, expecting her to be hunched over the latest data results or something, which would mean she wouldn’t notice him at first.

To his surprise, she was on the phone engrossed in conversation. So engrossed that she didn’t notice him, which usually only happened when she was working on her doohickeys, he mused. He decided this was the perfect opportunity to study her, take in her features for he had been Carter-deprived for over two years… she was still beautiful, her hair much longer and she had it up in a ponytail, the light playing with those golden locks. He still thought she was too skinny, even though he couldn’t see much of that today since she was wearing her BDUs, including the large jacket. Probably cold from the lack of sleep if the dark circles under her eyes were anything to go by. It made him second-guess his decision to assign the Asgard data to her, he had only done it because she was the most experienced with Asgard technology and Thor had, casually – if the Asgard did such a thing – mentioned that she’d be interested.

He couldn’t help but overhear – as he was almost standing in front of her – her saying she’d be late tonight and felt slightly awkward when he heard her say  _his_  name. He fidgeted with the zipper of his leather jacket, which he had donned in the elevator, as his fingers started to twitch. Jack knew that strange feeling in his gut was something close to jealousy, but he stomped it down; they would try to be friends again. That didn’t mean he had a right for more, least of all to feel jealous as she talked to her  _husband_. Well, he should probably count himself lucky he didn’t overhear an intimate conversation, he thought.

The jealousy-related feeling – he refused to call it jealousy – was stomped down pretty easily, having had over a decade of experience, but the anger that went with it was more difficult. It was obvious Carter was tired and yet, here she was, already thinking she’d be home late, if at all tonight, and her husband was okay with that. That bastard didn’t deserve her… But she wanted to be with the cop because he made her happy, a little voice in his head kept chanting. That didn’t mean Jack himself couldn’t order her to take it easy and get out of her lab at a decent hour, even if that meant she’d go home to Shanahan.

“Sir!” Sam exclaimed as she looked up from her calendar. “What, when– when did you get here, Sir?”

“Don’t worry Carter, I just walked in,” he fake-smiled at her. She didn’t have to know he’d overheard her apologizing to – or more sharing with – her husband she’d be working late.

Relieved, Sam blew out a breath she didn’t know she’d been holding and tried to shrug off the awkward tension in the room. “What can I do for you, Sir?”

“Actually, I was here for the Asgard doohickey,” he replied.

Sam frowned, glancing at her computer. “You want to see the Asgard data?” She asked, incredulous. “Sir,” she added belatedly, to cover up her shock.

“No,” Jack waved with his hand. “I want the shiny orb.”

“What shiny orb, Sir?”

“You know, that little white one from Thor.”

“No, I don’t know,” she said slowly, making sure he understood.

“For crying out loud, I just talked to Lee and he said he’d given it to you!”

“When?”

“How should I know?” Jack asked sweetly, his facial expression belying his tone of voice.

“An orb, you say?”

“Yes, it’s pretty, about this big,” he held his hands in the shape of an orb, “white, can glow – probably in the dark as well,” he grinned.

Sam chuckled at his lame joke and shook her head, berating herself. “Thor gave this to you?”

Arching his eyebrows, Jack stuffed his fists into his pockets and rocked on his feet. “Yeah, sort of, but it had to be cleared by the geeks first.”

“You didn’t steal it, did you Sir?”

“Of course not, Carter,” Jack heaved a sigh, rolling his eyes. “He uses it to measure someone’s ATA gene.”

Now Sam knew what he was talking about and quickly walked over to a cabinet and pulled out a see-through sphere. “This one, Sir?”

“Yes, thank you!” Jack threw his arms up in gratitude, before holding out a hand to take it from her.

Sam took a closer look, examining the sphere after his description and frowned. “Sir, are you sure? With all due respect, General, your description is way off.”

“Is not,” Jack petulantly replied, reaching for the orb.

“It is, Sir,” she retorted, keeping it out of his grasp. “This  _sphere_  is see-through, slightly smaller than you described and there’s nothing pretty or shiny about it. Let alone it being white,” she scowled at him.

Reaching over her workbench, Jack snatched it out of her hand and the orb immediately started glowing, giving off a white, bright light. “See?” He asked smugly.

Sam stared at the item, before retrieving it – their hands slightly brushing – and she ducked her head, pretending to study it further. “Well, it was cleared, but – What?”

Jack chuckled at her protest as the light faded and the orb returned to its original state. “It’s not for you to play with, Carter,” he teased her, all awkwardness from before forgotten, as he placed one hand over it while it was lying in her hands.

Amazed, she stared at the orb as it started glowing and could feel it warm up, warming her cold hands. Although she had to wonder if the heat was actually coming from the orb as she glanced up and held his gaze, feeling warmth spread through her body as she looked into those brown eyes. His intense gaze made her heart flutter and she had to tear her eyes away from his, scared she’d do something stupid. Instead, she looked back at the orb, which she was still holding, his large hand on top of it almost shielding it from sight. “It’s amazing,” she said in awe.

Watching her amazement and that big megawatt smile that grew on her face, Jack’s heart ached… for more. Startled by the inappropriateness and strength of his feelings, he withdrew his hand. “Sure is,” he mumbled, his attention still focused on her face. He saw her face fall as the white glow diminished, her shoulders drooping slightly with disappointment. Clearing his throat, Jack took a step back and grabbed the orb, juggling it. “I can take it with me, right?”

“Um,” Sam started, eyes still glued to the orb he was juggling. “Please don’t drop it, Sir,” she said with a scared smile.

“I won’t, I’ve gotten quite good at juggling after that time loop,” he waggled his eyebrows at her.

Smiling, Sam shook her head. “Well, since I can’t study it while it’s working, it’s good to go,” her smile turned rueful, a bit disappointed she couldn’t make it work on her own. “Sir?”

Almost on his way out, Jack turned back to her. “Yeah?”

“Why did Thor give it to you?”

“Er,” Jack grinned at her, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You said you didn’t steal it, Sir,” Sam replied warily.

“It’s for Milou,” he shrugged. He could see the wheels turning in her head, trying to figure out what that meant. As she looked up and opened her mouth, he held up his head. “Yeah,” Jack ran a hand through his hair. “Thor asked me to have her tested and–”

“That was your meeting,” Sam nodded. “So,” she motioned towards the sphere, “I take it she has it?”

“Thor was as happy as a cheerleader,” Jack grinned, fiddling with the orb. “He–”

“General O’Neill?”

“Yes?” Jack glared at the airman interrupting him.

“General Landry requested your presence, Sir.”

“Great,” Jack groaned, waving the man away. “I should go and see what it is about,” he pointed over his shoulder.

“Yes Sir,” Sam agreed, giving him a small smile. “Oh and don’t forget your sphere, Sir,” she protested, following him into the corridor as he walked out the door, after putting it down.

Looking at his hands, Jack realized he’d automatically placed the orb on her desk, falling back on old habits from when he’d visited her lab to fiddle with her doohickeys. “I’ll get the  _orb_  later. Carter you just make sure you eat something.”

“Yes Sir,” she mumbled, the sound of his footsteps fading.

“Carter?”

Her head snapped up at his commanding voice and she saw him standing at the elevator. “Sir?”

“Come on,” he beckoned her over with his hand.

Slowly walking towards him, Sam frowned. “Sir?”

Jack smiled at her askant posture and pushed the button again. “You’re getting too skinny, Carter, got to get you something to eat first.”

She placed her hands on her flat stomach and looked down, still frowning. Well, she hadn’t been eating that much lately, with all the stress from ending her marriage and finding out about the General’s life. She just wasn’t hungry. Besides, there was still a lot of work to do; she didn’t have the time to keep running towards the commissary. “With all due respect, I’m not skinny, Sir.”

As the doors opened, he walked into the empty elevator. Turning to face her, he gave her a slow onceover. “I don’t care if it’s the latest fashion,” he started, remembering all the discussions he’d had with Cassandra. “You’re getting skinny, Carter and it doesn’t suit you.”

“I’ve hardly lost any weight, Sir,” she huffed, placing her hands on her hips. Perhaps he had a point, she mused as she felt the lack of fat tissue on her hips and remembered the way she had to fasten her belt lately. “There’s nothing wrong with me, I still have the same size.”

Jack’s eyes glanced over her body, her hands on her hip causing the jacket to fall open and at the same time emphasized the way her standard issued black tank top stretched over her breasts. His gaze lingered for a moment, before sliding down her lean frame. Her hips looked less… curvy. Her pants was hanging low on her hips and it was obvious her belt was the only thing holding it up, before– God, no, don’t go there!He shook his head and his arm stretched out just in time to prevent the doors to close. “Perhaps you should reconsider that,” he carefully replied. It wouldn’t be a smart thing to tell her those lovely curves were almost disappearing in front of his eyes, not to mention her sweet little six… “Now,” he coughed, covering for his low tone of voice, “do I have to make it an order?”

“Sir?”

“Elevator, now, commissary food, Carter,” Jack stated in his General voice.

Pressing her lips together, Sam acquiesced, knowing he’d actually order her to eat something; he’d done if before, when she’d been his 2IC.

 

 

* * *

“I’m hungry,” Milou said out of the blue, without looking up from her drawing.

Jacob had been reading a book on his bed and he glanced at the clock. “Well, that’s probably because you didn’t eat anything at lunch,” he reminded her, careful not to mention her lip, hoping she’d forgotten about that.

“Daddy gives us a b’nana,” she mumbled, before slipping from her chair and walking over to his bed.

“A banana?” He placed the book on his nightstand and got up. “I wouldn’t mind a banana myself, let’s go to the commissary and get us something to eat,” he smirked, grabbing her small hand.

“Okay,” Milou held his hand and tagged along, trying to keep up with his large steps. “Where’s Daddy?”

“He’s still in a meeting, sweetie,” Jacob explained, softly pushing her out in front of him. “I’m sure it won’t be much longer now.”

“Hi,” Milou smiled shyly at the passing men who all seemed to stare at her, before looking back at Jacob. “Why they stare?

“They’re looking at you because we don’t get a lot of kids here,” he replied, patting her head softly. Letting his fingers rake through her hair, he was glad to see Jack had been able to untangle those blond locks. “Especially not such cute ones,” he smiled at her.

“May I?” She asked with big eyes, pointing at the elevator button.

Jacob shrugged, telling her to go ahead and push it. The doors immediately opened and they stepped in, after which he let her push the third button again. “We should probably get you something to drink as well,” he mused aloud.

“Lemonade?”

“Sure, you can have some lemonade,” he wondered if the commissary actually  _had_  lemonade, but they’d find out soon. “Go on,” he prompted her as the doors opened.

* * *

“Well, bye, Sir,” Sam broke the uncomfortable silence that had been hanging in the elevator. They hadn’t said a word during the ride up and she could feel his eyes glancing at her every now and then, it had unnerved her in more ways than one. Was he right, was she losing too much weight? She knew she had to take better care of herself. Sam was surprised when he followed her when she stepped out of the elevator. and frowned. “Sir?”

“Just making sure you’re actually off to eat something other than jello, Carter,” Jack gave her a small grin and motioned for her to start walking. Yeah, that sweet little six was definitely losing some of its sweetness, he pondered as she walked in front of him. “While you’re at it, you might want to get a goodnight’s sleep, too.”

“I will, Sir,” Sam replied, glancing over her shoulder.

“Carter, that could be construed as lying to a superior officer, you know that right?”

“What, no, Sir, I’d never–”     

“Please,” Jack groaned as they stepped in line. “You and I both know you’re going to get all excited about that Asgard data and stay up all night. Therefore, I’m ordering you to call it quits at 2000 hours,” he put some food on a tray for her and handed it to her. “Don’t think I won’t tell Landry,” he squinted at her.

“Yes Sir,” she gritted her teeth, annoyed with his interference. “You probably should get back, Sir,” she continued, smiling sweetly.

“Yeah, just waiting for you to get to your table and watch you take a bite,” he retorted, turning around to look at the table. “What the hell…”

Hearing his voice trail off, Sam turned, only to see him stalk off. Following his gaze, she saw his daughter standing next to the bathroom and frowned herself. Wasn’t her father supposed to be watching the General’s daughter? She handed her tray to one of the airmen and went after him, in the meantime looking around for her Dad.

“Milou, what are you doing here?” Jack asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. Where the hell was Jacob?

“Daddy,” she beamed, holding out her arms.

Leaning down, he picked her up and hugged her. “Sweetie, what are you doing here all alone?”

“Sir, have you seen my Dad?” Sam asked as she joined them.

“Gwandpa is in there,” Milou pointed over her shoulder as she looked at her father.

“Grandpa?” Sam gasped, incredulous.

Jack’s eyebrows rose to unknown heights, and at the same time the door opened. “Care to explain,  _Dad_?”

“Jack, Sammie! How did the meeting go?”

Ignoring his questions, Sam glared at him, fighting her inner turmoil.  _“Grandpa?”_

Not knowing what else to say – Carter had a way with words sometimes – Jack joined her in glaring at Jacob, who, to his surprise, just shrugged.

“Well, I figured with Jack calling me ‘Dad’ all the time, she might as well call me ‘Grandpa,’” Jacob casually replied, looking at his daughter. He recognized the stubborn, set jaw and shook his head. “Unless you mind, of course,” he continued, glancing at Jack. “Milou told me about her grandmother,” Jacob whispered, making sure the girl wouldn’t hear as to not upset her. “She then explained she didn’t know her grandpa of either side, so…”

Clearing his throat, Jack’s eyes shifted from Jacob to his smiling daughter and back again. “No, of course not, that’s nice of you Jake,” he clasped his shoulder.

“Go home, Daddy?” Milou asked, getting bored.

“Um… no, I actually have to talk to General Landry,” he apologized, putting her on her own two feet, before pressing a kiss on her crown. “Jacob?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind,” he waved his hand, “go on.”

“Thanks, bye Carter,” Jack smiled and walked away.

“Cahter and Daddy are fwiends,” Milou told her grandpa, tugging his shirt.

* * *

 

Closing the door of his quarters, Jacob turned to his daughter. “Look Sammie–”

“You let his daughter call you grandpa,” she interrupted him, in an emotional tone, once again reminded of what she  _didn’t_  have. “Why?”

“She’s a real sweetheart,” he shrugged. “No one ever said you have to be blood related to be family, you don’t mind Cassie calling me grandpa.”

“That’s different,” Sam petulantly stated, knowing he had a point.

“Is it?” He asked her, cocking his head to the side. “I can understand you’re upset about this-”

Frowning, Sam pointed at him. “Is that your phone?”

“Yeah,” Jacob turned, opened the door and walked back in his quarters – where he’d left Milou so he could talk to his daughter – and picked up the phone.

Sam peeked inside, finding two large brown eyes staring back at her. She heard her father mumble in the background and continued studying the girl the way she was apparently taking in her.

“Sam?” Jacob picked up Milou and her doll, and ushered his daughter out of his quarters. “There’s a situation with the Tok’ra and Jack and Landry need Selmak and me,” he shrugged, handing out the child to her.

“What?”

“Take her; we have to go meet the rest of the High Council.”

“No,” Sam exclaimed, feeling bad as the little girl actually cringed at her reply. “Dad, I don’t want to–”

“Well, that’s too bad, there’s just no other way. Or would you rather Jack had to dump her with someone unknown?”

“I hardly know her,” she protested.

“Still, I’ve seen you with Lola and Tim, you can certainly handle this little angel,” he pushed the child in her arms, forcing her to hold her.

“God Dad,” Sam hissed. “Please, just take her with you, I can’t do this,” she pleaded with him, her emotions rampaging through her body. Glancing at the girl, who looked a little hurt, Sam knew she didn’t want to take care of Jack O’Neill’s daughter – she was too afraid she might like her and would do just about anything to prevent that. There was no way she wanted to like this girl, not with the charming father after who she seemed to take.

“You might as well take her, aren’t you and Jack supposed to be friends?”

“You know it’s not that simple,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

Jacob looked at her – he knew why she didn’t want this – and smiled at her. “Sammie, how can you not  _want_  to like her?” He whispered rubbing the girl’s back. “She’s cute as a button, not to mention you love her father,” he winked at her.

“Dad, I know that, but… this,” she glanced at the girl in her arms. “This hurts, it’s too painful,” her voice barely a whisper.

He knew that, he could see it in her eyes. Still, something had to happen between those two and if this little girl could help… “Suck it up, soldier, I’ve got to go. We’ll try to be back as soon as possible.”

“Dad!” She knew it was too late by the way he was striding through the corridors and breathed in deeply, trying to regain her composure.

“It’s okay,” Milou spoke softly, leaning back in her hold.

Sam looked at the girl with the familiar eyes and felt something tugging at her heart. “What?”

“I love Daddy too,” she beamed proudly.

Closing her eyes, Sam prayed for someone to just shoot her now… “Look, Milou, that’s not what my father meant,” she tried, making sure the girl wouldn’t tell Jack O’Neill or her mother!

Milou nodded, still smiling. “Everybody loves Daddy.”

 


	16. Babysitting

Sam glanced at the girl in her arms, only to see her stare back at her. Now what?There was no way she could hand her over to a SF or some other personnel, Sam mused. Milou seemed to accept her and her own father had entrusted her with the care of this girl… not to mention that any chances she'd have with Jack O'Neill would be gone if he were to hear about her handing over his daughter to some stranger. Shifting the child in her arms, Sam realized she couldn't do that to the girl either; she was innocent and trusted her. Secretly, Sam already had a weak spot for Milou who was a constant reminder of Jack O'Neill, she just didn't want to admit it or give in. Now, it seemed she didn't have a choice.

"Let's get your stuff," she put on a brave smile and walked into her father's quarters to grab the little backpack she'd seen earlier.

"Okay," Milou mumbled, snuggling closer and throwing her arm around her neck.

It didn't take Sam long to find the girl's stuff and after gathering everything and placing them in the pack, she walked back to her lab in silence, Milou still on her hip. Thankfully, no one seemed to pay any attention to them, because Sam didn't feel like becoming the next topic in the rumor mill. She still had a lot of work to do, so hiding in her personal quarters with the girl wasn't an option. For now, she only had one running experiment and that was the Asgard data retrieval, so it wouldn't be dangerous to keep Milou there as well, Sam figured.

Exiting the elevator, Sam made her way over to her lab and only got a few strange glances thrown her way before opening the door. "Milou?" She asked, patting the girl's side with her free hand to get her attention. The soft groan coming from her, elicited a smile from Sam. Craning, she saw Milou blink sleepily and almost got struck by a little fist as she stretched. "Easy there," Sam admonished her.

"Sowwy," Milou mumbled, leaning back to look at her. "Where's this?"

"We're in my lab, this is where I work," she replied, leaning down to place Milou on the floor. Sam had suspected Milou had been slumbering on their way over, but daren't look afraid she'd fall in love with the sleeping child, and immediately recognized the little groan and stretching as the way the then-Colonel O'Neill used to wake up off-world to change shifts. Seeing her standing there, rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Sam looked the other way. If Milou kept reminding her of the General the rest of their time together she feared she wouldn't be able to get any work done.

"It's dark," Milou commented, glancing around. "Is that my owb?"

Realizing she'd forgotten to turn the lights on, Sam flicked the button and looked to where Milou was pointing. It was the  _sphere_  the General had come for; the one that he'd made light up in her hands… "Yeah, it is," she gave the girl a small smile.

"May I?"

Sam nodded, recognizing the excitement in her eyes, knowing that was the way she herself would react to new technology or other doohickeys. "Wait, careful," she mumbled, instantly grabbing it herself and handing it over to Milou, before the child would try to climb on the stool and reach for it. She didn't want anything to go wrong while babysitting, especially not something that would lead to her explaining to Jack O'Neill how exactly his daughter had ended up in the infirmary… Her thoughts all halted the moment Milou accepted the Asgard device and it lit up like nothing she'd seen before. "Wow."

Milou blinked a few times, before her eyes had adjusted to the bright light and then looked up and smiled at the woman in front of her. "Cool huh?"

Chuckling, Sam had to agree with her. That  _was_  exactly what it was! So far, of all the people that had been tested for the ATA gene General O'Neill had the strongest variant, but his daughter obviously possessed an even stronger variant! It was quite intriguing, if she was honest and her curiosity was definitely piqued. Sam leaned back against her workbench and observed the way Milou kept playing with the orb and how the color and intensity seemed to change together with her facial expressions…

"Thor gave it to me," Milou stated as she noticed Colonel Carter watching her and her orb. "He's my fwiend."

"I know, your father told me," Sam gave her a wan smile.

"You know Thor too, Kewnel Cahter?"

"Yes, Thor is a friend of mine, too," she replied, taking a seat to check on her computer and data analysis. "Why don't you call me 'Sam', Milou?"

"Sam," Milou mused aloud, frowning a little.

"It's my first name," she commented, glancing back at the child.

"It's short."

Sam shrugged and turned towards her. "It's short for Samantha."

Milou placed the orb on the ground next to her and stood. "Daddy says 'Cahter', why?"

"Your Daddy is my boss, or more my boss' boss," she smiled. "He's supposed to call me by my rank, colonel, or just my last name when we're at work."

"That's stupid," Milou protested, as she walked over to the table.

"It's the rules," Sam mumbled, more to herself than to the child.

"Wules are stupid."

"Yeah, sometimes they are…"

Milou turned her attention back to her orb and rolled it from one hand to the other over the floor, delighted to see it light up as she touched it.

Sam's mind filled with thoughts about rules and one in particular: fraternization regulations… The General's daughter was right; sometimes rules are just stupid!Sam tried to focus on her computer, but her mind kept spinning with possibilities of what might have been had there not been those frat regs. It made her wonder if they – her and the General – would have gotten together from the start. Would they have? If there hadn't been those pesky regs, would they have gotten together over ten years ago?

If so, would they have survived all the missions and attacks? Would they still be together after ten years? She now knew for sure she really loved him and it wasn't an infatuation, but what about him? He'd had 'feelings' for her once, felt a physical attraction to her but other than that? They could have had a child by now… she glanced at Milou, who was entertaining herself in the corner and tried to imagine if their child would have looked anything like the girl. Sam was close to resigning herself to the fact she couldn't have children – her and Pete had tried, but she'd known from the start it could be difficult after Jolinar – and now started thinking again.

Perhaps, if there hadn't been those regs or if Jack O'Neill or herself hadn't been in the USAF – or the same chain of command, for that matter – they could have had a child before she had blended with Jolinar. Then again, if they hadn't been in the USAF, they probably wouldn't have met, would they? Of course, there was Dr. Carter from the other reality that had been married to her Jack O'Neill and their alternate selves that Daniel had met in another alternate reality that had been engaged… And how had they ended up? Yeah, not such a good idea, she mused, letting out a deep sigh.

She startled as she felt a hand on her knee and turning, she saw Milou was giving her an inquiring look. "What?"

Milou cocked her head to the side and looked at Grandpa Jacob's daughter and Daddy's friend, with big eyes. "Sammie sad?"

* * *

Jack stomped down the ramp as soon as he came through the 'gate on their side again, not even waiting for the marines that had accompanied him and Jacob and Selmak. To say that he'd been shocked to hear from Jacob he'd left Milou with Carter was an understatement. It wasn't that he didn't trust Carter with his daughter – he did – but he knew  _he_  felt awkward about it and couldn't even imagine what it'd be like for Carter. Carter was nice, kind and sweet with children, he knew that and thus had no worries about Milou, and that cop she'd married had kids too, so she had to know a thing or two about toddlers.

Yet, he feared she'd get caught up in that Asgard data or some other experiment and Milou would wander away or something… And perhaps he was a bit worried that Carter would be so awkward or tense that Milou would feel uncomfortable. Then again, who knew how Carter would act around her? Since he'd gotten back to Colorado Springs, it seemed like the old Samantha Carter was back and he liked it – maybe a bit too much – but he couldn't be sure of that. Of course, there was still a chance Carter wouldn't mind watching his kid; after all, she'd made her choice pretty clear after marrying Shanahan. It could be all the awkwardness about Carter and Milou were just a figment of his imagination, possibly because he wanted Carter to still have feelings for him – yeah, right, like that would happen – and thus figured there had to be some degree of awkwardness.

All he knew for sure was that he had to get over to Carter's lab to get his daughter. This hadn't been part of his plan; go into the SGC, help out Hank with the Atlantis situation and go back home. Instead, he'd been preoccupied the entire afternoon with meetings and by the time he was ready to take his girl home, he'd been hauled off to the Tok'ra because they needed help and, surprise, another meeting with him. They'd specifically asked for him, apparently  _now_  they liked him and Jacob and Selmak's help was required as well. Now, it was late in the evening and he still wasn't home!

It didn't take him long to reach the infirmary to get checked out because the sooner he'd be there the sooner he'd be done. This sure as hell wasn't something he'd missed after his promotion… The Doc couldn't help herself and poked and prodded him, took a few blood samples and checked for any stowaway Tok'ra or Goa'uld – which there thankfully weren't. After half an hour, she finally let him leave the infirmary, since it didn't seem like anything was wrong; the Tok'ra were their allies and everyone's story checked out. Jacob was already waiting for him in the corridor, cup of coffee in his hand.

"Something you need?" Jack asked askant.

Jacob gave him a wan smile and shook his head. "No, just figured you'd be a bit worn out after the long day."

"Thanks Dad," he smirked. "I was on my way over to Carter's lab to fetch my daughter," he made a vague gesture with his hand towards the elevator.

"I have to get back to the briefing room, General Landry is waiting for Selmak and Garshaw to report," Jacob replied, before handing Jack the cup and walking away.

Jack nodded and proceeded down the corridor as fast as he could walk, without running – a major general doesn't run – and reached the elevator the moment the doors opened to reveal Siler.

"Sir," Siler smiled sheepishly as the General stepped aside and let him pass.

"Fell of a ladder again, Siler?" Jack asked, raised eyebrows as he stepped into the car.

"Um… No, Sir, I bumped my head when I was working on the dialing computer," he pointed at the ice bag his left hand pressed against his head.

Jack shook his head, almost unable to believe the bad luck this man had and pressed the button for Carter's lab. "Ah, well, take care."

"Yes Sir."

The doors closed and before he knew it, he'd reached level 19 and got out of the car, strolling casually through the corridors, yet his step was quickening the closer he got to Carter's lab. Before he reached it, however, he instinctively looked down and patted his vest and legs, checking to see he'd given all of his weapons off to one of the SFs in the gateroom. There was no need for his daughter to see him with weapons…

The moment he reached the lab, he frowned. It was dark. Flipping the switch, the room bathed in light and yet, it was still empty of people. Jack padded over to the workbench and recognized one of his daughter's drawings and something that looked like… a puzzle perhaps? He picked up a piece and smiled as he recognized it; Carter had made a puzzle for his daughter. The discovery made his heart flutter and he silently berated himself. It didn't mean anything beside the fact that she had made a puzzle for his – probably – bored daughter.

However, he couldn't find a clue as to where the two of them had gone and he almost had a heart attack as he imagined Carter taking his daughter home with her. After all, it was almost 2200 hours and he'd told her to call it a night after 2000 hours and go home to get some sleep… He hadn't expected her to actually go this easily, which probably only proved how tired she really was. Now what? The drawing and puzzle were proof enough that Carter  _had_  watched his daughter and not dumped her with a SF or someone else on base. Still, he definitely didn't want her to take Milou home with her and have her and that cop take care of his daughter together. He quickly grabbed the phone and called topside to have them check the sign-out sheet; Carter hadn't left.

Where could they be? Normally, Carter would be in her lab or the commissary, but he doubted she'd take Milou with her to the commissary at this hour; after all, she had experience with those two stepchildren of hers. He was pretty sure nothing had happened, because he had just left the infirmary and knew someone would have told him if Milou – or Carter for that matter – had gotten hurt. Sighing, he walked back to the elevator. Time to check out the crew quarters, not that he could remember the last time Carter had actually gone to sleep there – unless there was an early or very late mission – especially since she'd been involved with Shanahan.

When the elevator finally arrived, he descended the six floors in a slow pace – too slow for Jack's liking – and he seriously considered asking Siler if he had been adjusting the elevator's mechanisms or something. He could've sworn it usually went a lot faster. If Carter and Milou weren't there, then where could they be? Perhaps she'd dropped her off at Jacob's VIP quarters? No, Jacob would have told him if that was the case… Impatiently rocking on his feet, Jack heaved an exasperated sigh as the elevator finally came to a halt.

Crossing the corridors, he found himself standing in front of Carter's quarters. There was no sign of life; there was no light coming from behind or under the door and he clenched his jaw. Should he knock or just barge in? Why weren't there any name signs around here? What if Carter had a new room, if she still had one at all?


	17. Sleep

He knocked softly on the door, but no one answered and he didn’t hear any sounds coming from inside. Making up his mind, Jack tried the doorknob, which, surprisingly, wasn’t locked and opened the door. Peeking inside, it took his eyes a few seconds to adjust to the dim light, but he could see a bulge on the bed and squinted. Not able to make out something without more light he flicked the switch, wincing himself as the light on the wall opposite blinded him for a moment. Thankfully, it wasn’t too bright, and just gave him enough light to glance around.

“Daddy?”

He heard a small voice and rustling of fabric, before Jack saw his daughter slip out of the bed. “Hey honey,” he bent to pick her up as she walked up to him.

Snuggling closer, Milou yawned. “Late,” she mumbled, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I know I’m late and I’m sorry… where’s Carter?” Jack asked, as he rubbed slow, soothing circles on her back. He straightened her PJs as his eyes followed the direction her hand was pointing. Carter was still sound asleep, facing them, he noticed. Her long hair untied, covering the pillow and framing her face, while the blankets had shifted the moment Milou had slipped out of bed.

Milou’s cold nose was pressing against his neck as she threw her arms around his neck. “Sam’s asleep.”

“Yeah,” Jack cleared his throat and gave his daughter a smile. “Yeah, I can see that, bet she was tired, huh.” The cold nose rubbing against his neck told him she was nodding her head and he gently squeezed her leg, before turning his head. “Why don’t we get your things and go home?”

Milou leaned back and frowned at her father, after his whispering. “Why?”

“I’m tired and so are you,” Jack whispered again. “Time to get you to your bed, sweetie.”

“Can’t we stay?”

“Um,” Jack started, his eyes automatically drawn to Carter’s sleeping form. “No, we should get home.”

“Daddy, you can sleep here,” Milou tried again, pointing at the bed.

 _If only…_ “No,” he replied, grabbing her bag and checking the contents for her things, including the tights and dress she’d been wearing.

“What about Sammie?”

“We’ll just let her sleep, she’s tired,” Jack smiled at her, walking back to the table to find a paper and pen to leave Carter a message. When did she start calling Carter ‘Sammie’?

“Wait,” Milou protested, whining and wiggling in his hold.

“Milou,” he warned her.

“Poesje,” she replied in a hurt tone.

Rolling his eyes, Jack unzipped the bag again and glanced inside. “Where is it?”

“In bed,” was all the warning she gave, before pushing against his shoulder.

It was obvious to Jack she wanted to get her stuffed animal, but he wouldn’t risk her waking Carter. He’d seen the dark circles and fatigue in her face earlier; she was exhausted and finally asleep at a decent hour. “We’ll pick it up tomorrow,” he mumbled, shifting her in his arms so he could write the note.

“No, I want it,” she protested, still wiggling.

“You’ll wake Carter,” he admonished her in a harsh whisper.

“But Daddy!” Milou whined, throwing her head back.

Closing his eyes, Jack counted to ten. She’s tired and thus a bit whiny, that’s all.“I’ll make sure to pick it up tomorrow,” he repeated slowly. Unable to write something, he placed her on the floor to get his hands free. Leaning forward, he grabbed the piece of paper and pen.

Milou immediately ran over to the bed, climbed on it and crawled under the covers to find her stuffed animal.

Hearing the familiar sound of rustling fabric, Jack turned around. “Milou!” he whispered in an angry tone. His daughter’s blonde head came from under the covers, brown eyes with a guilty conscience looking at him. “Sam’s lying on Poesje,” she said in an upset voice.

“Of course she is,” Jack mumbled, not believing what was happening in front of him. “Milou, stop it.”

“But–”

“No,” he spoke in a louder tone and held up his hand. “I’ll bet Carter wants to keep Poesje to stay with her tonight.”

Ceasing her activities, Milou sat back on the covers, pondering her father’s words. Looking from Sam to Daddy, she wasn’t sure what to do. She wanted her kitten with her, but Daddy was mad at her and Sammie was asleep, she didn’t want to wake her.

“Trust me, it won’t mind,” he continued, referring to the stuffed animal. “Carter will be happy and have a good night’s sleep, and you’ll probably fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow, so you won’t even miss it.”

“Okay,” she replied, bobbing her head slowly. Throwing a last glance at her kitten, she turned to her father.

Jack sat down in the chair to write the note, while watching his daughter out of the corner of his eye. She was still sitting on the covers, shoulders a bit sagged and pouting. Well, at least Carter is still asleep, he mused. His hand hovered over the paper while he was trying to think of something to write. Eventually, he decided to simply go with a “Thanks Carter” and signed it. He saw movement on his left and when he turned, he sighed as Milou had crawled back under the covers. “Milou,” he started.

“Daddy, I’m c-cold,” she whispered with chattering teeth, pulling the covers around her head.

He had to admit it was a bit chilly in the room and he was wearing jeans and a pullover, while all she was wearing was a pink sleeveless top and blue PJ pants and was barefoot. He remembered Carter never seemed too bothered with the cold on their missions, unless they were stuck in an ice cave. She probably hadn’t been here in a while – although there seemed to be some of her clothes and personal items – and decided to stay the night here for Milou and didn’t have the time or just forgot to turn on the heating. A quick glance over his daughter’s head told him Carter was still asleep and he shrugged. “Fine, you’ll stay under the covers while I’ll get all your things, but don’t wake Carter,” he made a vague hand gesture at the stuff on the table as he whispered.

Milou beamed at him and made herself even more comfortable, and because she was still shivering, she snuggled closer to Sam’s warm body while her dad was packing her bag.

Bending down, Jack picked up the missing tights and stuffed them in the _Hello Kitty_ -pack, not even bothering to fold them or the dress that was already in the pack. He felt something tug at his heart as he glanced over to the bed, where Carter had thrown an arm around his daughter, who’d cuddled up to her. Great, now he was jealous of his daughter!He knew it wasn’t just that, it was the entire picture; Carter – in bed – with his daughter, a protective arm around her, all snuggled up together. It just seemed so _right!_

He shook his head – it was probably instinct from raising the cop’s kids – placed his knees on the floor as he saw a few lost crayons under the chair and reached for them. Fumbling in the backpack, he found the crayon holder and placed them in their original spot. Leaning on his hands, he made sure he hadn’t forgotten any and placed the box back in the bag. Sitting back on his knees, he was about to stand up when he hit his head against the table. Hard. “Crap!”

Frowning, Milou leaned on one arm to sit up to get a better view and hissed at him. “Ssh!”

Jack rubbed the back of his head while getting up, and muttered a curse under his breath. He waved Milou’s protest down with his hand and picked up the bag. It seemed he had everything now, he thought. Leaning over the table, he pulled a few sheets of paper towards himself and looked. Apparently, his daughter had been getting drawing lessons from Carter, he mused as his finger traced the stick figure with the yellow hair. Unsure what to make of it – it could be Carter, Ilse, Milou herself or even Nathan with too long and a bit too light hair – he placed it back to its previous position. Perhaps she’d drawn _something_ for Carter, if Milou wanted to take it with her she would’ve told him, right?

He glanced back as he heard rustling of the sheets and saw Milou watching him, as Carter shifted on the bed. Perhaps he’d been a bit loud when he’d hit his head? As if hypnotized, he kept watching her; the way the corner of her mouth quirked up a bit, how she rubbed her nose sleepily and how the sheets slid off her shoulder, revealing tantalizing pale, freckled skin… Definitely time to go, he said to himself as he zipped Milou’s pack up and walked over to the door, Milou’s jacket in hand. “C’mon, time to go,” he beckoned Milou with his hand as he whispered.

Throwing the covers off herself, Milou took one look back at Sam – who was completely covering her kitten by now, its tail the only proof he was actually squashed beneath her – and shrugged to herself. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss on her cheek, before scooting over to the edge of the bed.

Feeling the slight pressure on her cheek, Sam raised her hand and touched it. Blinking a few times, she woke up completely and stretched, shivering as she felt the cold temperature around her. “Milou?” She mumbled, seeing the little girl sitting on the edge. “Come here, honey, it’s,” she looked over her shoulder and saw it wasn’t even midnight yet, “late, you need your sleep.” _As do I,_ she mused, surprised she’d fallen asleep so early. Especially because she’d hardly been able to sleep properly lately and the only reason she’d changed in her tank top and shed her clothes to crawl in bed with the girl was because Milou had wanted her to while Sam read her a story…  “Who turned on the light?” She frowned, as she noticed the light on the wall.

“Sammie?” Milou turned towards her, a patented O’Neill grin on her face.

“Yeah?” Sam yawned, sat up and stretched again. Damn, it was really cold!She shivered involuntarily and reached down for the covers. “It’s cold, get under the covers, Milou.” She pulled out Milou’s kitten and placed it in between their pillows on the small bed. She’d found an extra pillow in the closet and had given it to her, since she was so small and hardly took any space on the bunk. Afraid the girl had fallen off the bed Sam sat on her knees and scooted over to the edge.

Milou had slipped from the bed and smiled at her father, who was still standing next to the door. Turning on her heels, she cocked her head to the side. “I go, Sammie.”

Shaking her head, to get rid of the last remnants of sleep, Sam frowned. “What, where?”

“Daddy,” Milou replied, still smiling.

Running a hand through her long hair, Sam blinked a few times before following the girl’s gaze. “Sir,” she started, before clearing her throat. “Um… Sir, I didn’t see you.”

Jack had to tear his gaze away from her charming appearance and gave her a small smile. He pretended to cough in order to keep his composure and nodded. “I figured as much, Carter.”

Sam broke her gaze free from his, to take in his appearance; the same stonewashed jeans and dark pullover he’d been wearing earlier. “How did it go?”

Confused, Jack’s brow creased. Then he remembered what she was referring to. “Fine, Garshaw and Selmak are talking to Landry now,” he replied. Unable to ignore her sleep attire, Jack let his eyes wander again… Damn, it had been over a decade since he’d seen that sweet little tank top number and now she had to wear it?He lowered his gaze, only to come across her bare midriff and see that she wasn’t wearing anything else besides _that_ tank top and blue panties.

“Daddy?”

Thank God for children, Jack said to himself as his eyes shifted back to Milou, who was standing between him and the bed. “I’ve got your jacket; you don’t need to get dressed.”

“Okay,” Milou nodded.

Aware of her undressed state, Sam quickly slipped her legs under the covers as she felt a flush forming in her neck. “Don’t you want your kitten?”

“No,” she shook her head. “Daddy said you keep it for tonight. Poesje help you sleep.”

Touched, Sam bit her lip and just nodded as her gaze went back to the General, who was smiling bashfully at her. It didn’t prevent her from blushing. “Oh no, that’s not necessary, you should take it with you.”

“Sure? Daddy said you tired.” Milou mused aloud.

“I’m sure.”

Jack stayed quiet as he was fascinated with the flush spreading over Carter’s face and neck, making her look even more beautiful, despite her bed hair – which he thought was adorable. He had to stuff his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from doing something stupid, as he noticed the flush disappearing… under her tank top, following the ball chain which held her dog tags. He’d never really thought dog tags were attractive – until he met the then-Captain Samantha Carter and had seen those tags go _there_.

Even after all these years, sometimes he was still haunted by those dog tags at night. He was jealous of dog tags, for crying out loud! He cleared his throat and tried to look away as she shivered from the cold. Dog tags… That seductive chain doesn’t just contain her dog tags, also her wedding ring, you idiot! Jack shrugged to himself, ignoring that little voice. He swallowed hard as he saw Carter reach out her hand containing the stuffed animal for Milou and his attention was drawn to her dog tag chain again… more precise: where it disappeared under her neckline. How the fabric of that sweet little tank top number stretched over her full breasts – who said military women didn’t have curves? – and showed her hard nipples. “Just the cold,” he muttered to himself, finally able to tear his gaze away from the barely dressed Colonel.

“Sir?”

“What?”

“I thought you said something, Sir,” Sam frowned, pulling up the covers as she shivered again.

“Nothing, Carter. Nothing at all,” he smirked. “Good to go, Milou?”

Milou nodded as she stepped in front of him, stuffing her kitten into her backpack before holding out her hands for her jacket. “Daddy?”

Jack bent down and helped her into her jacket. He frowned as Carter scooted over to the edge of the bunk. She’d better not get out of bed dressed like _that_!“Carter?”

“I should probably check on my computer, Sir,” Sam mumbled, trying to get one of the sheets from the bed to cover her body. She wasn’t embarrassed about her body, she just didn’t want to parade around in front of Jack O’Neill, because the things his presence did to her body… Well, they weren’t appropriate, especially not with his daughter present.

“No, you just stay in bed, Carter,” Jack replied, in a harsher tone than he’d meant, but he wasn’t sure he could handle her out of bed. “No need to check on your computer, I was just in your lab and everything was fine.”

“With all due respect, Sir,” Sam frowned, “but you wouldn’t know if something was wrong until it blew up in your face. Sir.”

Milou giggled at that and ducked her head, trying to hide it from them.

“Hey, no making fun of me,” Jack playfully poked her in the side, which only made her giggle harder. “You just get some sleep, Carter,” Jack made a dismissive gesture towards her. “Because, _with all due respect, Colonel_ ,” he imitated her, “you look like you could use it.”

Sam bit her lip and shrugged. “That’s just the thing, Sir, I’m not sleepy anymore.”

“Nice try, but you’re still staying here.”

“But Sir-”

“Do I have to make it an order, Carter?”

Sam rolled her eyes, certain he couldn’t see it from where he was standing and had to bite back a smile as she saw the sympathizing look Milou sent her. Almost as if the girl had experience with the General acting like… a general. “No, Sir.”

“Maybe Daddy can wead you a stowy,” Milou offered, smiling.

“Ah…”

“That’s not really necessary, sweetie,” Sam hastily replied. “Besides, there’s no time for that,” she continued as the girl pouted. “You two have to get home, remember?”

“Right,” Milou answered, thinking. “Daddy can tuck you in and kiss you g’night. It weally works,” she beamed, proud of her idea.

Sam’s blush returned with a vengeance; just thinking about the General ‘tucking’ her in and kissing her… “Um,” was all she could utter.

Clearing his throat again, Jack quickly looked at Milou. “Why don’t you tuck her in and give her a kiss, okay?” Not that _he_ didn’t want to, but he doubted she’d appreciate it and he was pretty sure it wouldn’t help _him_ sleep, at all! He gently shoved her towards the bed.

Milou shrugged and told Sam to lie down and pulled the covers over her. “G’night Sammie,” she whispered, before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams to you too,” Sam replied, smiling at the girl.

“Yeah, g’night Carter,” Jack nodded awkwardly from his position at the door. “We should get going, it’s getting late and-”

“Of course, Sir, I’m sure you’re tired as well. Good night,” she replied, just as awkward.

“Right,” Jack picked up Milou’s bag and took her hand. He looked at his watch and opened the door. “I still have to call Ilse,” he muttered to himself, all of a sudden reminded that he hadn’t been able to call her and talk to her and the twins all day.

“Bye Sammie,” Milou waved before following her father into the corridor.

“Bye,” Sam gave her a wan smile, as she had heard the General’s words. How could she have forgotten?She turned on her side as the door closed and the light was turned off, confident of another sleepless night. As she closed her eyes, she thought about what she was going to do. Could she keep working here if the General was transferring here? She had wanted more hours and General Landry and the President had made her a few offers she wasn’t sure she could refuse; Atlantis, Area 51, Head of the Science Department at the SGC and that were just the big ones. Perhaps she should talk to her friends – _all_ of them – about it, ask _him_ about the specifics of his transfer, because all she knew he was going to transfer and a new office was being prepped here. Yeah, another sleepless night!


	18. Revelations

  
Glancing at her inbox, Sam realized she was finishing her last piece of paperwork and sighed inwardly. That meant no more stalling, at least, not legitimately. She could always hide in her lab. Then again, if the General were to come look for her – as he used to – he’d know where to find her and would realize she was stalling, which she didn’t want him to know. Moreover, knowing him, he’d catch her in the act.

Saving the document, she hit ‘print’ and turned off her computer. Sam grabbed her things and walked over to the printer to put the papers in their folder before closing off her lab. She padded over to the elevator and absentmindedly pushed the button, her thoughts once again going over General Landry and the President’s proposals. What should she do? Where to go?Could she really move to Nevada and work at Area 51? Neither Landry nor the President had explicitly told her that she would be heading R&D if she were to accept, but the paperwork spoke for itself.

Just a few days ago, she’d reinstated herself in her old house after cleaning it thoroughly. Picking up her things from Pete’s had gone over smoothly, mostly because he was called in only moments after she’d arrived – something for which she was thankful. It hadn’t taken her long to pack everything up. She was a military brat and knew how to pack up in a hurry, not to mention she liked to keep her things organized. Opening her closet, she’d grabbed everything; hangers included, and threw it on the bed and packed it up. It hadn’t taken her more than fifteen minutes to erase every trace of her existence from the bed- and bathroom, which unnerved her a bit. Had she really been living there for a few years? Was it that easy to pack up her things and get the hell out? Ironically, it had taken her more time to clear out the bookcase – probably because five-sixth of it was hers – and secure her books in her car than packing up her other personal items and cleaning up after herself. Her Indian and Harley had given her a bit of trouble, but thanks to Siler’s double motorcycle trailer coupled to one of the base’s Humvees, she’d eventually been able to take them with her as well.

Daniel and Teal’c had, of course, offered to help her, but she felt this was something she had to do on her own. It would’ve been different if everything had been packed, they didn’t have to be there when she was going to see Pete and pack up her things – erasing herself from his house. Fortunately, for her, it had been just her going through her things, without any spectators. Well, with the exception of those nosy neighbors of course. That was okay though, she never really liked them anyway. If she was going to be a topic of the rumor mill, she’d rather have it be this mill than the one of the SGC.

“Ma’am?”

Startled, Sam looked up, the two airmen in front of her reminding her of her whereabouts. She nodded and joined them in the car, ready to go over to the briefing room. It wasn’t the briefing per se she wasn’t looking forward to – just the company. Well, that wasn’t  _completely_  true either, yet she was a bit nervous seeing as Jack O’Neill would be joining them again. In a way, she was looking forward to seeing him again after the last few days, especially after the way they had parted. Thinking of that evening made her smile, despite the awkward moments that had passed between them. It was probably the closest they had been regarding intimate situations in over five years – excluding  _that_  kiss – and she’d yearned to touch him, or more specifically rip off his clothes and pull him into bed with her.

She ducked her head as she felt a blush creeping up her neck, not wanting the airmen to notice and hastily got off the elevator the moment the doors opened. Yeah, unfortunately, she was a better woman than that. Okay, maybe she wasn’t, but she knew  _he_  was a better man. Besides, his  _daughter_  had been in the room with them! Not a good idea at all!The years she had been working as his 2IC, she’d been dreaming of him during lonely nights and, against better judgment, of a life with him. Somehow, blond-haired brown-eyed children had been a part of that dream. Hell, for all she cared the kids had purple hair and red eyes! The truth was that he had everything she’d always wanted – the life she had wanted with  _him_! He’d found it elsewhere and she couldn’t blame him, because,  _God_ , that girl of his was the definition of cuteness, Sam was sure of it!

Milou had only been with her for a few hours, but had probably stolen her heart the moment they’d met. Such a contrast to Lola, Pete’s daughter. She’d spent two years helping him raise her and somehow, she’d never found the way to her heart and Milou had done it in mere moments. A little voice kept telling her that perhaps it had something to do with said girls’ fathers, but she refused to listen to it. There was a good chance her likeness to General O’Neill had something to do with it, but Sam was sure it was also her personality and the way she seemed to accept other people in her life…

“Colonel Carter,” Teal’c greeted her as she walked into the room.

“Hey guys,” she mumbled, placing her files on the table and quickly stood at attention as both generals joined them.

“Carter,” Jack sighed, rolling his eyes. “Didn’t I once tell you to–”

“Yes, Sir,” She smiled, standing at ease.

Jack grinned, before taking place next to her – his old spot – and shrugged as Hank looked at him asking permission to start. “It’s your show, Hank, I’m just here because I don’t have anything better to do,” he joked.

Hank nodded and cleared his throat. “As you are all well aware of…”

* * *

 

“Carter?”

“Yes Sir?” Sam stood together with him and turned to face General O’Neill.

“Has Cassie called you?”

She frowned, trying to think of the last time they’d called, which was about a week ago. After thinking long and hard about it, Sam had decided to tell Cassie in person about her divorce and thus had made mere small talk and listened to her stories of college. “The last time we spoke was about a week ago, Sir.”

“Oh,” Jack nodded to himself. “Well, her plane landed an hour ago and I believe she wanted to see you,” he continued after glancing at the clock. “Probably this weekend, since that’s when Teal’c’s farewell party is.”

“Yes Sir,” Sam confirmed, wondering where he was going with this.

“You’re coming to the party, right?”

If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he actually looked a bit nervous. “Daniel hadn’t filled me in on the details yet, Sir, why?”

“Oh, I see,” Jack grabbed his manila folder – happy the meeting had come to a quick end and more than ready to go home – and smiled at her. “Well, the barbecue is at my place on Saturday.”

“Ah,” Sam stammered for a moment, watching his retreating back. “I’ll, eh… I’ll be there, Sir.”

Waving over his shoulder, he replied a “Great Carter” before taking off to finish up on this latest paperwork. It was as if the torture never ended. One would think they’d run out of paper sooner or later, right? No such luck for him, though.

* * *

 

“Sam?” Cassie peeked around the corner of her lab and smiled as she spotted the other woman. “Hey!”

Looking up, Sam gave her a megawatt-smile. “Cassandra!” 

Walking over, Cassie hugged her. “How are you? I tried calling but no one answered and I didn’t want to leave a voicemail…”

“When did you call?” Sam frowned trying to think of any missed calls but couldn’t come up with anything.

“A few times this week, usually later in the evening, since Jack told me you were working late…”

“He did?”

“Yes,” Cassie replied, taking a step back. “Have you been eating anything at all? You’re way too skinny, Sam, if Mom were still around she’d–”       

“Hook me up to an IV, yeah, the General already gave me a speech,” she shook her head; on one hand happy her friends – even Jack O’Neill – were obviously concerned for her, yet on the other hand a little annoyed with their interference. “I’ve just been really busy. The General told me you wanted to come over this weekend? Because I’d love that, we should really talk.”

Cassie was about to object, but she could tell from Sam’s tone of voice that she was serious, so she just nodded. “Yeah, sure, I’d like that. I’ll have to check with Jack, though, I’m not sure when he’s expecting me to stay over,” she shrugged.

“Great,” Sam smiled. She turned towards the entrance as she heard faint voices coming from the corridors, including a few familiar footsteps. Poking Cassie, she pointed towards the door.

Hearing the same thing, Cassie walked over to the door and chuckled as she bumped into Jacob, Jack and Milou. “Grandpa Jake,” she greeted him, before enveloping him in a tight hug.

“Cassandra,” Jacob tried to breathe, but the young woman was surprisingly strong. “You can let go now.”

“Sorry,” she giggled, before turning to Milou. “Milou!”

Milou shrieked as Cassie lifted her and twirled her around in the air, before hugging her. “Cassie!”

It took her a moment to realize where she was, and Cassie immediately shut up and turned to Sam. “Um…”

“It’s okay, Cass,” Sam smiled, walking over to them. “Hey sweetie,” she greeted the toddler, who reached out to her.

“Sammie!”

Jacob chuckled as he heard the youngster referring to his daughter using the name only he and Mark supposedly were allowed to call her. He’d been happy to hear that Sam hadn’t had any trouble while watching Jack’s daughter, not that he’d expected her to but it was nice to see that she had taken to the girl. If his Sammie was to have a chance with Jack O’Neill, she certainly needed to get along with his child. It was almost as if the two of them were getting along even better than he’d hoped and definitely better than the way Sam had been with Lola. Jacob had never really liked Pete’s children, not because they were his but they were distant towards him. Sometimes even to Sam, he’d noticed, yet never told her. He knew she had done the best she could to handle those children, but she couldn’t do it all on her own. Now, she was standing there in front of Cassie, smiling and talking to Milou!

“Sammie, can I take my owb?” Milou asked, as Cassie finally released her and she was standing on her own two feet, pointing at the safe they had stored it in the other day.

Shrugging, Sam glanced at the General. “Sir?”

“By all means, Carter, give the girl her orb,” Jack smirked, patting his daughter on her head.

“Daddy,” she protested, rolling her eyes, her hands grabbing his to stop him. “Sammie, wanna see what Cassie gave me?”

“‘ _Want to_ ’,” Jack automatically corrected her.

Closing the safe again, Sam turned towards the little girl, orb in hand and nodded. “Sure, what is it?”

Milou tried to remove her backpack, but couldn’t get the straps off as she wiggled her arms. “Daddy,” she whined, “help me?”

Leaning down, Jack removed her pack and opened it for her. “Here,” he mumbled, taking the – already forgotten – orb from Carter and showed it off to Jacob, smirking.

Finding the box, Milou held it out for Sam. “Look,” she beamed proudly, “It’s a puzzle,” she gave away before Sam had gotten the chance to look at it.

“Really? That’s sweet of Cassie, isn’t it?” Sam smiled at the young woman, who smiled back and tried to think of a time Cassie had gotten Lola or Tim a present – with the exception of birthdays and such. Not able to come up with such an occasion, Sam silently shook her head. It was clear to her that Cassie was much closer to the General’s daughter than to Pete’s children. She’d probably been there from day one, she mused. “Shall we take a look?” She offered, taking the box from the girl’s hands and motioning towards her – almost empty – workbench.

“Can we?”

“Sure, go ahead,” Jack waved his hand at the two of them, while Jacob and Selmak were examining the orb he’d just handed over. “Do you feel ignored as well?” He whispered to Cassie.

Smiling, Cassie nodded her head, while observing Sam and Milou. It was touching to see Sam with Jack’s little girl, she mused. She had always suspected Sam would like the kids, but she hadn’t expected the two of them to get along this fast!“Just a bit,” she replied in the same tone. “How are things abroad?”

“Good, just called last night and everything was going great. Just miss them,” Jack admitted, shrugging.

“I understand,” Cassie turned to him and smiled. It was even strange for her to come by to visit, and only see Milou, no Maddy or Nathan or Ilse for that matter. “When are you going to join them?”

“I was hoping last week, but that didn’t work out,” he replied, returning her smile, before glancing over at Carter and his daughter hunched over the workbench, completely focused on the puzzle. “Hopefully, I can get there before the end of the week. Ilse has an ultrasound planned,” he shrugged, knowing Cassie would understand. He was touched to see Carter mothering over and playing with Milou and silently berated his wandering mind, reminding himself that it was probably just routine for her, having to take care of the cop’s kids all the time. Would she be like this at home? Playing with the kids, helping them with their toys?

“I’m sure everything is fine, she hasn’t had any complications, right?”

“No, but still,” Jack ran a hand through his hair. “They didn’t get to see much on the first ultrasound, so she’s a bit nervous.”

“I can understand that,” she mused aloud.

Seeing as Milou kept brushing her bangs to the side, Jack reached into her backpack and pulled out her hair ribbon as he sneaked up behind her. “Milou.”

Tearing her gaze away from the puzzle she and Sam were making, Milou looked over her shoulder to see her father standing there. “What?”

“Excuse me?”

“What is it, Daddy?” She bashfully corrected herself, ducking her head a bit.

“Let me put this on,” he explained, holding up the headband. As she nodded, he pulled her hair back and put it in place, to prevent her hair from falling back the moment she leaned forward again.

Sam smiled as she watched him with Milou, especially as she recognized the pink and white colors and the little kitten, from  _Hello Kitty_. “It’s lovely, Sir.”

“Gee, thanks Carter,” Jack groaned, rolling his eyes. If it wasn’t Daniel, it’d be Carter trying to make fun of him… “It was a gift from Cassie,” he petulantly stated.

“Oh,” Sam chuckled, turning towards Cassandra. “I love it, Cassie.”

“Maybe I should get you one, too, for your birthday?” Cassie teased her, grinning evilly.

“Um… I think I’m a bit old for that,” she retorted hastily. “Besides, I’ve never been the kind of girl for headbands and such.”

“Yes, you were,” Jacob smiled at them, looking up from studying the inactive orb. “You had all kinds of headbands when you were little; white, yellow, red, but most of all pink. You even had these matching dr–”

“Dad!” Sam rolled her eyes. “That’s okay; we don’t have to get into that. What does Selmak think of the orb?”

Chuckling at her change of subject, Jacob contemplated his answer. “It certainly is intriguing.”

“No, wait, I think we all want to hear about little Carter and her headbands,” Jack stated in a serious tone, the smirk on his face belying his tone of voice.

“Sir, please,” Sam clenched her jaw, suppressing what she would love to say to him, but couldn’t considering he was her superior. “Could we, perhaps, discuss more important matters?”

“I heard you babysat Milou,” Cassie turned to Jacob. “How did that go? Does Selmak even have experience with children?”

“No, she doesn’t, it was quite the experience for her,” Jacob replied, grinning slightly. “Other than that, we had a lot of fun, didn’t we Milou?”

“Yeah,” Milou smirked, as she looked to him. “Can we play horsey now? You pwomised.”

“Yes Jake, you promised,” Jack teased him. “You don’t want to disappoint her, now do you?”

“Ah, well, you see Milou; I’m getting a bit old for that. Maybe you should ask Teal’c,” Jacob quickly retorted, holding up his hands.

Sam ducked her head to hide the grin on her face for her father and the others, but she couldn’t help but imagine him on all fours with the girl on his back. She snorted as she imagined them going through the corridors of the SGC like that, but quickly covered by faking a cough. She knew her father had noticed, though, by the way he was glaring at her.

“I don’t know,  _Dad_ , you still have that Tok’ra in you,” Jack shrugged casually, trying to hide his laughter at the image of the two of them riding through the halls.

“Yes, well, Selmak feels uncomfortable to be doing that,” Jacob evaded their propositions.

“You know, you could always do that, um,” Jack turned to Cassie and gestured with his hands. “That lap-variant Ilse does?”

“Oh yeah, I know what you mean, but I don’t know the routine,” she bashfully admitted. “That’s when she almost falls in between your knees, right? When there’s a ‘hole in the road’ or something?”

“Exactly,” Jack confirmed, nodding. He was trying to think of the game the kids all loved, but he couldn’t remember. “Yeah, I’ve got nothing. She’ll have to show us next week.”

“Well, I doubt she’ll be able to do it now,” Cassie frowned. Noticing he didn’t understand what she was referring to, she sighed and continued. “Since she’s pregnant? I’ll bet her belly is taking up all the space by now.”

“Oh, right.”

“A big belly,” Milou told Sammie and Grandpa Jacob in a serious voice, she gestured with both hands, “weally huge.”

Sam bit her lip and nodded to the child, not wanting to think about the other woman. She glanced at the General, but he was whispering to Cassie. As her eyes shifted to her father, she noticed him glancing at her and ducked her head.

“Really?” Jacob tried, glancing at his daughter.

“Says there’s a baby in it,” Milou stated in a disbelieving tone, her brow creased in confusion.

“There sure is,” Jack smiled, stroking her hair. “Could you two keep an eye on her?” He asked both Carters, motioning to Milou. “Cassie has to bring her stuff over and still hasn’t found her keys, so I’ll just go over to the locker room to get her mine.”

“Um–”

“Of course, take your time,” Jacob interrupted his daughter’s protest and made a dismissive gesture with his hand towards Jack and Cassie. “It’s no bother at all.”

“Thanks Jake,” Jack replied. “We’ll be right back.”

“Dad,” Sam started as soon as the General and Cassandra’s footsteps faded away.

Jacob raised his eyebrows in an unspoken question, almost daring her to say it in front of the toddler. “What Sammie?”

Turning towards Sam, Milou noticed her mood and reached out to tug on her sleeve. “What’s wrong?” 

Swallowing, Sam looked at the innocent girl and forced a smile. “Nothing, honey.”

“So,” Jacob leaned on the workbench with both elbows and rested his head in his hands. “Pregnant huh?”

Milou nodded, while refocusing her attention back to the puzzle. Placing the final piece in its place, she smiled at them. “Look!”

“That’s great, Milou,” Sam praised the proud girl, even though her thoughts were still with the General and his pregnant girlfriend.

“Would you prefer a boy or a girl?” Jacob asked Milou in an innocent tone, ignoring the glares his own daughter sent him.

Shrugging, Milou gathered the pieces and placed them back in the box, not looking up from her work and thus missing the glances between both Carters.

“A boy perhaps?”

This time, she looked at her new Grandpa and gave him a smile. “Dunno.”

“You  _don’t know_ ,” Sam corrected her, automatically taking over the General’s role now that he wasn’t there.

Smiling bashfully, Milou nodded. “I don’t know,” she repeated.

“Wouldn’t it be fun to have a boy to play with?”

“I can play with Nate,” Milou shrugged again, concentrating on closing the box.

“Nate?” Sam mused aloud, before she could stop herself.

Milou looked up at them and nodded. “My bwother.”

Stunned, Sam stared at her for a moment. “Your  _what_?” she exclaimed.

Jacob immediately clasped her hand with his, trying to calm her with a gentle squeeze. Getting her attention, he slowly shook his head, telling her not to push it. “So, no boy then,” he tried in a lighthearted voice, despite his own surprise. “A girl?”

Looking around for her bag to place the box in, for safe keeping, Milou shook her head. “I don’t cawe.”

“You don’t want a little sister to play with? Together with  _Nate_?”

“I have Maddy,” she replied, stuffing the box in the pack on the other side of the room. Seeing the expressions on their faces, Milou rolled her eyes and continued in an exasperated tone. “My sister.”

“Of course,” Jacob stammered as Selmak was trying to keep  _him_  calm. He swallowed hard; trying to process this new information and saw Sam had the same problem. “No preferences then, you don’t want a boy or girl to play with?”

“Babies are tiny,” Milou simply replied. “You can’t play with them… Cassie says they cwy a lot too,” she frowned.

Exchanging a glance with her father after tearing her gaze from Milou, Sam could tell this was all news to him, too. Was there anything else she didn’t know about Jack O’Neill? She tried to concentrate, but the little voices in her head kept getting louder. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tried to focus her thoughts, thinking of what she had missed…

 


	19. End of the Week

 

Rubbing his chin, Jacob was deep in thought, mulling over these revelations and discussing them with Selmak. At least, that’s what her father looked like to Sam. Glancing back to the source of said revelations, she noticed that the girl seemed oblivious to the results of her disclosure. In her innocence, Milou was staring back at Sam, frowning.

“What is it, Sammie?”

Despite her inner turmoil, Sam had to smile at the attentive nature of the child and the way she called her ‘Sammie’ at times. “Your siblings, where are they? I mean, you and your father are here…” She let her voice trail off, making a vague hand gesture. Everyone had assumed the General had taken his daughter with him to the SGC last week because he didn’t have a sitter. She had heard his pregnant girlfriend was in Europe; then where were his other two children?

Scrunching up her nose, Milou looked up at the two adults. “With my Auntie.”

Sam nodded, remembering that day her and Daniel had witnessed the General and Ilse together, while they were on the phone with Ilse’s sister a few years ago. She’d remembered because it had been one of few times the General had showed a different side of himself. It made sense; Ilse had to be in Europe and thus stayed with her sister. She probably hardly ever saw her other family if she was living here in the States with the General and their perfect daughter. Wait, perfect children _._ It made her wonder though, how old these other children were and why he hadn’t mentioned them? “In Europe?”

“What about Europe, Carter?” Jack asked as he and Cassie joined them from the corridor.

“Sir,” Sam startled, not having heard him approach. “Um… Milou was telling us about her siblings,” she cautiously mentioned.

“Did she?” He raised his eyebrows at his daughter, who bobbed her head at him, grinning. “Yeah, you miss them, don’t you?”

“Uhu,” she nodded, “when will I see them?”

Picking up Milou, Jack smiled a smug little smile. “Actually, I just talked to the President and it looks like we’ll be leaving next week.”

Looking up, Jacob frowned. “You’re leaving, Jack?” That wasn’t part of his and Selmak’s plans…

“My transfer finally came through,” he replied, nodding an affirmative.

“I thought you were transferring here, Sir.” Now Sam was frowning as well, confused as hell after everything she’d learned in the past hour.

“What, no,” Jack chuckled, shaking his head. “The President and the JCS are sending me to Europe.”

“Europe, Sir?” Sam squeaked. He was leaving the continent?

Tugging on his collar, Milou tried to draw her father’s attention. “Are we gonna swim?”

He winked at her, “Yeah, I’ll take you all swimming when we get there,” Jack pressed a kiss on her temple. “Now that the Ori aren’t such a big threat anymore,” he turned towards Carter, to explain. “We’ve decided to focus more on, um… internal collaboration and strengthen the relationships on our own planet, instead of just joining forces to defeat a common enemy and protect our planet,” he sighed at the thought of the work that was expected of him. “You know how the IOA and politicians in general are; they are all complaining the US has the biggest part and is just tolerating the other nations…”

Sam understood the reasoning, that didn’t mean she had to like it, though. Of course, she had been doubting if she could keep working here if the General was stationed here as well. The thought of seeing him every day and perhaps even work together, made her heart flutter. On the other hand, constantly being reminded of him, his family and everything she _didn’t_ have, was filling her with dread. It had seemed a good idea for her to leave, but now she wasn’t too sure. She had wanted to leave to spare herself the constant reminder and let him live his life, but she hadn’t counted on _him_ leaving! “I see,” she mumbled absently, her mind running a light year a minute.

“Well, I’ve got to go, kids,” Jack smirked, handing Milou over to Cassie. “I have a meeting with Hank; will you take her home with you?”

“Of course,” Cassie smiled, tightening her grip on Milou and taking her pack as well.

“I’ll see you at my house Saturday, for Teal’c’s farewell party?” He inquired, turning in the doorway.

“Yeah, I’ll be there, Sir,” Sam smiled shyly.

Jacob cocked his head, thinking. “I’m not sure I can make it, the High Council will contact me today to tell us when we have to get back,” he explained.

Cassie turned towards Jack. “Is Ilse coming too?”

“Nah,” he made a dismissive wave with his hand. “She’s quite adamant about not flying if it’s not necessary now that she’s pregnant. It literally makes her sick, so,” he shrugged.

“Can’t you use your influence to get her beamed over?” Cassie gave him a wicked smile, waggling her eyebrows at the suggestion.

Jack chuckled at her question. If only the Doc could see her now, he mused. “I actually offered,” he mimicked her grin, “but she said she’s afraid the re-materialization might malfunction and the baby ends up outside of the womb.”

Sam snorted at the idea and shook her head automatically. “That would never happen, Sir,” she objected. She wasn’t sure why she was explaining it – she wouldn’t mind Ilse not being there – but did so anyway. “You see the Asgard beam will–”

“Ack! I’m leaving now, Carter,” Jack held up his hand, interrupting her. “Hank’s waiting, bye campers.”

“I should probably leave too, so you can get back to work,” Cassandra apologized to Sam and Jacob as the sound of Jack’s footsteps was fading.

“Can we go swimming?” Milou asked, leaning back in Cassie’s hold to see her face.

“No, your Daddy will take you later,” she rolled her eyes as Milou pouted at her reply. “He already told you. Besides, I can’t swim.”

Smiling, Sam remembered the few times she and Janet had taken Cassie to the pool, to teach her how to swim. To say it wasn’t a success was an understatement. Cassie had refused to go there eventually and Janet had relented, not wanting to force her daughter to learn to swim if she didn’t want to.

“Do you have the Asgard sphere?” Sam looked around the lab to see where it had ended up, and noticed Milou doing the same.

“Jack put it in her bag,” Jacob gestured towards Milou’s little pack Cassie was holding. “I should get going as well, Daniel asked me for some help translating.”

“All right, I’ll hopefully see you all Saturday,” Cassie smiled, waving with her free hand as she walked over to the doorway.

“Bye,” Milou smiled at Sammie and Grandpa Jacob.

“Goodbye,” Jacob replied, watching the two youngsters leave.

Sam waved back, giving them both a smile. “Bye girls.”

Padding over to the workbench where his daughter was sitting, Jacob drew her attention. “We’re still having dinner tonight, right Sammie?”

Rubbing the back of her neck, Sam scrunched up her nose, trying to remember her day planner. “Um,” she started, leaning over her desk to grab it. She looked at her schedule and, throwing a quick glance between her planner and her computer, she sighed. “I don’t think I’ll be able to make it, Dad.”

“I know you have a lot of work to do, but you still have to eat…”

“Yes Dad,” she rolled her eyes, “but I’d rather have a quick bite and continue my work.”

“Fine,” he relented, nodding. “I’ll probably be in Daniel’s lab in case you change your mind,” he continued as he walked to the door. “See you later, honey.”

“Bye Dad.”

* * *

 

Jack followed Daniel inside the house after locking the car, a bag of groceries in one arm. “Just place it on the counter, Danny,” he motioned to the kitchen with his head as Daniel waited for him in the dining room.

“Sure, Jack,” Daniel rolled his eyes, before taking the last few steps to the kitchen and placing the two bags on the counter. Released of his burden, he turned around to pass Jack and smiled as he saw Cassie and Milou playing in the backyard. “Looks like they’re having fun.”

Jack followed his gaze and nodded, as he started to unpack the last minute groceries. “Yeah, I put up two of those toddler swings with Cassie’s help yesterday.”

“Those that General Hammond gave for the twins’ birthday?”

“That’s right,” Jack smirked, as he tried stuffing all the drinks in the fridge.

“Better late than never, I guess,” Daniel mumbled to himself. “Was that everything or is there still some stuff in the truck?”

“Nope, this is it.”

“Maybe you, um… Jack? Why don’t you put some of the beer and sodas in the cooler with ice? That way you could actually fit the meat in the fridge,” Daniel suggested, pointing at the plate with steaks that Cassie apparently had already prepared. “Because I don’t think they’ll last long out here, with the temperature and such.”

“Right,” Jack muttered under his breath, before grabbing the cooling elements from the freezer and throwing them in the cooler Daniel pushed his way. Straightening, he reached into the fridge, grabbed the bottles of Guinness and Heineken and placed them in the cooler first. Carter’s – no one else he knew liked it – diet soda followed as well as several other sodas and juices for the others who didn’t want to consume alcohol. It was a farewell party for Teal’c; it was only fair if there was something for him to drink. Besides, Cassie and Milou only drank juice and Cassie sometimes soda and even a beer every now and then, but he knew Carter didn’t approve so she wouldn’t get any if Carter was there…

“What time is everyone coming?”

“Dunno,” Jack shrugged as he shut the cooler and shoved it next to the fridge. Placing the plates with meat into the fridge, he frowned. “You were the one organizing this shin dig, are you telling me you forgot to tell everyone at what time it started?”

“No,” Daniel quickly replied. “Well, I think I mentioned a time to almost everyone…”

“Almost?”

He smiled sheepishly as Jack glared at him. “Yeah, well… they’ll be here,” he shrugged. “Want to get a drink and join the girls?”

Groaning, Jack opened the cooler again and grabbed two cans of soda. He threw one at Daniel – which was barely caught in time – and walked over to the deck, his own drink in hand. It was getting chilly outside, the summer almost coming to an end. In a way, he was glad, because he loved the winter – especially at his cabin – for its snow, the warm fireplace, ice, the holidays and the cold and so did the kids. He knew Milou, for one, had been excited to learn how to skate ever since Ilse had suggested it as spring set in. On the other hand, he really liked the summer too. Not because of the sun bathing or anything, but he liked to see the kids play in the backyard; sit on his deck or have a lazy barbecue – preferably, all three at once. Fishing at the cabin wasn’t bad, either, particularly after spending way too much time in DC with some idiots, also known as politicians.

“Jack!”

He smiled as Cassie waved at him from over at the swing set and walked over to her and Milou. “You two enjoying yourselves?”

Smirking, Cassie bobbed her head. “Definitely.”

“Look Daddy, without hands,” Milou shrieked, holding her hands up for a moment and beaming proudly.

“You’re such a daredevil,” Daniel teased the girl as he joined them and poked Jack, grinning. “I wonder where she gets that from.”

“Who knows,” Jack shrugged before taking a sip of his drink, “must be a child’s daring nature.”

Cassie chuckled as she gently pushed Milou. “I already prepared the steaks, now all they need is some time on the grill,” she informed the two men.

“Yeah, we saw, Jack placed the plates in the fridge.”

“Oh right, I forgot. I wanted to, but it was filled with other appetizers and drinks. Figured I’d look for a cooler, but then Milou wanted to go play on the swing,” she smiled bashfully. “Thought this was probably the only chance today, since it’s getting colder already, not to mention all the people that’ll be here soon. Besides, it needed to be tested.”

“I’ll bet it did,” Daniel chuckled, shaking his head. “Good to see it’s still hanging, though.”

“Don’t worry about, Space Monkey, we tested it yesterday.”

“Are you trying to tell me you tried to squeeze your, um… six, in that little seat?”

Cassie and Jack both burst out laughing, Cassie almost doubling over with tears rolling down her cheeks and Jack leaned against a tree, trying to stay on his feet.

“What?”

“Can you,” Cassie gasped between laughs and wiped the tears out of her eyes, “imagine Jack…”

Regaining his composure, Jack shook his head at Daniel. “No, Daniel, we didn’t try that. I’m not _that_ dumb, you know,” he smirked, glancing at the small swing, which Milou was still occupying. “We just leaned on it, making sure it would hold,” he chuckled, which turned to laughter again as Daniel turned red.

“Right,” Daniel stammered, “I knew that.”

“Of course you did,” Cassie playfully swatted his shoulder, still smiling.

“Daddy,” Milou stretched out her arms towards her father, beckoning him to come over.

Clearing his throat, Jack walked over to his daughter. “What is it, sweetie?”

“Push me,” she demanded in a tiny voice.

Jack glanced at Cassie, who was standing next to Daniel before looking back to Milou, who was still seated in the now motionless swing. “Okay,” he stood behind her and gently pushed the swing, to the girl’s delight. “Cassie,” he turned his head towards her, getting her attention. “What time is it?”

Checking her watch, Cassie gave the two a small smile. “About naptime for Milou,” she replied.

“Not tiwed,” Milou insisted, shaking her head wildly.

“Daniel, what time is everyone arriving?” Cassie inquired, already hungry because she hadn’t had lunch yet.

“Er… I’m not sure,” he shrugged, slightly embarrassed as Cassandra rolled her eyes, clearly knowing what he meant.

“I knew I should’ve made invitations,” she mumbled, before going back inside to make herself a sandwich. “Do you boys want something to eat as well?” She yelled from the doorway. Cassie heard them mentioning something about preparing lunch and was about to ask what it was, when Daniel crossed the living room, and walked up to the kitchen.

“Need some help?”

“Thanks Daniel,” she smiled gratefully. “I didn’t hear what Jack said…”

“We bought a few baguettes too and he suggested we prepare them as well as the salad,” he shrugged, diving into the fridge to grab the necessary ingredients.

“Oh, okay,” Cassie nodded, opening the cabinets in search of the baguettes. As she found them, the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” she mumbled, placing the bread on the counter and walking over to the hallway. A loud knock sounded as she was about to open the door and she frowned, pulling it open. “Sam!”

* * *

 

Startled by the sudden opening of the door, Sam withdrew her hand in a reflex – about to knock again – and smiled as Cassie stood in front of her.

“Cassie,” she stepped forward to hug her.

“Come in,” Cassandra motioned with her hand as she pulled away and stepped to the side. “You’re early.”

“I am?” Sam frowned, thinking back. “Daniel told me to come by around 1400 hours two days ago.”

“Oh,” Cassie shrugged, as she walked back to the kitchen, Sam on her heels. “That explains it, I guess. You see, he forgot who he told what and who he didn’t tell anything at all.”

“Ah,” Sam chuckled at Daniel, who just rolled his eyes. “Well, I know that Teal’c was on his way, he and my Dad will be here within the hour and SG-3 will be here after their debriefing.”

“You see, it’ll all work out,” Daniel said smugly. “If you want something to drink, just grab something out of the cooler,” he pointed over his shoulder. “Have you had lunch yet?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, looking around for any evidence the General was actually at home. “I had some jello and some cake Teal’c had made.”

“He made cake?” Cassie frowned, turning around with a baguette in her hand. “Are you for real?”

Sam snickered at her expression. “Yes, it was actually quite good. Apparently, SG-2 gave him a cookbook as a going away present, and he decided to use some of the recipes for today.”

“They do realize there’s no Wal-Mart at Dakara, right?”

“I don’t think it was meant as a serious present,” she replied, still snickering.

“Oh.”

Cassie giggled at his dumbfounded expression, and poked him in the side. “Come on, that salad won’t make itself,” she teased. “Ah… Sam? Jack is out in the backyard, in case you were wondering.”

Sam bit her lip, a little embarrassed at being so obvious about it and decided not to comment. Instead, she walked down the few steps to the living room. It had been well over two years since she’d been here last, probably close to three, she mused, looking around. It hadn’t changed much, with the exception of the changes in the kitchen and the extra floor on top of the house – it used to be a single story house. Of course, she could hardly miss the evidence of children living in this house she thought to herself, noticing a stuffed animal on the couch, new pictures on the mantelpiece and a plastic box that probably contained toys. If she were honest, she was a bit surprised with the tidiness. Not that the General’s house used to be dirty, but it wasn’t very neat like hers always was. His place was kind of messy with several things always lying around and she’d expected the same or worse with small children present. Perhaps he’d cleaned up?

Her hand immediately went out to pick up a frame which contained a picture of Milou in a summer dress on the beach. She was even more tanned than she was now and her hair was almost platinum, Sam noticed. Her small, almost white eyebrows making her eyes look even darker. Judging by her appearance, it had been made this summer. As she placed the picture back, her eyes were drawn to a picture next to an old one from Charlie; it had three small children on it, one of which was Milou. The other two – a boy and a girl – looked a little younger, but it was hard to tell. Yet they had to be, Sam assumed it were the General’s other kids of whom she’d only learned a few days ago when Milou had casually mentioned them. Maddy and… Nate? Maddy looked adorable as well, with brown hair like the General had when they’d first met and light – blue? – eyes. The boy had blonde hair – a tinge darker than Milou’s – and the same brown eyes as the other two O’Neills. He reminded her of Charlie and her eyes immediately shifted to the old photograph of Sara and Charlie that had always been present, and probably always would be.

“Sammie!”

Feeling like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar, Sam spun around at the exclamation of her name. “Milou,” she smiled, her heart immediately slowing down as she realized the General wasn’t there to catch her red handed. “Where did you come from?”

“The swing,” she replied, with beaming eyes.

“You have a swing?” She asked, kneeling down to hug her.

Milou immediately threw herself at Sam as she bent down, and held on tightly, refusing to let go. “Yes, want to see?”

“Sure, but you’re going to have to let go,” she replied, trying to unwrap the girl from her hug.

“Nope,” Milou tightened her grip around Sam’s neck. “Lift me?”

Secretly touched with the affection Milou was showing her Sam relented, lifted her up and walked out to the deck. “Is it outside?”

“Of course, silly,” Milou giggled. Leaning back, she pointed at the swing set. “See?”

“Yeah,” Sam nodded, stepping outside. “Wow,” she muttered as her eyes shifted from the swing set to Jack O’Neill who was looking way too good for a casual barbecue. He was standing at the other side of the deck, setting up the grill. Oh yeah, the way those jeans were hugging his six _…_ Gnawing her lip, she tried to force herself to look away from his form, especially that sinful six of his.

“Daddy, wat’cha doing?”

Jack’s head snapped up, hearing his daughter’s voice and in his haste, he almost bumped his head. “Ow,” he mumbled, standing straight and turning towards Carter and Milou. “I’m setting up the grill,” he replied, winking at Milou. “Hey Carter, didn’t hear you come in.”

Blushing slightly, Sam smiled at him. “Cassie let me in a few minutes ago, Sir,” she gestured towards the kitchen. Apparently, he hadn’t noticed her staring, she mused. Why did that man always have to wear such sexy jeans? Or shirts, for that matter! Shaking her head at her own thoughts, Sam knew she was overreacting: everything on him looked good, she couldn’t help it. Without it, he’d probably look even better…       

“Ah,” Jack nodded, turning back to his grill. “I’m almost done here and then I’ll relieve you,” he mumbled.

“Wha-what?” She stammered, clearing her throat awkwardly. Sam could feel her cheeks burning as she thought of all kinds of inappropriate things he could do to her.

“Milou,” he flashed her a smile over his shoulder. “It’s naptime, I just have to finish this and then I’ll get her to bed.”

“Oh, right,” she nodded, glad he couldn’t read minds. “We’ll, um… wait inside, Sir.”

“Whatever,” he mumbled, his attention completely focused on the grill again.

Sam smiled at Milou and walked back inside, asking Cassie and Daniel if she could help them with anything.

“No, that’s okay, we’re almost done. Besides, it looks like you’re busy enough,” Cassie joked, gesturing towards Milou, who was still clinging to Sam.

“Yeah,” she agreed, sitting down on the couch.

“Don’t wanna go to bed,” Milou whined, as she sat back on Sam’s legs. “Stay with you.”

“You need your sleep, honey,” Sam smiled, lifting her and placing her next to her on the couch. “That’s safer.”

Milou shrugged and snuggled up to her side, smiling up at her. “You play music?”

“Music?” Sam frowned, not understanding what she meant. “What do you mean?”

“Like the piano.”

“Oh, an instrument… no, I don’t play an instrument,” she admitted. “Why?”

“I wanna play the piano.”

“Aren’t you a bit young?”

“Daddy’s going to teach me,” Milou bobbed her head enthusiastically.

Surprised, Sam arched an eyebrow. “He is? Huh, I didn’t know he knew how…”

Nodding, Milou elaborated. “We have a piano.”

Glancing around, Sam couldn’t see a piano and doubted if one could fit. “Are you sure?”

“Sure of what, Carter?” Jack asked, as he stepped inside, overhearing the two of them.

“Um… Milou told me you play the piano, Sir.”

“Ah,” Jack smiled bashfully, “I bet you didn’t know that.”

“No, I didn’t,” she replied, still frowning. “Really, Sir?”

“What, is it that hard to believe?”

Thinking about it, Sam slowly shook her head. Of course it wasn’t, it was probably perfect for a man like him; one that couldn’t keep his hands still, always needed to fidget or fiddle with something, his fingers always twitching, even when he was asleep – she’d seen it many times off-world. “I guess not… I never really thought about it, Sir. Besides, you never told me.”

“Well, I do,” he shrugged. “Not amazingly, but I can play a tune or two.”

“I had no idea,” she mumbled, glancing back at Milou, who was smiling proudly at her. “Guess you were right, huh.”

“Yeah,” Milou gave her a patented O’Neill grin.

“Where’s the piano, Sir?”

“What?”

“Milou said you had a piano, Sir,” Sam explained, making a vague gesture with her hand, to point out the lack of a piano in the room.

Grinning, Jack replied. “Oh, it’s in DC.”

“Oh,” she hadn’t realized it, but she was a bit disappointed. “So, are you going to teach Milou?”

“Yeah, she’s been asking for a long time,” Jack sighed, rolling his eyes. “She’s a bit too young, though. It’ll probably be a year or maybe two before we can start, but she’s always asking.”

“Sir, did you buy the piano when you moved to Washington?” Sam inquired, intrigued because he’d never had one when he’d been living here.

“It’s mommy’s,” Milou mentioned, tugging at Sam’s sleeve.

“Oh,” Sam nodded, not knowing what else to say. Hadn’t Ilse once mentioned she used to be into music?

Jack was about to respond, when the phone rang. Rolling his eyes, he crossed the room and picked up the receiver.

 


	20. Paying Attention

"O'Neill," Jack answered the phone without looking at the receiver. His eyes were still on Carter and Milou.

 _"Jack,"_ Ilse's voice sounded and he immediately relaxed, subconsciously fearing it'd be work-related.

From the other side of the room, still seated on the couch, Sam observed him. She could practically see the tension leaving his body after answering the phone and immediately knew it was Ilse on the other end. She tried pricking up her ears, but Milou was asking attention as well, making casually eavesdropping a tad more difficult.

"Sam?" Cassie almost leaned over the low wall dividing the living room from the dining room and kitchen. "Daniel I are almost finished with the baguettes, do you want some? I know you said you'd already eaten, but jello and some cake really isn't lunch."

Sam smiled, hearing the chastising tone of Cassie, which sounded a lot like Janet used to. "Sure, I'll have a small piece if it makes you happy," she relented. Turning back to the living room, she was almost startled as she saw the general glaring at her. Raising her eyebrows, she silently asked him what was wrong. Glad he was still able to do several things at the same time; she was relieved to see his expression change and a small smile of approval to appear, accompanied by an almost imperceptible nod. Well, he could obviously still read her; the only problem was she didn't understand what he meant…

 _"I just wanted to tell you that Nathan is coming down with something_ ," Ilse continued, while Jack was dividing his attention between the phone call and Carter and Cassie.

He had been observing the two women, Cassie trying to get Carter to eat something. Jello and cake for lunch? Even he knew that wasn't a proper meal, Carter really should take better care of herself. No wonder she was getting so skinny, he mused. He hadn't realized he'd been glaring at her until she raised her eyebrows at him and he gave her a sign of approval as she'd accepted Cassie's offer. Now, though, his attention was fully returning to Ilse.

"What?"

" _He has a slightly raised temperature, was sick and had trouble breathing,"_  he heard the hesitancy in her voice and rolled his eyes, silently urging her to continue.  _"I called the GP and told me to come by. We got home a little under two hours ago and he finally fell asleep. The doctor said it was croup, after a thorough examination. He didn't want to take any chances considering Nate's history,"_ she referred to him developing infant respiratory distress syndrome due to his low birth weight and underdevelopment of his lungs.  _"But it turned out to be just croup, he did give him steroids since he was having a really hard time breathing and when we got home I took him – after putting Maddy back to bed – to the bathroom. We just got out, the combination of the steam and the steroids eased his breathing, and he fell asleep in the tub with me. I just tucked him in and figured I should call you. If it had been more serious I would have called sooner, but the doctor was certain of his diagnosis moments after I got in and I didn't want to worry you unnecessarily."_

Swallowing hard, Jack let out a deep sigh while dragging a hand through his hair in a frustrated manner. Uneasy by the news, he subconsciously started pacing, one hand holding the receiver while the other was drumming its fingers on his thigh. "Okay, now what?"

Frowning, Sam observed the sudden change of behavior in him, and without thinking, she hushed Milou, trying to overhear the conversation. "Ssh, honey."

Cassie joined them on the couch, holding out a plate for Sam, which she took without taking her eyes off Jack. "What is it, Sam?"

"I don't know," she mumbled.

Turning to look at Jack as well, Cassie noticed his change in demeanor as well. "Who's on the phone?"

Sam shrugged, not knowing for sure it was Ilse and not wanting to admit how she'd known. It was rather peculiar, though, that his feelings had changed so suddenly, she mused. "I'm not sure."

Continuing to watch Jack, who seemed to be listening to the other person on the line, Cassie concluded it was Ilse. There was only one person she knew he would be so open with and that was Ilse. It wasn't in his character to wear his heart on his sleeve, but she knew he never hid anything from her, especially not when it came to the kids. Something must be wrong, she thought. "It's Ilse," she told Sam, turning to look at her.

A little surprised that Cassie had come to the conclusion, Sam cocked her head. "That's what I thought as well, how did you know?"

"Not sure, it's something in the way he talks to her," Cassie shrugged. "I've never seen him like this with anyone else, at least not in a long time," she explained, remembering the day she'd met Lily, Anna and the kids. There had also been those few moments since she'd gotten to this planet that he'd been that way with her and even Sam, to some extent. Unfortunately, times changed. "It's got to be Ilse."

"Yes," Milou bobbed her head, drawing the attention of the two women she was sitting in between.

 _"You mean the next course of action?"_ Ilse inquired, yawning loudly through the receiver.

"Yeah," Jack nodded, forgetting she couldn't see him.

 _"Well, nothing really, it has to pass naturally. The way the doctor explained it was that Nathan could experience discomfort for about a week or so, but the breathing problems should stop in two or three days. I'm just hoping Maddy won't get infected… he could run a fever, get nauseous or sick again and there will be more coughing and sneezing, which will probably lead to breathing problems_. _I've already placed Maddy in the guest room, but there's a good chance she already contracted it. Time will tell… in the mean time I'll be here to take care of them and I'll clear my schedule for Monday in the morning,"_ Jack was about to object, but apparently she saw it coming.  _"Don't worry; there isn't much I can't do from home at the moment."_

"You're saying it'll all be over in a few days?"

_"Technically, yes, the doctor told me to check in on Monday to update him. You know how concerned he gets; he's known my mother's family for decades…"_

"Maybe I should come over–"

_"Don't even think about it, mister! By the time you'll get on plane, fly over here and get to my house, the worst will be over. After which you can go back to the States to wrap up the details for your transfer, only to come back here a few days later. I'd rather you stay there, enjoy Teal'c's party, say goodbye to your friends and pack up, so you and Milou can be here at the end of the week, tops."_

Jack smirked at her commanding tone. "Yes Ma'am," he teased, relieved to hear everything was going to be fine with his little boy. To be honest, he was still a bit concerned, but he knew she wouldn't lie to him just to make him feel better. She'd always been direct and honest about almost everything, which usually was considered a character flaw, but right now he thought it was a virtue. "You're sure, though, right?"

 _"Yes Sir,"_ she joked back.  _"Don't worry about it, I'll make sure to call you regularly to update."_

"How do you know?" Cassie asked Milou, after the child confirmed their musings.

Milou shrugged, looking up at them with an apologetic expression on her face. "Just do."

Leaning towards her, Sam noticed the certainty written all over her face. "You can tell, can't you?" After everything she'd seen and gone through since joining the SGC, Sam knew she shouldn't be surprised that easily. Yet, it usually were aliens from another planet, if not galaxy, that did the surprising part. Not humans on and from Earth, especially not those related to Jack O'Neill.

Could it be that Milou's ancient gene allowed her to experience other things, besides being able to operate Ancient technology, as well? They already knew the Ancients themselves were capable of a lot more than normal humans; Ayiana had been the living proof of that – well, before she died. Perhaps some of their abilities were made possible because of their ATA gene… her train of thought reminded her of the attentive nature of Milou. She was always picking up on Sam's emotions, perhaps that had been more than just an attentive nature or natural curiosity?

"Yes," Milou simply replied, smiling at Sammie. "Daddy's upset," she waved her hand towards her father.

"Why?"

"Nate is sick," Milou explained, before slipping off the couch and walking over to her father.

Cassie and Sam locked gazes, wondering what had just happened, both their plates completely forgotten.

"You better," Jack mumbled into the phone, finally stopping his pacing and inhaled deeply. Only then he noticed that Carter and Cassie had fallen awfully quiet. For a moment fear gripped his heart as Milou wasn't with them, however, when he turned she was standing right there. Looking up at him, with a pensive look on her youthful face.

 _"I've never lied to you, Jack, and I won't be starting now,_ " Ilse commented.

Beckoning Milou with his hand, he kneeled down and lifted her as she stepped into his half-embrace. "That's good to hear," he replied, glancing at the clock. It was way past Milou's naptime and he was sure there would be other people – including Teal'c himself – coming right through that door any moment now. "It must be close to midnight there," he started, frowning as he actually realized the time difference. "I should let you get some sleep."

 _"Yeah, it is,"_ she sighed _, "but with all the excitement of tonight I'm not tired at all._ "

"I'm sure you'll get tired the moment you finally  _let_  yourself be tired," Jack commented, smiling at Milou, who was playing with the little tuft of hair sticking out at the end of one of her braids. "You and the baby both need some rest," he continued. "Besides, I'm sure Nathan or Maddy, maybe even both, will wake you soon enough."

Sam's head snapped up as she heard the General's reply, now confident that they had been right; the one he was talking to was indeed Ilse. Again, his demeanor had changed; thankfully, he was looking more relaxed like he had been when he'd answered the phone. It made her wonder if perhaps Milou was right; she'd been about Ilse, there was a good chance she was actually right about Nate as well. Or was it Nathan? The General and Milou had mentioned both variants, making Sam assume that the boy's name was Nathan – perhaps even Jonathan – and Milou had shortened it to Nate. Apparently, Milou had known the General had needed a hug from her, because now he was already smiling at her.

She herself smiled as well, as she saw Milou fidgeting with the end of her braid. That girl definitely took after her father, unable to sit still or just keep her hands to herself. In the short while Sam had learned of her existence – or the other two children, for that matter – she'd accepted her rather fast, surprising even herself. Like a lot of people, she liked children and of course, she wanted her own one day. Even if that day seemed further away than ever now, after everything she had been through the past few years. The moment she'd met Cassie there had been an almost instant bonding between them, and that bond still existed, having grown stronger over the years only to weaken after Sam had married Pete. Yet, she was sure they'd be able to repair that connection between them, starting with telling her about the upcoming divorce.

Something similar had happened when Sam had met Milou. Not exactly the same and it had taken a bit longer for her to accept Milou as the General's daughter, but now she couldn't even imagine him without the girl. The pictures on his mantelpiece had given faces to the names Milou had divulged to her and her father the other day and the past few days her mind had been occupied with thoughts of Jack O'Neill and his children. Now, she knew what they looked like and what their influence on him was, even the way Ilse could affect his entire behavior.

As she felt the General's eyes on her, Sam looked down, not wanting the thoughts that were going through her mind to be expressed via her eyes or facial expressions. Seeing the plate on her lap, she realized she was actually feeling a bit hungry. Glancing to her side, she gave Cassie a small smile before taking a bite.

Cassie, on the other hand, was still thinking about what could be going on. Sam had been acting strange… Well, stranger than usual at least. Where was Pete? Not that she minded, not at all if she was honest, but she had half-expected her to take her husband with her. He was always so nosy and controlling towards Sam, Cassie hadn't expected him to let her go off to Jack's house. Especially not because Pete didn't like Jack – which she knew was entirely mutual – and he hadn't been very secretive about that, either. Perhaps Sam thought it wasn't appropriate to take him to Jack's? Perhaps his children, Lola and Tim, were coming over and they didn't want to drag them across town. Of course, there was also the possibility Pete was a no-show because he was afraid of Teal'c, since this was Teal'c's farewell party.

And what was going with Jack? Her eyes shifted over to him and Milou, and she was glad to see that he seemed more at ease than he had a few minutes ago. He caught her gaze and beckoned her over with a gesture of his head, before motioning towards Milou in his arms. Cassie automatically glanced at her watch and realized the time; Milou was supposed to be napping for half an hour already! Walking over to them, she reached out her arms and grabbed the toddler. "Is everything okay?" She whispered, pointing at the phone.

Nodding, Jack covered the receiver with his hand. "Yeah, I'll explain later, Cass. Could you get her to bed?"

"Of course," she made her way through the living room, when Milou started to wiggle in her hold. "What is it?"

"I want Sammie," Milou whined, in an almost begging tone.

Biting her lip, Cassie glanced back at the couple in the living room: Jack was still on the phone and Sam was sitting at the couch, looking at her and Milou. "No, it's naptime."

"Sammie see my room," she tried again, stretching out her arms towards Sam over Cassie's shoulders.

Cassie looked over her shoulder and saw that Sam had heard. She barely nodded at her and Cassie relented, smiling at Sam. "Sam, do you want to see Milou's room?"

"I'd love to," Sam smiled, as she got up from the couch. A quick exchange of glances with the General cleared it and she walked over to them.

Beaming at her, Milou gave her a huge grin. "Wead me a stowy, too?"

"Um… a story?" She nervously glanced at Cassie, who just shrugged at her.

"No story, Milou," Jack had overheard his daughter's request. "I already explained you'll only get stories when it's bedtime, not for a nap."

"Sorry, honey," Sam apologized, grabbing Milou's hand and pressing a kiss on the back of it. "Just show me your room."

* * *

"Well, you certainly have quite a book collection," Sam remarked, letting her fingers slide over the books in the bookcase. One of three bookcases, to be exact. She'd never expected the General to actually buy this many books, even if most of them were children's stories. Crossing the room, Sam sat down next to Milou – who was already lying in bed – and fingered the back of all the books in the small bookcase there. Their covers suggested they'd been read often, some were unreadable because of tape holding the cover together. Smiling at Milou, she grabbed a book from the shelf and ran her hand over it. The pages were worn, yet surprisingly readable. Especially the drawings on the left pages were very clear, while the white borders of the pages were hardly white, and covered in smudges or just wrinkled from usage. "Is this one of your favorites?"

Milou bobbed her head, reaching out her hand to see what book it was. "I love that one," she admitted.

"You must have read it often," Sam pointed at the worn out pages.

Smiling, Milou shrugged. "It was mommy's."

Clearing her throat awkwardly, Sam frowned. "Oh," she closed the book and quickly placed it back. Now that she took a closer look at the books, she realized most of them had titles that certainly weren't English. She recognized a few of the author's names though; they'd written some of her favorite fairytales when she'd been a child. One of the names elicited a smile from her and she automatically took it from its place and immediately recognized the front.

"Wanna see a picture of me and mommy?"

"Sure," Sam mumbled, really not interested. Opening the book, she was taken back years as she looked at the pictures. She could clearly remember all the times her father had brought her to bed and had read her a nighttime story, before she went to sleep. The only reason she remembered those times was because they were precious to her. Or at least, they had been. It had been a rare occurrence for her father to actually be there to be able to read her a story, with him being sent away on secret missions all the time.

Now, all she wanted was to remember one of the times her mother had tucked her in and they'd read a story together – unfortunately, she couldn't remember a single time. Her mother had done it almost every night during her childhood but after all these years the memory and its details had faded.

"See?" Milou asked as she held out a frame to Sammie.

Brought out of her memories, Sam nodded. "Wonderful," she replied, absentmindedly.

Frowning, Milou took on a defiant tone. "You didn't look."

"Yes, I did," Sam automatically retorted, without looking up from the book.

Milou pouted at the lack of interest and ran her finger over the picture. "That baby is me," she pointed at the baby. "Sammie?"

"Huh," she looked up as she heard her tone of voice. Was it possible for a two-year old to sound that sad? Seeing a flash of blonde hair and a wrapped up baby, Sam's gaze shifted to those brown eyes of the toddler in front of her. "It's a very pretty picture," not that she'd actually examined it up close, but she didn't need to. She knew what she'd see there… "I should get going, you need your nap," Sam stood, placed the book back, and gave the girl a kiss on her forehead as the door opened and Cassie peeked inside.

"Sam?"

"On my way out," she smiled at Cassie. "Where's the General?"

"Still on the phone with Ilse," she shrugged.

"I want a song," Milou asked, sitting up to see Cassie.

Smiling, Cassie nodded. "I'll ask," she beckoned Sam to follow her and left the room with her. They walked downstairs where Jack was still talking to Ilse. "Jack?"

Jack held up his hand as he heard her voice and wrote down the instructions Ilse had given him.

"The General is going to sing her a song?" Sam asked Cassie, with wide eyes.

"What," Cassie giggled. "No, Ilse will… can you imagine, Jack singing?"

"Oh," she nodded, understanding. Of course, Ilse would sing the song…

The doorbell rang and Sam turned to Cassie and the General. "Shall I open the door?"


	21. Farewell

The party was in full swing for a few hours now and Sam had to admit she was enjoying herself, despite the fact this was the last time they would all be together. There was a lot of personnel from the SGC, who all respected Teal'c and had worked with him side by side over the years, whether that was in the battlefield or in the gray corridors of the SGC. It had been well over two years ago since Teal'c had officially left the SGC, at that time she'd been enjoying her married life and had missed his leaving. Daniel had told her there hadn't been a proper farewell party for Teal'c, since his departure had been a bit sudden – his presence was required on Dakara immediately. Now, they were all present to give him the goodbye he deserved.

Having him with them again had felt like the old days – when they'd been the flagship team, traipsing around the galaxy and kicking Goa'uld butt – no matter how short that time had been. It was almost as if he'd never left. Unfortunately, everyone knew he had to get back. The Jaffa Nation was counting on him as one of their prominent leaders and he could only leave Bra'tac in charge alone for so long. Ry'ac, his son, was willing to follow his father's example but his wife had fallen ill after the birth of their second child. Therefore, Teal'c couldn't ask Ry'ac to step in for him. His people needed him on their planet and, while short-lived, this vacation was just what the four of them – Teal'c, the General, Daniel and her – and their friendship had needed.

Her own father had just informed Sam that he would be leaving together with Teal'c, per request of the High Council he would join Teal'c on his trip to Dakara to try to make the Tok'ra and Jaffa Nation alliance work again. She'd known he had to leave sooner or later, but had preferred later. Even if he had already stayed longer than they had anticipated the moment he came through the gate. It felt good to have him support her decision to divorce Pete and she hadn't realized how much she'd yearned for his approval. Now that Mark was being an ass, she could use all the family support she could get.

Of course, the guys were family to her as well and they'd already made it clear that they thought she was making the right decision – well, Daniel and Teal'c had, the General didn't know yet and she still didn't know how to bring it up. She could hardly pad over to the deck, join him at the grill, take a swig of beer and make conversation: 'How are those steaks, Sir? They're looking mighty fine… By the way, did I already mention I'm leaving Pete? No? Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you, Sir, some time after that first day in the briefing room I fell head over heels in love with you and am still pining for you… No, that's okay, I know you have a family now, just thought you should know since we're being friends and all. Want another beer?' Right, that wouldn't work, she mused, letting out a sigh.

If she were honest, she was hoping that telling Cassie would somehow give her the courage to tell the General. So far, she hadn't been able to talk to Cassie in private. Then again, this – the General's house – probably wasn't the right place to be having a serious conversation and informing Cassandra of her failed marriage. Maybe she could get her alone in a minute and ask her to come over tomorrow, so they could talk.

Washing her hands, Sam left the bathroom and padded over to the living room, ready to join the others again. She could see everyone talking in the backyard when her phone rang. Fumbling in her pockets, she flipped it open and seeing the number – Pete's cell – she ignored it. He'd been calling her a few times since she'd picked up her things and at first she'd talked to him, tried to calm him down and explain there wasn't anything left for them to talk about – their marriage was over. However, he had started calling her during work hours as well, leaving her messages and after listening to a few of them, it wasn't hard to realize what it was he wanted. Apparently, he wasn't ready for their marriage to be over yet, even if he'd acted supportive the moment she'd come by to clear out her personal items. Now, she just ignored him and deleted his messages.

"Sammie?"

Stuffing her phone in her pocket, she looked up to see Milou standing in front of her. "Hey, Milou."

"Hi," she replied, grabbing Sam's hand and walking towards the kitchen. "I want a dwink."

Sam let the toddler lead the way and followed her into the kitchen. "Ah, let me do that," she hastily said, as Milou was about to open the cooler. "Do you want juice?"

"Milk?"

"Let me see," she mumbled, closing off the cooler – there was only beer, soda and juice in there – she stood and opened the fridge. "Yes," Sam triumphantly pulled out a carton and went through the cabinets to find a sippy cup.

"Sammie?" Milou frowned, wondering what was taking so long. "Can I have milk?"

"I'm just looking for your cup," Sam replied, mumbling with her head almost in the cabinet.

"That one?"

Straightening, Sam looked at the counter. "A normal cup?" She inquired, to which Milou nodded. Shrugging, Sam grabbed the plastic cup, rinsed it with some water – it looked clean – and poured some milk into it and returned the carton to the fridge. "There you go."

Beaming, Milou accepted the cup. "Thank you."

Leaning down, Sam grabbed a diet soda from the cooler for herself and followed the toddler, while keeping an eye on the cup in Milou's hands. She smiled as Cassie walked in from the deck and greeted her. "Hey Cassie."

"Hey Sam, I was looking for Milou, glad to see you already got her something to drink," Cassie returned her smile as she straightened Milou's hair ribbon.

"Yeah, I was looking for a sippy cup, but I couldn't find one," Sam replied, opening her own drink, before taking a sip.

Shaking her head, Cassie explained. "Oh, no, she doesn't have one, just uses a plastic cup."

"I see… Cassie, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tomorrow and maybe stay over?"

"Um," Cassandra hesitated for a moment. "I'd like that, but I already have plans. I could go home with you tonight, we can talk and I'll stay over?" She proposed, not looking forward to be having breakfast with Pete in the morning, but she was curious as to what Sam wanted to tell her.

"Sure," Sam shrugged, "That'll work too."

"Great," she smiled. "Oh, and I was just wondering why Pete isn't here?"

Caught off guard, Sam ducked her head and cleared her throat. "Er," she started, but at the same time the General and Teal'c walked in. "I'll explain tonight, okay?"

Following her gaze, Cassie glanced over her shoulder and saw the two men. "Okay, I'll grab a few things for tonight," she turned to Jack. "Jack, I'll be staying at Sam's tonight."

"Excellent," Jack smirked, glad to hear that Cassie had finally agreed. He watched as Cassie headed upstairs to pack her bag.

"Milou O'Neill, you have not yet showed me this tricycle you spoke off," Teal'c told O'Neill's daughter, realizing this was the perfect opportunity for Colonel Carter and O'Neill to discuss their feelings. As far as he knew, Colonel Carter had not yet informed O'Neill of her impending divorce.

Looking up from her cup, Milou smiled at him, showing off her milk mustache. "I'll show you," she exclaimed, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the garden.

"I- er, I hope she wasn't bothering you," Jack stammered a bit, unsure of what to talk about with Carter. This entire day had been strange, first seeing how Milou had gotten attached to Carter, only to have the moment interrupted when Ilse called to tell him about Nathan. After that, he'd been a bit preoccupied; Carter and Cassie had brought Milou upstairs for a nap, he'd handed Milou the phone so Ilse could sing her a song, after that the other guests had been at the door. He had to play host, chat with everyone, eventually get Milou out of bed and dressed again, and all the time he'd been aware of Carter's presence around him – the small glances she'd cast his way and how their fingers would brush every now and then – and Nathan had never left his mind either. It had been quite tiring and together with the beer, it was taking its toll on him. He definitely needed some extra energy and couldn't wait until Jacob and Selmak finished the steaks.

"Not at all, Sir," Sam smiled politely. "I don't think she could ever be a bother."

"Ah, you say that now, just wait until she's around you 24/7," he joked, suppressing a yawn.

Almost choking on her diet coke, Sam quickly swallowed and coughed to clear her windpipe. If only she could have him and her around her 24/7, 365 days a year… "She's a sweetheart, Sir."

"She takes after her mother," he gave her a wan smile, his eyes shifting to his left where the pictures were on the mantelpiece. He realized there were only a few pictures there – one of his three kids together, one of each alone, an old one of Charlie, one of Sara and Charlie and one with the twins on it – none of which had Lily in them, those pictures were in the Netherlands and he even had a few in DC.

"Don't sell yourself short, Sir," Sam put on a brave smile, hearing the emotions in his voice. It was obvious he cared a lot for  _her_ … Glancing at the pictures herself, she took a few steps towards them, realizing she now had the opportunity to ask him about his other two children. "They're gorgeous kids, Sir."

Jack smiled, picking up the frame with the picture of the three of them in it. "You think so?" He asked, turning it so Carter could see.

"Definitely," she smiled. "What are their names, Sir?"

"Huh," Jack frowned, realizing he'd hardly told her about the twins. "Well, that's Milou," he pointed at the picture, "and that's Maddy and Nathan."

Sam glanced up from under her lashes and looked at him. "I was just wondering, Sir, how old are they?"

"Maddy and Nathan just turned two a few weeks ago," he replied, proud and yet sad, the days surrounding their birthday always tainted by the memory of Lily's death, the way she'd struggled in the end and the sacrifices she'd made for her children.

"Twins?"

"Yeah," he nodded, placing the frame back.

"I thought Milou was two years, Sir," she frowned, clearly remembering what her father had told her.

Still thinking about Lily, Jack slowly bobbed his head as an affirmative. "Her birthday is coming up… the twins, they were born prematurely."

"I see," Sam mumbled at his absentminded reply. Her own thoughts were racing a light-year a minute, she hadn't thought of that possibility. "How premature, if I may ask, Sir."

Looking up at Carter, he blinked a few times, thinking about her question. "Um… they were born at 31 weeks."

"Wow, that's real premature," she automatically replied and cringed as she saw the effect her words had on him. "I'm sorry," she apologized, reaching out her hand to touch his arm in a soothing gesture. It certainly explained why he seemed deep in thought; she couldn't imagine the stress and uncertainty he had undergone. God, when had that occurred? Why hadn't she been there for him?Rolling her eyes at her own thoughts, she remembered exactly why she hadn't been there for him – Pete.

"It's okay, Carter," he muttered under his breath, his eyes fixed on her hand, which was still resting on his arm.

Realizing what she was doing, Sam stopped her thumb from rubbing small circles on his sleeve and withdrew her hand quickly. She could feel the blush creeping its way up her neck and ducked her head. "Luckily, they made it," she mentioned, without looking up.

"Yeah," Jack cleared his throat as he shifted on his feet. "Maddy was firstborn and further in development than Nathan, he had to stay on a ventilator much longer and developed infant respiratory distress syndrome," he made a vague hand gesture towards the pictures. "Apparently, the fact that he was second born and a boy gave him a further disadvantage next to his low birth weight," he shuddered involuntarily, not wanting to think about those first stressful weeks, when the twins had to stay in the hospital and he and Ilse had only been able to visit every day.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she replied wistful, her heart going out to him. "How are they doing now?"

"Better," he shrugged, "but Ilse called earlier this afternoon," his eyes locked on Carter's and he was amazed by the emotions he found there. Seeing her nod, he continued. "Nathan had gotten ill and she'd taken him to the doctor, who diagnosed him with croup, which apparently isn't life threatening if you catch it in time, just painful… especially with him already having respiratory problems every now and then," he explained.

"Well, Lola had croup too last year and at the end of the weekend the worst had already passed, Sir," she tried comforting him, remembering the long nights she'd made as the girl had been coughing so violently that she ended up throwing up. Before she could stop herself, Sam felt for Ilse; the woman was quite pregnant and had two two-year olds to look after, one of which had croup. Shaking off the empathizing feeling, Sam focused her attention on the man in front of her. "I'm sure everything will work out, Sir."

"Thanks, Carter–" Jack started, as he was interrupted by the door opening loudly.

"Jack," Daniel peeked around the doorway and saw Jack and Sam near the fireplace. "Hey Sam," he smiled. "Um… the steaks are done, Jacob said you guys both wanted one?"

* * *

"God, it's getting cold," Cassie mumbled, shivering. "Can't you throw in more wood, or something?"

"Perhaps we should reposition our activities indoors," Teal'c offered as he took in his companions.

"Yeah," Jack nodded as he got up, "let's move inside. T, can you take care of the fire?"

"Indeed," Teal'c confirmed, as his friends slowly got up.

"I'll turn on the fireplace," Cassie said, before taking off to the house. "Then I'll grab a sweater," she muttered under her breath, chilled to the bone.

Daniel moved to grab the bottles and soda cans, not wanting to clutter Jack's backyard because he knew Jack probably wouldn't pick them up himself, while his kids could easily hurt themselves with it. "I'll just take these inside."

Pivoting, Jack realized Carter was still sitting in her spot. "You okay, Carter?" He asked, slightly concerned when she didn't answer. "Carter?"

Startled from her thoughts by his commanding voice, Sam looked up to see him holding out his hand. Smiling shyly, she grabbed it and let him pull her up. "Thanks, Sir," she mumbled, and quickly released his hand. "I was just thinking."

"Now, there's a shocker," he replied, sarcastically. "So, nothing's wrong?"

She couldn't help smiling and shook her head, suppressing another shiver. She hadn't realized how cold she was getting sitting on the grass of his backyard. Most of the guests had left around 2100 hours, only leaving Cassie and their old team in the General's yard. Out of habit, Teal'c had made a campfire as they'd all taken a seat on the ground, enjoying a few snacks and drinks. The General had brought Milou upstairs as the last guests had left and, as far as they knew, she was fast asleep. Sam envied her in a way; when was the last time she'd had a good night's sleep? Being able to spend the night in her old house and bed had done a lot of good, but she kept waking up at nights because of all the thoughts running through her mind. "I'm fine, Sir," she retorted, trying to convince him with a big smile, but, if his scrutiny was any indicator, he wasn't convinced.

"You're freezing," Jack mumbled as he grabbed both her hands. Just to check, he told himself. "Why didn't you say something?" He let out an exasperated sigh and as he let his hands travel up her bare arms, he immediately noticed the goose bumps. "You really should take better care of yourself, Carter."

Closing her eyes for a moment, Sam committed the feeling to memory. How many times had he done that in her dreams? His touch made her shudder involuntarily, something that had nothing to do with the cold temperature, and a pleasant tingle coursed through her body, warming her. She blushed as he pointed at the goose bumps and admonished her for not taking care of herself, and quickly ducked her head. It was better for him to think it was a reaction to the weather, she mused. "I just hadn't realized, Sir," she defended herself.

"Well, let's get you inside," he gently tugged her wrist, prompting her to follow him. "Teal'c, are you coming?"

"I shall rejoin you in a short while, O'Neill," Teal'c responded, a slight grin on his face as O'Neill pulled Colonel Carter towards the house with him. Shaking his head at his Tau'ri friends, he ensured the fire was extinguished and glanced around their site for a last time. The time had come for him to go back to Dakara and leave his friends… It saddened him, even knowing their paths would cross again in the near future did nothing to alleviate the somber feeling.

This planet had been a home for him during a very tumultuous time and he could still not grasp everything they had accomplished in the ten years he had been here. They had freed his people, the galaxy, of the Goa'uld and were rebuilding the Jaffa Nation.

He had lost his wife, Drey'auc, his former love Shaun'ac, Fro'tak, a man he had once thought of as a good friend, and many others had lost their lives in that short time. He had died himself, almost lost his son several times and even Master Bra'tac had almost perished. Yet, he could tell it was all worth it. The teachings of Bra'tac had made him see the Goa'uld for what they really were, parasites instead of almighty Gods, but no one had dared to dream that one day they would be free.

The moment he'd met the Tau'ri on that fateful day on Chulak, he had no idea what fate had in store for him. He had acted in the hopes to save the lives of those unfortunate enough to be imprisoned by Apophis and had – somehow – known that these Tau'ri had tasted freedom and could take care of the prisoners. However, he had never expected them to take him with him, let alone ask him to join them in their battle.

These humans had shown him what true comradeship was and had proven themselves to him – and Master Bra'tac – time and again. Even when he himself had doubted their cause or had been brainwashed by Apophis, they had always believed in him and fought for his life. They had shown him another side of life, a real life in which every life was important and cared for. Moreover, they had taught him the act of forgiving, and shown him true freedom and loyalty.

He still could not comprehend how Daniel Jackson was able to forgive him for what had happened to Sha're. After all, he had been the one to choose her as the host of Amaunet and eventually had also been the one who had ended her life, in order to save that of Daniel Jackson. No, these Tau'ri were like no one he had ever encountered and he was proud to call them friends.

Walking over to O'Neill's deck, Teal'c took a last look around, making sure to remember this place, this planet.

* * *

"Here, put this on," Jack threw one of his sweaters at Carter, before walking over to the fireplace to poke at the blocks of wood.

Barely catching the piece of clothing in time, Sam mumbled a "Thanks Sir" and pulled it over her head. Of course, the darn thing had to smell like him and as she closed her eyes, she felt surrounded by his essence. "Much better," she gave him a small smile, repressing the fluttering of her heart as she wrapped her arms around herself. Going inside had helped warm her up, especially sitting here in front of the fire together with Cassie – who had also pulled on a sweater – on a warm rug. She couldn't remember there being a rug before, but she didn't mind. It was comfy and warm, better than the cold floor.

"Where's Teal'c?" Cassie asked, looking behind Jack to see if there was any sign of the Jaffa.

Jack shrugged and glanced over his shoulder. "He's on his way; I think he needed some time to think."

"Anyone wants another beer?" Daniel asked from the dining room, leaning over the low wall.

Noticing the way he was swaying on his feet, Jack shook his head. "I think you've had enough for tonight, Space Monkey," he replied, quickly taking the few steps needed to take the unopened bottle from his hands. Turning, he grabbed a soda and pushed it in Daniel's hands. "Drink that," he said, before taking a diet coke and three other soda cans from the cooler. He joined the two women in the living room at the same time Teal'c came in from the deck, and he handed the three of them their drinks, keeping one for himself. "There you go."

"Thanks Jack," Cassie smiled up at him as she opened her can. "Is Milou still asleep?"

"I haven't heard a sound," Jack shrugged, "I'll take a quick peek before going to bed. Ilse texted me though, saying Nathan got through the night without too much trouble."

Taking a sip, Cassie nodded her head. "That's good to hear."

"I'm sure he's going to be fine, Sir," Sam spoke softly, stretching her legs towards the fire as she felt her phone vibrating. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled it out and saw Pete's ID. Gnawing her lip, she pressed 'ignore' and stuffed the cell phone back into place. As she looked up, she saw Cassie's curious expression and blushed: she'd explain later, when they would go to her place.

"You have to go, Carter?" Jack asked after observing her, his tone a bit sharper than he'd intended.

"No, Sir," she replied, frowning.

"It's okay, we understand," he said, squinting at her.

"Honestly, Sir," Sam sighed, rolling her eyes, "I'm fine."

"I must take my leave soon," Teal'c stated, diverting the attention from Colonel Carter. "Daniel Jackson needs his rest if he is to start on his research in the morning."

"Party pooper," Daniel mumbled, plopping in a chair.

Raising an eyebrow, Teal'c glared at him and continued. "I still have various general affairs to conclude and possessions to gather, before I will return to Dakara."

"Of course," Jack nodded, glancing at the clock. "It's getting late, anyway."

Checking her watch, Cassie's eyebrows shot up. "Wow, it's way past midnight already."

"Yeah, perhaps we  _should_  get going," Sam told her, glaring at the General. Of course, now he would think she'd go because Pete had called her. Not that he could have seen the ID, but his remark said it all. It was really time to tell him that she was divorcing Pete. She had already signed the papers and was planning to bring them by Pete's tomorrow or the day after. However, she still wasn't sure how to broach the topic. Surely, the General would ask questions and she wasn't sure she wanted him to. She couldn't lie to him, could she? She had, once, that weekend before her wedding and look how well that had worked out…

Cassie got up and quietly ran up the stairs to grab her sleepover bag, before returning to the living room, her coat in hand. "Sam, are you coming?"

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c poked him and handed him his coat, as he donned his own.

Doing as he was told, Daniel slipped into his jacket and followed Teal'c towards the hallway.

"Yes, Cassie" Sam stood and stretched her lean form, before stifling a yawn.

Jack was watching them and as they left the living room, his gaze returned to Carter. He raised his eyebrows at her in an unspoken question as his eyes took in her appearance. She was still too skinny; then again, he could hardly expect her to gain weight overnight. Her hair was a bit tousled, probably from running her hand through her long locks, but together with her rosy cheeks it made her look even more attractive. He cleared his throat awkwardly as his eyes spotted the patch of bare skin as her – his – sweater moved up the moment she stretched. She's married, she's married, he kept chanting in his head. Besides, this was Carter; she wasn't interested in more than friendship.

Reaching for the hem of the sweater, Sam lazily pulled it up until she saw the general staring at her. "Sir?"

"Wha-what are you doing?"

"Returning your sweater, Sir," she frowned and looked down. If only she could keep it…

"That's okay, Carter," Jack waved his hand in a dismissive gesture. He wasn't sure if he could handle her pulling of a sweater right now, even if she was still wearing a shirt beneath it. "Keep it."

"I- I can't Sir," she stammered.

He shrugged casually, feeling anything but. "You can return it later, wouldn't want you to catch a cold on your way home."

"Sam, are you coming or what?"

Sam smiled as she heard Cassie's impatient question coming from the entryway. "Fine, I'll return it later, Sir," she nodded and walked over to the others.

"Teal'c, I'll come by tomorrow at the SGC before you leave," Jack informed the Jaffa. "Jake is leaving with you, right? I still have to say goodbye to him, too."

"Yeah, my Dad and Teal'c's departure is scheduled at 1600 hours," Sam nodded, glancing at Teal'c, looking for confirmation.

"Indeed."

"Well, good night," Cassie gave Jack a quick peck on the cheek, before opening the door. "Daniel, come on," she gently pushed him through the door, getting impatient by his slow movements.

"Goodnight guys," Jack waited until they'd all left, before closing the door and making his way upstairs.

* * *

"Sam?" Cassie glanced to her side as she tried to read the other woman's profile.

A quick glance at Cassie before looking back to the road confirmed her suspicion that Cassie had noticed she was taking a different road than usual. "Yes?"

"Don't you normally turn left at those traffic lights?"

"Well," Sam swallowed, unsure of what to say. She hadn't thought about Cassie noticing anything before they got home. "Yes, but we're going to my old house," she hesitantly replied.

"Okay," Cassie drawled out the word, slowly nodding her understanding. "Why?"

"I'll explain when we get there, okay?"

"Sam," she protested, getting tired of her evading maneuvers.

"Just," Sam held up one hand, "wait until we get there."

Sighing, Cassie relented. "Fine."

"I don't want to explain everything in the car, you know…"

"I guess," she let her head rest against the cold window. The seasons were definitely changing, summer was almost over and the coldness from autumn was making its entrance. It always took her a moment to adjust to the temperature changes and she shivered from the cold, despite her warm sweater and coat. Glancing outside, she wondered if she could see her home planet one day by looking at the stars. Then again, was it really her home planet? Of course, she was born and raised on Hanka, but after losing her family, the entire planet to the Goa'uld and coming to Earth… this was where it felt like home.

She would always love her biological family, but Janet had been her mother for years and Sam and Jack had been like parents to her as well. Not to mention everyone at the SGC treated her like she was part of their family. Thinking about it made her smile. She had lost a planet and in return, she had gotten a new one with people who also loved and cared for her. People who would die for her, even kill for her… Her family would do anything for her.

Shifting her head, she looked at Sam's profile. Sam had been like a mother to her when she'd first gotten here and Janet Fraiser had taken care of her by adopting her. Both of the women had been like mothers to Cassie, in their own way. After losing Janet, Sam had taken care of her, as had Jack. They had always been close, her and Jack, he was like the father she didn't have. He was more of a father to her than her own had been; he'd always been working the fields to provide for his family, but hadn't been able to actually be there for her mother and siblings. She knew that it hadn't been by choice, it was the way most Hankans lived and until she came to Earth, she'd thought that was a normal family dynamic. Not that anything in her life after that had been normal, but still… Jack had always been like a father to her, and she liked to think he thought of her as a daughter. According to Ilse, he did, because he didn't treat her any different than he had Charlie or his other children.

Feeling Cassandra's eyes on her, Sam turned her head a bit. "What is it?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking," Cassie mumbled, returning her gaze to the stars. They had been like a family to her, the only family she had left. How was it possible that she and Sam had drifted apart these last few years? Jack was the same and she could talk to him about anything, Daniel and Teal'c were the same, even Ilse was like that. Yet, her relationship with Sam had slowly turned into a few phone calls a month. If she had to, Cassie knew she could still tell Sam anything but something had changed. It didn't take her long to come up with an answer: Pete. Everything had changed when Sam had met Pete. At first, Cassie had been happy for her, even if she'd hoped that Jack and Sam would get together – her mother had explained that wasn't possible for now – but as time, and Sam's relationship with Pete, grew, something changed. Sam changed. And maybe, just maybe, she herself had changed because of that. If she were honest, Cassandra knew it wasn't entirely Sam's fault, although it had felt like that at the moment.

Perhaps it was because she was older now, more mature. She'd been through a few relationships herself these past few years and knew all about being in love. But she had never, ever, let her friends down for a guy or changed for someone; according to all the magazines she had read, it was an unwritten rule. Yet, Sam  _had_  changed and Cassie had felt let down by her, she was disappointed by Sam's behavior and thus had distanced herself from her and Pete. Having spent time together this day, she realized how much she'd missed being around Sam. Even if Sam had seemed quiet today, she still acted like the old Sam, just talked less.

Biting her lip, Cassie realized it was time to make amends; she didn't want to lose Sam and if that meant that she had to accept Pete in Sam's life, then so be it. It would take some getting used to, but Sam was the closest thing she had left to a mother and she loved her. All she had wanted was for Sam to be happy and in her – perhaps childlike – ideas that didn't include Pete; she was supposed to be happy with Jack. However, Sam was a grown woman and could make her own choices. How many times had she herself not told Sam or Jack that she was an adult now and could make her own choices, whether those were life altering or not. Yet, selfishly, she judged Sam for doing the same…

"Sam?"

Parking the car on her old driveway, Sam killed the engine and looked at Cassie. "Yeah?"

"I- I want to apologize," she spoke softly, unsure how to bring this up.

Frowning, Sam turned in her seat to look at her properly. "For what, Cassandra?"

"For," Cassie sighed, trying to gather her thoughts, "everything."

"Cassie, did something happen?"

Hearing the concern in her voice, Cassie's head snapped up and she looked into Sam's eyes. "No, nothing like that. I meant, these past few years… I- I haven't been fair to you."

"Look, Cass–"

"Please," Cassie grabbed her hand, "let me finish."

Nodding, Sam let her know she would listen. "Okay."

"I always keep telling you – and Jack – that I'm not a little girl anymore and that I can make my own choices," she started.

"Yes…?"

Realizing that didn't sound anything like an apology, Cassie rushed to continue. "I've been a hypocrite," she explained. "I kept insisting I was an adult female able to make her own choices, choose my own path and all that crap," she smiled at Sam. "While at the same time, I judged you for doing exactly that."

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, squeezing her hand, getting worried. "Cassie?"

"We," she motioned between them, "something happened and we're not as close as we used to be. I blamed you for choosing to marry Pete," she bashfully admitted, in a soft whisper.

"You're right, and I regret that our bond has weakened over these past few years," Sam started, giving her a sympathizing look. "However, it's not all your fault, I–"

"Most of it is," Cassie was determined to set this right. "I always thought I wanted you to be happy, but I just realized that I wanted you to be happy on my terms… If," she swallowed, "Pete makes you happy, then I should be happy for you, too. I have to accept that, I just always thought you and Jack would, you know," she shrugged, "end up together."

"I know," Sam whispered, fighting her own emotions. "I shouldn't have focused entirely on Pete," she admitted, feeling it was her turn now. "I let you down, I didn't have enough time for you or the guys," she bit her lip, trying to think of a way to explain her actions. "I wanted a normal life so badly, that I forgot about you. I was being selfish and only thinking about myself–"

"That's the thing," Cassie cried out. "You're entitled to be selfish every now and then; I shouldn't have come down on you like that."

"I understand," Sam shrugged her voice slightly emotional. "That didn't mean I had to blow off our usual chess games or stop being there for you."

"Sam–"

Placing a hand on Cassandra's knee, Sam gently squeezed it. "Let's finish this conversation inside."

"Okay," she nodded, reached for her bag and stepped out of the Volvo to follow Sam inside.

* * *

Yawning loudly, Cassie padded over to the kitchen, where Sam was waiting for her.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Sam smiled and offered her a cup of coffee.

"Ah, thank you."

"Sleep well?"

"Excellent," Cassie bobbed her head and blew into her cup to cool the black liquid. "Although, I must admit that I'm sure last night's conversation had something to do with that," she smiled sheepishly before looking up.

Stretching in her chair, Sam nodded. "Yeah, me too."

It had been quite some time since she'd slept this good and she was sure it had something to do with finally being able to tell Cassie about her divorce. They had stayed up rather late, talking about the past few years and Sam explained her decision to finally end the marriage. She hadn't admitted that it was because of the General, though.  _That_  she liked to keep to herself for the moment. However, Cassie had urged her to tell him, trying to convince her that he'd find out sooner or later and it would be better coming from Sam herself. "What are your plans for today?"

"I was thinking of going over to the base to say a final goodbye to Teal'c and Grandpa Jake," Cassie took a sip of coffee before continuing. "After that, I'll probably go over to Jack's, maybe watch Milou so he can go over to the SGC and then I'm meeting an old friend of mine who still lives in town for dinner. You?"

Sam shrugged, taking the last bite of her breakfast and swallowing it with some coffee; she leaned back in her chair. "I don't know yet… Daniel was going to do some research for his new project and asked me for help with the technical details, so I'll probably be helping him until it's time for Teal'c and my Dad to leave."

"Nothing else?"

"Well, I still have some thinking to do about what to do next," she referred to part of their conversation from last night, in which she'd told Cassie she wanted more hours to work and had gotten a few offers from General Landry and the President. "And I was thinking of dropping off the divorce papers at Pete's."

Nodding, Cassie cocked her head. "Want me to go with you?"

"Are you offering?"

"Yes," she smiled, happy that they had talked last night and even happier to hear that Sam was actually divorcing Pete. "We could do it on our way over to the base," she suggested.

"Maybe I should go alone," Sam mused aloud.

"Nah," Cassie made a dismissive hand gesture, "we'll just drop it in the mail and leave. No need for him to upset you again," she'd been angry to learn that Pete had been harassing Sam by phone, even if it was just because he couldn't let go. She knew how he could be, she'd heard about Pete stalking Sam and running a background check on her and Jack… the thing was she wasn't sure if Sam knew.

"I don't know," Sam started, doubting if that was the way to handle this. Seeing Cassie glare at her, however, she had to smile. "Okay, we'll drop it in the mail."

"Excellent," Cassie smirked, reaching for a bowl of cereal.

* * *

"Well, I guess this is it," Jack stated in a melodramatic tone as he was standing in front of Teal'c and Jacob.

"Jack," Jacob rolled his eyes at him and shook his head.

"You are correct, O'Neill, however, this does not mean our paths shall not cross again," Teal'c's voice boomed through the gateroom.

"Of course not, Teal'c," Sam replied, before taking a step forwards and hugging her friend. "I'll miss you, though."

"And I shall miss your companionship as well, Colonel Carter," he bowed his head.

"I'm just glad I'm here to get to say goodbye," Sam whispered, referring to her missing his official leaving well over two years ago.

Squeezing her shoulders gently, Teal'c leaned forward. "Do not concern yourself with past events, Colonel Carter. You are here now and we can say our farewells."

"Indeed," Sam smirked, and gave him a kiss on his cheek. "Goodbye, Teal'c."

"Farewell, my friend," he replied.

"Sammie," Jacob held out his arms to his daughter, as she turned to him. Hugging her, he told her he'd try and come back soon, but of course couldn't be sure of an exact date. "I'll miss you, though. Tell your brother I said goodbye," he kissed her forehead.

"Bye Dad," Sam stepped back.

"Jack," Jacob held out his hand to the younger man.

Shaking it, Jack nodded. "Great seeing you again,  _Dad_  and Selmak."

Teal'c clasped his friend's shoulder and gave him a slight bow. "O'Neill."

"T, buddy," Jack smiled at him. "Just make sure to call and write if you can't make it, okay?"

"I shall," he promised, before stepping back and saying goodbye to General Landry and Daniel Jackson.

"It was great seeing you again, Teal'c," Hank shook his hand. "Good luck on Dakara."

"I will make sure to inform the Council of your proposals, General Landry," he nodded. "Daniel Jackson."

Daniel smiled, before he hugged Teal'c. "Goodbye Teal'c."

"We will see each other soon, my friend," Teal'c responded, knowing that Daniel Jackson would be one of the representatives to come to Dakara next month.

"Of course," Daniel nodded. "Give our regards to Master Bra'tac, Ishta and Rya'c and his family."

"I shall," he replied, before turning towards the ramp. "Farewell, my friends," was the last thing he said before he walked up the ramp and stepped through the stargate.

"General, Daniel," Jacob quickly shook their hands and followed Teal'c, after a quick last wave with his hand.

Rubbing his hands Jack turned to Carter and Daniel. "So… cake?"

"Sure, Sir," Sam smiled at his suggestion and glanced at Daniel. "Daniel?"

"Yeah, why not," he mumbled and walked out of the gateroom.

"How's your new project, Danny-boy?"

Daniel frowned, glanced at Sam to make sure he wasn't hearing things – considering she mimicked his expression, he assumed he wasn't imagining – and then looked back to Jack. "Okay, I guess… Why?"

"Nothing," Jack shrugged, as they strolled through the corridors on their way to the elevator. "Just wondering how your progress is going."

"Why?" He repeated, still unsure of why Jack was so interested all of a sudden. "How do you even know about my project?"

Smirking evilly, Jack pushed the elevator button. "Who do you think assigned it to you?"

"Really?" Daniel smiled, "Thanks."

"I told you he'd like it, Sir," Sam gently reminded him.

"Hm," Jack huffed, a bit disappointed. "Well, I didn't think he'd actually  _like_ it. You know, the way he likes books and rocks."

"No, this is great," Daniel beamed. "I get to tell people – okay, recruits, but maybe someday I can tell the world – all about the 'gate! The history of it, where we found it, how it can be used, how it was made, where it came from, wh…"

Jack tuned out the moment Daniel started his rambling, and stepped into the elevator as the doors opened.

Sam joined him, while listening to Daniel, sharing his excitement. "Daniel," she gently interrupted to remind him to actually step into the car.

"Right," he smiled sheepishly, before falling silent. "You weren't listening, were you Jack?"

"I was," he petulantly replied. "For about ten… seconds."

"Why do I even bother," Daniel muttered under his breath.

"Hey," Jack poked him in his side. "Carter likes it, I'm sure she was listening."

"I was, Sir," Sam frowned at him. "We'll talk about it tonight, okay Daniel?"

Daniel nodded, remembering they were planning to have dinner in the commissary, in between their respective research.

"See," Jack smiled, "everyone happy. Now, let's get some cake," he stepped out of the car and walked to the commissary.

* * *

Walking into her lab, Sam checked the computer data and smiled as she saw the results. She was almost done processing the Asgard data that Thor had given General O'Neill a few weeks ago. She took a seat behind her workbench and looked at the paperwork in front of her. She and Daniel had just left the commissary after having dinner and it was almost 2100 hours. They'd both been too absorbed into their research to realize the late hour, until General O'Neill had stopped by Daniel's lab before he went home, prompting Daniel to come by her lab and get dinner together.

Because of the late hour, the commissary had been almost deserted and they had stayed there for quite some time. After finishing their meals, they'd gone over some of his notes and she'd written down what he needed from her, intent on mailing it to him after getting to her lab. She fumbled in her pockets to reach for the paper and opened the files on her computer. It was mostly the basics of how the 'gate worked and in what different ways it could be used; nothing too complicated, because it was only an introduction. It didn't take her long to get the information and she even wrote a few extras, before mailing it to him.

Sighing she leaned back in her chair. The computer was getting all the information she needed from the crystals, there really wasn't any reason for her to stick around. She'd already worked on some of the retrieved data today, so there wasn't much left to work with now. Dinner may have taken a while, but the computer was still too slow to get a lot of information in such time. Tapping her fingers on the desk, her eyes turned towards the paperwork again.

She'd already completed all of her paperwork; the only file still left was the one with the President's offers. She'd thought long and hard about it, especially with recent events in mind and she and Daniel had talked about it over dinner. She was certain of what choice to make now, it was just more difficult than she'd imagined. Reaching for the manila folder, she went through the papers until she found the ones she needed. Grabbing a pen, she swallowed and decided to just do it.

For a moment, she sat there, thinking about what was lying ahead of her. The thought was fleeting and she got up as soon as her head was cleared from all errant thoughts. Sam picked up the papers with her signature on them, put them back in the manila folder and made her way down to General Landry's office.

The ride in the elevator was slow and tedious, almost tempting her to quit and go home, without delivering the papers. However, this was something that needed to be done and she knew there was a time limit for these proposals, even if General Landry hadn't explicitly told her; she couldn't drag this out forever just because she was too scared to choose.

Getting out of the car, Sam nodded to a few passing airmen and walked to General Landry's office. She knocked loudly on the door and heard him beckoning her inside.

"Enter."

Opening the door, Sam stepped in. "Sir?"

"Come in, Colonel, at ease," Hank waved her down. "What can I do for you?"

"I- um, I made my decision, Sir," she awkwardly handed him the manila folder, her nerves getting the best of her.

"Ah," his eyebrows rose, and Hank quickly opened the folder, anxious to see what the colonel had decided. Browsing through the papers, he found what he was looking for and somehow, he had known this would eventually be her choice. "Well Colonel, I could say that I'm surprised, but somehow, I'm not," he smiled at her. "I guess we – the President, the JCS and myself – knew all along, after all, this is by far the best option for you."

"Thank you, Sir," Sam nodded, a shy smile on her face.

"I take it you want this to be effective immediately?" He asked, looking at the papers again.

"Yes Sir, as soon as possible," she confirmed.

"That's what we were hoping for," he mumbled before getting up. Reaching out his hand, he took hers and shook it. "We couldn't have asked for a better person, if you ask me."

"Thank you, Sir."

"I'll call the President, you're going home and I'll let you know in the morning, Colonel," he dismissed her.

"Yes Sir," Sam replied, turning on her heels and leaving the office.

"I guess it's a farewell all around," Hank mumbled to an empty office before reaching for the red phone.


	22. Truth

Packing up her tools Sam stacked another box on the pile of boxes. Her lab was looking quite empty already even though there was still a lot of equipment present. Most of her gadgets and tools had been packed now, as well as the few personal items she kept around and she had a special box labeled 'old SG-1 crap', which contained all kinds of things like Daniel's coffee mugs, interior design magazines from Teal'c and a yoyo and other toys from a certain General. Too bad Teal'c had already left, or else she could've given him his magazines. Not that they could be of much use on Dakara though…

Bending, she browsed through some of the drawers to make sure all her personal items were packed up and nothing was left behind. She still had to go through most of the paperwork; thankfully she was an organized person and knew exactly which drawer contained what paperwork. Now, all she had to do was find out what she was supposed to leave behind, what she could take with her and what was going in the safe. When that was done, she could categorize everything in different neat stacks for a clear overview and put them in the right place.

She sighed at the prospect of the work that was left and let her head rest against the cool material of her desk, just for a moment. The house was taken care of; Daniel would be renting from her, she could keep most of her stuff at home – thankfully, because she didn't feel like having to move everything again – because he didn't have a place since coming back from Atlantis. She had dropped off the divorce papers for Pete at their old house; she'd asked him to sign them and stop calling, explaining that she was transferring and wouldn't be available and that their marriage was definitely over. The paperwork for her transfer would be taken care of by the higher ups, she'd tried calling Mark but had gotten his voicemail – she wasn't sure if he was ignoring her after their argument over her divorce – and her father would be informed the moment they made contact.

Suddenly something in the air changed; she could feel a presence and someone's eyes on her. Lifting her head and glancing over her shoulder, she noticed General O'Neill leaning against her doorway. "Sir," she quickly straightened from her hunched position and turned towards him. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I figured," Jack remarked, standing completely still as he observed her. "What'cha doing, Carter?"

"Um… packing, Sir," she shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny and recognized the bite in his tone. He must know she was leaving, right?

"Well, I can see  _that_ ," he replied, still not moving. Unfortunately, for him, she had and he couldn't see that lovely six of hers anymore – like he'd been able to for the past five minutes, while watching her from the doorway, covered in the shadow.

Frowning, Sam looked down at her hands and found herself feeling the need to fiddle with something. Instead she turned and continued packing up the last of her tools. "Surely, you must know I'm transferring, Sir."

"Yeah," he drawled out the word, finally walking into her lab. He halted in front of her workbench, Carter standing on the other side. "I was informed the opening had been filled," he added sarcastically, "Hank just forgot to mention by whom and gave me a pile of paperwork to work through. However, I ran into Daniel on my way topside," he continued, his eyes intent on hers, almost daring her to look away, "and he told me the funniest thing. Care to guess?"

"Not really," she muttered under her breath and leaned down for an empty box. Her hands held the top as she was about to stand, only to see  _his_ boots in front of her, before the box was snatched out of her hands.

Trying to rein in the anger he felt, Jack placed the box on her workbench as controlled as he could muster. "Not really, Carter?"

Crap, he heard…"Not really, Sir?" She tried, biting her lip. A quick glance upwards showed her a blank look on his face, but his eyes betrayed him. They always had… he was, what, mad? She huffed at the idea without thinking, where did he get the right to be mad over this? "I figured you were aware of the situation, Sir, considering you're the head of Homeworld Security…"

"One would think so," Jack gritted his teeth. He was  _this_ close to losing it and he knew it. Taking a deep breath, he took a small step back. "You didn't feel it necessary to tell me  _yourself_?"

"Like I said, Sir," Sam started.

"Ack! Carter," Jack held up his hand, silencing her. " _You_  were the one who wanted to rekindle this," he motioned vaguely between them, "friendship."

Sam wondered if he could speak the word with more disdain than he had, but wisely kept her mouth shut, allowing him to finish. She couldn't remember the last time he'd been like this… so angry, almost fuming. Why, because of the fact she hadn't told him or because she was transferring? Both, perhaps? She knew better than to interrupt him now, though.

"As a  _friend_ ," he almost spat out the word, "I would have appreciated a heads-up."

Nodding slowly, Sam processed his words. "Well, Sir," she glanced up to see if he'd let her explain, before continuing, "as I said: I assumed you were aware of the proposals, since General Landry, the JCS, and the President were."

Jack huffed, shaking his head. "Yet, you didn't mention it once."

"I figured you didn't want to influence my decision," she replied through gritted teeth. " _Sir_ ," she added belatedly, and noticed him clenching his jaw, as if to stop himself from saying what he really wanted to say. This only fueled her own rising anger and she had to bite her tongue before saying something stupid. He acted as if she'd taken this decision on a whim, while she'd been mulling it over and over for weeks!

"Really, what gave you that idea?" His tone matched hers and he crossed his arms, glaring at her.

Clenching her fists, Sam tried to shrug casually. "I seem to remember you've done that before," she remarked, glaring back, her tone barely respectful towards a superior officer.

"Oh?"

She didn't let his innocent expression fool her. "A few years ago,  _Sir_ , when I confided in you about a personal matter."

He knew what she was trying to do and swallowed, he refused to be drawn. It had felt like a slap in his face when Daniel had told him, assuming Jack had known about her transfer. Refusing to believe it, he'd sat down and went through the folder Hank had handed him earlier to look for proof. There it had been, in black and white: the transfer of Colonel Samantha Carter, PhD, effective immediately, her distinguishable signature at the bottom and dated the day before, even if the print date of the forms was from weeks earlier.

"Refresh an old soldier's memory, Carter," he gave her an insincere smile as he squinted at her. He didn't need her to remind him of  _that_  day, he'd played it over and over in his head for these past few years.

"Really, Sir?" She snorted, barely containing the bottled up emotions. Sam was sure if anyone were to walk in now, it would seem as if they – her and the General – were in a standoff. His stance told her he knew what she was talking about and she wasn't sure if it was the lack of fieldwork these past years, his own emotions or her vicinity that made her able to read his body language. Years of black ops had trained him not to give anything away and he'd hardly ever done so in the years they had worked together, unless he wanted to. However, she was certain it wasn't his intention to show her just how angry he was. "I would think you'd remember."

Jack arched an eyebrow at her tone of voice, but knew better than to push her. Summoning all his self-control he stepped around the workbench, making sure it was in between them, just in case. Taking a moment, he tried to calm himself by controlling his breathing and swiftly closed his eyes. This wasn't how he'd planned this; he was supposed to go over to her lab and ask her – in a reasonable tone – for an explanation, hoping it was all a mistake. Instead, he almost bit her head off, because he felt betrayed – again – which was ridiculous, considering he was leaving for Europe this week and had no right to expect her to stay here forever. Then again, it wasn't just the fact she was transferring; he could handle that, he'd done great without her around for nearly three years. No, it was the way he'd found out; she didn't come to him, to tell him in person…  _Not once_  had she mentioned a transfer and yet, she claimed to want to be  _friends_  again. Now, he'd acted like a jealous lover – which he wasn't, no matter how much he wanted to – by snapping at her, his emotions getting the better of him.

Still gnawing her lip, Sam watched him as he fell silent. She could feel her own anger dissipating as he took a moment, and cocked her head, curious about his next move. It was strange how this man could evoke such strong emotions from her without even trying. Just a glance, a grin, a stupid joke and she'd feel all warm inside, not to mention when he touched her. Apparently, the passion he could evoke from her went both ways: the moment she'd sensed his mood, her own anger had matched his in seconds and, now that he was calming down, so was she. It unnerved her that he had that much of an influence on her, such power. He didn't even realize it, didn't know that she was doing this for  _him_ …

Feeling slightly calmer, Jack tapped his fingers on the desk and looked at her. "You're sure about this?"

"Yes, Sir," she whispered, nodding slowly. As fast as things had heated between them, they had cooled down and he seemed his sarcastic self again as he arched an eyebrow at her response.

"There's no going back, Carter," he informed her, giving her an inquiring look. "At least, not for a while."

Nodding, Sam focused her sight on a spot on the desk, next to his elegant fingers. "I know."

"You could go anywhere and yet you chose this…"

Her head snapped up as his voice trailed off, was he implying she wasn't qualified? "Sir?" She questioned him, barely keeping herself from scowling.

Jack shrugged and motioned with his hand. "Well?"

"Are you implying I shouldn't do this?"

"Why, are you asking for my opinion, Carter?"

"Are you offering, Sir?" She clenched her jaw, getting more and more frustrated.

"I don't know, I wouldn't want to 'influence your decision', you know," he replied sarcastically, glaring.

Sam huffed and crossed her arms as she leaned back slightly. "You don't think I'm qualified for this."

He didn't answer her, but mimicked her pose, the only difference were his raised eyebrows, questioning her without saying a word.

"Well?"

He schooled his features in a confused expression upon hearing her impatient tone. "I'm sorry, Carter, was there a question somewhere in there? It sure sounded more like a statement, if you ask me."

Rolling her eyes, she exhaled loudly. " _Do_ you think I'm not qualified for this, Sir?"

"If you weren't do you think the President would've offered?"

She knew he had a point, but  _dammit_ , she wanted  _his_  opinion. "With all due respect, Sir," she said in a placating tone, "I'm asking you, not the President."

"You mean you want to know what I think about you transferring?" Jack asked, mockingly. "Would that be as a  _friend_ or …?"

"Fine," she huffed, shaking her head, "never mind,  _Sir."_

Locking gazes with her, Jack sighed – annoyed with the conversation – and ran his hand through his hair. "What about Shanahan?"

"We're getting a divorce," Sam blurted out, surprising both of them – the General's eyes widened at her confession and she quickly ducked her head.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to gather his thoughts. She's getting a divorce. She's leaving Shanahan. She's transferring. She's single… Yeah, right, he thought to himself, and she isn't interested. "Oh."

"Yeah," she snorted, smiling bitter-sweetly. Glancing up from under her lashes, she could tell by his dumbfounded expression he really hadn't expected it. Apparently Daniel had kept his word and hadn't told her behind her back.

"I'm, ah… sorry to hear that," he stammered a bit, not sure if he meant it. In a way, he'd never thought Shanahan was good enough for her, but on the other hand, the guy made her happy and wasn't that all Jack wanted for her? To be happy? Now, she wasn't… it probably explained the return of her workaholic behavior, not to mention the lack of sleep and her skinniness. His gaze automatically lowered to where her hand came up, touching her covered dog tags – which used to be accompanied by the wedding ring – and he quickly averted his eyes as he realized where  _exactly_  his eyes were. Had she taken the ring off? Why hadn't she told him earlier?

 _Are you?_  Was the question that kept running through Sam's mind, but she knew she couldn't ask him. It was unfair of her and she probably wouldn't want to hear the answer, anyway. "Me too," was her only reply, as her mind was already wandering.

"Is that why you're leaving?" He asked his voice suddenly a bit hoarse from emotion. Was she running away?

"Among other things, yes," Sam nodded, looking away from him. She couldn't tell him she was leaving because of him, not Pete. Jack O'Neill was her perfection, she'd realized that, but not before it was too late. She'd seen him with Milou, heard him about his other two kids, and knew how much he cared for them. A few years ago when Ilse had been around, Sam had witnessed firsthand how much the General cared for the other woman. Now, there were kids and even if there was the smallest chance he'd leave Ilse, she didn't want to be responsible for him losing his children. He loved those kids – she couldn't blame him – and she'd seen how distraught he was the other day, when he'd heard his son was sick. The only reason he hadn't been there for the boy was because there was a huge ocean between them and he would join his family at the end of the week. Besides, hadn't Ilse forbidden him to drop everything to visit his son, who was already getting better the next day?

Debating with himself, Jack figured he'd just ask her. "Such as?" He was surprised to see the emotions crossing her face, before her mask was back in place. "You shouldn't have to leave because of him, Carter."

"It's complicated," she gave him a small smile. If only he knew…

Trying to determine what that, combined with the emotions he'd just seen on her face, meant, he looked at her inquiringly. "Did he do something…?"

Startled by his soft voice, she looked at him with wide eyes. "No, nothing like that, Sir," she tried to reassure him, surprised by the sympathy written on his face, instead of the blank look he'd given her moments ago.

Relentless, he kept asking, wanting to make sure she was all right. "Then like what?"

Sam shrugged, doodling invisible figures on her workbench with her fingers.

"Carter."

The low, yet commanding whisper made her glance upwards. His eyes were darker than usual, intensely staring at her, she felt scrutinized. Blinking, she tried to read him but found herself unable. "There's," she started, but interrupted herself.

"There's what, Carter?" Jack demanded, leaning slightly towards her, as if he could force her to tell him.

"There's," she swallowed and averted her glance, "someone else."

_Bang!_

Sam jumped at the loud bang, her instincts immediately kicking in. Looking up, she saw the General's fist resting on the table – was that a dent? _–_ his knuckles white from the clenching and she realized what the sound had been. "Sir?"

Jack groaned and ran his hand through his hair. "That god-damned bastard!" he shook his head and scrubbed his face with said hand. "I'll kill him," he muttered under his breath.

Holding up her hands in a defensive yet cautious gesture, Sam took a step towards the bench. "Not him, Sir," she tried calming him.

" _You?_ "

Astonished by the accusing tone she was speechless for a moment. Gaping, she tried to explain – without actually  _telling_  him – but couldn't form the words. As his scowl turned into a dangerous glare, Sam felt the need to defend herself. However, a slightly strangled "What?" was all that came out of her mouth.

Silently counting to ten, Jack tried to stomp down the feelings her confession had uncovered. Not able to look at her for the moment, he cast his eyes down and as he noticed his hands trembling with anger, he quickly clasped them both behind his back. He refused to admit there was another reason his hands were trembling or  _exactly_  why he was angry with her. It's not like he had a say in the way she lived her life. Nowadays, they were hardly friends, and he had no claim on her whatsoever.

"Nothing," he cleared his throat, "never mind."

"Sir," she called out as he pivoted on his heels, intent on leaving her lab.

"What?" he snapped as he turned back to her.

"It-it's not like that," she started, wanting him to know she wasn't cheating… Cheating on whom, Samantha?A little voice sounded through her mind, a voice she refused to recognize as her own.

"Carter," Jack interrupted her in an exasperated tone, not liking the turn of events one bit. "It's okay, you don't have to explain. I just never pegged you as the kind of woman to have an affair," he couldn't help himself but add.

"I'm not!" She exclaimed, already feeling a blush creeping its way up her neck.

Holding up his hands, Jack took on a surrendering pose. "Hey, it's none of my business."

If only it was…"Sir," she tried, unable to actually come up with something.

"Whatever makes you happy, Carter," he replied in a sarcastic tone, knowing that deep down he actually meant it.

"I'm not," she shook her head. Seeing him arch an eyebrow, "Having an affair," she hastily added.

"And yet… there's someone else."

"There is," nodding her head, Sam confirmed his statement. "Nothing has happened though, I'd never–"

"Ack! I don't want details, Carter," Jack almost barked, his mind filling with horrible images.

"Just feelings," she looked up again, locking her eyes on his.

"You don't owe me an explanation," Jack made a dismissive gesture, trying to come across casual as he fought his inner turmoil.

Ducking her head, she shrugged. "I don't want you to think any less of me, Sir," she explained in a soft, almost defeated tone.

"Look Carter–"

"Colonel," Bill Lee walked into her office, his eyes on the file he was reading. "I was wondering if you could take a look at this before you leave and," he looked up and cut himself off as he noticed the two officers standing across each other, just staring. "Oh, am I interrupting something?"

"No," they replied in chorus.

Taking his eyes off Carter, Jack glared at the scientist. "Go confuse someone else, Carter's packing up."

"Um… sure, General, Colonel," Bill stammered, before turning and getting the hell out.

"Nothing has happened and I don't think it ever will," Sam softly mentioned when they were alone again.

Jack nodded, really trying to forget what she'd just told him. Deciding to change the subject he motioned towards the boxes. "Yet here you are, leaving."

"I am," she went along with the new topic.

"So… Atlantis, really?"

"Yes Sir," Sam replied, her voice lacking the usual conviction. "I, er… I didn't think Area 51 would be a good idea," she admitted, bashfully.

"Why not? It's geek town, Carter," Jack quipped. "Plus, it's a bit closer to home," he shrugged. "Not to mention Cassie."

Giving him a wan smile, she nodded. "I know, I just wanted something different, I want to start over."

"You know, most people buy themselves an expensive car or an extra house, they don't usually move to another galaxy for that," he tried, still uncomfortable with the idea of her going to Atlantis.

"Weren't you the one who told me to take the offer once, Sir?"

"Circumstances were different," he shrugged.

Sam frowned. "You're saying I'm not cut out for this?"

"No, you're still the best we have," he grinned slightly, no matter what, still proud of her as a competent soldier.

"Afraid I won't be able to fill Dr. Weir's shoes, then?"

"She was what, only 5′8″? I doubt her shoes were that big," he quipped, satisfied as he saw the corners of Carter's mouth quirk. "You'll manage."

"Thank you, Sir."

"Don't mention it," Jack shrugged again, before he pointed towards the door. "I should get going…"

* * *

"I can't believe she's going to Atlantis," Cassie mentioned, sighing at the prospect of missing Sam for at least a year.

"Cheer up," Daniel poked her, "it's a great opportunity for her."

"I know, I know," she rolled her eyes. "She's been telling me that for days, now."

"Then why are you still glooming?"

"I don't know," she fiddled with the ballpoint in front of her. "I just get this feeling there's more to it."

"Oh," Daniel tried to sound casual and quickly turned to grab a book.

"You know something," Cassie accused him. "Tell me!"

"Cassie," he said, exasperated, "don't you have somewhere else to go?"

"No, Jack went to the airport already and I'm bored," she explained. "How much longer?"

Glancing at his watch, Daniel rolled his eyes. "Five minutes less than when you asked me five minutes ago."

"Ha-ha," she replied, rolling her eyes. "That makes it, what? Half an hour before Sam leaves us forever?"

"It's just for a year, Cassie," he explained, for the umpteenth time.

"You don't know that," she petulantly replied. "For all we know, she might like it there and will never come back."

A little defensive, Daniel frowned. "I came back, didn't I?"

"That's different."

"Why?"

"Because," Cassandra elaborated, "you have Sarah here."

"Well, Sam has all of us here," he replied, not completely convinced himself.

"It's not the same…"

Nodding, Daniel looked at her. "Yeah, I guess you're right. If only Jack and Sam…"

Hearing his voice trail off, Cassie frowned. "If only they what?"

"You know," he made a vague hand gesture.

Not wanting to get her hopes up, Cassie shook her head. "No?"

Shrugging, Daniel replied. "Get together."

"I know Sam's divorced Pete, but still."

"Who knows," Daniel muttered under his breath.

"Wait a minute," Cassie held up her hand, having heard his muttering. "Are you saying that you think Sam still has feelings for Jack?"

"Please," he didn't have anything more to add.

Rolling her eyes, Cassandra finished his sentence. "Of course she has… wait, do you  _know_  this for a fact?"

"She told me," he bashfully admitted.

"What?" Cassie exclaimed, jumping out of her chair. "Why didn't you say something sooner?"

"It was in confidence."

"Right," she sarcastically retorted, "but you can tell me now?"

Smiling sheepishly, Daniel thought for a minute. "Well, no. Not really."

"You've waited until Jack left for Europe until telling me?"

"It's not like there's something we can do," Daniel sighed.

"There isn't?"

"Come on, Sam is moving to another galaxy and Jack to another continent, they'll be more apart than they've ever been!"

"Who cares? Loves conquers all," Cassie beamed. "We've got to stop her!"

"Cassie, we can't! Besides, Jack has a life, I don't even know if he still feels the same…"

"Of course he does," Cassie frowned. "You call yourself his best friend?"

Offended, Daniel huffed. "Hey, I resent that!"

"Jack still loves Sam, how can you not know that?" Cassie inquired, pulling Daniel from his chair.

"Well," Daniel shrugged as he got up. "He has a funny way of showing it, with moving and all."

"He thought she was still  _married_!"

"She told him her marriage to Pete was over," Daniel defended Sam. "Besides, Jack has a life with his kids and Ilse; Sam didn't want to mess that up."

"Perhaps she should've let him make that decision," Cassie sighed, entering the corridors with Daniel on her heels.

"I don't think she wanted him to have to choose."

"Choose between what, exactly? She already loves Milou, I'm sure she'll love Maddy and Nathan as well."

Stopping, Daniel clasped her shoulder and turned her towards him. "What about Ilse?"

"What about her?" Cassandra frowned at him, before raising an eyebrow like Teal'c had taught her.

"You know," Daniel moved his hands around. "Teal'c and I thought they were getting pretty tight…"

"They've always been close," she shrugged, not seeing what he meant.

"I mean, we thought they might, you know, get married," he smiled a bit.

"Married?" Cassie yelped. "They're like  _family_ , Daniel that would be  _too_  weird!"

"I know," Daniel held up his hands, "about Lily and the kids," he elaborated. "But, come on, you've seen them together, Ilse and Jack they're like parents to those children."

"Well, Lily was  _their_  sister, you know. Now, that Ilse's mother passed, those kids are the only family she has left," Cassie explained, before moving again.

"Jack loves her," Daniel counteracted, as he followed her.

"Yes, and she loves him. Like a  _brother_ ," she emphasized the last word.

"Please, I've seen siblings, they don't flirt like that."

"They've always done that," Cassie shrugged, creasing her brow. "It's normal for them."

"Well, even it  _was_ , have you seen them hug and cuddle up on the couch?"

Cassie poked him. "You hug and cuddle Sam all the time."

"That's different; Sam is like a sis–"

"Ah!" She cried out triumphantly. "See!"

"Still, Ilse and Jack… they take care of the kids together," he tried again.

"Yeah, Ilse helps out when she's in town, she loves them too."

"Jack is moving to another continent."

"I  _know_ ," Cassie nodded. "Because of Homeworld Security."

"Please, the President may buy that, but I know him better than that," Daniel huffed.

"It's true he wants his kids to know about their roots," they turned the corner and Cassie pressed the button for the elevator. "This way, they can go to school there before they move back. Or even stay there and go to an international school."

"You don't think that's strange? Around the same time Ilse is pregnant?"

"By another man," Cassie finished for him. "He was already planning on moving there, this way he can help her out too. It's not like they're living together or something," she snorted.

"They're not?"

"Of course not," she rolled her eyes. "Sometimes, Daniel, I wonder about you," Cassie joked as they entered the car.

"Sam thinks they are," he mused aloud.

"Well, I'm sure Jack told her otherwise," Cassie shrugged, pushing for level 28. "What?"

"No, he didn't," Daniel said slowly. "She thinks they're together."

"You didn't tell her they  _weren't_?" Cassie yelled at him, stomping his shoulder. "God, you're such a fool!"

"Hey! How was I supposed to know they weren't!"

"You could have  _asked_ , you know."

"I thought it was obvious they were getting together," Daniel stammered, blushing.

"Have you  _ever_ seen them kissing or doing something romantic – at all?"

Now that he thought about it, Daniel couldn't say he had. "Ah, crap!"

As the elevator stopped, both of them ran into the corridor, intent on stopping Sam.


	23. Atlantis

“Ready to go, Colonel?”

Turning, Sam gave General Landry a small smile. “Yes Sir, as ready as I’ll ever be.”

Hank returned her smile and saluted her as the gate kawooshed. “I’m sad to see you leave Colonel, but Atlantis is lucky to have you in command.”

“Thank you, Sir,” Sam returned his salute, leaned down to grab her case and turned towards the blue shimmering of the gate. Nodding to all the present personnel, she walked over to the ramp as the blast doors opened.

“Sam! Wait!” Cassie yelled as she and Daniel almost tumbled into the gate room. Looking around, she saw they were just in time as Sam was about to walk up the ramp. Panting, she let her hands rest on her knees to catch her breath.

“Cassie, Daniel,” Sam frowned before walking over to her friends. “Didn’t we already say our goodbyes?”

“Well, yeah,” Daniel quirked a smile and shrugged. “Cassie and I just, erm... we were talking and realized that we had to talk to you, before you go...”

Hearing his voice trail off, Cassandra decided to jump in. “To stop you,” she elaborated.

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked, her brow creasing even further. Why would they want to stop her? They’d already said goodbye when she’d been packing.“Stop me from doing what?”

“Leaving,” Cassie blurted out, straightening.

“Guys, we talked about this... With Dr. Weir missing, they need a new commander on Atlantis and it’s quite an honor I got bestowed on me. I need this, I need to start over,” she whispered, not wanting the curious personnel to overhear their conversation. Tugging on her dress blues, Sam pulled down the jacket a bit, before continuing. “After everything that’s happened, I could use a change of scenery.”

“I know why you’re leaving,” Cassie replied, a knowing look on her face. When Sam just stared at her, she blurted a “You love Jack,” and immediately clasped her hand over her mouth, as if surprised she had said it aloud.

“Daniel!”

“I’m sorry, Sam,” he smiled sheepishly at her accusing tone. “It kind of slipped.”

“Of course it did,” Sam huffed shaking her head. She quickly glanced around and made sure no one was eavesdropping. “That was the last time I told you something in confidence,” she warned him, blushing under Cassie’s smug stare.

“Colonel Carter, they’re waiting for you on Midway Station,” Hank Landry reminded the three from the other side of the gate room.

“Yes, Sir,” Sam acknowledged him and pivoted on her heels, ready to leave her friends behind for a new galaxy.

Cassie quickly reached out and grabbed Sam’s forearm, forcing her to turn. “Sam!”

“I have to go, guys,” Sam shrugged. “This,” she referred to Cassie knowing the truth about her inappropriate feelings for her CO’s CO, “doesn’t change anything.”

“It does,” Cassandra insisted, gently squeezing the other woman’s arm to emphasize her words. “Jack loves you too.”

Sam closed her eyes and took a deep breath, steeling herself for the emotions Cassie’s words conjured and swallowed. “As a friend, yes.”

“Not just a friend, Sam, and you know it,” Cassie sighed, rolling her eyes. She held up a hand to ask General Landry – who was walking towards them – for a minute. “He  _loves_  you, always has.”

“No, it’s not the same,” Sam whispered, shaking her head. She patted Cassie’s hand – which was still on her arm – for her good intentions and gave her and Daniel a wan smile. “Besides, he has a family, I won’t get in between, even if he did… you know.”

“Sam,” Daniel tried, “if you let it slip through your fingers now, there won’t be any going back later.”

“He loves you, Sam,” Cassie chimed in.

“I’m sorry, guys. He’s happy; he deserves to be happy with his family, especially after Sara and Charlie.”

“Him and Ilse,” Daniel started.

“They make a good couple,” Sam tried to keep the envy from her voice as she interrupted him. The tears were already stinging behind her eyes and she knew she needed to go, fast.

“They’re not,” Cassie shook her head, again squeezing Sam’s hand.

Biting her lip, Sam lowered her head. “She’s pregnant, Cass.”

“Not with Jack’s baby…”

Sam’s head snapped up at the girl’s answer and tried to determine if this was some kind of sick joke; looking back and forth between Daniel and Cassie, Sam knew they weren’t lying.  _But… how?_

Hank cleared his throat loudly, slightly annoyed that his schedule was interrupted. Of course, he could understand the need for Dr. Jackson and Cassandra Fraiser to say goodbye to the Colonel, but, from where he was standing, it seemed as if they were bickering more than anything.

“Colonel? I don’t mean to rush you,” he lied, “but you of all people must know how much it costs to keep the gate open and with the IOA already breathing down our necks…”

“Yes Sir,” Sam replied over her shoulder, before facing her friends again. “It doesn’t matter, Cassandra,” her voice slightly emotional, Sam cleared her throat before continuing. “Now, it’s time for me to let him go…”

“Don’t,” Daniel and Cassie yelped, simultaneously.

“I love you, guys,” she muttered, throwing her arms around both of them and hugging them a final time. “Goodbye.”

Cassie and Daniel watched her walking up to the ramp, giving a last nod to General Landry, the control room, and winking at them as she silently stepped onto the ramp. A last salute with her back to the event horizon and she swiftly turned before stepping through.

* * *

 

Slightly nervous, John Sheppard trotted down the stairs to join Rodney McKay, Radek, and the others standing in front of the gate. Their new commander would arrive soon and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. He’d met Colonel Samantha Carter a few times and had gotten along as far as possible in those situations; still… he didn’t know her the way he’d known Elizabeth Weir. The colonel had a good reputation and it wasn’t as if the IOA and the President had given them a rookie: over ten years on SG-1 was a big deal! “What’s that?” He asked, pointing at the basket Rodney was holding, trying to put as much disdain into his question as possible.

Smirking, Rodney looked at him. “It’s a selection of fruits from the various worlds we trade with. I thought it’d be thoughtful.”

“Try ‘lame’.” John snorted.

“Really?” Annoyed, Rodney glared at him. It had taken him quite some time to come up with something for Sam. “And what would  _you_  suggest?”

“You know,” he shrugged, as if it was obvious. “Maybe some flowers to brighten up her quarters.”

“Hmm… flowers,” Rodney replied deep in thought. What kind of flowers would she like? He turned to the person next to him – he looked like a technician – and shoved the basket in his hands. “Here, take this… and go.”

Watching the technician stalk off, John smirked. Rodney was so easy… It amused him that McKay actually seemed nervous, probably for different reasons though. John had heard that McKay had tried to hit on Colonel Carter a few years ago when they’d met. He could only imagine what had happened to make Rodney – who probably had the biggest ego in the universe – act like this. He was still chuckling on the inside as the ’gate kawooshed and the woman in question walked through the event horizon.

Sam blinked a few times, to have her eyes adjust to the change of scenery and lighting, before smiling at the group of people in front of her. She handed her case to a marine and noticed John, Rodney, and Radek Zelenka approaching her.

Stepping forward, John grinned at her. “Colonel Carter, welcome to Atlantis.”

“Thank you, it’s nice to be here,” Sam replied, returning his smile, before smiling warmly at Rodney and Zelenka as well.

The guys turned and backed up a bit to let the Colonel face the other members of the expedition.

“I want you all to know how honored I am to accept this appointment. I’ve come here fully committed to this expedition, to Atlantis, and most importantly, to each and every one of you. I look forward to working with all of you. Thank you,” she gave a final nod, which was returned by most of the expedition members before the crowd broke up.

“Nice speech,” Rodney tried lamely. He wasn’t sure what to say to her, especially not after Sheppard already welcoming her.

“Thank you, I also do weddings and award shows,” Sam smirked and turned to him as if to give him a heads-up. “Book early to avoid disappointment.”

Trying to relieve Colonel Carter from Rodney’s stammering John turned to her. “Shall we go check out your new digs?”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed, before turning to Rodney again. “Rodney,” she mumbled, before following John.

“Sam,” Rodney replied, taking a good look at her retreating… backside.

Radek saw what his friend was looking at and frowned at him. “Rodney,” he sighed with a thick accent.

“What?”

* * *

 

Going through her new room, Sam decided she was more than satisfied. She’d already requested a lab for herself for whenever she could find the extra time to study some technology or to just work on her computer. For some reason, the atmosphere of her lab always had a productive effect on her and she knew she was able to work better and think clearer when surrounded by her equipment. Of course, as the commander of Atlantis, she had and needed an office. A very open office with see-through walls apparently. That didn’t mean she didn’t want or need her own lab. She’d been almost ecstatic when John had shown her the adjoining room of her quarters which could be used as a lab – for small and safe experiments and data analysis.

She had also decided she liked her new leather jacket, which was lying on the bed, even if the Atlantis patch was ruining it slightly. The black jacket reminded her of her leathers, which she used for riding her motorcycles and the idea of being reminded of her Indian and Harley every time she wore it, brought a smile to her face. The new everyday uniform – the equivalent of BDUs she guessed – was another thing, entirely. Yeah, the jury wasn’t out on that one, just yet.

Padding over to the other side of the room, she placed the few clutter items she had brought with her on a shelf. Taking a step back, she looked at the result and shrugged. It’ll do, for now. Fortunately for Sam, most of her personal items – those she didn’t keep on Earth – had been sent through the ’gate, some before and others after her arrival. It was a new way of moving and she preferred it to the old ways!

Strolling back to the crate, she noticed the picture of Jack O’Neill lying on top. She hadn’t been able to leave it behind even if she had left  _him_  behind in another galaxy. Her fingers were tracing his features before she realized what she was doing and berating herself she withdrew her hand. The conversation she’d had with Daniel and Cassie came back to her. She still didn’t believe them… If the General truly loved her the way she loved him, then how was it possible for their lives to get so screwed up? It wasn’t that she thought Daniel and Cassie were lying, they probably believed it themselves. Sam knew they were both romantics at heart and had always hinted to her that she and the General – or then-Colonel – should hook up _. Like that’s going to happen_ , she thought, snorting.

She smiled at his eyes which were looking right at her from the framed photograph and she ducked her head. She hadn’t lied to her family; it was her turn now. The General had let her go and marry Pete; she would let him live his life with Ilse and the children… Ilse! Cassie had told her that the baby wasn’t his! How could that woman do such a thing? She had  _everything_  – and then some – Sam had always wanted and she’d  _cheated_  on Jack O’Neill? It was hard for her to imagine him being okay with that… Then again, he loved children, even if they weren’t his own. He must really love Ilse a lot. Or was there something else to Cassie’s explanation?

Not able to face all these questions she was asking herself, nor the emotions accompanying them, she turned her back on the picture at the same time a technician walked in with another box. “Thank you.”

The man nodded, before he left.

“Hey Rodney,” Sam greeted McKay as he stood in the doorway the technician had just left through. “Come on in.”

“I, ah… I’ve brought you a little something to spruce up the place,” Rodney stammered a bit showing her the flowers he was holding.

“Well,” Sam smiled, “thank you. That’s very sweet, there’s a vase right there,” she pointed at the vase.

Smiling smugly – quite taken with himself – he turned to the table as Sam continued her unpacking. As he reached for the vase, he noticed a basket of fruit from the corner of his eye… a basket that looked  _a lot_  like the one he’d had with him in the gate room.

“Oh, Colonel Sheppard dropped that off,” Sam explained as she noticed him staring at the basket. “Apparently, it’s a sampling of fruit from the home worlds of our various trading partners.”

“Oh,” Rodney said, silently berating himself for falling for Sheppard’s lame trick.

“I thought it was a really thoughtful gesture,” she smiled.

Angrily dumping the flowers into the vase, he muttered a “Son of a b…” before pulling himself together and facing Sam again. “Anyway, look, I just came by to welcome you to Atlantis, see how you’re settling in and, you know, if you needed anything, and… uh, did I mention I was seeing someone?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Sam asked, confused at the sudden change of subject.

“I’m seeing someone,” he nodded, deep in thought. “Yes, I only bring it up now, because you’re here now and we’ll be working together a lot more and, you know, I just thought with our past…” he shrugged.

“Our ‘past’?”

“Well, you know, that unrequited lust that’s been hanging over our heads for what seems like forever,” Rodney laughed, slightly uncomfortable and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Chuckling to herself, Sam shook her head. “Rodney…”

“I just don’t want things to be awkward between the two of us, you know, uh…” He made a vague hand gesture as his voice trailed off.

Stunned, Sam stared at him. It was somewhat ironic that she was having this conversation with him, but mostly uncomfortable since there had never been any attraction from her point of view whatsoever! What she wouldn’t give to have this conversation with a certain General, even if it would be as awkward as this one. However, she couldn’t muster the courage to tell him about her feelings, afraid she’d lose him forever…

“… kind of like they are now.”

“Rodney,” Sam smiled, still uncomfortable with this turn of events. “I’m  _sure_  we’ll be fine.”

“Oh, of course! I mean,  _I’ll_ be fine; I’m just, with you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As some of you may have noticed, a lot of the Atlantis-lines are from the actual episode "Reunion".


	24. Evaluation

**2007**

**  
**

"Colonel?"

Hearing Lt Col John Sheppard's voice – her 2IC of the past year – Sam waved him in without looking up from her paperwork. Placing her signature on the bottom she put it back into the folder and placed that in her outbox. "Yes, John?"

"We just got word from Stargate Command," John Sheppard explained. "Apparently, Woolsey got sick and can't make it."

"The poor man," Sam mumbled hardly any sympathy in her voice. Even after all these years, she still didn't like the man. He was a good bureaucrat, she'd give him that, but he was quite unpleasant to work with. That day they – SG-1 – had to take him and his little friends to the Gamma Site had turned out horrible, yet he was still as pigheaded as he'd been the moment they'd met. Not to mention that time with Khalek. He may have come to respect the people at the SGC, but he was so shortsighted that she wasn't sure if she could respect  _his_  decisions and modus operandi. However, she had to admit he had done the right thing with Kinsey. Still, who on Earth would trust Kinsey in the first place? Richard Woolsey had also been the one to do her three month-evaluation and at the end of that day, it appeared he was more human than she'd thought. Of course, he continued to surprise her in the months after. "I take it the evaluation has been moved to another date?"

"Um… actually, no," John cautiously replied.

"What does that mean?" Sam asked sharply frowning at the lieutenant colonel in front of her.

"It means that someone else will come by to do the evaluation," he elaborated.

"And who might that be?"

"General O'Neill," he mumbled unsure if his commander would like that. The two times the General had come by this past year with her in command, she was gone, busy or he'd only stayed for a few hours. Somehow, something had happened between the two former teammates and they didn't seem too comfortable around each other – if they would even be in the same room. To John that just proved how far off some rumors could be. Probably everyone on Atlantis had heard the rumors from former SGC personnel that Colonel Carter and General O'Neill got along a bit too well and were having an affair in secrecy. Of course, that could also mean the relationship had ended badly or just hadn't worked out, hence their awkwardness. However, John couldn't imagine Carter disregarding the rules – unless it was to save someone's life – especially not the frat regs!

Sam almost choked on the sip of water she'd just taken at hearing the General's name. "Really?" She squeaked uncomfortably. Clearing her throat she straightened and put on her soldier mask. "When will he be here?"

"Tomorrow morning, Ma'am."

"Okay, thanks for telling me John," Sam gave him a small smile, still a bit shaken up. "You should get some sleep."

Looking at his watch, John nodded. "What about you? Don't you need to get some rest?"

"In a minute," she chuckled, he reminded her of the General sometimes. "Just finishing this up," she pointed at the pile of paperwork.

"Suit yourself," he replied before leaving her alone in her glass office.

Going through the last few files, Sam's mind was light-years away, somewhere in the vicinity of Earth. General O'Neill was going to be there in the morning, for her evaluation… He'd only been by two times this past year; once she had been very busy with a technical problem with the gate and had hardly seen him and the other time – a little over six months ago – had been a quick visit, while she was off-world. The moment she got back, he'd been sitting in her office, smirking as he'd noticed her surprised face and they'd hardly had the time to catch up since he had to leave an hour later. Of course, there had been video conferences, but those had mostly been professional only talking business. Still, every time she saw him on screen, her heart would skip a beat. He had been supposed to come by a few weeks ago, but that had been cancelled for some reason, she wasn't sure what it had been. Sam had put on a brave face, but in the confines of her quarters she'd moped, feeling let down and somewhat disappointed.

Now, he was coming again. For her evaluation. Well, it was probably better than the three month-evaluation Woolsey had done and all the trouble they'd had that day. Even if it was worse, she'd rather have her General watching her six than that lousy Woolsey. Gathering her paperwork, she quickly arranged it in the proper manner before closing off her office. It was going to be a long, sleepless night…

* * *

Blinking, Jack took off his shades the moment his eyes had adjusted to the bright light. He was pleasantly surprised to see Carter waiting for him, a nervous smile on her lips. He wondered if she was nervous about him being here or for her evaluation, surely she knew it was just a formality? She'd accomplished so many things this past year, not even the IOA had known it was possible. Of course, Jack had known – it was Carter after all. One of the most competent soldiers he'd ever had the pleasure of working with and he'd always known she was capable of much more than just following orders. He'd been proven right.

"Welcome to Atlantis, Sir," Sam smiled shyly at him as she stepped forward.

"Carter," Jack greeted her, grinning slightly. This past year had been good for her. She was looking radiant, command was definitely treating her well and she didn't look as skinny as she had before she'd left Earth. Oh no, just gorgeous, he thought, as his eyes did a quick onceover. Carter and leather had always been a perfect combination, he mused glancing at her jacket.

John and the other military personnel saluted the general as soon as his eyes took in the crowd. John was glad to see the reunion between the two former teammates went smoothly.

"Stand down," Jack groaned, rolling his eyes as he made a dismissive hand gesture. "Don't need to be all formal, campers. Just go about your business, don't mind me."

"Three stars will do that, Sir," Sam whispered as she leaned towards him.

Glancing at her – her face close to his – Jack smirked. "So I've heard, Colonel."

"Congratulations, by the way," her eyes were still locked on his as she motioned towards the stars decorating the shoulders of his dress blues.

Holding her gaze Jack raised his brows. "I thought you already said that, Carter."

"Not face to face," she spoke softly as she felt her cheeks blush under his scrutiny. She'd missed those brown eyes; he was always leaning back during their video conferences, making it hard for her to take in that chocolaty brown color. Now, they were so close, mere inches separating their faces.

"I believe it  _was_  face to face."

She shrugged, realizing their positions and location her eyes shifted as she took a step back. "Not in real life, Sir. A video screen doesn't count for such an occasion."

"Well, in that case… congratulate away," he winked at her, grinning. He could think of a lot of ways his favorite Colonel could congratulate him but they weren't very appropriate. Especially not considering he was here to evaluate her command.

"Yes, Sir," Sam chuckled, shaking her head. It was just a wink! Turning, she saw John walking up to them. "John, you know the General, right?"

"Yes, Ma'am, Sir," John Sheppard nodded. It was good to see there was nothing to worry about, considering his two superiors were chuckling amicably. "Don't tell Mr. Woolsey, but I'd rather have you here than him, Sir."

"Yeah, well, it's a nice change of scenery," Jack joked shrugging. He was irritated when he'd heard Woolsey wanted him to replace him, after the busy week he'd had. All he had wanted to do was go home and relax with his kids, instead he was traipsing around the galaxy – two, actually – again. The only thing that had stopped him from declining – he was head of Homeworld Security, he could refuse pretty much anything – was Carter… after all, he was going to have to evaluate her performance as a commanding officer, which meant he would actually be hanging around her for a while. He'd missed her, this past year. More than he'd expected beforehand, since he hadn't seen her in over two years before 'bumping' into her at Daniel's party and their subsequent run ins. If it was possible, she'd probably taken up even more space in his heart after seeing her with Milou.

* * *

"I was sorry to hear you couldn't make it a few weeks ago," John continued, fishing for a reason. "We were all looking forward to your visit, Sir."

"Why is that?" Jack frowned, truly unknowing.

John smirked and smiled at Colonel Carter. "Because the men and women here respect you, Sir, and you're well liked."

"Oh," Jack glanced at Carter, who was suppressing a smile, he could tell. "Well, some kid in my daughter's class got the chicken pox and it didn't take her long to get them, too."

"Really?" Sam asked, surprised. He hadn't told her why he had been unable to make it.

"Yeah and the President didn't want me to infect an entire new galaxy, so…"

"You have a daughter, Sir?"

"Yes, Sheppard, and no, she's way too young for you."

"I didn't mean to…" John stammered, until he saw the General and Colonel exchanging an amused glance. "Right," he sighed. "I had no idea you had a child, Sir."

"Was it Milou or Maddy?" Sam inquired, remembering the little girl she'd grown so fond of and her sister.

Grimacing, Jack made a vague hand gesture. "Milou, Maddy isn't going to school yet. Of course, she and Nathan both got them as well."

"Ouch," Sam cringed with sympathy… three small children with the chicken pox. "How are they doing now?"

"They're good, Ilse's taking care of them since I just came back from a conference in London, which was preceded by one in Brussels and I also had to make a pit stop in Washington," he shrugged. "Thank the Asgard for their beaming technology."

Understanding completely, Sam nodded. "And the baby?" She asked gingerly, still unsure about the subject. Daniel and Cassie had told her the baby wasn't his, but he'd told her the day the boy was born, never mentioned anything about the paternity and she sure as hell wasn't going to  _ask_.

"Sebastian is fine, too," Jack grimaced slightly. "So, Sheppard, were you ever planning on taking this old man's case and showing him to his quarters? With all the traveling, I feel kind of beam-lagged, not to mention the gating."

"Yes, Sir," John nodded, taking his case. "I'll show you your digs, follow me, Sir."

"See ya, Carter," Jack waved over his shoulder.

* * *

Exiting Rodney's lab, Sam had to suppress an exasperated sigh. He was less of an egomaniac since the first time they'd met, but every now and then he could still get on her nerves, even after being in command for a year. If she were honest, Rodney hadn't been that bad, she was just off her game. Ever since the General had stepped through the gate and her breath had hitched, she knew it was going to be a long twenty-four hours. Her treacherous body was still responding strongly to him and every smile, gesture or glance had her heartbeat going through the roof. She wasn't sure if she could take any more. Her hands had literally been shaking as he'd been standing next to her while she was dealing with a situation. He hadn't even done anything and probably didn't realize the effect he'd had on her, but it was tiring for her. Every time he was around, she could feel her body tense.

"Something wrong, Carter?" Jack asked, as he rounded the corner and noticed the pensive look on her face. "McKay giving you trouble?"

"Nothing I can't handle, Sir."

"Whoa," Jack held up his hands in a defensive position. "No need to snap, Colonel. I–"

"I'm sorry, Sir," she apologized. This was going to be harder than she'd hoped…

He shrugged and gently tugged her arm, prompting her to walk with him. "Don't mention it, Carter. It's your command; of course you can handle it. I was just saying–"

"I know," she smiled up at him not feeling offended at all. "And I appreciate it, Sir, but it's unnecessary."

"Habit," Jack bashfully admitted. "Don't worry about it, Carter; I'm not doubting your command or abilities."

Looking up hopefully, Sam smiled shyly. "What are you saying, Sir?"

Jack clasped his hands and waggled his eyebrows, as they walked towards the commissary. "It means it's time for cake."

"Cake?"

"Yes, cake, Carter," Jack rolled his eyes as she frowned. "I'd already written my report before I left, to be honest," he smirked smugly as her face lit up.

Understanding dawning, Sam smiled a megawatt smile. "Are you saying I–"

"Passed? If that's what you want to call it," he shrugged. "You had nothing to worry about, Carter, I would've never let you take command if I didn't think you'd be up for it."

Her frown returned as she thought about their parting last year. "I thought you said you didn't know, Sir."

"I didn't, but I could have easily stopped you," he admitted, bluntly.

If only he knew, Sam thought gloomily. If he'd just told her that he didn't want her to go, she wouldn't have gone. Or would she? This last year had been good for her, and she knew that. Her confidence had grown, it had plummeted somewhat during her relationship and marriage to Pete, even after filing for divorce it hadn't completely returned. Now, she just knew what she had to do, never had to second-guess herself. Like the way she had been before Pete, the only time she second-guessed herself nowadays, was when it came to Jack O'Neill and she was certain that would never stop. "Oh," she mumbled, feeling the heat spread through her body from where he placed his hand on the small of her back, gently pushing her towards the commissary.

Jack forced himself to withdraw his hand as they picked out their cake and walked over to Sheppard, Teyla Emmagan, and Ronon who were occupying one of the tables. "Do you mind if we join you?"

"Of course not, Sir," John nodded and pointed at their trays. "Celebrating something?"

"I told Carter she passed with flying colors," Jack shrugged as he took a bite of his chocolate/vanilla-cake.

John turned to the Colonel, who was beaming with pride. "Congratulations, I never doubted it. Well, unless Woolsey had been the one to evaluate you, since he's such a… bureaucrat."

"Thank you," Sam ducked her head, as the others congratulated her as well.

"Sam?" Rodney quickly ran over to their table, panting slightly.

"What is it, McKay?" Jack rolled his eyes, annoyed with the scientist. From the moment he'd met McKay, he felt an instant dislike – which had nothing to do with McKay's interest in Carter.

"Um… there seems to be a slight problem with the 'gate," Rodney stammered.

Frowning, Sam immediately got up. "What are you talking about?"

"Did you break it again?" John and Ronon said, simultaneously.

"Well, fix it," Jack replied, waving him off. "Carter, stay."

"Sir?"

"It's late, I'm sure McKay can fix it himself. You eat your cake and then go off and, I don't know… relax, go play with some doohickey."

"Actually, General," Rodney objected, "we've been trying to make contact with the SGC several times and the 'gate doesn't work."

"Maybe they're busy," Jack shrugged, not alarmed at all.

Frowning, Rodney looked at him as if he was crazy. "Busy?"

"Have you tried dialing another gate?" Sam intervened, taking her seat.

"Um," Rodney scratched his head. "Excellent point, Colonel, I don't know why Radek hasn't tried that yet," he rolled his eyes, before exiting the commissary feeling like a fool.

"Well, at least that ego of him has shrunk a bit," Jack quipped, taking another piece of his cake.

"Yes Sir," John and Sam both responded, smiling.

They all ate their food in silence, before Rodney joined them again.

"There's a problem at the SGC and we can't dial in. The  _Daedalus_  contacted them and they're working on it, but said it would probably be another forty-eight hours. Too bad we geniuses," he motioned between himself and Sam, "are in this galaxy. I'm sure we could've fixed it by now."

"Forget what I said," Jack mumbled, rolling his eyes as he took a sip of coffee. "I take that means I'll be staying longer?"

"Yes, General," Rodney answered in a placating tone. "Unless, of course, you want to go to a different planet."

"No, I think I'll be staying here."

"Great," Sam muttered under her breath wondering how much more she could take before she'd explode. Her carefully bottled up feelings were reaching the surface too fast and she wasn't sure if she could act normal around the General for much longer.

"What's that, Carter?"

"Nothing, Sir," she quickly took the last bite of the cake, not really tasting it, with her mind elsewhere.

"You look tired, go and relax, have fun," Jack ushered her away when she had finished her cake. "You deserve it, Colonel."

"Yes Sir," Sam mumbled, got up and took her tray to dispose of the items.

John smiled as Colonel Carter complied with the General's suggestion – it probably would've turned into an order, had she not agreed – easily and left to relax. She could certainly use it; she'd been tense for days, peaking the moment she'd heard General O'Neill was coming over instead of Woolsey. He wasn't sure why though; they seemed to be getting along perfectly, better than the last time General O'Neill had visited.

"Do you have any pictures, General?"

Jack frowned at McKay as he shoved his empty plate to the side. "Of what, McKay?"

"Your kids, John told us," he pointed his thumb at the lieutenant colonel. "I have a niece, Madison; she's six years old, want to see a picture?"

"My daughter's name is Madison," Jack rolled his eyes, as McKay grabbed his wallet and showed him a picture. "Sweet."

"At first, I didn't really like her," Rodney explained, shrugging. "But Jeannie – my sister – kind of forced me to spend time with her and, well, she's as smart as her uncle. Funny your daughter's name is Madison too, do you have a picture?"

"She's called Maddy," Jack felt he needed to explain, not wanting McKay to find similarities between them "No pictures though."

"Not one?"

"Out of habit," he shrugged.

Rodney leaned back and frowned. "Why?"

"Black ops," Jack mumbled. "She's cute as a button, though. Blue eyes, reddish brown hair, three-and-a-half-years old. Her twin, Nathan has blonde hair and brown eyes, like their sister Milou. Milou's hair is a bit lighter, though," he shrugged. "Is the  _Daedalus_  still in the vicinity? I'd like to contact the SGC," Jack explained as he got up, clearly ending the conversation.

"Um… yeah, I believe they were still mapping a few gateless planets," Rodney replied.

"Yes, they're supposed to stay close in case of situations like these," John added.

"Great, I'll be in the control room," Jack walked away with his tray.

* * *

Having finished up his conversation with Colonel Caldwell, commander of the  _Daedalus_ , Jack walked through the corridors of Atlantis on his way to his quarters. As he entered them, he finished unpacking his stuff and untied his tie a bit, still feeling uncomfortable wearing his dress blues. As he was going through his things, he found himself staring at a drawing Milou had made. It was for Carter and he'd totally forgotten about it. According to his daughter, Carter had missed her and wanted her to draw her a picture… Right _._

Glancing at his watch, Jack decided he could still drop it off at her office. Straightening his tie hastily, he rolled up the drawing again, placing its ribbon back the way Milou had wanted it and padded over to Carter's glass office. He couldn't imagine being able to work in an environment like that, everyone could constantly see what you were doing! He guessed Woolsey, or some other idiot at the IOA had dubbed it the office, just to keep the Atlantis' commander on their toes. He doubted it was actually an office; surely Ancients didn't need something as primitive as an office with their abilities.

"Sheppard," Jack nodded back to Lt. Colonel John Sheppard, who passed him as he reached the office. Crap, it was locked! "Sheppard!"

John turned as he heard the General call out his name – for the second time – and looked at him. "Sir?"

"Why is this office locked?"

"Because Colonel Carter locked it?" He tried, unsure of where the General was going with this.

"I get that," Jack replied, exasperated. "Can you open it?"

"No, only the Colonel can, Sir. Why, if I may ask?"

"Oh," Jack shrugged, "I found something I forgot to give her," he quickly showed him the rolled up drawing. "My daughter made it and insisted I give it to Carter."

Chuckling, John nodded his understanding. "Well, you could try her quarters, Sir." He glanced at his watch. "By now, she's probably still working on some data analysis."

Frowning, Jack walked over to him. "In her quarters?"

"She has an adjoining lab," he explained, shrugging.

"Right, I'll take a look, thanks," Jack replied, turning on his heels.

"It's the door on your left if you enter her quarters," John called after him, and as the General waved his understanding, he added an, "I think."

* * *

God, they really couldn't make this place bigger, could they?Jack almost groaned as he exited the elevator and saw the corridor. He knew Carter's quarters were at the end of the corridor, separated from the other quarters as she had refused to take Dr. Weir's quarters and had insisted on keeping her temporary quarters. He knew she liked the adjoining lab, probably so she could work if she couldn't fall asleep – that's the Carter he loved – and she'd mentioned once she had a great view and didn't mind the fact she had an entire floor to herself. Well, almost. Many of the other rooms had been transformed to storage rooms and such.

Finally reaching the door, he knocked softly in case she was already asleep. He found that hard to believe, since it was an hour until midnight and he doubted she'd turned in already. "Carter?" He tried again and seeing light coming from under the door he tried the motion sensor. He was surprised as the door opened and peeked inside. Her bed was on the other end of the room, and was perfectly made and unoccupied. "Carter?" He took a small step into the room and glanced around. No sign of his Colonel, he thought.

First door on his left, right?Turning, Jack noticed the door and walked over. Knocking, he waited for an answer as he tapped his fingers on the doorpost. There was a faint light coming from the cracks and Jack knocked a bit louder. Still hearing nothing, he tried the sensor and was taken aback by the sight in front of him as the door opened swiftly.

"Whoa, Carter!" Jack exclaimed, frozen for a moment as he stared at the woman in the tub.

"Sir!" Sam exclaimed, awoken from her slumber by his exclamation. She quickly covered her breasts with her arms, hoping he hadn't seen anything.

"Sorry," he hastened himself to say, as he turned and tried to stomp down the desire to join her. "Sorry, I knocked, but…"

"I- I fell asleep," Sam stammered, slightly uncomfortable by his presence, yet at the same time yearning for more. "Just, um…"

"Yeah, I figured. I'll just wait outside," Jack motioned with his hand as he opened the door again and stepped into her quarters. He could definitely use the time to get his body under control… Damn, she had long legs! One of her legs had rested at the end of the tub, still some traces of foam on it. He tried hard not to think about Carter, naked, in a tub, with her just-shaven legs. He'd been right all these years though, as far as he could see her skin had the same color as her complexion. God, this was too much! On one hand, he was glad there had been lots of bubbles, shielding most of her body from his eyes while on the other hand he would've killed to see more….

 

 

**  
**


	25. Sam and Jack, or...

Still stunned, Sam stared at the door that had closed after the General. She was almost scared to move, afraid the door would open again while she was standing in the bathroom. That'll teach her to lock her doors, after picking up a certain habit from the man that had just left. Her arms still wrapped tightly around her torso, Sam leaned slightly forward to make sure the door was really closed.

She knew she was being ridiculous, she'd never been one to be embarrassed about her body and was quite satisfied with it. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the plug and turned on the faucet to rinse her body of all the foam. Picking up the fallen razor, she placed it on her soap dish and let her hands slide over her smooth legs. She'd fallen asleep as she'd been finishing up, but it looked like she hadn't missed a spot and thankfully, the razor had fallen on the ledge without any danger of it cutting her flesh.

Glancing around, she grabbed the two towels from the rack, turned off the faucet and draped the smaller one around her head before wrapping the large one around her body. Stepping out of the tub, she padded over to the mirror which was completely misted over from the long warm bath she'd taken. Sam picked up the washcloth she'd used to clean her face this morning to wipe the mirror so she could see herself.

Feeling like a panda bear with mascara smeared everywhere she rinsed her face, applied night cream, and brushed her teeth quickly. When she was finished, she felt as if she'd run a marathon, all wired because she  _knew_  the General was waiting in her quarters. How could she face him after this awkward situation?

She was still flushed as she started toweling down, trying to think of anything but Jack O'Neill in the room next to hers. Unwrapping the towel from her head, she dragged a comb through her long hair, shivering involuntarily as the wet locks rested in her neck. After combing it, she tried rubbing her hair dry with the towel, since her blow-dryer was still lying next to her bed… shrugging to no one in particular, she reached out for the clothes she'd brought with her. Slipping into the shorts and tank, she could feel her cheeks burn even more. There was no way she could face the General wearing her night attire.

Why exactly hadn't she brought her underwear? Well, the shorts were more like boxers; still, she'd do about anything to have a bra. Turning, she was hoping that – by some miracle – her peignoir was hanging on the little hook she never bothered to use. Of course, there was no peignoir in sight. It was most likely still hanging on the wall next to her bed, where she'd left it this morning.

A final glance in the mirror, she decided there was no more stalling; the General knew her, she didn't need half an hour to get ready. Crossing her arms protectively in front of her chest, she slowly walked over to the door, dreading every step. A quick hand gesture in front of the motion sensor and the door opened softly, to reveal the back of her favorite General.

She was about to take a step, when she noticed a purple ribbon next to her foot and leaned down to pick it up; that was definitely not hers. Apparently, the General had heard the door as he was about to turn. "Don't turn around," she yelped, holding out one hand as if it could physically stop him. She darted to her left, to fetch her robe as he stood there, still not facing her. However, she didn't miss the way he turned his head slowly, using his ears to follow her movements.

* * *

Jack was about to turn hearing the distinct sound of an opening door, when his Colonel almost cried out for him not to turn around. He stood, frozen still, his heart beating faster than he thought capable as he tried not to think about all the reasons why he couldn't –  _shouldn't –_ turn around.  _Please don't tell me she isn't wearing clothes_ , he prayed silently. He fought the temptation of glancing over his shoulder, just to confirm he was still sane and not dreaming one of his fantasies.

Carter would never forgive him if he  _did_  turn though so he summoned all his willpower and stood still. He could hear her pad over to his left, the sound of her feet dampened by the soft, thick carpet and he resisted the urge to take a quick peek out of the corner of his eyes as he was asking himself what she was doing. He heard the rustling of fabric and closed his eyes, to keep his self-control. Thinking about what she could be doing, the first thing that popped into his mind was the fact her bed was on the left side of the room… Carter… bed… clothes?

"I, ah… I'm sorry," he cleared his throat awkwardly, trying to explain and apologize.

"Sir?"

"It wasn't my intention to barge into your bathroom," he continued, images of Carter in the tub burned on his retina, "had I known you were taking a bath… That it was your bathroom, I would've never…" Jack let his voice trail off, ignoring the soft voice in his head that kept telling him he would've done exactly the same  _had_ he known.

"It's okay, Sir," Sam slipped into the fluffy robe, still wishing she had more clothes on her body. Damn that man for making her feel so insecure! "It was a misunderstanding," she shrugged, knowing he would've never done such a thing.

"I ran into Sheppard while looking for you," he made a hand gesture, not realizing she couldn't tell, "and he said you were probably tinkering in your lab, which was on the  _left_  side of your quarters when you enter."

Sam chuckled softly, despite the situation. "Well, it is on the left side from my point of view, when you're facing the door," she pointed to her left as she walked up to him.

"Yeah, well," he replied lamely, "now, I know."

She nodded and tightened the robe at her waist, before stopping a few feet away from him. "Don't worry about it, Sir," she responded, trying to make it come across as if she didn't care. Her body, however, was still in turmoil and she felt the heat radiating from her face as she brushed a strand of hair back.

"So," Jack rocked on his feet, his tone of voice a bit too casual. "Now that you know you've passed your evaluation, what are your next plans, Carter?"

Somewhat surprised by his change of subject – relieved as well – Sam frowned, thinking it over. "I don't know, yet, Sir. I've grown quite attached to this place."

"I can understand," he nodded, wondering what was taking her so long. Was she planning on torturing him by keeping him wondering what she was doing behind his back? "No rush to get back to Earth, huh?"

"I'm not sure," she shrugged, playing with the little ribbon in her hands as she stared at the ground.

Clearing his throat, Jack drew her attention. "No one special waiting back home?" He tried to keep his voice devoid of any emotion, not even sure why he asked in the first place.

"Well," Sam scrunched up her nose, "I'd love to see Cassie in person," she continued, wondering what he was referring to. "Why?"

"Nothing in particular," he lied, "I just hadn't heard anything and was wondering if you wanted to stay on for another year…"

"To be honest, Sir, I can't think of another assignment I'd want to do," Sam admitted.

"Even if it's in another galaxy?"

Slipping the ribbon into her pocket, she crossed her arms as she stared at his back and slowly took a step forward. "I don't think distance ever stopped any of us," she stated referring to their old team.

"Well," Jack shrugged, thinking of a way to broach the subject he really wanted to discuss. Or maybe not, he wasn't sure. On one hand, he wanted to know, but fearing the answer, he figured he might be better off not knowing. "We haven't heard much of you and, you know, that, er… divorce, you spoke of before you left," he stammered a bit at the last few words.

Not wanting to jump to conclusions, Sam was quietly gathering her thoughts. "I handed Pete the papers before I left, Sir, why are you asking?"

"I figured, after you said you left Shannon–"

"Pete Shanahan," she corrected him, knowing almost for sure that he did it on purpose.

"–for another man, you'd be, you know, with that man," he continued, slightly uncomfortable. What if that man wasn't on Earth? Perhaps it was someone on Atlantis?Shaking his head, Jack refused to believe that. She'd only been on Atlantis a few times and he couldn't for the life of him think of anyone who'd gone there that she was close to. Besides, Carter would never let herself get involved with someone in her command, right? The silence in the room was almost deafening and he feared he'd overstepped a boundary as she didn't answer him. They were supposed to be  _friends_ ; friends would ask things like that he justified it to himself.

"I'm not," she answered after trying to phrase a reply. "As I said, nothing will come of it."

"Yet," Jack remarked, tempted to turn as he knew she was standing only a feet or so behind him – he'd picked up her scent a while ago and could feel the heat radiating from her at his back. "You left your husband for him."

"For me," Sam corrected him, smiling sheepishly. "I knew it wasn't fair for either of us," she elaborated, not sure anymore if she was talking about her and Pete or her and the General…

"Ah," he nodded, still not satisfied with her answer.

Standing almost next to him, Sam looked at his profile. "Why were you looking for me in the first place, Sir?"

"Um…" Jack tried to focus on her change of subject and inhaled deeply, only to pick up the scent of a freshly bathed Carter. Shaking his head in order to clear it, he kept telling himself not to look to his side. What was the question again?He turned his gaze to his feet, that way he couldn't see her and noticed the paper clutched in his hand.  _Right!_  "I-I forgot to give you this," he held up the paper for her to see. "Milou drew it. Huh, where did that ribbon go?"

Smiling, Sam fumbled in the pocket of her peignoir and pulled out the small ribbon she'd picked up from the bathroom floor. "This ribbon, Sir?"

Placing his free hand over his eyes, Jack cocked his head slightly towards her as he turned and opened his hand with the drawing in it, its palm facing up so she could place the ribbon in it. "I don't know, Carter, I can't really see," he joked.

"Oh," she chuckled, "it's okay, Sir, you can look now," she explained, smiling shyly and handed him the ribbon.

Slowly uncovering his eyes, Jack cautiously peeked through one eye, before opening his other. He withdrew his hand, looked at the ribbon and placed it back to its original position around the rolled up drawing. "Here," he mumbled, turning slightly towards her and gave her the paper.

Curious, Sam took it and, suppressing a smile, slid off the ribbon and unrolled the drawing. "It's very sweet of Milou," she said as she looked at the yellow-haired stick figure, standing on what seemed to be a platform in the water, fake stardust covering most of the paper. The figure was surrounded by the night's sky, including stars and – what she assumed to be – five moons. "Quite detailed, too," Sam mentioned as she motioned towards her window, where two moons were visible.

Jack's breath hitched as he took in her appearance, from her bare feet to her wet, combed back golden locks. He tried hard not to wonder what – if anything – she was wearing under her peignoir, which ended just over her knees and showed off the rest of her legs. Her cheeks were still rosy from the hot bath and he could see a few droplets of water sliding down her neck, onto her shoulder and disappearing under her peignoir from her still wet hair. God, she was gorgeous… His fingers were itching to touch her skin; instead, he fidgeted with the hem of his jacket. "Yeah," he replied in a raspy voice, and pointed at the drawing. "She asked where you were and I told her about Atlantis being on this planet, Thor even made her a holographic image, showing all five moons."

Laughing, Sam looked up from the picture to look at the General. "Thor?"

"He came by two weeks ago," Jack elaborated and shrugged, making sure to keep his eyes glued to her face. "He needed some more data from the kids and their ATA gene."

"I see," she returned her attention to the paper. "Kids? Multiple; they all have it?"

"Yup, though Milou seems to top everyone," letting his eyes dart around the room – anything but looking at Carter – he noticed her dog tags lying on the table in front of him. Deciding he needed some space, Jack walked over to the table and fingered the tags, letting his fingers trace the letters punched into them. He berated himself as he felt relieved noticing the wedding ring was nowhere to be seen, the two chains both contained a tag, nothing more. "Not wearing your tags, Carter?" He asked, trying to make conversation. He'd come by to drop off Milou's gift, but now he found himself reluctant to leave.

"Erm, no," Sam's hand immediately went up to her neck, "I take them off when I go showering, take a bath or go to sleep," she explained, observing him as he played with her tags. It was strange to see him handle them, since she usually kept them covered, not even Pete had been allowed to fiddle with them or take them off. She found herself strangely possessive of them. A by-the-book kind of girl, she never took them off – as her father used to tell her as a little girl and the military insisting on her wearing them all the time – but since coming to Atlantis she'd found herself fiddling with them as she was thinking about something.

Having been in the field for years while working at the SGC, she wasn't allowed to take them off, but now that she was commanding a base she felt she could bend those rules a bit. If someone had told her she'd be thinking along these lines a year ago, she would've laughed. However, she was confident of her abilities now and had learned over the years you couldn't always obey the rules – Jack O'Neill had taught her that – but this was probably the first time she did. Realizing the silliness of all this – they were just  _dog tags_  after all – she shook her head. Having finally arrived to the point she felt she could bend or even ignore rules, she chose to take off her  _dog tags_ every now and then?

Turning, Jack noticed her glazed over look and could almost see the wheels in her mind turning as she was thinking something over. Picking up the large chain, he placed the tags on his other hand and let the chain fall into it, as well. "Carter?"

"Sorry," she smiled, absentmindedly caressing her breastbone. "I was just thinking about Milou, a few days ago."

"Oh?" He found it hard to concentrate, as her hand was mesmerizing him. Did she even realize what she was doing to him? His mouth turned dry as he broke the hold her hand was having on him and he noticed the small smile playing on her lips and the dreamy look on her eyes.

Nodding shyly, Sam explained. "Yeah, Rodney was telling us about his niece and it reminded me of her."

Clearing his throat, Jack tried to say something. "Ah," he mumbled. "Actually, she said you were missing her and that's why she wanted me to give it to you… I didn't think anything of it," he shrugged, having thought that Milou simply meant she missed Carter, which was somewhat heartwarming. Not that he would admit that.

"I was, Sir," Sam frowned, surprised. "What's this?"

He couldn't see what she was referring to and had to move closer to take a look. It had nothing to do with her… hotness. "Oh, that," he nodded, seeing the small sentence scribbled in the corner. "It was a school assignment," he continued, recognizing the words and Milou's name.

"Sir?"

Right, he was still her CO…"I don't remember the specifics, but I believe they were to draw someone they missed and wanted to see more often," he'd been touched as Milou had told him, before she showed him the picture. It had taken him a moment to recognize the stick figure as Carter – the moons had helped – but he found it oddly appropriate, since he'd seen Carter's own drawings; she might be a genius, a painter she was not.

Sam felt overwhelmed with love for the little girl she hadn't wanted to know, afraid she'd fall in love with her – which was exactly what happened. "Aw," she bit her lip as she could feel tears burning behind her eyes. Moments like these made her feel the loss of not being able to conceive children strongly, especially when she thought about Milou – and her siblings – knowing she could never have that with the man in front of her. "That's so sweet."

"It is," Jack hesitantly replied, afraid she might cry. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Carter cry – when it wasn't out of frustration or pain – and if she thought it was sweet, then why would she cry? "Carter?" He inquired, almost a whisper as he reached out his hand. His heart almost broke as she looked up at him, her eyes brimming with tears.

Fighting to keep the tears at bay, Sam glanced up at him still gnawing her bottom lip. She was not going to break down, not in front of him! At first, she'd thought she could handle not having children – she could always adopt – but now she wasn't so sure. She'd been jealous of Ilse, for more than one reason, after seeing her highly pregnant. She'd assumed it was because of the General, but even after Cassie and Daniel had told her that the baby wasn't his she felt some jealousy. Now that Teyla was pregnant those feelings kept resurfacing, especially knowing that she wanted children with the man she loved – Jack O'Neill – and that wasn't very likely… Besides, could she even adopt on her own? She'd probably be considered too old by the agencies on Earth and with her job she couldn't really offer a stable home life, anyway. "Yes?"

Hearing her whisper, Jack closed his eyes and dropped his hand, knowing he couldn't comfort her the way he wanted. Instead, he placed her dog tags in her hand, and closed her fingers over them. "Here," he mumbled, turning away from her to regain his composure, ready to leave so she could calm down.

Sam's brow creased as she looked down and opened her hand, only to reveal her tags. She closed her eyes and swallowed, once again reminded of their jobs, their positions and her inappropriate feelings for him. He couldn't have been clearer, she thought, as she blinked away a few tears. "Yes,  _Sir_ ," she spat out.

Hearing her answer – her tone of voice revealed more than she'd probably intended – Jack pivoted on his heels as she placed the chain back around her neck, the movement showing more skin and some fabric beneath the negligee than he wanted. Okay, that wasn't true; more than he was  _supposed to_  want. He shamelessly let his eyes wander over her figure – her face was cast downwards to place the chain around her neck, so she couldn't catch him in the act – and for a moment the peignoir tightened around her breasts and he had to break his gaze before doing something stupid. That didn't really work, since she'd shifted on her feet and he got to see tempting glimpses of her knees and he thought he was going to have a heart attack when he caught a glimpse of her thigh.

Clearing his throat, he got her attention and Carter looked up at him, her large, blue eyes holding a question and… something else. Realization dawned on him as he saw the balls of the chain around her neck. Crap, he was such a fool!He hadn't thought about what he was doing when he gave her the tags back, the only thing on his mind being that he needed to distance himself from her.  _That_  he had done, by reminding her of her position – his position as her CO – and, in her eyes, silently ordering her to wear her dog tags, perhaps even reprimanding her for taking them off.

Jack felt like a bastard, but he didn't know what to do or say to take it back, tell her that it was okay; they were friends, it wasn't an order and she could tell him what was wrong. As long as she wouldn't cry; he wasn't sure if he could handle a crying Carter. "Carter," he tried in a softer, sympathizing tone, letting his blank mask fall from his face and show her that he really  _did_  care for her. It was the only thing he could think of…

Suppressing a sob Sam turned her back to him and walked over to the window. She grabbed a tissue from her nightstand and dabbed her eyes, before wiping her nose with it. She felt stupid for getting all emotional on him, just because his daughter gave her a drawing because she missed her. He probably thought she was insane Sam mused, as she hadn't told anyone about her failing to get pregnant and definitely not him – she didn't want his pity.

"If that was all, Sir," her voice barely a whisper, "I think you should go."

Jack frowned, confused as to what had just happened to upset her – beside his stupidity. "No," he surprised himself and walked up to her, his heart clenched when he saw her shoulder shake ever so slightly and heard a muffled sob. Standing next to her, he turned her with his hand on her shoulder. "No, I don't want to," Jack stated, "leave you like this," he added belatedly, as her eyes widened in surprise.

Sam blinked her eyes, trying to see clear through the tears that were clouding her vision and lifted her chin slightly, in a defiant stance. Why wouldn't he just leave? "What?"

Unable to stop himself, Jack gave in and cupped her cheek with his hand. He brushed away a few tears with his thumb, when she closed her eyes and rested her face against his palm. Her skin was softer than he remembered and the blush creeping up from her neck warmed his hand. For a moment, he relished the feeling; imagining things were different, better perhaps. Somewhat startled when a cold, wet tear rolled over his hand, he opened his eyes – shocked that he hadn't realized he'd closed them. Carter, however, still had her eyes closed, breathing softly through parted lips, and his hand tingled due to her warm breath. Trying to wipe away some of the stardust that had found its way onto her lovely face, his thumb slowly started caressing her cheek – tears and stardust forgotten – and he felt enchanted.

Before he could think, Jack leaned forward, his mouth coming down on hers. He'd wanted to do that for years and after kissing her the weekend before she married Shanahan he knew it wasn't enough. It would never be enough for him. Carter froze the moment their lips met and he brought up his free hand to cup her other cheek. Pulling her closer, he increased the pressure of his mouth and let his tongue dart out to taste her bottom lip. He loved the way she would gnaw on it while deep in thought and he gently sucked on it. Her breath hitched and he couldn't help but smirk and let his tongue slide over it. Jack knew he shouldn't be doing this, but –  _God_ –he wanted to! Enjoying the sweet taste of her lips, he opened his eyes as she kissed him back. She'd kept her eyes shut, but her lips were parted and his heart jumped as he felt her tongue mimic the movements he'd just made.

Caught off-guard, Sam had been shocked when his lips had touched hers, but coming out of her stupor, she reacted. His lips were warm and wet and she enjoyed tracing the contours of his mouth with her tongue. Her arms came around his neck to pull him even closer and she dropped the tissue from her hand – letting it fall somewhere behind him. She opened her mouth to let him in and moaned as he thrust his tongue into it, tasting her. She pulled him in even further, sucking on his tongue until she felt his hand cup her head, his fingers running through her hair, pulling the locks as she sucked harder. Pressing her body against his, she committed the feeling to memory. She had forgotten how well they fitted together, after all, it had been over ten years when she'd attacked him in the locker room – the only time they'd been pressed up against each other in such an intimate pose.

Jack broke the kiss to catch his breath and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry," he apologized, breathless. Slowly shaking his head, he pulled back. "I shouldn't have done… this," he smiled awkwardly, locking gazes with her.

It felt as if her heart snapped in two the moment the words left his mouth. Eyes blazing she looked into those brown eyes. They were dark – darker than usual – with lust and she knew that was real, just as real as the regret she could see in them and feel the fluttering in her stomach. Her mind was running light-years a minute, all of the reasons why they shouldn't be doing this; he had a family, he was her CO, they were on her base, it was against the regs… She wanted him; it looked as if he wanted her and, well, she wasn't a bound woman anymore. She wasn't sure of him and Ilse, though. He'd said the kids were with her, did that mean they had separated? Focusing on his face – which was mere inches away from hers – she knew it was now or never. Perhaps she couldn't have the life she wanted with him, but she could enjoy the here and now. Before her body broke down the adrenaline pumping through her blood, Sam let her hands slide up his neck – his hair was softer than she'd always imagined.

"Carter," Jack mumbled a small protest, before her lips were on his again. He opened his mouth and welcomed her tongue with his, stroking it, dueling for dominance, before he let one hand slide down her back. He felt her shuddering in his arms and let his hand rest on the small of her back, pressing her even tighter against his body. Exploring her mouth, he felt her reaction as she clung to his shoulders. He wanted her, he wanted all of her… his hand slowly moved from her back to her side, and loosened her peignoir. Letting his hand slip into it, his fingers caressed her taut stomach, her warm skin softer than he'd expected – satin over steel muscles. Leaning back for a moment, he waited for her to open her eyes. The moment her dark blue orbs looked at him, he knew he'd need a miracle to leave now. "Are you sure?"

Without thinking, Sam nodded and pulled his face down to hers. "Yeah," her voice soft and husky, she knew she couldn't stop now. She didn't  _want_  to stop. "What about," she wanted to ask him about Ilse and everything in their lives, instead she settled for a "the regs?"

"Screw the regs," Jack groaned, as he pulled off her negligee, revealing a sweet tank top and blue boxers. Closing his eyes momentarily, Jack knew it was a good thing he hadn't known what she was wearing earlier. Cupping her ass, he pulled her body flush against his, lifting her. As if they'd done this forever, Carter immediately pulled up her legs and wrapped them around his waist. Kissing her, Jack walked over to the bed and lowered her onto it. She was drop-dead gorgeous with her rosy cheeks, golden locks, eyes dark of desire and swollen lips. He couldn't believe this was actually happening and noticed his hands were shaking. Berating himself, he sat down next to her on the bed.

Reaching out her hand, Sam pulled him over her as she lay back. If this was all she could get, she'd make the most of it she mused as she unbuttoned his dress jacket and pushed it off. His mouth found hers again and she blindly loosened his tie and pulled his shirt out of his pants. Parting her legs, he settled between them and covered her body completely with his. She slipped her hands under his shirt, sliding them up his muscled back, before she let her hand slide down his sides, scraping his skin with her nails slightly. Sam gasped as he bucked against her from surprise and let her head fall back on the mattress.

His fingers were still dancing over her stomach as he pressed kisses on her jaw line, before he moved down her neck. He nibbled on a soft spot in the hollow of her neck and grinned smugly as she moaned and tugged on his hair. Getting up a bit, he helped her to discard his shirt, before his attention turned back to her neck. From her neck, he kissed a path to her shoulders, tasting every inch of her as his hands slowly moved up. His fingers were caressing her ribs before he let his thumbs stroke the underside of her breasts, making her arch in desire. Jack felt his own body reacting to hers and smiled as he noticed her hard nipples through the top. Kissing his way down, he let his tongue slip in the valley between her breasts.

"Ooh," Sam mumbled, pulling on his hair. He was teasing her and normally she wouldn't mind, but she'd been waiting for this over a decade. "Please," she moaned as he cupped her breasts with his hands, his fingers playing relentlessly with her hardened nipples. Moving her body against his, she was trying to urge him to move faster. Turned on didn't even describe what she was feeling now, she mused as she dug her nails in his back the moment his warm mouth closed over her nipple. His tongue darted out, dampening the fabric of her top while he was rolling her other nipple between his thumb and finger. She felt his free hand on her hip, pushing her down every time she arched against him. Needing more, she scraped her nails down his chest, making him groan again, until they rested on the waistband of his pants. Not wasting time she unbuckled and unbuttoned it and tried to push it down – but his hand stopped her.

Grabbing both her wrists, he placed them next to her face, effectively stopping her movements. Jack bent down to kiss her on the lips, to which she responded and, lingering for a moment, he eventually let go of her and pulled the top over her head. He gasped at her beauty – his fantasies hadn't done her any justice – as she was lying in front of him in nothing but small blue boxers. Taking a moment, he let his eyes wander over her body, before his hands followed suit. His mouth immediately found her other nipple and he took it in, softly biting and sucking, while his hands ran up and down her body, making her shudder with anticipation.

Moaning, Sam moved against him and tried to push off his pants with her feet, "Sir."

"Jack," he replied, as he stilled his movements. "It's Jack, Carter," he corrected her, finding it hard to believe she could call him  _that_  while his erection was pressing against her thigh.

"Sam," she whispered as a retort, her hands playing with his short strands of hair.

Resuming his caresses, Jack licked the soft spot in her neck he'd found earlier. "You'll always be Carter to me," he mumbled.

Sam froze as she heard his words. Who was she kidding? This wouldn't work; they weren't supposed to be doing… this. He couldn't even think of her as 'Sam', for him it was just physical. Yet, she didn't stop him as his kisses moved up her throat to kiss her ear. Her body shivered involuntarily when he thrust his tongue in her ear and she couldn't form the words to stop him, even if-

" _My_ Carter," Jack mumbled, as he took her earlobe in his mouth and ran his hands possessively over her skin. He bit her lobe softly as she relaxed under him again and caressed her thigh with his hand, slowly moving higher. His touch left goose bumps in its trail and he felt her thigh tremble when he reached her panties. Taking a deep breath, he stilled his hand and leaned back to look at her face. It would probably be one of the hardest things in his life, but if she didn't want this… "Samantha?"

Warmth spread through her body as she heard him pronounce her given name in that sexy tone and looking up, she gave him a megawatt smile and moved her hips. "Jack?"

He wasn't sure if he'd ever get enough of her calling him by his name – although over the years 'Sir' had sounded like his name when it came from her lips – and returned her smile. He kept his eyes on hers and touched her through her boxers, which made her close her eyes and let out a content sigh. Rubbing her with his finger, he marveled at the wetness of the satin underwear, turning him on even more. His erection was becoming painful, but he didn't want to rush it, because if he let go the way he wanted to it would be over before it had started…

"Jack," Sam whispered, before she pulled him over her again, grinding her hips against his hand as their tongues explored the other's mouth. She knew she was close already and moaned when he pushed one of his fingers inside of her through the fabric, making her arch. "More," she spurred him on, offering herself to him.

Shifting slightly, Jack pulled off her underwear in a swift move. He wanted to taste her, taste every inch of her delicious body, but knew she was getting too close already and his own excitement was almost too much to bear. Instead, he let his eyes take her in as his fingers touched her. Slipping one inside of her, her inner muscles contracted around him. Letting another finger join the first, Jack looked at her face as his fingers thrust into her in a steady rhythm, while his thumb was flicking her clit.

"Open your eyes, Samantha," he murmured, content to watch her as she reached her orgasm.

"Oh god," Sam cried out as she fell over the edge, pleasure shooting through her body as her orgasm overtook her. Her hands grabbed at the blankets, twisting and pulling at them as Jack kept caressing her.

His free hand brushed her bangs out of her face, a few strands plastered onto her forehead as she came down from her high. Easing himself on top of her, he kissed her shoulder as he tried to keep control of his own body. His tongue darted out to taste the small sheen of sweat on her body as he kissed his way down.

Opening her eyes again, Sam couldn't get the satisfied smile off her face as she looked down and saw his silver head. Moving her hips, she moaned as he took it as an invitation and let his finger slip back into her, while his other was teasing her clit. "Jack," she whispered, breathless from his caresses.

"Yeah?" He leaned back to look at her, smirking at her afterglow, never having seen her more beautiful.

"Stop," she uttered, feeling another orgasm coming.

Misunderstanding, Jack frowned and withdrew his hand. "Carter?"

"Sir?" Confused, Sam fell into their old habit and let her hands still at his waist.

Closing his eyes for a moment, Jack was sure he'd wake up the moment he'd open them, all of this being a cruel dream. However, as he opened his eyes, she was still lying there – just as beautiful as she was seconds ago – completely naked, one of his hands on her hip and the other on her thigh, frowning at him. "What?"

"Huh," Sam replied, shaking her head. Placing her hands behind her, she sat up. "Jack," she whispered, unable to get enough of saying his name so freely, and cupped his cheek. "C'mere," she grinned, pulling his lips to hers, before lying back and pulling him with her.

Relieved nothing was wrong – and he was really here, doing  _this_  with Carter – Jack let her pull him on top of her, while his mouth ravished hers. He couldn't think of anything but Carter and startled as her hands tried to pull down his pants again. "Samantha," he groaned.

"Yes, Jack?"

"I don't have protection," he rolled his eyes at their situation.

Nodding, she understood. "I'm clean," she shrugged with a small smile, "I've just been tested last month."

"Me too," Jack replied, knowing they were both tested on a regular basis with their alien encounters – he may be the head of Homeworld Security, he still had to go off-world every occasionally. "What about… you know, birth control," he tried to sound casual, but he knew – thanks to his job he had to approve such requests – she had gone off birth control after marrying Pete.

Taking the lead, Sam rolled them over, her on top of him. She smiled evilly as she licked his nipples, before moving down his body. "Don't worry about it," she whispered, not wanting to tell him about her infertility. It wasn't like he wanted more than  _this_ from her, she wasn't about to divulge her secrets to him. Ignoring her thoughts, she continued her caressed. Her hands pulled his pants down a bit, before he tried to stop her again. "What?"

"I don't want to rush this," he smiled sheepishly. "I want to savor the moment," Jack admitted bashfully.

"Oh," Sam gave him a quick kiss, before running her tongue over his Adam's apple. "Well," she murmured against his neck, "savor this,  _Sir,_ " she smirked as she let her hand slip into his boxers and took him in her hand.

"God, Carter," Jack groaned as she increased her hold on him. Before he could act, she'd pulled his pants over his knees with her free hand, while her other started moving up and down his shaft. Grabbing her by the waist, he rolled them over again, not able to hold back as she scraped her nails over his sensitive flesh. " _Samantha_ ," he hissed and pushed her down.

Enjoying this side of him, Sam let him push her down into the mattress, her wrists above her head. Bringing up her knees, she slipped her two big toes under the waistband of his boxer and pushed it down with her feet, springing him free. Her mouth ran dry at the sight of him, never expecting to actually get this far with him… "Jack," she whispered, moving her hips up, offering herself to him.

He didn't need to be told twice and, after positioning his broad head against her wet opening, he slid into her slowly. Releasing his hold on her arms, he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer as her wetness surrounded him and she clenched her inner muscles. Groaning, Jack thrust deeper into her and pulled her hips up at the same time, completely engulfed by her hot, wet center, making her moan.

"Jaaaaack," Sam arched her back as she felt him move inside of her. It felt so good, how could something  _this_  good be considered wrong? She gasped as he pulled out of her and thrust hard into her again, not having expected it she clawed at his arms. Wanting something to hold, she pulled him down. "Ooh," she moaned as his movement changed the angle and he stroked her even deeper.

Feeling her tighten around him, Jack clenched his jaw to keep in control. He didn't want this to end too soon. Kissing her, one of his hands found her clit while the other played with her nipple. Pinching her nipple, she bucked against him, taking him in even further, making him gasp for breath. No time to waste, his hand rubbed her harder, almost crushing her clit as he moved inside of her. Resting his head on her shoulder, he picked up the pace, taking his cues from her sighs, moans and sometimes she even managed to say something. His tongue found the ball of chains from her dog tags, which had fallen over her shoulder and he couldn't help himself but suck on her skin and the chain.

"Harder," Sam moaned, pulling up her knees even higher, trying to help him as she moved in sync with him. Feeling the chain against her neck, she absently brought up a hand to take it off when his voice stopped her.

"Don't," Jack commanded, as he liked the dog tags and he knew how possessive she was of them. It had been a wonder she let him touch them at all, he mused, before his mind was overrun by sensations as Carter was running her nails over his skin. Arching his back, he thrust harder into her, stealing her breath away and he smirked. Sucking on her shoulder, he placed his free hand on her hip for leverage and with the other he pinched her clit, making her yelp.

"God, Jack!"

He felt her muscles tighten around him even before she threw her head back and arched up against him as her orgasm overtook her. Almost milking him, he kept thrusting into those contracting muscles, knowing he was about to come.

Sam reached down and stroked his balls making him buck and lose his rhythm, his hips jerking while he was moving inside of her before he too came to climax, emptying himself into her. "Samantha!"


	26. ... Carter and Sir?

Jack still found it hard to believe that Carter was actually lying next to him. He'd dreamed of this moment for years, had fantasized about it, but had never expected for it to actually become truth. At least, not after she had married Shanahan. And now, her head was lying on his chest, while she was fast asleep. After their lovemaking, they'd both been staring at the ceiling, lying naked next to each other, unsure of what to do or say next – well, that was the case for him, he couldn't speak for her. Eventually, he'd seen her shiver from the cold air, had broken the silence with a "C'mere" and had pulled her against his side, relishing the feeling of their skin-to-skin contact. She'd pulled back slightly and gave him a suspicious look, making him question his actions, before she'd relented and snuggled up to him.

He was somewhat afraid to go to sleep, scared that it would all turn out to be a dream – not that they'd ever been  _this_  vivid – or that she'd be gone if he woke. Carter had fallen asleep a little over two hours ago and he'd just looked at her, watched her face as she was sleeping in his arms. She was amazing and he never wanted to let go. However, he wasn't sure if he had a choice. She'd been distant after they'd come down from their high and he feared she thought it had been a mistake; he prayed to God she didn't but something kept nagging at him. It almost hurt to look at her lovely face, her lips slightly parted and her breathing steady, knowing it probably wouldn't last. He still didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd kissed her earlier that evening… Well, that was obvious, he hadn't been thinking. Jack had been unable to leave her, while she was upset about something.

Why was she upset? She'd almost been crying and he didn't know the reason. He found it hard to believe she was upset over the drawing Milou had made her; Carter had actually smiled a real smile when she unrolled it. Then what could it be? Deep down he suspected it had something to do with that mystery man she apparently loved and left her husband for… but he didn't want to think about that now, he didn't want to ruin to moment. Tonight she was his and he'd never forget it. Letting his hand run through her hair, he smiled as he noticed the tangled locks. He loved her hair, always had. No matter what style she wore it, he'd always found himself suppressing the urge to touch it, see if it was really as soft as he suspected – it was even softer.

Tracing her cheek with his finger, she scrunched up her nose in response, making him grin and touch it. Sleepily, she swatted at his finger with her hand, before dropping it again and snuggling closer, letting out a content sigh. He waited until she was sound asleep again, before he reached down to grab the blankets and pull them over them. Jack knew he needed to get some sleep; he wasn't getting any younger and had a long, boring day ahead of him being trapped on Atlantis until the SGC fixed their gate. Somehow, he doubted he could get Carter to stay in bed all day… Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to her temple, before whispering in her ear. "I love you, Samantha Carter."

He knew he couldn't tell her when she was awake; after all the times she'd rejected him in the past, he wasn't sure if he could handle one more. How could he compete with this other guy, who was probably twenty years younger and would fit better with Carter? The only thing Jack had ever regretted in his life was the accident with his son and the way it had driven him and Sara apart, but whenever he looked at Carter, he'd wish he was twenty years younger and didn't have such a dark past. Carter was a genius, funny, beautiful, sixteen years his junior, in his direct chain of command and way out of his league. What he wouldn't give to wake up next to her every morning, make love to her every day and have her as his wife for the rest of his life… She'd captured his heart years ago and no other woman since had been able to catch his attention – he knew Kerry had been a mistake, he'd been trying to move on and had ended up using her – and he was sure no one ever could. Samantha Carter had ruined him and he couldn't even blame her, because he loved her too much.

Now, he wasn't sure what would happen next. They'd crossed the line after years of dancing around it. Not treaded it with a small step, no, they'd jumped over it as far as they could. Selfishly, he didn't really care because it had been amazing, better than he'd ever imagined. Carter, however, would probably feel different he knew. He felt like a bastard for taking advantage of her emotional state, but couldn't help wonder if it had been inevitable? There had always been  _something_  between them and he'd tried to ignore it, stomp it down, and even deny it, but he could only keep that up for so long. He was close to retiring – finally – and if anyone ever found out, this wouldn't be a problem for him. Carter on the other hand, was on a fast track to become general and she didn't need rumors about her sleeping her way to the top. Her career had been one of the reasons he'd never done anything, but tonight he couldn't stop himself.

He took one last look at her face, relaxed in sleep, before he let out a loud sigh and lay back, closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep.

* * *

Sam blinked a few times in the dark, her eyes needing a moment to adjust to the scarce lighting. She was getting cold, a shiver running down her spine. Seeing her reflection in the large window across her bed, she wondered why the curtains were still open. Then it hit her – Jack O'Neill. Thinking of him and what happened made her heart race and she could feel a blush burning her cheeks. Almost afraid to turn around to see he wasn't in bed with her, she feared it had all been a cruel dream. However, she could feel the sheet on her naked skin and she never slept naked – at least, not while on Atlantis and she definitely recognized those moons. Shifting slightly, she felt the stickiness on her thighs and between her legs, and – unless it had been a  _very_  vivid dream – that was all the evidence she needed. Taking a moment to calm herself, she slowly turned to lie on her back. A huge grin showed on her face as she recognized her General next to her, facing her.

Her fingers ached to touch his face, trace the lines and his handsome features. She knew better, though. Experience had taught her that he was a very light sleeper and the slightest touch would wake him, no doubt evidence of his long years in special and black ops. She'd seen it happen off-world many times, sometimes he'd even wake violently and it didn't seem like a good idea to greet her men in the morning with a black eye. That would be tricky to explain, she mused. Instead, she just watched him, taking in his features now that she could. Rolling on her side, she shamelessly took in his appearance, from his soft hair to his well-defined abs, all the while remembering how he'd felt when they'd made love – no, had sex, Samantha, sex.

Gnawing her lip, Sam kept thinking the events over and over. She loved him; she'd known that for quite some time. Nevertheless, she was sure she'd ruined any chance she had with him, after she had foolishly chosen Pete over him. Never being the kind of girl to jump into bed with someone easily, she'd surprised herself – and probably him as well – when she'd reciprocated his kiss and clung to him as he'd carried her to the bed. Deep down, she knew it wouldn't have happened any other way, not between the two of them. There had been too much unresolved sexual tension for over a decade for them to take it slow. And God, she'd yearned for his caresses and love. Just like she wanted to touch him now because he looked so peaceful and content in his sleep. The worry lines that had formed over the years were almost gone and a small smile played on his lips, making it that much more tempting.

She refrained and placed her hands under her pillow though, as she had a lot of thinking to do. What would happen next? Would it be awkward in the morning? Would he even be here when she'd wake up? Perhaps he'd be long gone after a satisfactory night. They'd revert back to 'Carter' and 'Sir' and things would return to normal, as if nothing had happened. Not that she could ever forget this night… It only confirmed that he was the one for her, her perfection. It was hard for her to think with him so close, only a breath away, his soft hair glistening in the moonlight catching her attention. She lay back on her back, pulling the sheets up a bit higher, to prevent herself from reaching out and drag her hands through his hair. As always, it stuck up and was even messier than usual, making her want to touch it.

Shifting, she realized it would be hard to go back to sleep, with all the thoughts running through her mind. For a minute, Sam considered taking a shower to get cleaned up, but she was afraid of waking up the gorgeous man next to her and wanted to spend as much time with him in bed as possible. Before they had to return to the real world, in which he needed to go back to Earth… to his family and Homeworld Security. She'd just done the only thing she'd thought unimaginable; she'd slept with her commanding officer. It had been one of her personal rules from the moment she'd joined the Academy; never sleep with your commanding officer. She broke her own rule and hardly regretted it. What did that say about her? If people were to find out, she'd risk losing her career and – looking at the sexy man next to her – she found herself uncaring. It would be worth it.

The only thing that  _did_  press heavily on her was the fact that it probably wouldn't happen again. He was still her CO, he'd gotten carried away last night – the sexual tension reaching a peak – after finding her in the tub and spending time with her while she was hardly dressed. Not to mention that she'd broken down in front of him and he'd wanted to comfort her. She understood that, and perhaps she'd even – subconsciously – taken advantage of the situation knowing he'd have a hard time resisting. That and the fact he had a family back home…

Sam frowned, thinking of his personal life. Jack O'Neill had everything she wanted – or no, Ilse had everything she wanted. Or did she? The General had been vague, when she'd asked him about the kids and Ilse. Perhaps they'd split up? She found it hard to imagine him staying with the other woman after she'd clearly cheated on him, at least once – her pregnancy being all the proof needed. Then again, they had children together; perhaps he'd forgiven Ilse for their sake? Sam knew she should feel guilty – she'd never wanted to be 'the other woman' – but she had a hard time fighting off the smile that showed on her face every time she thought about what had just happened. Maybe the General had felt he had a right to do what he wanted, after Ilse's slip? Somehow, Sam found it hard to imagine his mind working like that. She had never thought he'd be the kind to cheat on a woman, no matter what the situation. That would mean that it  _was_  over between him and the young woman. Not that it helped her in any way, considering he was still her CO and probably was long over her, especially after last night – perhaps it had been some sort of closure to him. She'd certainly hoped it would mean closure to her, but it had had a contrary effect.

They should talk about this – she knew that – but was she brave enough to admit her feelings to him? Glancing to her side, she smiled at him. "I love you, Jack," she mumbled, knowing he couldn't hear her. It was the first time she'd actually said it aloud and she still found her hands trembling, even if he hadn't heard. When it came to Jack O'Neill she was as insecure as a school girl…. She almost freaked out when he stirred in his sleep, only to watch him turn on his other side.  _Well, I guess I know where I stand now, huh?_

* * *

Stretching, Jack opened his eyes. Sunlight was dancing across the room and he could feel it on his back. When he turned, he was glad to see Carter was still lying next to him, her back to him. The sheets had slid down to their waists, showing her back to him. Scooting closer, Jack spooned behind her, his fingers tracing a fading scar only inches from her spine. He smirked as he noticed the goose bumps appearing after his touch and ran his hand down her spine, making her shiver. Sliding lower on the mattress, he kissed the small of her back, before kissing his way up to her neck, his tongue leaving a wet trail on her spine. He leaned on his elbow to look over her shoulder. Seeing her mouth quirk up, he nibbled on the soft spot in her neck.

"You're awake, I can tell," he mumbled against her skin, as his hand stroked her side and rested on her hip.

Smiling, Sam rolled on her back to look at him. She'd love to wake up like this every morning for the rest of her life… "How?"

"The corner of your mouth betrayed you," Jack murmured, before he kissed it. "You tried to hold back a smile," he grinned, leaning back to look at her face. The sunlight was blinding, therefore, he focused his attention on the beautiful woman next to him. He ran his hand from her hip up to her tummy and caressed the soft skin.

His brown eyes were mesmerizing her as Sam lay back and just watched him. Sunbeams were shining on his face, bringing his morning stubble to her attention. Reaching up for his face, she let her hand cup his head, before she pulled him down for another kiss. She'd take whatever she could get, she thought, as heat was already spreading from where his hand lay on her stomach. "Yeah," she replied, between kisses.

Shifting on his elbow, Jack changed his position to get better access to her mouth and let his tongue follow the contours of her lips. Carter, however, was having none of it and pulled him in as her free hand pulled his hips closer. He smiled into the kiss and let his hand slowly slide up from her tummy, feathery strokes on her ribs, before he cupped a breast. He swallowed her moan and broke the kiss. Jack waited for her to open her eyes and look up at him. "Good morning."

Glancing at the alarm clock, Sam saw she still had about two hours before she would have to get up. "Morning," she greeted him, trying to pull him down for another kiss. She rolled her eyes at him as she noticed his gaze was locked on her bare breasts and only found herself blushing slightly at his attention. The covers had ended up around her waist somehow and she hadn't gotten the urge to cover herself up. After all, he'd already seen everything last night. His thumb teased her nipple and she felt arousal coursing through her body at his caresses.

"Hmmm, you're beautiful," Jack whispered, before he leaned down to kiss her nipple, while he kept stroking the other hardened nub. He was pleased when Carter –  _Samantha –_  moaned as he scraped it with his teeth, while his nail teased the other and she tugged on his hair as she arched her back. He smirked as he saw the blush creep up from her neck when he sucked on her nipple and slightly squeezed the other one. Glancing up, they locked gazes and he could see the arousal in her darkened eyes as she bit her lower lip. He kissed her on the mouth and welcomed her tongue in his mouth, while he let his hand slide down her body.

Sam gasped as his fingers touched her and he took advantage by thrusting his tongue between her lips. Stroking it with hers, she brought up her hips to give his fingers better access and parted her legs. "Jack," she protested softly after he broke away, and kissed his way down to her parted legs.

Without looking up, Jack slipped his tongue in her bellybutton. "What?"

She giggled as his tongue teased her navel and his stubbles scraped her tummy. Tugging on his hair, she pulled his head up, just as his hands slid around her thighs. "Jack."

Schooling his features in an innocent expression, Jack looked at her. "Yes, Samantha?" He secretly enjoyed teasing her, especially if that meant she'd giggle again. Lifting her legs, he placed his shoulders under them. "What is it?"

Having a hard time to form words as his fingers resumed their caresses and he gently rubbed her clit, Sam gaped a few times, before sound came out of her mouth. The idea of him, between her legs, made her blood race through her body and her arousal went up a notch, just imaging his silver gray head between her thighs… "I- I should… God, Jack," she moaned as his finger slipped inside her.

Starting at her knee, Jack kissed his way up her leg and slipped another finger inside of her, gently stretching her wetness. "What?" he asked again, licking her soft, yet muscled thigh, making her legs tremble.

"I- I should… shower first," Sam yelped as he gingerly bit her flesh.

Pressing kisses on his bite mark, he ran his tongue over it, before looking at her flushed face. He shrugged, making her feet dangle behind him. "I don't care," he mumbled, grabbing her knees and changing their position so that her ankles were hooked in his neck and she was lying completely opened up before him. He kissed her thighs again, tasting their mixed fluids from earlier that night, licking them clean, before he ran circles around her clit with his tongue.

Sam arched her back, almost dislocating her hips as he held her legs in place. She knew she'd pay later today but damn it felt good! "More… Jack," she wasn't afraid to beg, not now and threw her head back in pleasure.

Using his lips and tongue on her clit, Jack thrust his fingers inside of her, withdrew them and thrust them in again, making her moan and shudder. Slipping his fingers out of her, he rubbed her clit while his other hand pressed her hips back into the mattress and his tongue pushed inside her opening. He could tell she was close and increased the pressure on the little bundle of nerves, letting his nail run over it, making her buck.

Panting, Sam grabbed a fist full of sheets as hot pleasure coursed through her veins and she cried out the moment she climaxed.

Jack's head jerked up when her hand pulled on his hair as she came and he watched her face as she rode out her orgasm with shallow breaths. He unhooked her legs and gently placed them back on the mattress on either side of him, before kissing his way up her body. He pushed her legs back as she lazily brought them up around his waist, her eyes still closed. He brushed a few stray strands of hair out of her face and kissed her, while his hands moved up her waist. "It's okay," he murmured, rolling on his side next to her.

Coming down from her orgasm, Sam blinked a few times, before focusing her gaze on him. "You don't want to…?"

"You have to get up in a little over an hour," he shrugged casually, feeling anything but, and possessively draped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer.

She rolled on her side and felt him spoon behind her. There was no mistaking his arousal, as it pressed against her thigh. "Jack," she whispered, glancing over her shoulder, her hand stroking his leg.

"Get some sleep," he gently swatted her hand away and scooted a bit back, making sure their lower bodies weren't touching.

"But," she started.

"Sleep, Sam," Jack interrupted her, pressing a kiss on the back of her neck. He was about to roll on his back – he needed some space to calm his body – when her hand grabbed his. "What?"

" _I_ want to," she protested softly, yearning to feel him inside of her again, before they had to go back to reality.

"Look, Carter," he easily fell back into their usual routine, "you don't have to say or off–"

"I know," Sam interrupted him and scooted over to him, "but I  _want_  to. You know, before we have to go back to…"

Hearing her voice trail off, Jack nodded and pulled her flush against him. He looked at her via the reflection in the window and could tell by her expression what she was about to say. Leaning forward, he took her earlobe between his teeth and softly sucked and nibbled on it, as his hand danced over her body on its way down. Settling it between her legs, he teased her clit again, making her wriggle against him.

"Jack," she spurred him on, needing more this time.

"Don't worry, Samantha," his hand reached lower and grabbed her thigh.

She shivered involuntarily as he whispered her name in her ear. How she loved that low tone of his, he actually made her name sound sexy!

Pulling her leg back over his, Jack moved closer. He knew she was – more than – ready for him and slipped inside of her, without warning.

Startled at the sudden intrusion, Sam gasped and immediately tightened her inner muscles around him. "Oh my…"

"Sam, relax," he groaned, fearing he'd come right then and there if she kept this up. God she was so tight. Easing back, he almost slipped out of her entirely, only to thrust back in. His fingers gripped her thigh for hold, as he kept moving.

It took her a moment to adjust to his size, but then she moved with him, keeping his pace. He felt so good inside of her, that she never wanted to let go. Instead, she tightened her muscles occasionally as he thrust inside of her, making him gasp. "Jack," she breathed, needing more friction for her release.

His head had been resting on her shoulder, but he looked up after hearing her pant his name. Pressing a kiss on her neck, he realized he could still see her reflection in the window. "Touch yourself for me, Carter," he whispered in her ear. Jack was surprised when she immediately complied and let her hand run down her body. For a moment he was watching her reflection in some sort of trance, never in his wildest dreams had he imagined this situation… Shaking himself out of it as he felt her muscles contract around him, he released his death grip on her thigh and placed it back into its original position, making her tighter around him. His hands grabbed her hips and he thrust harder into her, her mews and moans turning him on even more. For a moment, her earlier words had reminded him of what would happen next, and he'd been reminded of that other man she loved. Wanting her to know and remember that she was with him, his grip on her hips tightened as he dug in his fingers. "I want to hear you scream my name, Samantha," he groaned, as he knew she was close to losing it and he wasn't far behind.

The combination of his thrusts and her own caresses were driving her over the edge and Sam blindly grabbed his thigh behind her as her orgasm overtook her and all she could see was stars. "Jack," she cried out his name as he kept thrusting into her, intensifying her orgasm.

Her muscles were pulling on him and Jack only needed a bit more for his own release as he kept thrusting into her contracting center. Throwing his own leg over hers, he gently rolled her on her stomach and placed both his knees on the mattress, straddling her. Her legs were trapped between his and he pushed hers closer, making her tighter around him. Placing his hand on the small of her back, Jack pushed her back down as she was about to get up on all fours. "Lie down," he almost ordered, as his hands grabbed her hips and he continued his earlier rhythm, only picking up the pace as her tightness was driving him insane and after a few hard thrusts, he climaxed, screaming her name.

Sam lay panting on the bed as she felt him explode inside of her, another shot of pleasure shooting through her. "Oh god," she moaned, trying to get up on her hands.

Swiping his forehead, Jack tried to catch his breath, before he slowly opened her legs and pulled himself out of her, lying back next to her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered, still slightly out of breath, "that was just–"

"Good I hope?" He gave her a bashful smile as he leaned in for a kiss.

Reciprocating, she scooted over to him and rolled on her side, as she nibbled on his lower lip. "I was going to say," she continued after breaking their kiss, "intense, but yeah, way better than good."

* * *

Hearing the annoying alarm, Jack turned to his right to hit the alarm clock, only to realize it wasn't there. Frowning, he looked around and remembered he was on Atlantis. With Carter… in her bed. Rolling over, he was disappointed to find her spot empty and cold. Reaching forward, he killed her alarm and wondered where she was. It was slightly scary that she could just slip out without him noticing, he thought. Sitting up, he stretched his legs and stood. He yawned loudly as he made his way over to her bathroom – at least now he knew where it was – only to find it empty. Another quick inspection of her quarters didn't turn up a note so he decided to get a shower and shave.

He couldn't get over the nagging feeling that things weren't going as he'd hoped when he got dressed. Would anyone notice his clothes were a bit rumpled? Again, he was surprised when he noticed the Atlantis version of BDUs, he could've sworn they weren't there minutes ago… Quickly donning them he made sure he looked decent, and made his way over to the commissary.

It was very loud and noisy, seemingly everyone had gone there for their breakfast – everyone but Carter that is. Scanning the room for a second time, he couldn't find her. He considered walking up to Sheppard and his team to ask, but he decided against it and went up to her office. It only took him a few minutes to get there and there she was, sitting behind her desk, bent over some paperwork.

Smirking, he walked in without knocking and leaned against the doorway, taking in her appearances. One couldn't tell she hadn't gotten much sleep last night, he mused.

Feeling someone's eyes on her, Sam looked up to see Jack O'Neill staring at her. Putting on a brave smile, she waved him in. "Sir," she greeted him coolly.

Well, that definitely wasn't what he had in mind…However, it did convince him that he'd only dreamed hearing her say she loved him last night. It had taken him aback when he'd remembered in the shower, but couldn't pinpoint when she'd said it – therefore it must have been a dream. "Carter?" He asked, tentatively.

"Yes, Sir?"


	27. Love Conquers All... Right?

 

“Sir?” Jack countered, frowning as he walked over to her desk.

Sam frowned and placed the paperwork to the side. “Yes, Sir?”

Shaking his head, Jack plopped down in the chair in front of her desk. Something had changed between two hours ago and the moment he woke up, and he was determined to find out what. “Got to work early, Carter?”

“Yes Sir,” she replied, swallowing as she tried not to think about what she’d left behind in her room as she’d gotten a long, warm shower and went into her office.

“Sleep well?”

She coughed to cover her awkwardness over his question and nodded. “Fine, Sir.”

“Me too,” he smiled smugly at her, glad to see she was getting uncomfortable. “Just slightly cold when I woke up.”

“That’s unfortunate, Sir,” she mumbled, trying to think of a way to get rid of him. She hadn’t expected to be this nervous to see him again, talk to him after what had happened. Flashes of last night kept running through her mind and it had taken her more than three times to get through her paperwork. The Atlantis BDUs look good on him, Sam mused as she took in his appearance. She startled slightly as he cleared his throat, her eyes flew back to his and she could see the twinkle of amusement in his. He’d noticed her staring, great _._ Trying to fight off the blush she could feel creep up her neck under his scrutiny, she fidgeted with her pen. “We got word from the SGC, Sir.”

Surprised, Jack straightened in his seat. “Really?”

“General Landry requested your return later today,” she explained, looking up at him from under her lashes.

Crap! Maybe that’s why she was acting so strange? “At what time?”

“He’d let us know,” Sam replied. “He had a message for you from Ilse,” she continued, her eyes locking on his. “I told him I’d pass it along.”

“Oh?”

“She told him that she’d be waiting at the cabin,” Sam tried to keep her voice neutral as she relayed the message.

“Excellent,” Jack nodded, oblivious to Carters grimace. “We’re taking the kids fishing,” he elaborated, “Milou has a week vacation because of the fall.”

“I see,” Sam spoke softly as she shifted uncomfortably on her chair and noticed the soreness from last night. Perhaps she’d been mistaken about Ilse?

“You okay, Carter?” Concerned, Jack automatically leaned forward as she flinched. “Is something wrong?”

“Just peachy, _Sir_ ,” she said through gritted teeth. “If that was all, Sir…”

Deciding that was not all, Jack just sat there, watching her as she grabbed a few files from across her desk. “No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“Sir?”

“You don’t think we should… you know, talk,” Jack shrugged casually, even if his heartbeat was speeding up. He wasn’t about to let her get off that easily!

Gulping, Sam looked at him, eyes wide. “Talk?” She almost squeaked, cleared her throat and added a belated “Sir.”

“About what happened,” he held her gaze and smiled as her cheeks turned a lovely shade of red, “last night.”

“Last night,” she repeated softly.

“I said talk, not repeat everything I say, Carter,” he rolled his eyes.

“Right, sorry,” she smiled bashfully. “Look, Sir, I think we both know–”

“Sir?” He questioned her again, not liking the way they’d reverted to their routine, not after everything that had happened between them.

“You’re here in official capacity, Sir,” Sam put on her mask, trying to hide her inner turmoil. “We’re both working and thus it’s appropriate to refer to a person by their rank, General, not their name.”

“Really?” Placing his elbows on her desk, he leaned towards her, mere inches between their faces. “Because you didn’t seem to have any problems with that last night.” He realized that was probably the worst thing he could’ve said when she cringed at his words. “Sorry,” he mumbled, reaching for her hand.

Leaning back, she withdrew her hand before he had a hold on her and crossed her arms defensively. “Well–”

“I’m sorry Carter,” he apologized again, interrupting her. “Sam,” he smiled bashfully.

“Sir- Jack,” she corrected herself after he held up his hand in silent protest and she’d made sure no one was around. “What’s there to talk about?” she let her voice drop to a minimal volume, even if no one seemed to be eavesdropping, she was still cautious. They were in her – glass – office, after all. Not sure if she wanted to know the answer, she focused her sight on her hands, folded in her lap.

Taking a deep breath, Jack knew it was now or never. He wanted her now and forever, he didn’t want to lose her after just spending the night with her. Would it be fair to ask her, though? She’d get an instant family now that he had the children, and there was no way he’d ever give them up. He’d always thought Carter wanted to be a mother – she’d become a stepmother after marrying Shanahan – and was slightly surprised to find out she didn’t have any children with the cop. Surprised in a good way, though – not that he didn’t want her to miss out on motherhood – because he had never liked the cop.

There was still one thing nagging on him, making him doubt his decision: what about the man for whom she broke off her marriage? The one she claimed to love … He found that hard to imagine after she’d been so passionate during their lovemaking. Then again, she’d been here for over a year without any sign of him. Jack wasn’t sure what to think of it, but he still found himself wanting her – even if that meant he’d only have a part of her. She’d ruined him and after last night, he was addicted and would take whatever she’d give him. “You’re saying there isn’t something we should discuss?”

“I’m not sure,” she admitted softly. “Do _you_ think we should talk?”

“I’m here, aren’t I?”

“Well, yes, but why?”

Her words were like a blow to his stomach and he swallowed the last of his pride, taking one last chance before he’d throw in the towel. “Because I want you.”

Sam’s head snapped up at his words, wondering if she’d heard him correctly. His eyes were as dark as they’d been last night, full of lust and desire, making her feel wanted and it aroused her. Her breathing quickened, shivers ran down her spine and she smiled shyly, trying to get her body under control. “What,” she cleared her throat and looked him dead in the eye. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what I said, _Samantha_ ,” Jack smirked at her husky tone. He stood and walked over to stand next to her chair, looking down he continued. “I want you, and I want more than just last night.”

His proximity was overwhelming her senses and she shook her head in order to clear it. He, however, took it as a rejection and let out a loud sigh, before turning back. Lunging at him, she grabbed his arm and pulled him back. “Wait,” her mouth had turned dry at his admission, and she quickly licked her lips. “What does that mean?”

Jack let out a humorless chuckle, cupping her cheek. He traced her lower lip with his thumb, pleased to see her shiver in response. “It means that I still want you, even after all these years of trying not to… It means, Samantha, that–”

“Colonel, the SGC has contacted us and General Landry wants us to dial back in order to send General O’Neill back to Earth,” John Sheppard’s voice sounded through the intercom.

Startled, Sam almost jumped up and – having a guilty conscience – quickly looked around the office. No one to see, thankfully. She just hoped that it meant no one had seen her and the general cozying up. His hand immediately pushed down on her shoulder and she reached for her comm. “Thank you, John.”

“Relax Sam,” Jack tried to ease her nerves. He’d been a nervous wreck, trying to tell her how he felt about her, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t kept an eye on their surroundings. “No one passed by.”

“Sorry,” she apologized, dipping her head. “Looks like you have to leave, Sir.”

“Sam,” he tried, not wanting to end the conversation like this. “I mean it.”

Her lip quivered and she quickly caught it between her teeth, standing up she took a few steps away from him. What was she to do? “What about, you know,” she shrugged, not sure how to broach the topic of his personal life.

“We’ll figure something out,” Jack replied, hopeful that she wanted something more as well, as he referred to their jobs. “Just say the word, it’s up to you,” he grinned. It had  always been up to her…

That lopsided grin of his made her pulse race and she just wanted to kiss it off his face. “I- I, um…,” her hands started shaking and she clasped them behind her back, trying to get the words out of her mouth. “I’m staying here,” she blurted out instead, frowning at her own words.

Taken aback for a moment, Jack gaped at her. “You don’t want to…?”

“I do! I do want to… It’s just, we can’t rush things,” she started, as she paced around the office.

“I think it’s a bit late for that,” he quipped, with a smug smile.

“You know what I mean, _Jack_ ,” she rolled her eyes, only a bit exasperated. Excitement was running through her body, thinking about what this would mean. “If we’re going to give this a shot, I can’t just up and leave. I don’t want to go and leave everything behind,” she explained cautiously, afraid to hurt his feelings.

“I understand,” he nodded, he really did. “First, we’ll have to find you a replacement, then get you back to the same galaxy, and we’ll have to find a way to get out from under the frat regs,” he summed up, as if it was a grocery list.

She was about to respond when she saw movement in the corner of her eye. Turning, she noticed John and Rodney walking up to her office. She pointed towards them for Jack and they both took a seat, as if they’d been discussing business. “Come in.”

“Ma’am, Sir,” John nodded to both of them, before he and Rodney walked in. “I’m sorry, General Landry insisted I’d get the General.”

“I’ll get my things,” Jack replied, annoyed that their conversation had been interrupted by Hank. He’d talk to him later…

Rodney hastily walked over to her desk. “Sam, I have the report the SGC sent us and they wanted our opinion in order to prevent another…”

* * *

 

Making his way through the halls, Jack quickly darted into the commissary and got himself a cup of coffee before he walked over to his quarters. Not that he’d used them, besides to lie down for half an hour after arriving here the other day. It didn’t take him long to throw everything into his case. Crap, his dress blues were still in Carter’s quarters! Peeking out into the hallway told him everything was clear and he stealthily made his way to the elevator, before jogging through the long corridor to reach her room. Once there, he changed his clothes – he couldn’t take the Atlantis BDUs with him – and was happy that he’d folded them before looking for Carter this morning.

Crossing the halls, he eventually came back to Carter’s office at the same time as she was finishing up her conversation with McKay. “So… what was the problem, Carter?” He asked casually, leaning against the doorframe, not really interested in the answer.

“You see, General, there was this glitch that caused the–” Rodney broke off his sentence as Sam tapped his arm and shook her head.

“Magnets, Sir,” she smiled. Her smile turned into a chuckle as he frowned at her.

“Really?”

“No, General, there’s nothing in here,” Rodney browsed through the folder, “about magnets…”

“It’s okay, Rodney, we’ll take a look at it in the afternoon, you still have work to do with Zelenka,” Sam gently dismissed him.

Jack watched as McKay finally left and then waited a few beats before walking up to her. “Magnets, huh?”

“It’s one of your favorite answers, isn’t it? I mean, I could hardly say it was Uma Thurman or Mary Steenburgen…”

He smiled at her little jab, before he grabbed her waist and kissed her on the mouth.

“Jack,” Sam protested, only because they were in her office and didn’t have any privacy, and pushed him away.

“You know, I could’ve hardly told everyone Samantha Carter, I think Hammond would’ve freaked if someone had heard or saw my puzzle.”

“Please,” she rolled her eyes at him, still smiling though. God, she loved this man. “Jack–”

“I have to go, before Sheppard comes and gets me. This,” he motioned between them, “isn’t over yet, _Samantha_ ,” he whispered in her ear, before pressing a kiss on the soft spot below it.

Sam took a few minutes to catch her breath and regain her composure, before she followed him to the gate room, ready to wave him off. After all, he was their boss and it would be inappropriate for her not to see him off.

* * *

 

Descending the stairs, Jack felt her eyes on him and had to keep the smile off his face. They were finally doing this? They were finally doing this!He nodded at the personnel in the gate room and looked back to see Carter standing a few feet behind him, looking gorgeous – and shy? – as always. Back in her office, he’d wanted to tell her he loved her. He was about to, when Sheppard had interrupted them. Perhaps that was for the best, though, he didn’t want to scare her off. Not before they’d started this… First things first, he had to get back to Earth, see his kids and family and try to figure out a way for him and Carter to actually be allowed to get involved in a romantic relationship.

The thought alone made him shudder, or maybe it was the way she was looking at him. He grinned back, placed his case on the floor and walked over to her, Sheppard and McKay. “Well, I’m leaving, try not to break anything.”

“It was good having you here, Sir,” John smiled, as he saluted the general – still unable to get completely comfortable around him to stop saluting.

“It definitely was,” Jack quipped, as his eyes slyly moved to the woman next to the lieutenant colonel. “Again, congratulations on your evaluation, Carter,” he’d almost forgotten why he’d come in the first place.

“Thank you, Sir,” Sam smiled a megawatt smile at him, still relishing the thought of what would be waiting for her if she was coming back to Earth. His chocolate eyes told her he knew what she was thinking and that he wanted it too, making her duck her head for fear of being noticed by John or Rodney.

“Goodbye General.”

“McKay,” Jack nodded at him, before turning on his heels, picking up his case and step through the gate.

Sam watched him until he disappeared into the puddle and went back to her office not allowing herself to think of what was lying ahead of them.

 

* * *

Stepping into her quarters with her tray balancing on her hand, Sam threw a glance outside. The balcony was bathing in late sunlight and she decided to take this opportunity to enjoy it. Placing her tray on the small table, Sam turned on her music player, pulled out a chair, and sat down. She lifted her chin to feel the sunbeams dancing on her face and couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt this good, this happy, all the while fearing it was too good to be true. At the time, all she could think of was that Jack O’Neill wanted her in his life, for more than just sex, but now realization started dawning on her. This could get very tricky…

She almost choked on her food, as the number started playing. It reminded her of all the times she’d been thinking of _him_ , wondering what had happened for them to live such separate lives. Sam and Cassie had been sending emails to each other to stay in touch, and every now and then Cassie would send her a flash drive, containing photos, movies and even music. This song had been on one of those and Sam had found herself hooked the moment she’d heard the words. She loved relaxing in her tub, music softly playing in the background and – on Earth – a glass of wine.

_♫_ _’…I close my eyes  
And imagine you’re here…’_ _♫_ __

Cassie knew the kind of music she liked and that she only had time to listen to it before she went to bed and thus Sam had immediately played the songs as she lay her head back and enjoyed the warm water. It hadn’t been hard to imagine being somewhere else, with _someone_ else, or that _he_ would be here with her. The first time, the emotions the voice evoked had caught her off guard, but instead of skipping the song, Sam had wondered why Cassie had sent it to her and listened to the rest of it.

_♫_ _’…Given the chance  
I would ask   
Forgive me…’_ _♫_ __

 She’d gotten her answer as the song proceeded and the truth in those lyrics had surprised her. It was almost as if the woman had gone through the same kind of experience. Sam didn’t think anyone else would be so stupid as she’d been, letting the man she loved slip through her fingers, only to see him end up with another woman. Every time she heard the song now, she was reminded of the time she’d been standing in the gate room, waiting to leave Earth behind and trade it for a new command in another galaxy. The time Daniel and Cassie had tried to stop her from leaving, had told her about Ilse’s baby…

_♫_ _’…I didn’t do a thing to make you stay  
I didn’t say a word to make you stay…’_ _♫_ __

By then, the General had left for Europe and she couldn’t verify the story. For a moment, the thought of running out of the gateroom and booking a flight to go after him had passed her mind, but General Landry had reminded her of her duties. The ones that came with the job, together with honor, integrity and fighting for your country. The same duties – the same job – that had prevented her from loving the man of her dreams because of the regulations. He’d left and she hadn’t tried to stop him, thinking he was better off without her. That he had the family he had always dreamed of, that it was her time to let him go. However, hearing Ilse was pregnant with someone else’s baby wasn’t something she’d been prepared for.

_♫_ _’…If I would have known  
Could I have tried to make it easier   
But I didn’t do a thing   
Or say a word   
One word…’_ _♫_ __

It had made her wonder why he’d stayed with the woman. Had they separated when Ilse cheated? Were they back together? Had they ever broken up? Alone in her tub, Sam had always been tempted to think that maybe, _just maybe_ , things would have turned out differently if she’d spoken up. Told him about her feelings. Hell, if she’d never gone on a second date with Pete… Snorting, Sam realized that she’d never thought she would learn the answer, because he had left and she went to another galaxy.

_♫_ _’…And I don’t know why you’re gone, now you’re gone  
No beautiful goodbye…’_ _♫_ __

Now that the sun was setting, the temperature was dropping as well, making her realize that she was still sitting on her balcony, reminiscing those lonely nights with nothing to comfort her but thoughts of Jack O’Neill and all the mistakes she’d made. In a way, she’d always been thinking of him, even now while it hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since he’d left. Thinking about what happened last night made her feel butterflies in her stomach and she knew she was blushing. Berating herself, Sam quickly ate the rest of her food and thought about what would happen next. There were so many obstacles for them… and they hadn’t even gotten the time to talk it over properly.

_♫_ _’…You will never leave my mind  
And it turns out to be so much different than our dreams   
Now you’re, you’re a star in heaven…’_  ♫

 

Instead, now he was on the other side of the universe. In another galaxy, millions of light-years separating them and all she could see of him, was a star when darkness would fall. Or at least, a star that was closest to Earth from all the stars adorning the sky at night. She hadn’t even told him she loved him. At least, not when he was awake… Then again, she didn’t want to come on too strong. She wondered though, if it really was too early to tell him, considering they’d been dancing this dance for eleven years. Neither of them was getting any younger. Why had it taken her so long to just say to hell with it and screw the regs?

_♫_ _’…My thoughts unsaid  
Stuck in my head   
And it all feels so useless   
Never forget to give all I have   
Forgive me…’_ _♫_ __

Tapping her fingers on her thigh, she found herself wondering when they would be able to talk again. When she could see him again. Looking over her shoulder, she saw the unmade bed, sheets still rumpled from their night together, neither of them taking the effort to make the bed. She needed this, some kind of proof that it had really happened. That it would happen again… in due time when they’d figured everything out. Could she really wait that long, after knowing what he felt and tasted like? She couldn’t think of a way to get out from under the regs. What if they couldn’t?

Why had General Landry insisted that Jack had to leave instantly? Jack, with his three stars, was still his commanding officer… Perhaps he was needed in relation to Homeworld Security. After all, her General was an important man. She’d wanted him to stay though, after he’d confessed that he wanted more from her than just last night. Her heart had almost stopped when he had looked at her with those brown eyes full of desire and promises. He hadn’t told her he loved her… Well, she couldn’t really expect him to, could she? After everything that had happened, it was probably wise to start with a clean slate. If they would at least get their chance. First, there were the fraternization regulations. What could they do about that? Jack could hardly go to the President and _ask_ him… what if he said no? Their secret would come out, either way. However, this time she wouldn’t let him go, she’d fight. Even if that meant keeping their relationship under wraps.

_♫_ _’…I couldn’t do a thing to make you stay  
And I couldn’t say a word to make you stay   
If I could have known   
Could I have tried to make it easier   
But I couldn’t do a thing   
Or say a word   
One word…’_ _♫_ __

She’d wanted to grab him, kiss him, yell at him not to leave. Instead, she’d been standing in her gateroom like a good subordinate waving her commanding officer off. Years of working in the field together had paid off, though; they had been able to have a silent conversation through their eyes without anyone knowing. His eyes had made her promises she’d only dreamed of. No, they would find a way to be together, even if that meant she had to stay here for some time for him to find her a replacement. A video conference was planned for next week and she wondered if they would be able to talk about their situation then.

 

 _♫_ _’…And I don’t know why you’re gone, now you’re gone  
No beautiful goodbye   
You will never leave my mind   
And it turns out to be so much different than our dreams   
Now you’re, yeah you’re a star in heaven…’_ _♫_ __

Perhaps it wasn’t the perfect happy ending that fairy tales were made of, but they’d get together. She would fight for his love, make him trust her again and love him for the rest of her life. It wasn’t what she’d dreamt all those years, but it was better than nothing at all… Shivering, she got up and walked inside, thinking of him as she cast a last glance up at the darkening sky. _Yeah, you’re my star…_    
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "One Word" by Anouk.


	28. Samantha Carter

**2008**

Sam startled as she heard her personal laptop make a familiar sound. Quickly putting on her robe, she walked out of the bathroom and over to her computer. Typing in her password revealed that she had an incoming video conference. From _Jack_. She nervously bit her lip before sitting down and accepting. He’d never contacted her personal channel for a video conference, not even since that night a year ago. “Sir?”

 _“Sam,”_ Jack greeted her, a smirk on his face.

“Jack,” Sam quickly corrected herself, reciprocating his smirk. Slightly nervous, she unconsciously pulled her robe tighter around herself. Up until now, they hadn’t had much private conversations since their video conferences were recorded. He was the head of Homeworld Security after all and it was business. The kind of business that required very high clearance.

_“I’m not interrupting, am I?”_

“I was just finishing up in the bathroom,” she admitted, blushing slightly. “Why are you calling?”

_“Bathroom, huh? I guess that explains…”_

Sam had to smile as his brown eyes twinkled at his insinuation and nodded. “But, Sir, why and how–”

 _“Jack,”_ he rolled his eyes for having to remind her.

“Fine, _Jack_ , why and how are you calling me on my private channel? You’re not recording this, right?”

Waggling his eyebrows, he winked at her. _“Only if you want me to.”_

“Jack, please,” Sam admonished him slightly. “Be serious.” She found it hard to believe he had somehow gotten around the protocol some whiz kid at the Pentagon had installed on their computers. Well, not that it was on her laptop – not anymore, at least – but he wasn’t known for his computer programming. Besides, if he took the chance to privately contact her after a year, it had to be something good, right? God, how she had missed him. It had taken her days to get a proper amount of sleep after he’d left Atlantis and it was hard for her to act normal during one of their video conferences, while butterflies were fluttering in her stomach. They had to remain professional, however, considering anyone with enough authority could check out their conversations. That hadn’t stopped them from lingering from time to time, during comfortable silences or when the other was explaining something their eyes would convey a message of love – or so hers did. His held promises she would make sure he’d fulfill to her.

_“Can you kill the music, it’s distracting.”_

She got up, turned off the little stereo playing _that_ song – as it always did when she was in bath – and sat back on the couch. “Now, can you explain?”

 _“I’m on the_ Samantha Carter _,”_ he smiled smugly _. “Talking to Samantha Carter.”_

“You’re with Thor?”

_“Yup.”_

Alarmed, Sam leaned towards the screen. “Has something happened?”

 _“Nah,”_ Jack shrugged, _“the kids are getting tested,”_ he was fidgeting with a pen.

“Again?”

_“Just routine.”_

“And you decided to sneak off?” She smiled as he blushed slightly at her accusation. It made him look even more attractive and the fact that she could stare at him, without fear for repercussions, made him even more appealing.

_“Well, considering what I’m getting in return, I’d say it’s worth it.”_

His lopsided grin had her heart racing, until she saw his eyes drift… lower. Looking down, she realized her robe had fallen open when she’d leaned forward. “Jack!”

 _“What, I’m just enjoying the view, Colonel,”_ his smile only grew bigger at her discomfort. _“Seriously though,”_ he started.

“You’re being serious?” Sam teasingly interrupted him.

_“Yes, Carter… I wanted to let you know that the IOA has contacted me, telling me they’re finally going to decide who is going to replace you…”_

Hearing his voice trail off, Sam looked up curiously, only to find his eyes searching hers. “That means I can go back to…,” _you_ , she thought and bit her lip. “Earth,” she said instead.

_“Yeah, it does.”_

She could tell he was insecure as his hands started taking the pen apart and his eyes left hers. “What about…”

His head snapped up at her unspoken question and a slight smile played around his lips. _“I’ll be in Europe or Washington, depending on when you get back_ ,” his tone sounded casual.

For a moment, he had her fooled and she slowly nodded her understanding. Did he still want them to get together? “Jack,” she started, locking gazes with him, and –seeing the desire in his eyes – knew he did. “I’ll come and visit, okay?”

 _“You better,”_ he smiled.

She returned his smile; feeling like the weight of the world had fallen off her shoulders. “I will,” she promised him.

 _“Carter,”_ Jack groaned, diverting his gaze to something off screen.

“What?”

 _“Do you mind,”_ he motioned towards her robe.

Following his gesture, she quickly covered her naked skin with the robe that had fallen open again. “Sorry,” she mumbled, blushing.

 _“If I didn’t know any better,_ Samantha _, I’d think you’re trying to seduce me…”_

“You wish,” she teased him, purposely stretching her back so he could get a good look at her. “Sir,” she added, belatedly with an evil grin.

Still smiling, Jack shook his head. _“God, you’re a tease.”_

Noticing his husky tone, she was surprised the effect her teasing had on him and she quickly reined it in. Shifting on the couch, she got comfortable and gave him a small smile. “Sorry.”

He shrugged, as if he didn’t care. _“I guess I should be glad we’re on your private channel_ ,” he replied. _“I’m just hoping that’s not how you’re dressed when you’re having meetings with the IOA and such.”_

His tone made her shudder involuntarily, hearing the tinge of jealousy and possessiveness warmed her from inside and Sam felt her cheeks burn up. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been flattered when a man was possessive and she sure as hell had never heard him talk in that tone. “Don’t worry, I’m not,” she soothed him, giving him a megawatt smile.

A comfortable silence ensued, in which she watched him, took in his features and simply enjoyed looking at him. Normally, she’d feel uncomfortable under his scrutiny, but this time it was different. He was remembering, as was she, what has happened between them a year ago, the last time they had seen each other for real – without the aid of technology. She yearned to stand in front of him again, touch him, smell his scent, and to hold him. That night together had only made things harder for her, because now she _knew_ exactly what she was missing out on. She also knew why he hadn’t visited Atlantis, or at least, she had a good guess. It would be too strange to face each other again, on her base, both in official capacity, not able to express their feelings. Or so she thought.

“How much longer,” she broke the silence with a soft whisper.

_“It depends on the IOA, you know how they like to work out everything in detail; it could be another few weeks if not months.”_

He was right, she knew. That didn’t mean she didn’t want it to be sooner. She wanted to feel his arms around her again, explore their feelings for each other, and make love to him. There was still a lot to talk about, though. They hadn’t really discussed anything, except that they wanted more than just that night. It was hard to discuss such things, neither of them wanted to take a chance with their conversations being monitored, as well as incoming and outgoing mail – for security reasons. It was one of the reasons she kept all her communications with her friends and family light, she didn’t want someone else to read her innermost thoughts and the fact that she loved her commanding officer. Or that they had slept together, because that would destroy her career. If there was no other way and he reciprocated her feelings, she might be able to give up her career. Not now, though, when she was still unsure of his feelings towards her.

Her nights had been long and lonely since he had left and she only had her memories to comfort her during another sleepless night. The first few days had been the worst and after a few weeks she’d had the scare of her life, when she realized she hadn’t had her period yet. It had hit her as she’d been going through her calendar and noticed the circled data which meant she was suppose to have her period… thinking back, she’d made the calculations over and over again in her head and had come to the conclusion that she was late. _Very_ late. It had taken her a few days to come up with a plan; after all, she could hardly go to Doctor Keller and ask for a pregnancy test. The idea of getting pregnant that night had never crossed her mind after everything she’d gone through and she didn’t know what and if she should tell him. The most horrible scenarios went through her mind thinking of his reaction, since she had told him not to worry about it at the time. He could think she’d done it on purpose, that it had been an entrapment. However, before she had made the decision and actually went to Doctor Keller for an appointment, she’d gotten her period. Up until now, she still didn’t know if she’d just been late or that maybe… just maybe…

_“Sam?”_

Blinking, Sam cleared her mind and looked back at the screen. His brown eyes full of concern for her, she felt cared for. “I’m fine, I was just thinking.”

_“I can tell. Are you sure you’re okay, you look kind of… sad.”_

Touched by his concern, she berated herself for letting her mind wander off now that they were actually having a private conversation. “It’s nothing,” she reassured him, smiling.

 _“I’ve missed you,”_ he spoke hesitantly, as if unsure to tell her that.

“Me too,” she mumbled, feeling like a schoolgirl talking to her crush. “I hate that we can’t talk like regular people.”

Jack chuckled and held up his hands in surrender. _“Nothing is ever easy when it comes to us, is it?”_

Her heart was racing as the meaning of his words sank in. To her, it sounded as if they were already in a relationship, just light-years apart. She could hardly grasp the idea of them finally being together, in a relationship and he could make it sound casual, as if it was normal, almost to be expected. She found her hands shaking from the emotions and tried to get her body under control – when had she become this emotional? “I guess not,” she stammered slightly.

 _“Crap, I have to go. Thor is calling me over the intercom. I guess we’ll be talking at the end of the week, Colonel,”_ he smirked as he referred to their planned video conference.

“Bye,” she mumbled, before the screen went black. Looking at the clock, she shut down the laptop and turned her music back on. She still had two hours before she was supposed to be in bed and knew she couldn’t concentrate on work anymore. He had to go back to Thor and his kids… what would happen if she got back to Earth? Would they _date_?

Sam frowned at the idea, not sure if that was how she had pictured their relationship evolving. What if his children didn’t accept her? She’d met Milou, but not the others and that had been two years ago. The girl probably didn’t even remember her and Sam knew Milou loved her mother deeply, everything the girl had said when they’d spent time together proved that. Again, she found herself frustrated with the limited time she and Jack had. _Jack…_ It was still difficult for her to think of him as Jack, instead of General O’Neill or – as she sometimes did – as Jack O’Neill.

Lying back, Sam stretched on the bed as she enjoyed the music and imagined him with her.

 


	29. Anxious

Shifting on her feet, Sam repressed a deep sigh as she waited for the IOA representative to come through the gate. It was time for another evaluation since it had been over a year since General O'Neill –  _Jack –_  had replaced Woolsey for her first year evaluation. She was pretty sure she didn't have a lot to worry about, considering she'd accomplished a lot in the past year, perhaps even more than she had done the first. However, one could never know for sure with the likes of Woolsey. The IOA had only informed her that a representative would come by today to perform the evaluation, but no one mentioned who it was going to be. Her money was on Woolsey though. She had also cautiously informed to any news about her replacement, but they had been stonewalling her – at least, that's how she saw it.

"Finally," she sighed as Chuck gave her the signal someone was coming through from Midway Station.

"Anxious, Colonel?" John smirked at his commanding officer who had seemed slightly annoyed the entire day.

"Just want to get it over with, John," she gave him a small smile. "I'm not very patient when it comes to the IOA," she added, in reality being quite frustrated. It had been almost six weeks since the General –  _Jack_ – had contacted her and informed her that the IOA were finally talking about a replacement for her. Commanding Atlantis was supposed to be for one year, but apparently, they'd liked the results she had gotten and decided she should stay on longer. It was almost as if they knew she wanted to get back to Earth, to the man she loved and was finally getting the chance to get to know him better.

She walked over to the gate, stopping at a respectable distance in front of it and waited for the ripple in the event horizon.

"Colonel Carter," Richard Woolsey greeted the woman standing in front of him.

"Mister Woolsey, how are you?"

"Very well, thank you for asking," he replied a bit stiffly.

Sam nodded, not interested in his wellbeing at all. Smiling up at him, she schooled her face in a hopeful expression. "So, is this whole 'evaluation process' going to take very long?" It hadn't when General O'Neill had been here, last year, but he had admitted to already having written the report before coming over. Woolsey, however, had taken his time when he'd first come to Atlantis for her three month review. "I mean, there's a lot of work to be done on Atlantis, and I'm kind of anxious to get back."

He gave her an awkward smile – or at least he hoped it resembled a smile - and cleared his throat. "I'm sure you are. However, the IOA has decided that perhaps someone with a different skill set would be more suited to lead the Atlantis Expedition now."

"Excuse me?" Sam asked nonplussed. Not that she wasn't dying to get back to Earth and meet her replacement, but there was such a thing as a warning, a heads-up or just a simple 'Thank you for all you've done for the expedition and we've discussed your request for replacement and have come to an agreement.'

"I'm here to inform you that, effective immediately, you are being removed from command."

Stunned for a moment, Sam just stared at him. "Um… Who… who's replacing me?"

"As a matter of fact," Richard stood proud, "I am."

Now, completely shocked, Sam blinked at him, before nodding slowly. She heard her people – no, his people now – gasp behind her as everyone apparently had overheard their conversation. Making a decision, she turned on her heels and went straight to her quarters. She heard Woolsey call after her, but she ignored him. He didn't come here often, so he probably couldn't even follow her, let alone catch up.

Sam didn't remember much from her way over to her quarters, but when she finally closed the door behind her, she took a moment to catch her breath and let it all sink in. He wanted command of Atlantis? Well, that could be arranged! Swiftly, she moved through the room, quickly packing up all her things, benefitting from all the times she had to pack up in a hurry as a child whenever her father had to relocate to another base again.

Within minutes her bag was packed – it wasn't as if she had an entire wardrobe here – and it took her less than fifteen minutes to place her personal items into her old boxes, which were folded and placed in the back of her closet. Within twenty minutes of Woolsey's arrival, Sam was standing in the gate room, telling Chuck to dial Midway Station.

"Colonel, you're not leaving are you?"

She turned hearing John's concerned voice and was touched to see half of the personnel standing behind him. "I've been relieved of command," she spoke in a clear voice, so that everyone in the gate room could hear her. Sam was surprised her voice was steady, because even if she'd requested to be relieved, this wasn't the way she had imagined it. "Mister Woolsey has taken over command of Atlantis. It's been an honor serving with each and every one of you," she took a last look around the room as the 'gate kawooshed.

Woolsey almost ran into the gate room and – slightly out of breath – tried to stop her. "Colonel Carter, where do you think you're going?"

"Home," she replied, daring him to stop her.

"You cannot leave yet, there is much to discuss–"

"Oh? I thought your exact choice of words was that I was being removed from command, effective immediately," she raised her brow at him. "I believe that means I'm no longer needed here and therefore, am to return to Earth to await my reassignment," she spoke in a placating manner. Nodding to the men and women who had been under her command for the last two years, Sam turned and walked through the 'gate, ignoring Woolsey's protests.

* * *

If anyone at Midway Station or the SGC was surprised to see her, Sam's glare stopped them from speaking up. The moment she'd stepped through the 'gate on Midway, she'd ordered the technicians to dial Earth and let her through. Since her IDC was still valid, they had no choice but to obey the order of a superior officer and within minutes she stepped out on the ramp on the other side of the universe.

"Colonel Carter," Hank Landry was slightly surprised to see the blonde come through the gate, even if they had gotten her IDC from Midway Station. "We, ah… didn't expect to see you. Did something happen?"

"No, Sir," Sam saluted and – after he waved her down – handed her bag to one of the SFs. "I've been relieved of command by the IOA."

The entire gate room and even the control room fell silent; all eyes were on Colonel Samantha Carter, PhD and apparently former commander of Atlantis.

"What?" Hank frowned, that wasn't part of the plan! "Wasn't Woolsey supposed to do your yearly evaluation?"

"Yes Sir, instead," she spoke through gritted teeth, "he chose to relieve me of command, effective immediately. Therefore, I came back to await my reassignment."

Hank stepped forward, and leaned towards her. "I'm sorry Colonel, I had no idea the IOA had planned this," he whispered, making sure no one could overhear.

"I understand, Sir, I don't think anyone saw it coming," she huffed. "I'd like to speak to General O'Neill," she tried, her voice only slightly shaky by the prospect of facing him. Had he known what Woolsey had planned?

"Of course, he needs to be informed. As well as the President," Hank replied, leading her out of the gate room and towards his office. "Let me make a call to the President."

Sam nodded as he reached for the red phone and tuned out immediately, her thoughts consumed by what would happen when she and  _Jack_  would see each other again. There was so much to discuss and she'd assumed she would have the time to prepare, after hearing when and with whom she was being replaced. Instead, everything had happened without warning and here she was; back on Earth, her home planet. The planet where  _he_  was…

"Colonel?"

Hearing General Landry's impatient tone, Sam smiled apologetically, realizing he'd been trying to get her attention while she was thinking of… other things. "Sir?"

"The President wasn't available, because he's been in a meeting with the IOA for the entire day," he grimaced. "I think we both know what that's about."

"Yes, Sir," she nodded a confirmative. "What about General O'Neill?"

"He wasn't there, I believe he has a few days off, you should contact his secretary if you want details," he offered, realizing she needed to know if their superiors had known of the plans of the IOA.

"Days off?" Sam frowned, she couldn't remember the last time General O'Neill had taken a few days off, unless it was to go fishing, but that wasn't in December…

"Yes, here," Hank quickly scribbled a number on a piece of paper, "is the number of his secretary. Why don't you take a few days to rest and adjust, contact Jack and then we'll see what's next."

"Yes, Sir," she took the paper and stuffed it into her – Atlantis – uniform. "Sir? What about Daniel, my father, or Teal'c?"

"Teal'c is still on Dakara, he's doing all right and Dr. Jackson is on a three-week dig with SG-11, he'll be returning at the end of next week. Your father was here about a month ago for a meeting with Jack, the President and the JCS."

"Good… Can I leave the base?"

"Have Carolyn check you out and if she clears you, I don't see why not," Hank smiled at her and made a dismissive gesture with his hand.

"Thank you, Sir," Sam turned on her heels and immediately took the old, familiar route to the infirmary to see Dr. Lam. It was strange to see so many unknown faces, everyone was staring at her and she just hoped it was because of her uniform. She smiled at Siler when she passed him and he almost fell off the ladder he was standing on; apparently, not everyone was aware of her return yet. Joining a few airmen in the elevator, Sam ignored them – she'd never seen any of their faces before – and pressed the button for the infirmary. As soon as the doors opened again, she took off to see Carolyn Lam.

* * *

She felt awkward as she stood in front of her old house. Doctor Lam had cleared her and it hadn't taken Sam long to get off the base and return home. Now she had been standing here on the driveway for at least ten minutes staring at the house. Daniel had been living here whenever he was actually on the planet – he'd told her he was doing a lot of off-world digs – and it felt strange, almost as if the house wasn't hers anymore. Which was ridiculous as she hadn't even set a foot inside and it looked completely the same as it did two years ago before she left. Perhaps that was the problem: it was almost as if no time had passed.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly walked up to the door and grabbed her spare key – the one she kept on base – to open it. "Well, nothing much has changed here," she mumbled to no one in particular as she made a quick round through her house. For a moment, she'd feared it would like one of Daniel's old apartments – like a museum – but the only sign she hadn't been living here, was all the paperwork, Daniel's books and a lot of notebooks on the tables and some on the floor. For a moment, she thought about cleaning it up; stacking the books neatly and organize them alphabetically before she realized that was ridiculous. Shaking her head, Sam walked over to her bedroom; Daniel had refused to use her room and was more than happy with the guestroom, which was about the same size as her own. She opened the window to let the cold December air in and looked in the closets for bedding to make her bed.

It didn't take her long to make the bed, unpack her bag and grab her sweats and top. It was warm for this time of year, about five degrees Celsius and she decided to go for a run. The sun was still shining and she figured she didn't need anything besides her jacket, a bottle of water and her iPod.

After an hour, she returned home and turned on the faucet for a nice, long and warm bath. She tried calling Cassandra, but she was probably doing her internship because she didn't answer the phone. Sam even tried calling Jack, but it went straight to voicemail, his voice telling her he wasn't available until next week. His secretary confirmed it, so she simply decided to enjoy her bath and stepped into the tub, with a book in one hand and a glass of wine in the other.

* * *

Paying the taxi driver before stepping out Sam told him to keep the change, grabbed her bag and walked up to her brother's house. She'd only been back to Earth for almost two days and was already bored out of her skull. When she'd called Mark, she was pleased to hear that he had no hard feelings about their last conversation – which was over two years ago, when she'd told him about her divorce – and he even asked her to come over. At first, she had declined, but he'd insisted and told her he wanted to see and talk to her. Realizing there wasn't anything else for her to do – Cassie and the General were both unreachable – she accepted his invitation, because she wanted to repair their relationship. Mark had been about to leave for work, therefore they hadn't been able to talk much, but he had told her their Dad had informed him of her transfer abroad. Still a bit upset over her career choice, he had reluctantly accepted hearing the news from their father instead of her and had soon realized he couldn't reach her.

She tried to explain, but thankfully – she didn't have a cover story at hand – he didn't have the time and had to get to his work. He asked her to come over the next day, because of his wife's birthday. Sam had agreed and booked a flight for San Diego, only to end up packing once again. This morning, at the airport, she had contacted General Landry to let him know she was out of town in case he heard something from the President or General O'Neill.

For the second time in two days, she found herself hesitating to knock on the door. Before she could contemplate her actions, though, her niece opened the door.

"Aunt Sam!"

Sam smiled and hugged the girl. "Hey sweetie, how've you been?"

"I missed you."

"Me too, Amy," Sam gave her a peck on the cheek and, as she stood, noticed Mark in the doorway. "Hey Mark."

"Wow, you look great, Sam," Mark greeted her with a gentle hug.

"You too," she responded, looking at her little brother.

"I would have never expected being stationed abroad would make you look this… relaxed," he frowned, as he grabbed her bag.

She snorted at the idea. "Yeah, well… you know," she stammered, before going inside to congratulate Laura, her sister-in-law, with her birthday. "Where's Ryan?"

"He's upstairs changing clothes," Laura replied and offered Sam a seat.

"He's playing a game on his computer," Amy told on her brother, smiling evilly.

"He must have grown a lot, since I last saw him," Sam sat down and Amy immediately sat next to her. "You've gotten tall, too."

Mark observed his sister with his kids and exchanged a smile with his wife. "Want something to drink, Sam?"

"Coffee?"

"Sure," Mark nodded and left the women in the living room, placing Sam's bag near the stairs.

"Is anyone else coming today?" Sam inquired, trying to make conversation. Her relationship with Mark had been strained for years, until Selmak had urged their father to reach out to him and Sam had accompanied him. Over the years, they had grown closer, but Sam still had trouble connecting to Laura, who was rather quiet, keeping her opinion and thoughts to herself. "After all, it's Saturday, most people don't have to work the weekends…"

"A few friends from church will come by tomorrow in the late afternoon and perhaps a few neighbors."

Sam nodded, understanding Laura didn't have many friends. Most of her friends were probably parents of the kids, because Laura spends her days being a fulltime mother and every time Sam had come over and was introduced to one of Laura's friends, it always was one of the mothers from school or a neighbor. "Sounds nice," she replied polite, wondering where the hell her brother was. It didn't really take  _that_  long to make a cup of coffee, did it?

"Black, right?"

"You remember," Sam smiled at Mark as he walked in with two cups of steaming coffee. "Laura told me the rest of her friends are coming by tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I tried contacting Dad but got the base and was told he was unreachable," Mark huffed, rolling his eyes. "Pretty much the same story as when I tried contacting you."

"I'm sorry," she smiled ruefully and patted his knee. "I can't really talk about it."

"When did you get back?"

"About two days ago," Sam took a sip of her coffee, enjoying the taste of good Earth coffee instead of the crap they had on Atlantis.

"We had no idea," Mark replied and Laura agreed.

Sam just shrugged. "Me neither."

"What do you mean?"

"I was relieved of command," she explained, not going into – classified – details.

Shocked, Mark leaned closer. "You were in command?"

"Yeah, until two days ago," she rolled her eyes at the memory of Woolsey's visit.

"Did something go wrong?" Mark frowned, surprised to hear about his sister's work; she usually didn't talk about it.

"No, not really," she took another sip of coffee. "It was my yearly evaluation and everything had gone great, even better than my first year," she continued. "Then I was told I was relieved of command immediately."

"I can't believe they would just do that!"

"Easy, Mark," she tried to calm him. "It wasn't completely unexpected; I had asked to be replaced months ago, but they still hadn't told me they had found someone, just that they were discussing it. It was just the way I was informed that stings," she shrugged, not wanting to think about it anymore.

"I'm just glad you're here," he smiled at his sister.

"Me too," Laura chimed in. "Can I get you some cake?"

"I'd like that," Sam smiled at her.

"Me too, Mom," Amy begged her mother.

"Why don't you get Ryan to come downstairs and greet Aunt Sam, okay?" Mark told his daughter, who jumped up from the couch. "When you get back, there'll be cake."

"Okay."

"You have no idea what it's like, Sam, to know your family is out there somewhere, fighting for your country, with no way to contact them or even know how they are doing," Mark said when they were alone in the living room.

She could hardly tell she knew exactly what it was like, or that it was even harder to be on a planet – or even in another galaxy – millions of light-years away fighting for your planet without knowing if you'll ever see your loved ones again. Instead, she squeezed his hand and gave him an encouraging smile. "I know, Mark… it's the same for me with Dad," Sam tried. It was true, she could hardly contact the Tok'ra and even if she could, her Dad would be on some top-secret undercover mission.

"At least you can contact him," Mark responded, leaning back in the couch. "I didn't even know where you were… hell; I didn't even know you were gone until Dad told me."

"I'm sorry."

"Pete called me about a day later, telling me you were on some secret mission and couldn't tell me. I told him Dad had already called, before he himself had to go on some mission."

Sam frowned at his mention of Pete, but decided not to comment on it; she didn't want another fight over her failed marriage. "Yeah, Dad is doing fine, I asked when I came back."

"Pete was surprised to hear you got back," Mark continued, oblivious to her reluctance to talk about him.

"How do you know?"

Mark shrugged at the same time Laura joined them with cake and he quickly helped empty her tray. "I called him before you got here."

"Why?" Sam asked in a suspicious tone, before smiling at Laura and accepting the cake.

"I asked him if he was coming with you, because I forgot to ask you when we were on the phone."

"Excuse me?" She squeaked, her fork in hand stopping midair as she turned to frown at him.

"It was good to hear that he had given you another chance, and this way he could at least inform me that you were doing well, these last two years," Mark continued, ignoring her. "You should have called him first, though, I'm sure he could have gotten off work to pick you up from–"

"Mark!" Sam interrupted him, putting her plate down. "What on Earth are you talking about?"

"You and Pete."

"I don't know what he's been telling you, but-"

"He didn't give me any details, if that's what you're worried about; he just told me how you were doing abroad," Mark explained in a soothing tone.

"Look, I don't know what the hell you're talking about, but I haven't seen or spoken to Pete in the last two years."

"Sammie, what are you talking about?"

Running a hand through her hair, Sam got up from the couch. "I handed Pete the divorce papers before I left, he was supposed to fill them out and file for divorce; he promised he'd do that," she paced the room, making vague hand gestures. "As far as I know, we're divorced…"

"What? Pete told me you had second thoughts and after realizing how much he missed you, he had given you another chance–"

"Well, I don't know what he's on, but I haven't had any contact with him for over two years. I just assumed he'd done as promised and didn't bother checking it out…" She felt like a fool, she should have known he would pull something like this! After the way he had tried to dissuade her and kept calling, while she had made it clear their marriage was over. It had been too easy that day, when she'd brought over the paperwork… What did he expect of her? That she'd jump at the chance of being with him again the moment she got back? Was he really that delusional?


	30. Confrontations

"Sam, babe, I've missed you," Pete walked up to her, his arms outstretched.

"Pete don't," Sam objected, holding up her hand as he tried to hug her. Mark had insisted on the two of them talking things over after hearing her explanation yesterday, hence Pete's presence. He'd only stepped into the living room, when Mark and Lola and Tim joined them.  _Great, his children are here as well…_

"Sam, is something wrong?"

"I'll just leave you alone," Mark quickly excused himself leaving Sam, Pete, and his children in the room alone.

"Is something wrong," She repeated, rolling her eyes. "Pete, Mark told me what you've told him."

"Babe, come on, don't act like this," Pete replied in an exasperated tone.

Almost fuming with anger over his behavior, Sam clenched her fists and tried to calm down so they could talk. "Why don't you two go and see if Ryan or Amy wants to play with you, okay?" She told Lola and Tim, not wanting them to witness their fight. Lola just rolled her eyes at her; Tim nodded and followed his sister towards the kitchen.

Tapping his foot, Pete was getting impatient with his wife. "You didn't even say hello to them."

"What?"

"You haven't seen them in over two  _years_ , Sam and you didn't even say hello."

She realized he was right, and felt a little shame creep up. She hadn't even thought about the kids, until she'd seen them staring at her. Perhaps she wasn't cut out to be a step-mother after all. Then again, they hadn't said anything either, nor did Pete. However, she knew she was the adult and was supposed to know what to do… The strange thing was that she felt guilty over not greeting them, but she hadn't missed them or even thought of them. _I'm a horrible person_ , Sam thought, dipping her head in shame. "Sorry," she mumbled guiltily.

"It's okay, babe," Pete shrugged and tried hugging her again. "It's good to see you again, you look great!"

"Pete," Sam rolled her eyes and pushed him away. "Stop it, we're not together anymore and we haven't been for two years!"

"Ssh," Pete hushed her, "you were just confused, I understand, you didn't mean it."

"That's just it, Pete, I  _meant_  it and still do! You agreed to sign the divorce papers!"

"No, you didn't… you were just overwhelmed and upset over not getting pregnant," he shrugged, dismissing her arguments.

"Dammit, Pete!" Sam yelled, as she tried to get her anger under control. "Do you think I haven't thought about this? Besides, haven't we had this conversation already?"

"Come on, Sam, you weren't yourself back then. You were confused and shouldn't have made such a radical decision."

"I wasn't acting on a whim, Pete, I thought long and hard about it. The fact that you've been telling everyone we're still married doesn't sound strange to you?"

He scratched his head as he started pacing around the room. "Well, we never got divorced, did we? I figured you just needed some time to come to your senses and realize how good our marriage was."

Stunned, Sam stared at him. "You really think I needed two  _years_? And the only reason we didn't get divorced, is because you didn't file the paperwork!"

"Sam, you were being irrational at the time, I just thought I should prevent us from making a mistake–"

"Getting married was a mistake," Sam blurted out, surprising herself. "This certainly isn't."

"Please, our marriage was good until you decided you wanted something else; until you chose your career over me," he yelled frustrated.

"I chose my career over you? How dare you!" She stomped her feet to emphasize her words, but most of all to keep herself from punching him. "I resigned my command of SG-1 for you!"

"I transferred for you, too," he countered, huffing. "I transferred to Colorado because of you; I even got demoted because of you. Now, I'm back here with a better job. I gave that up for you and only you. But you wanted to take command  _abroad_ , because dealing with all those gizmos wasn't enough for you. No, you just had to go out there and traipse around–"

"Pete!" Sam hissed, grabbing his arm to stop him from blowing her cover story – after all, she had no idea if her brother was eavesdropping or not. "Let's not get into that, not here."

"Why, are you the only that gets to complain? Marriages are about compromises Sam, only I was the one who ended up making all the compromises!"

"Are we going to keep doing this? The only thing we seem to be doing in this marriage is fight," Sam plopped down on the couch and all of a sudden, she felt exhausted. She didn't like arguing and prided herself on her self-control when it came to her anger. "Pete, please," she tried, looking up at him. He was still pacing the room, fists clenched. She didn't have any energy to waste on this, it was useless. "Can't you see this isn't working? Why won't you just sign the damn papers?"

"I love you, Sam, we're a family together. We can overcome this–"

"No, we're not. I don't think we ever were, we tried but it just didn't work. Why hang onto something that was broken to begin with?"

"Is this because of the baby you wanted? We could try again…"

"It's not about that," she rolled her eyes, exasperated. "Can't you see? This will only turn into more fighting and arguing, why not end it now and move on with your life?"

"Have you moved on, is that why you want a divorce?" His demeanor changed from calm to upset within seconds at the idea of her having someone else.

She placed her elbows on her knees and let her head rest on her hands, shaking her head slightly. "I wanted a divorce two years ago and I still want it. It's time for both of us to move on. You deserve to be happy and so do I. This," she motioned between them, "isn't working for either of us."

"Is this because of your work?"

"No, Pete," Sam sighed. "Aren't you listening?"

* * *

"Sam?" Mark cautiously called out when a silence descended in the other room and peeked around the corner. "Is that your phone?"

He entered the living room now that the two people in it had quieted down. Laura and Amy had taken the kids outside to a park nearby and he had offered to stay behind, in case his sister and her husband needed an intervention or if Ryan – who had spent almost the entire weekend upstairs behind his laptop – needed something. He had to admit that something was definitely wrong between Sam and Pete… at first, he'd been thrilled to hear Sam was coming over, glad that she finally got back from God knows where and had immediately invited her over.

Turning to her brother, Sam pricked her ears up and after a few seconds, she recognized the tune. Where had she put that thing?Patting her pockets and looking around, she couldn't find it, until she noticed her bag near the stairs. Maybe in her bag? She was glad she had even thought about bringing her cell phone with her, considering she hadn't used one for over two years on Atlantis, where they used comms. Glaring at Pete as she passed him, she crossed the room and fumbled around her bag. "Carter," she answered the phone after triumphantly pulling it out of its hiding place.

Pete had been one of Mark's old friends from college and it had seemed a good idea – at the time – to set him and Sam up for a date when Pete had been on a case in Colorado. Mark had even told his wife 'I told you so' when Sam had called to tell him she and Pete had gotten engaged, because Laura doubted the relationship and whether it was wise to introduce Pete to Sam. Sam was a smart, independent and successful woman and Pete had just gone through a divorce, she had claimed.

Therefore, Mark had been shocked when Sam had told him she was getting a divorce, while Laura told him it had been inevitable – she had been surprised the wedding had actually gone through – without rubbing his face in it. Then Pete had visited them a while later, when he was looking for a new apartment with Sam out of the country and him getting a better job offer in San Diego, and told them he and Sam had made up. That he had given her another chance, because he missed her so much and she'd apologized for her strange behavior.

Now Mark was wondering who was acting strange; his longtime friend or his sister? He had been estranged from his father for years and had hardly spoken to Sam as well, but they had all reconciled, which had led to Pete and Sam's marriage – because he had introduced them. However, his friend kept insisting that he and Sam were still together and dismissed her arguments – like he couldn't hear them over in the kitchen – while Sam, who was a genius or so he was told, claimed that they had split over two years ago; she'd delivered him signed papers and he had agreed to the divorce. He wasn't sure who to believe… Of course, he couldn't imagine Sam lying over something like this, but if she was telling the truth then something was really wrong with Pete.  _That_  he found difficult to grasp, because of their long friendship. Before yesterday, he could have sworn he knew Pete, but now doubt was creeping into his mind. Did he really know this man?

"Yes Sir, thank you Mr. President."

Mark looked up from his thoughts when he heard Sam. Mister President? As in the President  _of the United States_? He glanced at Pete, who was also staring at Sam and apparently thought the same thing.

Sam nodded as President Hayes was apologizing for the chain of events on Atlantis and held up her hand at Mark and Pete, before stepping outside to discuss the matter in private. "I understand, Sir," she mumbled, still not completely over her quick dismissal from Atlantis.

 _"I want you to come over to Washington, Colonel_ ," President Hayes' voice came through.

"Washington, Mr. President?"

_"Yes, Colonel, you're a valuable member of our Air Force and I want you reassigned as soon as possible. Unless you have a problem with that?"_

"No, Sir," she hastily replied, wondering if one could actually refuse the President. "When?"

_"How fast can you be here?"_

"Um… well, I'm in San Diego at the moment," she mumbled, trying to think of what she should do.

 _"Ah, family business? I understand, Colonel, you've had a long two years, er…_ abroad _and you deserve some time with your loved ones."_

"It's fine, Sir, I can be there tomorrow morning," she replied, after glancing at her watch.

_"Great, I'll have my secretary call you in the morning to set up an appointment in the afternoon. I've already cleared my schedule because of the IOA and Mr. Woolsey… Not to mention, General O'Neill."_

Her heart started racing after hearing his name. "Ah, he – General O'Neill – is going to be there as well?"

 _"If I can get a hold off him,"_  she heard the President sigh.  _"You know, one would think that he'd at least answer his cell phone considering the President of the United States could still need to contact the head of Homeworld Security,"_  he chuckled.

"Yes Sir," Sam agreed, not knowing what else to say.

_"I'll have my secretary call him again, but I think he's still in Europe – he always is this time a year – therefore our meeting depends on when he can get here. Since there aren't any ships around, that leaves flight by plane."_

"I understand, Sir."

_"Good, I hope to see you tomorrow, Colonel."_

"Yes, Mr. President," she awkwardly responded. He hung up before she could think of a polite way to end the conversation. Left staring at her phone, she inhaled deeply and made her way inside to face her brother and her soon-to-be ex-husband.

* * *

A chill ran down her spine as Sam walked through the large arrivals hall in Washington's airport and she quickly buttoned up her service coat. It was cold for December and she had already witnessed the heavy snowfall when the plane was descending. Some of the passengers had been asking each other if the plane would be able to land on the snow-covered tarmac. She'd cast one look outside, immediately noticed the cleared runway and knew that was where they could land safely.

However, Pete had been rambling, making her question her decision to share a flight with him. If he went with her, they could probably resolve the divorce quicker. A friend of hers from the Academy had joined a law firm specialized in family law and had also been the one who had sent her the paperwork – the same paperwork Pete had shredded after she'd left.

The meeting with the President – and her General – had been scheduled for the late afternoon, but with all the delayed flights, she'd barely be there in time. Well, she'd be there in time, but it wouldn't leave her any time to visit her friend at the law firm. After a long talk last night, Pete had finally realized a divorce would be the best solution and had insisted on joining her.

Tired of fighting, she had relented and booked a flight for him and his children as well – apparently, he was supposed to have them the entire week as his ex-wife was gone. Sam could understand that he didn't want to drop them off with a babysitter, but the girl was really getting on her nerves. Tim was still a quiet boy, as he'd been the last time she'd seen him. Most likely because Lola demanded all the attention herself. Pete, however, gave her the attention and pretty much ignored his son.

Sam was glad she had gotten a seat behind them, instead of having to sit next to Pete and his children. Somehow, she had never been able to get an emotional connection with his kids and she regretted it at times. Now, though, it was probably for the best, because those two had gone through their parents' divorce – albeit with Tim as an unborn baby and Lola just a little girl – and didn't need the emotional baggage of another divorce. With Lola's attention seeking behavior, Sam hadn't been able to get any shut-eye and now, walking around the airport, she felt the exhaustion from the past few days pressing on her.

She was getting hungry as it was almost 1200 hours and looked around for something to eat. They still had some time before the driver would pick her up. "I need something to eat," she told Pete, before going over to a stand and getting a sandwich.

Pete agreed and bought himself and his kids a sandwich and something to drink. He handed them the food and drinks and they happily sat down on a bench, a few feet from him and Sam. "When did you want to go see this friend of yours?"

"I was hoping to go over there earlier, but with all the delays, I'm not sure if it will be today. Perhaps tomorrow," she offered, taking a bite as her stomach rumbled. "All the President's secretary said was 'the late afternoon,' which could be anywhere after fourteen hundred hours," she shrugged.

"So we just have to wait around?"

"I have to wait for her to call me after she knows when General O'Neill's flight will be arriving. His was delayed as well," she had just spoken to the woman after their plane touched the ground and she was allowed to turn her phone on again. Unfortunately, she didn't have any news to tell her.

Curiosity got the better of him and Pete couldn't resist asking her "He's going to be there as well?"

"Yes," Sam nodded, not intent on telling him more. He already knew more than a civilian was supposed to and in a way that was her fault.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

Pete shrugged and sipped from his coke. "Why is he going to be there?"

"Because it's part of his job description."

"Which is…?"

"None of your business," she responded. "It's classified."

"Well, I still have clearance."

"No, you don't."

He knew it was childish, but he felt like pouting at being kept out of the loop. Instead, he finished his sandwich and looked over to his kids. "What do you know," he tapped Sam on her shoulder as he spoke with his mouth full, "wouldn't that be him?"

"What?" Sam almost jumped, her thoughts being with Jack and how on Earth she was going to explain to him that her divorce hadn't gone through. Following Pete's finger with her eyes, her breath hitched as she saw him –  _Jack O'Neill_ – standing only a few feet away from them. He looked incredibly handsome in his dress blues, service coat, and with his aviator glasses in place. She could see the attention he drew from the passing crowd – especially the women – but he didn't seem to notice and was glancing at his watch.

"General O'Neill," Pete raised his voice and beckoned the older man over with his hand.

* * *

Standing on the corner, Jack was bored from all the waiting. He'd just been told that his flight to Minnesota had been canceled because of the weather – a few meters of snow was blocking the airport – as well as Cassie's flight to Nevada. If that wasn't enough, he had to report back to Washington for some disagreement with the IOA – he hadn't been paying attention to the President's secretary and had ignored his own secretary's calls – while he still had a week off, which he intended to spend at the cabin. It didn't matter if Christmas was around the corner already, if the President insisted on him taking his personal days he damn well chose the time that suited him best. If that meant he only had to work for two weeks before it was Christmas, then so be it. He could live with that, but apparently, this year the President could not.

Glancing at his watch, he heard someone call his name and looked up. Was that… Shanahan? Why on Earth would that idiot call him over? Glaring at him, Jack decided to ignore him, which seemed to make the guy even more intent on getting his attention. Perhaps the cop finally figured out that he'd been the one that indirectly got him demoted, huh. Well, he couldn't care less. Jack shrugged to himself, wondering what was taking so long.

"General," Pete greeted him.

Annoyed, Jack looked up to see Shanahan stand a few feet from him, across the path the crowd used. Behind him, however, was… Carter! For a moment, Jack feared he was having a heart attack as his heart skipped a few beats when he saw her and he couldn't seem to catch his breath. The moment passed, however, as his mind finally made the connection. What the hell was she doing here with Shanahan?

"Shannon," Jack nodded, after rolling his eyes behind his glasses. "Carter."

"Sir," Sam quickly passed the path between them and stopped in front of him. Her hands were shaking because of his presence and she had a hard time finding words. "I-I thought you were still in Europe," she stammered, not sure how to approach him as they were both in their class As. He'd called her Carter and thus she called him Sir, falling back on their old pattern.

"I thought you were divorced," he quipped, without a spark of his usual humor.

"I am," she hastily replied, holding up her hands as she tried to look into his eyes – but only saw her own reflection in the glasses. "I mean, I thought I was."

"That's quite a difference," Jack muttered under his breath, uncomfortable with this turn of events. What the hell was going on? She hadn't gone back to the cop, had she? How come she was even here on Earth? She was supposed to be in another galaxy, commanding Atlantis. Instead, she was standing here in front of him with her supposed ex-husband a few feet away. Wait, was that the IOA crisis? What did that damn Woolsey do this time?

"I know," Sam bit her lip, trying to tell him she still wanted him with her eyes. As he coughed and looked the other way, she knew he hadn't seen it, or didn't want to see it. "It was a misunderstanding," she tried to explain what had happened.

"Really?" Jack's head snapped back as she spoke. "Well, considering the two of you are here, doing whatever it is that supposed exes do together on an airport, I take it the air has been cleared?"

"Yes, Sir," she nodded, stopping herself from reaching out to him. She knew the mistake she'd just made the moment she saw him clench his jaw. "No! I mean, there was a misunderstanding about the papers, we've talked about it and are still getting the divorce," she hastily corrected herself.

"Oh?"

"I only found out yesterday," she shrugged, "that's also when the President called."

Wanting to believe her, Jack decided to leave it be for the moment. They'd talk about this later, in private. "The meeting, it's about you?"

"Yes, Sir, didn't you know?"

"Nope," he shook his head and scanned the crowd. "When did you get back?"

"A few days ago, I tried calling, but…"

"Yeah," he hadn't been taking his calls; he had learned that early on in his career. Whenever he was on leave, some 'emergency' would arise and they would call him for no good reason. Somehow, the emergency could always be resolved when they couldn't get a hold of him… however; this time he berated himself for not checking his missed phone calls.

Sam followed his gaze and apparently, Pete took that as an invitation and joined them, with his kids. She wasn't sure if she wanted the two of them – Jack and Pete – to be talking at this moment. She had to get the divorce settled and talk to Jack in private, explain everything to him.

"All alone, General?" Pete smirked at the other man and winked at Sam.

"No, waiting for someone, actually."

"Your ride?"

"That too," Jack nodded, trying to ignore the cop. He was still shocked over this discovery and as always, felt the urge to wipe that smirk of the younger man's face. He always told himself it was just the guy's personality, him stalking Carter and running background checks behind everyone's back, and not the fact that he was dating or even marrying Carter that he disliked him. Now, he had a hard time convincing himself of that. Taking a deep breath, Jack turned towards the crowd again, after taking another glance at his watch.

Sam glared at Pete, daring him to say another word, because she had had just about enough. She watched Lola and Tim settle next to some plants, before she looked around again. Everyone was in such a hurry; as if the world would end if they would slow down. She had been there though, and knew things were completely different when one's life or the planet itself was in danger. It was one of the reasons she tried to relax when she wasn't working.

It had started the moment the then-Colonel O'Neill had told her she was tense and she had finally mastered the ability when she was on Atlantis. Her command had made her realize there were moments when she needed to take some time for herself, to relax, or else she wouldn't be able to function for much longer. These people still had to learn, she mused.

Sam smiled as she saw a woman approaching, a baby on one arm and holding a toddler on her hip with the other. A young girl was walking backwards in front of her, chatting away and a younger boy was walking by the woman's side, both kids carrying a colorful backpack. It startled her when the woman turned and looked straight at them, her gaze going from the General to Sam herself, a small smile appearing on the woman's face. Sam frowned as the woman approached them.

"Sorry I'm late," Ilse mumbled as she walked over to Jack.

"That's okay," Jack waved his hand. "You remember Carter and the cop, right?"

"Colonel Carter, it's good to see you again," Ilse smiled at the other woman. "Jack could you…"

"Of course," Jack first took a sleepy Maddy from her, before Ilse gently placed her baby girl in his other arm. "It's getting cold," he motioned towards the blazing snow visible through the window, before he looked at her scarf.

Ilse nodded and quickly zipped up her long coat, before she put her scarf around her neck. "Cassie is still talking to that woman," she sighed and rolled her eyes. Her patience was gone and she'd decided to stay in Washington, before wasting more time and energy to get someone to fly them over to Minnesota. "Colonel?"

"I'm sorry," Sam shook her head, brought out of her stupor. She'd only recognized Ilse after the woman had taken off her sun glasses and put on her coat. "How are you?" She asked politely.

"Great, a bit frustrated, but that's all. How about you?"

"The same," Sam mumbled, rolling her eyes.

"And you… I'm sorry, I forgot your name," Ilse shrugged as she turned towards Pete.

"Pete Shanahan," he groaned, holding out his hand.

"Oh, right," Ilse nodded, ignoring his hand. "I thought you two were getting a divorce?"

"We are," Sam said through gritted teeth, ready to leave this awkward situation.

"You should, I wouldn't want to be married to someone who has stalked me and ran background checks behind my back," Ilse mumbled, before leaning down next to Nathan. "Chin up," she mumbled, zipping up his coat and tightening his scarf, before she placed a warm cap over his head.

Wondering if she'd heard that correctly, Sam leaned forward. "What?"


	31. Waiting For My Ride

"Yeah, that's just creepy," Cassie confirmed as she walked up from behind, holding Sebastian.

"Wait, what?" Sam asked, confused. What the hell was going on here? She was looking from Ilse to Cassie and back, before she glanced at Pete. No one was speaking everyone just looked at her. "What?"

Getting up after securing Milou's jacket and scarf as well, Ilse gave Sam a sympathizing look. "I, ah… I guess you didn't know?"

Squinting, Sam cocked her head. "Know what? Are you trying to tell me that that's true?" Her gaze shifted to Pete and turned into a glare, as he guiltily looked the other way. "Pete?"

"Look, Carter," Jack started, as her so-called husband wasn't responding. "L-"

"You knew?" She turned to him, clearly upset. How could he have known and not told her?"You all knew?"

"Well, I overheard Jack and Daniel talk about it," Cassie spoke softly, handing Sebastian to his mother.

Ilse gladly took her son, and made sure his coat was buttoned up for the cold weather outside. "Jack tells me everything," she shrugged, offering an explanation.

"Daniel knows too? Is there anyone who  _doesn't_ know? Anyone  _you_  haven't told?" She spoke in a soft, yet dangerous tone while glaring at Jack.

"Carter," Jack's tone equaled hers, "let's not do this here," he referred to the airport. Their dress blues were already attracting enough attention – despite being in DC – and he didn't want to cause a scene. Not because of himself because he couldn't care less but considering he was still her superior, it would not do her career any good if she was publicly ranting or yelling against a three star General.

Realizing he was right, Sam slowly nodded. "Fine," she mumbled and scowled at Pete. His reaction was all the answer she needed. He'd stalked her?The only thing that came to mind was that time he had showed up during their – SG-1 – stakeout, without a reason and had ended up getting shot. Well, he had also gotten security clearance for it and she had felt guilty over letting him get injured, not to mention the relief she had felt that he had lived… Had he followed her there?

Lost in thought, she tried to go over the events of that week to ascertain if she had seen him following her. They'd grown much closer that week; they had first slept together and had addressed serious issues – like one would do in a real relationship. A relationship where her lover didn't end up getting killed. She found it hard to believe that he would have followed her, after everything they had shared. Would that have been the only time? Was his curiosity satisfied after learning the truth of the SGC? Or perhaps he'd followed her even before that? What about after he knew what she actually did for a living?

A background check for what? Her job? Would he have gone that far? Well, if he had resorted to stalking, she really shouldn't be surprised he ran a background trace on her…Why couldn't he have just trusted her? He  _should_  have trusted her, believed her on her word when she'd told him about her job. How could he think they could have a relationship built on a lie? Well, not a lie per se, but if he couldn't trust her in that aspect, what would be different about the rest of her life? Gnawing her lip, Sam looked at Pete and wondered if she had actually known him…

Jack's heart almost broke when he noticed the hurt look in Carter's eyes and he had to stop himself from trying to reach out and pull her into his arms. He couldn't imagine what it was like for her to find out that the man she'd married had stalked her and ran a background trace on her behind her back. She was angry, he could tell. Surprisingly, she seemed angrier towards them than to her own  _husband_ – the word still left a nasty taste in his mouth. Luckily for him, both his arms were already occupied with two little angels and thus he couldn't even try to comfort Carter – which would be completely inappropriate. Looking down, he noticed Maddy was finally waking up from her slumbering. She had slept through most of the flight, like she usually did, only to end up completely disorientated because of the different time zone, as had been the case since she was a baby.

"Daddy?" Maddy stretched and looked at her father. "Where are we?"

"We're in Washington, honey," Jack leaned down to place her on her own two feet, while he kept his niece safely tucked in his arm. "At the airport."

Their voices got Sam's attention and it dawned on her that she hadn't even greeted everyone. "Cassie," she quickly took a step closer, slightly embarrassed she hadn't greeted the young woman earlier.

"Sam, it's good to see you again. I had no idea you were back," Cassie smiled as she hugged Sam. "Sorry about, you know," she motioned towards Pete, feeling guilty for dropping the bomb on Sam. "It's just that I overheard you and Ilse and I assumed you knew… which you obviously didn't."

"Yeah," Sam shrugged, trying to keep her emotions under control. If she hadn't thought a divorce would be best for her and Pete, this would have proven her otherwise, she mused. It made her wonder if there was anything else that could make this week more horrible than it had already been. Looking around, she noticed the boy in Ilse's arms. That had to be Sebastian…

"Sammie?" Milou pulled on her coat to get her attention.

Looking down, Sam looked into those familiar brown eyes that could make her heart melt. "Milou? Wow, you've gotten much taller," she hadn't recognized her when she'd been chatting to Ilse. Her blonde hair was almost completely covered by the General's old beanie – the one he'd used off-world – which was planted backwards on her head, the oversized beanie making her look even cuter. Two blonde braids were hanging over her shoulders and she was wearing a tomboy-ish outfit, instead of the girly things she used to wear.

"See Daddy, I told you she'd be back," Milou told her father over her shoulder, before throwing her arms around Sammie.

Sam hadn't imagined that Milou would recognize or even remember her, but the girl was full of surprises! She hugged her back and was surprised by the clinginess Milou showed, holding on to her for dear life.

"Yes, you were right," Jack mumbled, smiling at his daughter. It was touching to see she was still as attached to Carter as she'd been two years ago and it gave him hope, that maybe, just maybe…

"Milou, why don't you introduce your friend?" Ilse tried, knowing how much Milou had talked about Sam right after they'd met and knew Maddy and Nathan were curious about her. Besides, if Jack was to pursue a relationship with the Colonel, the kids should get to know her. Not that Ilse doubted Sam's ability to win the twins over, she'd done very well with Milou and she hadn't even been trying.

Sam recognized the boy next to Ilse as the one from the picture she had seen at the General's house and the dark haired girl was probably his twin… The other two smaller children, the boy in Ilse's arms and the baby carried by the General didn't look familiar though. She assumed the boy was Sebastian; he looked about a year and a half, which would fit. The baby, however, was all wrapped up for the cold and Sam had no idea whose child it was. Jack wouldn't have… would he? "Yeah, Milou, why don't you?" She put on a brave smile as the girl beamed at her.

"Okay," Milou cheered, grabbing Sam's hand. "This is Nathan, my brother and Madison my sister… I told you about them, remember?" She asked hopeful.

"I remember," Sam smiled, squeezing Milou's hand. The boy, once again, reminded her of the pictures she had seen of Charlie, but he looked more mischievous with his twinkling dark brown eyes and light hair – which was almost completely covered by his black cap. "Hi, Nathan," Sam kneeled down and reached out her free hand. "My name is Sam."

Nathan shook her hand as he grinned at her. "Hello Sam," he replied shyly, glancing at his father and aunt, before looking back at her. Milou had told him and Maddy all about Sammie and he knew she was Daddy's friend. Aunt Ilse seemed to know her too and had told them to be nice to Sam when they'd meet, saying Daddy really liked her.

Sam couldn't help but smile at him as he ducked his head, almost hiding his cute face in his scarf. He had the same eyes as Jack and Milou, she noticed and probably the same mischievous streak. His outfit existed of stone washed jeans, sneakers and a dark brown jacket, plus the black cap and scarf. It was an outfit she knew Jack could wear, making the similarities between them even more obvious. Milou tugged on her hand, drawing her attention to the sibling's sister. "Hello Madison," she reached out to the dark-haired girl with bright eyes.

"Hi," Maddy smiled enthusiastically and took her hand. "Nice to meet you," she continued, looking at the pretty woman as she rocked on her feet.

Unlike her sister, Madison's hair was cut just above the shoulder, her dark locks slightly wavy and tangled. As she bobbed her head, the locks danced around her face, adding to her exuberant personality, making Sam smile. She was much like Milou, Sam mused. "The pleasure is all mine, Madison," she mumbled as she got up from her position.

"We call her Maddy," Milou whispered as she tried to draw Sam's attention. "It's short for Madison, like Sam is for Samantha."

"Yes, yes, it is," Jack agreed, smiling at his daughters.

Squeezing Sam's hand again, Milou pointed at Sebastian in Auntie Ilse's arms. "That's Sebastian," she pronounced, smiling proudly at her younger cousin.

Taking a deep breath, Sam smiled at the boy and took a step closer to Ilse. "How old is he, now?"

"Sebastian?" Ilse looked at her son, drawing his attention to introduce him to Sam. "It's nice to meet you," she prompted him. "He's nineteen months old," she told Sam.

Sam shook his chubby hand as he smiled at her, showing off his little white baby teeth. He was quite charming with his dark, almost black hair and green eyes, but he didn't take after Ilse – with the exception of his eyes, perhaps – nor the General, which felt like a weight falling off her shoulders. "Hello, Sebastian."

"Hi," he mumbled, releasing Sam's hand and snuggling closer to his mother.

"And that's Simone," Milou walked up to her father and beamed proudly at her little cousin. "She's just a baby, very little."

"Babies usually are small," Sam replied as she took a step towards the General, who changed his stance so he could show her the baby. The girl had the same green eyes as Sebastian, but the rest of her was covered with a gray beanie and her bunting. Looking back at Sebastian, Sam noticed similarities between all the children, even if the youngest two looked slightly different with their eyes and coloring. Simone made a grab for her finger and held it in her little fist, making Sam smile. "She's adorable," she whispered, looking up at Jack's face, which was rather close, and found herself mesmerized by him.

"I had no idea you had kids, General," Pete interrupted their moment. "He must've kept you busy," he smirked at Ilse, giving her slender frame an once-over.

"Well, now you do," Jack said, exasperated that the man was still there. Once again, he was reminded of the fact that Carter was still married. He knew he had to believe her; that she hadn't known about the paperwork. Still, something kept nagging at him. He was still processing the fact that she was here and he was supposed to be overjoyed to have her on the same planet again, yet here she was with her husband. Soon to be ex-husband, but that didn't change the fact that she was married. She hadn't been wearing his ring when they'd been together, that night she'd been his…

"How did you get here so fast?" Pete asked, glaring at his wife and the old geezer. "We had to stop in Colorado first, but still, if you were  _abroad…_ "

"Colorado? Wait, where did you come from if it wasn't Colorado?" Jack frowned at Carter, wondering where she'd been these past few days.

"I was visiting Mark in San Diego," she spoke softly, feeling the need for privacy. "That's when he told me about the divorce. Apparently, Pete lives there now. I had to get my dress blues from the base, though."

He nodded, relieved to hear that she didn't even know where that cop was living nowadays. "Can't visit the White House without them, huh?" He quipped, trying to lighten the mood.

"The President said you were in Europe, Sir," she stated, even if she meant it as a question. Obviously, he couldn't have gotten here in the same time span as she had. Pete's comment had made her realize that.

"We were," he shrugged, handing the baby over to its mother. "We were on our way back when I got the call. Apparently, my assistant had been ordered by the President to check for my name amidst the passenger lists, after realizing I was already on my way over to Minnesota."

"Well, with all the snow we can't get there, anyway," Ilse sighed, shifting her children in her arms. "When was that driver supposed to come by?"

Seeing her struggle with the kids, Jack stepped forward and took her son. "Here, let me," he mumbled, swinging the boy in his arms, making him laugh. "And I have no idea, the President was supposed to call half an hour ago, his assistant said he was in a meeting, though."

"More," Sebastian encouraged him, laughing loudly as his uncle spun him around again.

"Me too, Daddy," Maddy reached out her arms as he stood still again.

"Fine," Jack rolled with his eyes, making her giggle. "There you go, Bastian," he lowered the boy on the floor to pick up his daughter and swung her around.

"Sir, Ma'am?"

Ilse turned around and recognized the employee she had spoken to earlier. "Ah, was it possible to get us on a different flight to Minnesota?"

Jack looked up, decided Ilse could handle it and continued playing with the children, tickling and lifting them.

Sam watched him with his kids and couldn't decide who had more fun; the children or he himself? Berating herself for staring at him, she looked up and saw Cassie and Ilse step aside with the woman. Something about their respective flights? Her attention was drawn towards the children again, as Jack lifted both the girls, making them cry out for help while giggling. She found herself smiling at the picture in front of her, until she saw movement in the corner of her eye. Turning her head, Pete was scowling at her.

"You're sleeping with him, aren't you?"

Shocked by his angry accusation, Sam found herself stammering. "Wha-what?"

"I see the way you're looking at him! Is that why you want a divorce, because you're sleeping with your commanding officer?" Pete asked his tone rather loud and angry as he grabbed her arm.

"Look, Pete, I don't know wha–"

"Is that why you left? Come on, Sam; don't look so shocked, you were both  _abroad_ , weren't you?" He huffed, squeezing her arm in anger.

Sam was startled and pulled her arm free. His loud tone was drawing attention from the passing crowd, Ilse, Cassie and the woman and even the General and the kids had stopped playing and were looking at the two of them. "No, he was in Europe," she tried, feeling her face flush. She wasn't lying, they hadn't been having an affair. It happened only once – the best night of her life – and no one needed to know… "He was really overseas."

Jack was contemplating whether he should go over there and… help Carter. He didn't want her to think he thought she couldn't handle herself, but he sure as hell didn't like the way the cop was talking to her. Not to mention the fact that he'd grabbed her arm, but thankfully, Carter had already gotten free and was talking to him. He recognized the panic in her eyes as she glanced over at him and that was when he knew for certain what was going on. He'd been playing with the kids, when he'd heard Shanahan's angry tone and had looked up. Hushing the kids, he tried to overhear, but with all the noise from the crowd he couldn't hear the words. Glancing to his side, he noticed Ilse staring at him, a warning in her eyes. She had heard, he could tell by the way she was trying to warn him no to get involved. The noise from the crowd couldn't reach her, so she had a clear field of vision and sound, able to hear everything he couldn't.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Milou tugged on his sleeve as she observed Sammie and the other man arguing.

"I'm not sure, honey," he patted her shoulder, before teasingly pulling one of her braids. He beckoned Ilse over as Carter and her husband were staring at each other, total silence between them. He knew Carter was most dangerous at those times and he wouldn't want to trade places with the cop right now…. Who was he kidding? He'd trade places anytime if that meant being married to Carter!

Throwing a last glance at the couple, Ilse walked over to Jack, with Cassie on her tail. "Kom," she motioned the children to follow her with her free hand and then turned back to Jack. "We'll go get our luggage, since the plane isn't leaving for the next two days. You stay here and keep an eye on them, but Jack," she waited until she had his attention. "Don't interfere, unless it's needed."

"Yes Ma'am," he quipped, while his eyes never left Carter's still form. It looked like she was reprimanding the cop and Jack didn't mind at all. The bastard had it coming for years now. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw Ilse and Cassie take the kids with them.

Sam had also noticed the group leaving as she once again tried to convince Pete. "I'm not having an affair with the General," she hissed. She felt Jack's eyes on her though, only deepening her blush and was having trouble to find the words to convince Pete. "We talked about this, let's just get the divorce."

"Well, if you've been sleeping with your  _boss_ , that changes things," he stated petulantly, trying to find a way to convince her. She was his wife dammit; he wouldn't let her get stolen away from him by some old guy!

"Pete, please," Sam sighed, exasperated.

"Is there a problem, Carter?" Jack asked as he walked up to them, overhearing the last part. Yup, definitely knew what it had been about…

"You tell me,  _General_ ," Pete put emphasis on the man's rank, "do you usually screw your subordinates? Or only the pretty ones?"

Barely containing his anger, Jack clenched his fists. "Excuse me?" He asked through gritted teeth, resisting the urge to hit the guy.

"What, one young pretty thing wasn't enough for you?" Pete jeered, making a vague hand gesture towards where Ilse had gone. "You couldn't keep your hands to yourself and had to fuck my wife too?"

"Pete," Sam hissed, grabbing his arm, afraid of what that murderous look in the General's eyes would mean for Pete. "Stop it! You're making a fool of yourself; we're not having an affair."

"I want to hear him say it," he told her, pointing at General O'Neill. "Well? Come onsay it. Tell me she hasn't been warming your bed for all those years-"

"I'm warning you, Shannon," Jack huffed, silently calling on his last bit of self-restraint. "If you insult Carter one more time–"

"Hear that, Sam? He can't even say your  _name_ ," Pete derided her, "guess you were nothing more than a good fuck for your precious General. She is a good fuck, don't you think?" He asked the general in front of him, trying to push his buttons. "Perhaps," he turned to his wife again, "he would call you by your given name if you weren't so easy. I'll bet that could have been you if you could give him kids," he referred to Ilse again, who was long gone by now. "Must have been a damper to find out you couldn't get pregnant, or maybe that was just a bonus–"

Losing his self-control, Jack jumped forward, his hand on the cop's throat pushing him up against the nearest wall. He'd warned him and yet the man kept insulting Carter. He couldn't care less about himself, but hearing Carter gasp as her own husband was trashing her, made him snap. "I warned you," he growled, squeezing the guy's neck a bit tighter. "I told you not to insult her, your  _own wife_ , for crying out loud! You're lucky we're in such a public place, Shannon, or else… I swear to God, you'd wish you'd never come to Colorado Springs in the first place. Heck, I'd make you regret the day you met Mark Carter, and then… Trust me," he leaned forward, making sure no one could overhear, "if she or your kids," he motioned towards the corner where the cop's children were still sitting silently playing with their handheld, "weren't here, I'd kill you – slowly and very,  _very_  painfully."

Sam stood frozen to the ground, unable to move after everything Pete had told the General. The only movement came from her shaking hands and she could feel her throat closing up. He'd reduced her to nothing more than a woman sleeping her way to the top, a cheap whore. Accused her of sleeping with her commanding officer, he'd tried to humiliate her and perhaps even the General – who had done nothing but listen. Why hadn't he said something to make Pete stop? The worst part of it was that she  _had_  slept with Jack O'Neill, only not the way Pete had put it… No, that wasn't the worst part! She closed her eyes as his last words echoed through her head; he'd told him, Pete had told him that she couldn't get pregnant… the only thing she didn't want him to find out – not yet, at least. If they were to ever try and have a relationship, she'd carefully tell him. Right now, though, she wasn't sure if that time would ever come.

"Carter."

Blinking slowly, Sam looked up to see her General in front of her. "What?"

"Carter," Jack placed his hand on her arm and squeezed it gently. "We're leaving, the President's ride is here," he motioned somewhere behind her. "C'mon."

"Wait, what about–"

"Ilse is taking the kids home," they had already discussed that before they'd run into Carter and the cop. "Cassie will probably join her, considering her flight to Nevada was canceled as well. And him," Jack glanced at the cop who was still leaning against the wall, "well, you can shove the paperwork under his nose tomorrow. Let's go."

Still slightly confused, Sam looked at Pete as the General was already tugging her sleeve for her to follow him. In a daze, she went with it, the crowd and everything around her blurring slightly when tears formed in her eyes. Wiping them away with her free hand, she shook her head as they stepped outside and he led her to the black limousine.


	32. A Colonel, a General and a Presidential Limo

"Carter?" Jack shifted on the seat as the driver started the car. She was sitting across from him, just staring out of the window. "Carter?"

Sam felt the car move, but nothing really registered in her mind; all she could think of was Pete's accusations and the argument they'd had. How could the man she'd married, the one she thought she'd loved and who claimed to love her think such things of her? It was a side of him she'd never seen before and one she never wanted to see again. He'd been so condescending and had tried to humiliate and hurt her in front of Jack…

Leaning forward, Jack tried getting her attention again. "Carter?" He took off his sunglasses and hat and squinted at her.

It was snowing, Sam realized as she kept staring outside. When had that happened? Her hands started shaking again as she noticed the families on the sidewalk, the children looking up at the sky wondering where the snow came from. She'd never be able to be one of those people, she knew. She wouldn't be walking outside with the family she wanted or have a child. With the ancient technology on Atlantis, she could have had a full body scan to find out for certain. The Asgard probably could tell her as well, she mused. However, she hadn't done that because she was unsure if she wanted to know. What if she didn't like the answer? Or, what could be worse, what if it turned out she had just gotten too old? At the end of the month she would turn forty and this was the first time in her life that she was uncomfortable about her age and what it meant for her life. Maybe if she and Pete had tried sooner she would have had a child by now. Then again, perhaps the question was if she actually wanted that after the way he'd just treated her…

"Sam?" Jack patted her knee and startled as she almost jumped, looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights. "Relax, Samantha," he spoke in a soothing tone, his fingers gingerly caressing her knee of their own volition. He'd seen how she had been frozen to the ground after he'd taken care of the cop and almost had to drag her to the car. However, it unnerved him she hadn't snapped out if it yet. Carter was one kickass soldier and he couldn't remember the last time she had been in some state of shock.

His touch startled her and she automatically moved back, only to found herself trapped against the back of her seat. Realizing she was overreacting, she found herself relaxing as his dark warm eyes and soothing voice tried to calm her. He looked quite concerned and she gave him a wan smile, trying to reassure him she was fine, even if she wasn't. However, as his gaze held hers it was clear he wasn't convinced. Unable to hold his gaze, she ducked her head and noticed his hand was still on her knee. Studying his long and lean fingers, Sam felt her inner turmoil turn into something… akin to butterflies. His thumb kept drawing lazy circles on the inside of her knee and she felt the warmth through her stockings, spreading from her knee coursing through the rest of her body.

Hearing her breath hitch, Jack cocked his head to try to catch a glimpse of her face. Her eyes, however, were focusing on… his hand. Forcing his fingers and thumb to stop, his hand lay motionless on her knee, making her look up with a silent question in her eyes. Those eyes… he knew he'd been a goner the moment he'd found himself drowning in those blue orbs and after all these years they still had the same effect on him. He withdrew his hand as if burned and sat back, shifting uncomfortably. He grabbed his hat to occupy his hands, before he'd do something stupid like kissing those slightly parted lips in the President's limousine. Clearing his throat, he looked at her. "Are you okay?"

Nodding slowly, Sam told herself to stop thinking about Pete and what he'd done. She was on her way to the White House to talk to the President about her reassignment; this was no time to be distracted. Especially not by her handsome CO sitting across from her. "Fine, Sir," she mumbled, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt.

"Carter," Jack groaned as he rolled his eyes.

Frowning, Sam looked up at him. "Sir?"

"You're obviously not fine and no one would expect you to be after what that bastard said," he replied, somewhat uncomfortable. He hadn't really been listening to what the cop was actually saying, he'd been more concerned with Carter at the time and making sure he wouldn't hit the lowlife. The anger and aggressiveness coursing through his body had made his heart beat faster, the blood rushing to his head had been almost deafening to him, not even allowing him to hear what the guy had been saying.

"It's okay, Sir," Sam retorted, shaking her head. "I–"

"No, it's not," he said rather brusque. Seeing her eyes widen, he gave her a small smile. "He was way out of line, Carter, you didn't deserve that."

Shifting on her seat, Sam tried to get her wayward feelings under control. "I don't know, Sir, perhaps I di–"

"No," he interrupted her, holding up his hands, "you definitely didn't deserve  _that_." Seeing the vulnerability in her eyes and hearing it in her voice, Jack wasn't sure if he was still talking about the incidence or just the cop in general. "You, Carter, deserve much,  _much_ more."

"But we did," she stammered slightly, motioning between them with her hand. She wasn't sure if she should continue after he squinted at her. Taking a deep breath, she decided to just say it. "We did, you know," she blushed. "He was right about that."

Not sure what she was implying, Jack thought about the possibilities – he hadn't really been listening to Shanahan and the man had been rambling – and considering her cute blush, he concluded she must be talking about Atlantis. "No, he wasn't," he answered her soft whisper. "It wasn't like that," he lowered his voice out of habit.

Sam felt some hope blossoming and looked at his honest eyes. "Sir, he did imply that we had… you know," she couldn't bring herself to say that they'd made love – or perhaps she should say had sex – somehow fearing repercussions, they were in official capacity after all, not to mention in the limousine of the President of the United States. Not that he was there with them; it was just the two of them on their way over to the white house, but still…

"I know," Jack felt his heart clench at the pain in her eyes. That bastard really hurt her with what he'd said, he deserved much more than a good scare…For Shanahan to insult him was one thing, insulting Carter was another. He wasn't even surprised he'd tried that low blow about screwing Ilse, hell; it wasn't as if they hadn't heard that one before from people that didn't really know them. Ilse didn't even take offense – he wasn't sure she ever had – although her husband couldn't really appreciate it, or so Jack had learned in the past two years. "Still," he tried again, "not like he made it sound."

Mustering a small smile, Sam nodded at him. "I guess you're right, Sir." Her hands were still fidgeting with the hem of her skirt and, letting out a breath she didn't know she was holding, she leaned back in the cushions, closing her eyes. They'd arrive at the White House soon…

He was content with just watching her and stretched his legs, before he too leaned back in his seat. His eyes trailed lower and noticed her fingers playing with the hem of her skirt. Right then, he knew there was more to it than what they'd just talked about – Carter only fidgeted with things when she was uncomfortable or thinking. His gaze went up to her face again and seeing her gnawing her bottom lip, he knew it was both. "Carter?"

She opened her eyes to see his raised brows in an unspoken question. For a moment, she considered playing dumb, but his quizzical expression slowly turned into a scowl when she didn't say anything. "It's nothing, Sir."

"Yet, it is," he quipped, raising his hands.

"No, it's not," she protested weakly, knowing he could tell she was lying. Shifting uncomfortably under his scrutiny, she contemplated what to tell him. "It's just that," she sighed, "Pete – never mind, I'd rather not talk about it, Sir," Sam shook her head, not wanting to say it aloud.

"C'mon Carter, spill," Jack persisted, cocking his head to the side. "Is it what he said?" He took her silence as an affirmative and continued. "No one heard," he dismissed it.

"Except for you," she replied angrily.  _The only who wasn't supposed to hear all that…_

"Yeah, well," he shrugged, "I know better," he gave her a cocky grin. "Really Carter," he frowned as she just kept staring at him, "I've known you for years, nothing that cop says will make me think any less of you."

Unsure of what that meant, she turned her head and looked out the window, recognizing the surroundings from her years before the SGC. She wondered if it was true, whether his feelings for her would change if he knew everything she did. Pete's crude remarks had set in motion a train of thought that she couldn't seem to stop. She had known about her feelings for Jack for years and still she had married Pete and unwittingly hurt them all. Now, she was wondering if it really had been unwittingly. Perhaps she'd known deep down that  _this_  between her and Jack would never work or they'd never be allowed to try and make it work. Subconsciously, she could have chosen Pete over him for fear of not being able to make Jack happy. As time had gone by, she had known Jack was daddy-material and she also knew the chances of her being able to give him – or any other man – a child were small, since Jolinar screwed with her body chemistry. After her failed marriage with Pete, it was clear to her that Jack had been better off without her.

"Sam, I mean it," Jack leaned forward, grabbed her cold hand from her lap and squeezed it, trying to convince her. It was clear to him she was going over something – probably the argument with her soon-to-be ex-husband – in her head and he didn't like the sadness she was exuding. She cast her eyes downwards, looking at his hand holding hers and he refused to let it go. He couldn't, not when she was visibly upset. His heart ached as she looked up at him from under her lashes and he saw the tears brimming in her eyes.

"Samantha…" He was surprised at the emotion in his own voice, and swallowed hard trying to regain his composure.

The tension that had accumulated the last few hours pressed heavily on her and she could tell he was feeling it too. Letting out a shaky breath, Sam found herself drawn to him and leaned forward, his face coming closer and closer… She knew she shouldn't, but God, he looked so handsome in his dress blues and those dark chocolaty eyes were pulling her in. All she needed was one kiss… She needed him to kiss her better, to convince herself that they still had a chance after the events of the past week. One kiss… well, that would never be enough, she knew. Closing her eyes, she could feel his warm breath on her face, his scent overwhelming her senses and parted her lips, even though she knew she shouldn't be doing this –  _they_ shouldn't be doing this, especially not  _here_. As that thought dawned on her, she opened her eyes and saw in his that he'd come to the same realization.

However, before they could pull back or say something, the car stopped and the driver pulled the door open. "Sir, Ma'am, as I said, we're here," the man said, smiling.

Ignoring the smirk on the suit's face or the way he was looking at his hand on Carter's, Jack stepped out and pretended to help Carter out of the car by holding her hand. He couldn't believe they'd almost kissed in the President's limousine, with a witness. One that apparently had announced they'd arrived at their destination, without either of them hearing or acknowledging it.

As they followed one of the security guards, Sam kept glancing at Jack. He'd put on his hat and sunglasses, making it hard to see his facial expression. When he finally looked at her, it was blank. "Why didn't you–"

Shocked she asked in such a public setting, Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"The background check, Sir," she said quickly, afraid he misunderstood. "Why didn't you tell me about it?"

Thinking about his answer Jack tried to take in the scenery as they were led into the building and walked over to the President's office. How could he explain this? That he hadn't told her because he didn't want to pressure her, come off as jealous – which he was – or get into an argument about it, as he was sure she'd have trouble believing the cop would actually do such a thing. There was a good chance she would've dumped Shanahan had he told her about it and she would have been single again, without the normal, happy life she was craving for.

Sam had just concluded that he wasn't going to answer her question, when he broke the uncomfortable silence.

"I wanted it to be your choice," he mumbled more to himself than to her.

She had trouble hearing him, as he looked the other way when he mumbled an answer. "What?"

Jack's head snapped up at her reply. "What?" He countered, schooling his features into a surprised expression.

"Jack, Colonel Carter," President Henry Hayes was waiting for them at the door of his office. "Good to see you again, come on, get inside."


	33. In the Confines of His Home

"You can take your time, Colonel, I want you to think about this properly," President Henry Hayes told her. Looking to his side, he saw Jack nodding, clearly agreeing with him. The JCS were also supportive, although he wasn't surprised after the way the IOA had handled the change of command of Atlantis. Everyone in the room shared a military background and he was sure they'd all encountered a situation in which they had been relieved of command, but he doubted anyone had been treated the way Woolsey had treated Colonel Carter.

"In the meantime you're on downtime, if anyone has deserved it, it's you," he gave her an encouraging smile. The young woman returned it with a polite nod and he could feel his concern for her grow. They'd met several times in the past and she'd always been a brilliant and vibrant woman, smart as hell and easy to talk to. Now, however, she seemed slightly absent and he was afraid Woolsey's actions had made her feel incompetent or something like that. She was one of the best soldiers he knew, especially knowing all the things she had gone through and had done during the Stargate Program.

"Yes Sir, Mr. President," Sam nodded politely. It had been a long day, hell it had been a long week! The meeting at the White House was taking longer than she'd hoped, but she was probably partly to blame for that. They had offered her command of the new  _Daedalus_ -class battleship, which was supposed to be finished within the next six months. The  _Phoenix_ , it was called. She knew about the ship, she'd worked on the design herself and had often been consulted when she was still on Atlantis. If she were honest, she had never dreamed of commanding her own ship and it should be an exciting idea, but somehow, she didn't feel it.

The men had all noticed her lack of enthusiasm, although she had told them she was honored and would consider it, and they had offered her alternatives. And more alternatives… and then some. At the moment, she couldn't even think of all the possibilities they had suggested and just wanted to go home and lie in bed. This entire week had been full of surprises – not the good kind – and it was taking its toll. Not to mention the awkward encounter with General O'Neill and his family plus the subsequent argument she and Pete had had. Or the tingling feeling that hadn't left her since the limousine. The General –  _her_ General – kept glancing at her and although his face was a blank mask, she could tell he was wondering what was wrong with her.

"Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say that it's getting late and we should all go home," Jack spoke up, placing the proper amount of authority in his voice, even if the President and the JCS were of higher rank. "I don't think there is  _anything_  left we haven't discussed yet and Carter should probably take her time and think about this. Besides, it's not a pressing matter at the moment," he shrugged and collected his files and folders. "Sirs?"

"You're right, Jack," Henry chuckled, following his example. "We'll have our secretaries call each other," he joked.

Everyone mumbled something and got up saying their goodbyes.

Jack cut off the President as politely possible – well, as politely he could muster – shook the man's hand and quickly followed Carter who'd left and was already strolling the hallways. She had been absent during the meeting and it had him worrying. Not that she had ignored people, no; she'd been on the automatic pilot or – better yet – automatic soldier. She'd been Colonel Carter all the way, but she wasn't  _Carter_. He saw her rounding the corner and for a moment, he thought about running after her. Considering generals don't run and especially not in the White House, he picked up his pace, made longer strides and called his house in DC to tell Ilse he was done at the White House. In the meantime he was gaining on Carter's position, but she didn't seem to notice – completely zoned out. At the last corner, he caught up with her. "Carter," he stated, his hand reaching for her free arm.

Sam almost jumped when his hand wrapped around her upper arm, just above the elbow. "Sir," she exclaimed as she swiveled on her feet to face him. His raised brows asked a silent question and she shook her head, not wanting to tell him she'd been too caught up in her musings to notice his approach. "It really is getting late," she mused aloud, as they stepped through the door and found themselves outside in the fading daylight. The entire meeting had gone by without her noticing the time and she was surprised to see how late it had gotten. It was time to get a cab, she thought placing her bag on the floor, ready to go to her hotel room. It wasn't home, but it would do for the moment. Tomorrow she could meet up with her lawyer friend and sign the divorce papers with Pete… she let out an exasperated sigh at that prospect.

"What are you doing?" Jack asked, frowning at her, while he signaled one of the military men to get him a car. His own driver was unavailable today since he had planned to be in Minnesota already. Unfortunately, it happened quite often that he would spend a long time at the White House and needed a driver to get him home. He'd either use his own – but he couldn't ask the poor guy to fetch him in the middle of the night – or use his own car to get to the Pentagon. Now, he didn't have a choice and luckily these men already knew him.

"Getting a cab," she replied absentmindedly. "Need to get to my hotel, Sir," she suppressed a yawn. "It's been a busy week, I could use some sleep," Sam admitted bashfully.

"Well, it's not  _that_  late," he retorted, "you should probably eat something first."

"I'm not hungry, Sir," she shook her head. Her stomach seemed to disagree, however, since it rumbled loudly.

He smirked. "Right, not hungry," Jack winked at her. "Perhaps you should try telling your stomach that, Carter," he quipped teasingly.

"Yes Sir," she mumbled, rolling her eyes. She was too tired to play along. When was the last time she had eaten something? Right, she'd bought a sandwich at the airport… not that she had finished it, because Pete had noticed General O'Neill making her quickly dispose of her lunch.

Leaning down, Jack grabbed her bag with one hand and threw it over his shoulder, while his other grabbed her elbow. "Come on," he tugged on her arm, his head motioning to the car that slowly came to a halt.

"General O'Neill."

Jack nodded to the driver that stepped out and waved him back in. He didn't need any help opening a car door, for crying out loud! "Carter?"

She looked up at him, unsure of what to say. The way he spoke her name suggested an order, but his questioning eyes contradicted his tone of voice. "Sir?"

"Well, get in," he prompted her, rolling his eyes at her lack of movement. "Carter."

"Yes Sir," she replied at his exasperated tone, ducked her head and stepped into the car. The seat shifted under his weight as he joined her and she quickly scooted over, making sure not to touch him. She placed her feet at the far end when he placed her bag on the floor and held his case on his lap. Glancing at him from the corner of her eye, she was surprised to see him looking back. "What?" he chuckled at her tone and she added a belated "Sir."

Still grinning, Jack shook his head. His Colonel was a bit on edge, apparently. "Easy there, Carter," he playfully held up his hands in surrender. The corner of her – lovely – mouth quirked up slightly, but she was obviously trying to hide it. He'd let her this time, he mused. "To my house," he told the driver when he looked at him via the rear-view mirror and stated his address.

Stunned, Sam gaped at him before being able to form a sentence. "What, why Sir?"

"You need some food, Carter and sleep," he shrugged casually. "There's food at my house and I have a guest room you can use."

"Um… thank you, Sir, but–" she stammered a bit.

"Ack! No protests, Carter. You don't think I'd let you go back to your hotel room without any food and your soon-to-be ex-husband to keep you company?" Okay, so one could say his actions might be motivated by self-interest; he wasn't denying that! Jack ignored the little voice in his head and looked at her expectantly. "What do you say? Dinner is probably almost done when we get there; I called while trying to catch up with you in the corridors."

It was tempting to accept his invitation and she knew she couldn't – shouldn't – accept. "Okay," she spoke instead, surprising herself to which he smiled smugly. Okay, perhaps she shouldn't have accepted, she told herself, gnawing on her lip. This was Jack O'Neill offering her to stay at his house, which meant spending time with or at least around him! Well, his family would be there too… and Cassie! Perhaps this was the time that she could finally talk to Jack, find out what was going on with Ilse and get to the bottom of things. Everything was so confusing and she wasn't sure if it was the situation or her exhaustion that she couldn't seem to think straight. Maybe it was just the company… Jack always had that effect on her.

* * *

"Carter," Jack whispered, poking her side gently. As soon as the car had driven off, she'd nodded off and they'd just reached his house. She must have been really tired to just fall asleep like that, he mused. He didn't mind, though, it gave him the perfect opportunity to take in her features and unashamedly stare at her. He reached down, grabbed her bag and noticed her stir.

"Sir," Sam mumbled, blinking a few times and sitting up. "Sorry," she smiled bashfully, realizing she'd fallen asleep.

Jack shrugged and opened the door. "That's okay, you were tired."

She nodded an affirmative and stepped out as well. Looking at the house, she felt nervous and anxious, but couldn't explain why. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact she would be staying here, with him. She had never been here before, but it exuded Jack O'Neill in every way. With the snowfall the garden was covered in white, showing nothing but small lumps, probably hiding children's toys as had been the case in Colorado and perhaps a few plants. He wasn't the gardening type; she knew that he preferred a large yard, a barbecue and perhaps a pond to fish. Therefore, it seemed unlikely there were any flowers hidden by the snow. A chill ran up and down her spine when an icy breeze blew her coat open and she hugged herself against the cold.

"Carter?"

Sam looked up at him and seeing his hand, she nodded and followed him to the house. It was strange how he could say so much with so little. It had been like that for years, when they'd been part of SG-1 but the past few years that had diminished. He must have at least ten different ways to pronounce her name, all with a different meaning. She chuckled to herself as she tried to remember how many times he had actually called her 'Carter' today and actually meant it as a question, or tried telling her something with nothing but her last name. She gave him a small smile as he opened the door for her and gestured for her to get inside. Shyly, she took a step inside, immediately noticing the music and voices and turned around to face the General.

Following her inside, Jack shrugged of his coat and took hers as well. "What?" He asked, as she kept looking at him. "Something wrong?"

"Nothing, Sir," she shook her head and took her bag from him. She waited for him to lead the way and was surprised to see the living room. There was a piano in the far end of the room and Milou was playing it the best her little hands could. Maddy was sitting at the table and it looked like she was drawing, while the two boys were playing with blocks in the corner. Cassie was apparently reading a book on the couch and quietly humming to the song Milou was playing. What surprised her most, though, was the soft singing coming from – what she assumed to be – the kitchen, which could only be coming from Ilse. Sam remembered Ilse telling them that she used to sing and model in her teens at the engagement party, so she probably shouldn't be that surprised… For some reason she'd thought that it would be noisier with all those children around, but it was almost as if they'd settled into a routine. She couldn't help herself but compare the relaxed atmosphere with the noisy and loud weekends when Pete's children had been coming around.

"Sam!" Cassie exclaimed as she turned her head at the sound of mumbling voices coming from the hallway. She immediately jumped up to hug her. "I didn't think I'd see you before I went back to Nevada."

"Yeah," Sam smiled awkwardly, "the General 'invited' me over."

"He forced you?" Cassandra glared at Jack and, seeing his brown eyes twinkle, she smiled. "Good."

"Is dinner almost ready?" Jack whined, rubbing his stomach. It was getting late and he could smell the scent of food coming from the kitchen. The last time he ate something was probably on the plane, he mused. The kids were quieter than usual, he thought, looking around the room. They probably didn't have any energy, considering they hadn't eaten either. It was almost 1930 hours and they were all used to eating much earlier. Then again, their entire rhythm was screwed up because of the different time zones. Not to mention the fact they were at their house in Washington DC, instead of his cabin in Minnesota. Ignoring Cassie he walked over to Milou, ruffled her hair while she kept playing her latest song and was quietly mumbling the lyrics, before peeking his head in the kitchen. "Dinner?"

Turning, Ilse looked surprised to see him. "You're back already," she stated the obvious. "Did you bring Carter?"

He tried to ignore her smug look. "Yes, now what about dinner?"

"Almost done, I had to make do with the few edible things still around here, since I couldn't get to the store," she motioned at the kids in the living room with her head.

"It will be edible, right?"

She rolled her eyes and turned back to the food. "Yes Jack, it will be edible."

"Good," he replied, relieved. "What about Cassie? Couldn't she have gone out to get something to eat? You could have ordered in, by the way, I wouldn't mind."

"Jack," she sighed. "I can't just order in food for the kids. Besides, I don't even know what Carter likes," she shrugged. "I need my veggies," Ilse added, turning her head to the side to cough. "Cassie needed to study for an upcoming exam and I didn't feel comfortable calling a cab – since you didn't give me your car keys – and leave her behind with those monsters."

"Munchkins, not monsters," he chuckled, before joining the others in the living room. "Dinner is almost done," he announced, but no one reacted. He frowned and turned to Cassie, raising one eyebrow.

"I think they're jetlagged," she explained, shrugging as if not certain.

"Ah," Jack nodded, understanding. "Can I get anyone something to drink?"

"No thank you, Sir," Sam replied, before sitting down on the couch. She, herself, was pretty tired too and couldn't blame the children for lacking energy.

"I still have some water," Cassie pointed at the glass on the table. "That was wonderful, Milou," she complimented the girl as she finished the song. "You're getting better."

Milou smiled shyly and hugged her father's waist. "You're back."

"Yeah," Jack patted her back and gently pulled on her braids – he couldn't help himself. "And look who I brought with me."

"Sammie," Milou cried out, before running over to Cassie and Sammie and jumping between them on the couch.

"Hi," Sam greeted her, before the little girl threw herself at her. She smiled at the affectionate hug and gently squeezed her arms around her, before pulling back. "You play the piano," she stated, still smiling.

"I told you Daddy would teach me," she beamed with a bright smile. "I'm learning how to sing, too," she added.

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's got her mother's voice," Jack confirmed wistfully, glancing at the picture of Lily on the mantle.

Sam smiled politely, not knowing what to say to that. "What about you?" She asked Maddy, trying to get to know Milou's little sister.

"Maddy," Jack scolded softly when his daughter didn't react. "Maddy, Carter –  _Sam_ ," he corrected himself, "asked you a question."

"It's okay, Sir," Sam tried to wave him off.

"No, it's not," he replied, walking over to the table. "Madison."

The reddish brown head looked up, revealing big blue eyes. "Yes, Daddy?" She asked, innocently.

"Did you hear  _Sam_?"

"No," she drawled out the word, trying to look past her father. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as she yawned loudly. "Sorry," she grinned sheepishly. "What?"

"Excuse me?"

Gnawing her lip, Maddy ducked her head as a blush crept up her cheeks. "What did you say?" She corrected herself, glancing up at Sam from under her lashes.

"That's better," Jack muttered under his breath, as he turned to Carter.

"I was just asking what you were doing," Sam answered, feeling uncomfortable.

"Drawing," Maddy responded, smiling, before sticking a finger in her ear and pulling a face.

"Jack?" Ilse came out of the kitchen. "Could you perhaps do some groceries?"

"What?" He whined, "What about dinner?"

"It's not done yet, it will be another ten minutes and the table hasn't even been set."

"But I'm hungry," he protested, rolling his eyes.

"Well," Ilse mimicked his stance, "it won't be done sooner if you stand here and whine about it. Look at this way: if you go and get some groceries, the food will be ready by the time you come back."

"It will be cold," he retorted, glaring at her.

Ilse ignored his attempt at intimidating her and shrugged. "We need groceries. There's not much for breakfast tomorrow, we're almost out of baby shampoo and we need some fruit. Maybe even cough syrup and some kind of herbal balm. Oh, and honey."

"We can eat pancakes in the morning," Jack countered, knowing he always had those ingredients. "Obviously, there is still  _some_  shampoo left, we can do without the fruit and you don't need all that crap for your cough."

"We are – or at least, I am – not eating pancakes tomorrow morning, there's hardly any shampoo left, Milou is the only one who wants to use my shampoo and they all need to shower – either today or tomorrow," Ilse explained. "Stop that, Maddy," she berated the girl as she kept poking in her ear. "As you can see," she turned back to Jack, "Maddy's coming down with something too, probably a cold like me. She's been coughing earlier, has a sore throat and a runny nose. Not to mention her sinuses seem to be affected too, as well as her hearing. Although I don't know whether that's from the plane or the cold, her hearing I mean."

"Fine," Jack rolled his eyes and turned on his heels.

"Maybe Colonel Carter would like to join you," Ilse offered too innocently.

"Yeah, sure," Sam was about to get up, when Milou grabbed her dress jacket.

"I want to come too," she begged.

"Me too," Maddy chimed in. If her sister got to go then she certainly wouldn't stay behind.

"No," Jack shook his head. "I'm not taking you with me, it will take me twice as long, if not longer," he felt exasperated at the prospect.

"But," Milou protest, pouting at her daddy. "I want to stay with Sammie."

Well, that he could understand, Jack mused as his daughter clung to his Colonel's dress jacket. "She'll be back, don't worry about it."

"No," she protested, shaking her head, her braids following the motion.

"Milou," Jack sighed, getting tired of all the arguments today.

Seeing her father wasn't giving in Maddy shrugged and went back to her drawing. More than satisfied to stay here and play with her new crayons.

"Why don't I stay here?" Sam offered cautiously, not sure if she should interfere.

"Fine, whatever," Jack muttered and grabbed his coat. Checking his pockets – keys, wallet and sunglasses, check – he turned to the door. "Dinner better be ready when I get back."

Ilse shook her head at his mumbling and looked at Carter. "You think you can handle that little monster while I finish dinner?"

"Yeah, sure why not," Sam replied, feeling brave. She had taken care of Milou before and the girl never gave her any trouble… then again, that had been two years ago and she seemed to be more stubborn now. "Besides, I have Cassie here with me, right."

"Sorry Sam," Cassie grimaced. "I really have to make a summary of this," she pointed at the highlighted sentences from her book. "Is it okay if I type it up in the study?"

"Sure," Ilse nodded, shrugging. "I'll just wait for the timer and change Simone in the meantime. That is, if you can watch them while I go upstairs?"

Swallowing hard, Sam glanced around the room. She had been to different planets, galaxies even; surely she could handle four small children for a few minutes? "Sure," she replied, hesitantly.


	34. Kids

"Great," Ilse smiled at the colonel. "Now, you," she turned to the children, "remember what I told you about speaking Dutch in front of others… you're old enough to know that it's not polite if someone else doesn't understand you."

"I remember," Milou grinned. "You told us before, we won't."

Walking towards the entrance hall, Ilse look at her. "Good. Colonel, I'll be upstairs," she pointed towards the staircase, "if you need me," and left the living room.

"You know," Cassie said as she turned in the doorway, "I'm really glad you're back, Sam. Even if this wasn't the way you had it planned."

Sam smiled at her and agreed. "Yeah, I know, it's good to be back on Earth."

"At least this way we can finally have normal conversations again," she shrugged, shifting the book in her hands. "I always felt uncomfortable discussing, you know, private things over the mail because I knew someone would be checking it out."

"Yeah, it kept our conversations pretty superficial," Sam acknowledged. "It was time for me to get back, anyway."

Cassandra nodded and pointed over her shoulder, towards the hallway. "I'll be in the study, if you need me: it's the first door on your left opposite the front door."

"It'll be fine, Cassie," Sam waved her off and turned to Milou, who was still sitting next to her.

"What's wrong?" Milou asked as she studied Sammie.

Surprised, Sam shook her head. "Nothing, I'm fine," she lied, since she was still upset over the whole debacle at the airport and even the change of command on Atlantis still stung. The pointed look she received from Milou was one she'd seen before gracing the features of the girl's father whenever Sam had told him there everything was okay. "Really."

Milou simply smiled at her and patted her leg, before snuggling up to her. "Will you tell me a story?"

For a moment, Sam stared down at the blond head cozied up against her side. It was almost as if she was the child and Milou the grown up, telling her that it was okay if Sam didn't want to talk about it… thankfully, she immediately reverted to the young child she actually was and wanted to hear a story. "Er… I don't really know any good stories," Sam admitted. It had been a long time ago since she'd heard children stories and Pete had never bought any books for his kids.

"A fairytale?"

Sam tried to think of one of her favorite fairytales her Mom used to tell her, but had a hard time remembering all the details and thus opted for the most popular ones. " _Snow White_ ,  _Cinderella_ ,  _Hansel and Gretel_  or perhaps  _Little Red Riding Hood_?"

"No, those are boring, I've heard them plenty of times," Milou shook her head and sighed. "A cool story?"

"I'm sorry, I really don't know anything," she shrugged, hoping that the youngster wouldn't feel too disappointed. She looked up as Maddy made her way over to the two of them. "What is it?"

"For you," Maddy held out her drawing with a big grin on her face.

Reaching forward with her free arm – the other was wrapped around Milou's shoulders – Sam took the drawing, curious as to what made Maddy decide to make her a drawing. She smiled as she looked at the large snowman standing next to a Christmas tree – or so she assumed – and glanced back at the girl. "Thank you, that's really pretty and sweet. Is this what you were working on?"

Maddy bobbed her head and climbed on the couch as well. "I was using my new crayons."

"Are you sure you want me to have it?"

"Yes, Daddy always smiles if I give him a drawing," she explained. "And now you're sad…"

"I'm not sad, I'm fine," Sam tried again, only to get the same pointed look from both girls this time.

"Frustrating, huh?" Ilse asked as she came out of the hallway, back from upstairs. "They always do that," she sighed, giving Carter a small smile. Shifting her daughter in her arms, Ilse made her way over to the kitchen to check on the timer.

"Yeah, it is," Sam mumbled, looking at the two innocent faces next to her. She glanced at the clock and noticed only a few minutes had gone by. "You're done changing the baby?" She asked Ilse politely.

"No," Ilse smiled sheepishly as she walked back to the couch. "Jack called my cell and said it would probably take him twenty minutes before he'd be back, so I figured I should turn the oven down first. This way, I can bathe and feed Simone before putting her to bed. As long as you don't mind watching the kids, of course."

Smiling, Sam shrugged. "That's okay."

"Great," she responded, cradling her stirring daughter. "Because this one is waking up and by the looks of it," she motioned towards Simone's grasping fists and her searching mouth, "she's hungry. Just holler if you need something," Ilse excused herself.

Sam was about to ask her if she had some fairytales lying around, but Ilse was gone already. Rolling up the drawing, she placed it on the coffee table and decided to ignore the inquiring glances of the two girls. "So," she started, having no idea what one was supposed to talk about nowadays when it came to kids. "New crayons, huh?"

Maddy enthusiastically bobbed her head, almost falling off the couch because of the sudden movement. Regaining her equilibrium, she smiled. "I got them from Sinterklaas."

"Santa Claus?"

"No," Milou decidedly shook her head. "Sinterklaas."

"Really, who is that?"

"He's old and gives presents to us," Maddy explained.

"He's a saint," came Nathan's voice from the corner of the room.

Frowning, Sam turned to him. "A real saint?"

"That's what the teacher said, 'member?" He poked his twin in the shoulder. "Saint Nick."

"No, St. Nicholas," Madison corrected him, rolling her eyes.

"You're talking about Santa," Sam tried again, glancing between the kids.

"No, he comes when it's Christmas," Milou said in a placating tone, trying to make her understand. "Sinterklaas was last week."

"Really?" She informed, wishing Daniel was here to explain the difference to her.

"Yes," Nathan confirmed and then turned to his cousin. "Bastian, c'mere and show Sam your new tags."

Sebastian put his blocks down and scooted away from the spot he was playing at. He stood and tottered, before walking over to them, having pulled his tags from under his vest. "Look."

Leaning forward, Sam took hold of his tags, which looked like imitations of her own. "This was your present?"

"Because he always gets lost," Milou chuckled, ducking her head. "Sinterklaas gave him those so people could see where he belongs, like Daddy's…" Her eyes went wide as realization dawned on her. "Do you have tags, too?"

Sam reached under her collar and pulled out her own tags. "See," she showed them to the kids. "Yours look just like mine," she smiled at the toddler.

"Can I see?" Sebastian asked with big eyes, his hands reaching out to her.

She picked him up and placed him on her lap so he could look at them, without her having to crane her neck in an impossible angle. "Look," she held both their tags next to each other. It looked like his contained only his name, number and address, but it wasn't like he could read it. "Almost the same."

"Yeah," he smiled up at her, beaming proudly because of his tags.

"He didn't know what to ask," Milou continued, rolling her eyes. "Sinterklaas thought he'd been a sweet boy, despite getting lost in the mall – twice."

"He's lucky he didn't get a bag of salt," Maddy chimed in, teasing her cousin.

"Now, now," Sam tried to stop their teasing when the boy started pouting. "Tell me more about Santa–"

"Sinterklaas," Nathan corrected her, giggling along with his twin. "He's really old and wears red clothes."

Sam shrugged, thinking about it. "Sounds like Santa."

"He has a white beard–"

"So does Santa."

"No, really long, not like Santa," Milou placed emphasis on her second word. "This big," she made a wide gesture with her arms.

Frowning, Sam was confused. "He's fat?"

"No, silly," Maddy chuckled, shaking her head. "His beard is really big."

Nathan agreed with her and bobbed his head. "Yeah, Santa is fat, not Sinterklaas, he's tall."

"He rides a horsey," Sebastian informed her, looking up at her face.

"You mean his reindeer?"

"No," Milou said in an exasperated tone. "A white horse, Santa has reindeer."

"But their name is the same and they both have beards and wear red… not to mention that they both bring presents to kids," Sam summed up.

"No, Santa is fat and has a short beard. He has a sleigh and lives in the snow. Sinterklaas is tall, has a big beard and has a boat. He lives in Spain," Milou informed her in a high tone. "He wears a hat, too."

"Santa does, yes."

"Sinterklaas, Santa wears a, um… christmassy hat, red and white," Maddy frowned at her own explanation. "Sinterklaas has a red pointy one with gold, like this," she gestured with her hands.

"And he brings you presents from Spain?"

All the kids bobbed their heads, glad she finally understood.

"How?"

"He comes with his boat and he has helpers–"

"Elves?"

"No, Zwarte Piet–"

"Black Pete," Milou interrupted her sister to translate for Sam.

"–and Sinterklaas goes to your house on his horsey, over the rooftops and Zwarte Piet goes through the chimney if you sang them a song."

"You have to open the chimney, or else he can't get in," Milou added, always the one to open the chimney as they sang their songs. "You put your shoe in front of it and if you've been nice there's a present in the morning."

"Yes," Nathan agreed, "and if you've been naughty you get a bag of salt."

"I had a chocolate letter," Sebastian mentioned, grinning at the thought of his treat.

"Then when did you get your tags?"

"That's on St. Nicholas Eve," Milou smiled, remembering the bag of presents that they'd gotten. "Then they go by your house and ring the bell."

"If you open the door, there's a bag of presents," Maddy's eyes shone with excitement. "And if you've really good, they sometimes visit you too."

"He can't visit everyone?"

"He comes in November and goes through town, and comes by school," Nathan explained. "They'll throw candy around so you have to catch it, or they'll hand it to you."

Sam understood now, and nodded. "And that was last weekend?"

"What was last weekend?" Cassie joined them, relieved that she'd finally finished her summary.

"Sinterklaas," the kids said in harmony.

"Oh, yes, we got lots of presents, didn't we?"

"So, you were there?" Sam asked making sure she understood everything.

"Yes, it was on the fifth. I always try to be there, because it's so much fun," Cassie smiled. "That's where we came from and why I'm not in Nevada," she admitted, bashfully. "And now, with the heavy snowfall and storms, I can't get back. And they can't get to Minnesota, or back to school."

Surprised, Sam looked at Milou. "You had to be in school?"

"Yes," Milou smiled shyly.

"Us too," Nathan grinned. "But Daddy always takes us to the cabin and the teacher gave us homework."

"Well, I can't say that surprises me, the General playing hooky," Sam grinned at Cassie, who chuckled in return.

"Speak of the devil," Cassie replied, seeing Jack park his car at the side of the road. "Looks like there's already too much snow on the driveway, he's parking at the curb."

"What did you get, by the way?" Sam asked Cassie, referring to Sinterklaas.

"This," she showed Sam her new silver bracelet. "Don't you love it?"

"Definitely," she agreed. "He sure is generous, isn't he?"

"Who is?" Jack asked, picking up on their conversation as he came through the door, grocery bags in hand. "Cass, help me out here."

Cassie walked over to him and took both bags so he could get out of his coat and take of his shoes, which were covered in snow. "Sinterklaas," she replied.

"Oh, the kids have been telling you about good old St. Nick? Well, he  _is_  a saint." He quipped as he turned to Carter, who was sitting on the couch, surrounded by children. He tried to ignore how comfortable and natural she looked with his kids and nephew on her lap. Apparently, they all adored her and he couldn't blame them…

"Yeah," Sam responded, lifting Sebastian from her lap and getting up from the couch. "They were explaining the differences between Sinterklaas and Santa Claus," she continued as Cassie walked over to the kitchen to get rid of the groceries. "I think dinner is ready, by the way. Ilse went upstairs to feed and bathe the baby."

"Okay," Jack nodded, pulling out both sides of the table to extend it and went to set the table, ignoring his wet socks. He'd take a shower after dinner and get into some comfortable clothes, because half his pants had been covered in snow. He hadn't thought about changing before he left, not to mention the boots he could have used…

"Let me help you, Sir," Sam took some of the plates from him and started at the other end of the table.

When they met up at the other side, Jack leaned towards her. "They're one and the same, you know," he whispered.

"What, the children?" She frowned, not understanding.

"No, Santa and Sinterklaas," he smirked. "Just don't tell them, they love both holidays. Besides, they are celebrated differently and don't look anything alike."

Sam chuckled at the face he pulled and shook her head. "Are you sure, Sir? Because, apparently, there are a lot of differences… although, there are quite some similarities too," she continued, and summed up a few.

"Ack! Don't, you'll ruin it for me, Carter," he held up his hand and winked at her. "Cassie, is dinner ready?"

"Yup, I checked," Cassie replied from behind them as she had already joined them, but the two of them obviously hadn't noticed her, she thought grinning. "Look," she placed the food on the table and turned around to glance at the room. "Ilse isn't here yet?"

"No, she went upstairs with Simone," Sam informed her.

"I'm hungry," Sebastian whined, rubbing his little stomach.

"We're waiting for your mom," Jack rolled his eyes as he ruffled the boy's hair. He looked over his head and raised his brows at Milou in an unspoken question.

Inhaling deeply, Milou raised her voice. "Auntie Ilse! Dinner is ready!"

"For crying out loud," Jack scolded as he covered his ears. "I meant go get her, I can yell myself!"

"Sorry," Milou blushed, before running towards the stairs.

Sam just stood there, stunned. What the hell…?


	35. A Quiet Evening

Sam was about to speak up and ask if she'd heard that correctly, but everyone was moving around her and chatting amicably. Maddy and Nathan immediately climbed on a chair and Sebastian bumped into her leg, making her steady the boy by his shoulders to prevent him from falling. "Careful."

Jack passed Carter in order to grab the highchair from the storage closet in the hallway and place it next to Ilse's chair. It didn't take him long to find it, considering the closet was quite organized with the children's things to one side and other crap on the opposite side. Lifting it, he moved back to the table and noticed Carter was still standing in the same spot, while the other had already taken a seat.

"Sam, you can take this chair," Cassie pointed at the chair left from hers and right from Jack's usual chair at the head of the table.

"She's coming," Milou informed everyone as she ran back into the room, taking her seat across Cassie.

"No running in the house," Jack warned her as he placed a water carafe and glasses – and plastic cups for the kids – for everyone on the table and pulled out his own chair. "Did you say we're all hungry?"

Milou nodded at her father. "She's feeding Simone."

"I'm all done," Ilse replied, overhearing as she came into the room. "She was rather sleepy from all the commotion with the plane and the airport, so she settled down immediately."

Sam watched as Ilse sat down next to Cassie, so she could easily help or feed Sebastian, who was already in his high chair. The question was burning on her lips, but she couldn't ask in front of everyone, could she? Who would she ask? Jack or Ilse? Glancing between the people at the table, Sam decided this was not the time and she'd just have to wait until the kids went to bed and they could talk privately. There'd better be a good explanation…

"She's finally sleeping through the night," Ilse continued as she started dishing out food for everyone, looking at Sam as she talked. "I'm just hoping the different time zones don't confuse her rhythm and that she won't wake up crying in the middle of the night."

"Let's hope so," Sam gave a small smile, her mind still running a light-year a minute – she couldn't have misunderstood Milou, right?

"Don't you worry about it, Carter," Jack said dismissively, "your room is downstairs, first door on your right in the entrance hall. Or across the kitchen, if you take that door," he waved to the far end of the kitchen where another door connected the hallway and led back to the entrance hall. "I doubt you'll hear her if she starts crying."

"I might," Milou groaned, before taking a bite.

"You don't want to know how many times any of you have woken up in the middle of the night," Ilse huffed, looking at the kids. "At least Simone's cries aren't deafening."

"Yeah, my ears are still ringing," Jack teased Milou about her yelling, making her giggle. "Carter, are you okay?"

"Fine, Sir," she mumbled absently, only to get  _that_  pointed look directed her way from all the occupants at the table, with the exception of Sebastian, who seemed to be enjoying his food. "Really."

"You don't like the food?" Ilse inquired gently.

"No, it's fine," Sam shook her head and took a bite to emphasize her words. It was rather good, actually. Especially considering there had hardly been any food in the house. Then again, she'd been living on Atlantis for two years eating commissary food.

Ilse shrugged. "It's okay if you don't like it, you can tell me… it's not like Jack ever holds back," she glared at him.

"Hey, I resent that," Jack huffed, "I also say when it tastes good, like today."

"I don't like it," Nathan complained, grimacing at his plate.

"You haven't even tasted it," Jack rolled his eyes.

"Because I don't like it," he retorted, petulantly.

"How do you know?"

Nathan looked at his aunt and shrugged. "Just do."

"You've never had it before, just taste it."

"I don't want to," he whined.

"Then you can go to bed without food," Jack replied, not looking forward to another argument with his son about food he didn't want to taste. The boy was much more difficult than his sisters, who'd eat anything. Most of the times, Nate would actually like the food after tasting it, he just had a habit of saying he didn't like it if he didn't know it. Hm… that sounded suspiciously like his mother from when she had been little…

"Would Sammie have to go to bed without food, too?" Nathan tried, with a shocked expression on his face as he looked at her.

"No, she could have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich," Jack quipped.

"Can I have that?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because Carter –  _Sam –_ actually tasted the food first and she has a lot more experience with different kinds of foods. You just say you don't like it, without knowing if you do or don't," Jack elaborated, confusing himself.

"It's really good," Sam tried again, smiling at the boy. "Just try it."

"Can I have her sandwich then?"

"No, food or bed," Jack made an ultimatum.

Ilse rolled her eyes at Cassie, who'd witnessed Nate arguing over food plenty of times as well, and took a sip of water. Glancing at Nathan, she could see his shoulders sag in defeat and her little nephew shrugged before taking a bite. "Water anyone?"

* * *

"Daddy, can we play outside?"

"No, maybe tomorrow, it's getting late," Jack told his son as he loaded the dishwasher. "If you don't mind," he turned to the adults in the room, "I'm going to get out of these wet clothes and shower, before  _someone_ ," he glared at Ilse, "uses all the hot water."

"Hey, I'm not military and I  _like_  my showers long and hot, just because you have an old fashioned water heater…" she let her voice trail off as she shrugged and handed him a couple of cleared plates. "But it's okay, I'm sure we can entertain ourselves without your exciting company."

"Wonderful," he sarcastically replied.

"I think I'll be in the study anyway," Cassie pointed over her shoulder. "I need to study for my exam."

"Carter?" Jack asked, glancing at his Colonel. She'd been awfully quiet at dinner and only gave answers when spoken to. Then again, she could just be exhausted from the long day – he knew he was – not to mention the overwhelming presence of the kids.

"Sure, Sir," Sam nodded, trying not to think about him taking of his clothes… or showering, for that matter.

"I'll show you your room first. Come on," he beckoned her to follow him and picked up her bag in the entrance hall. He gave her a quick tour of the ground floor, before placing the bag in her room. "I'll get some blankets too when I get back."

"Thank you, Sir," she gnawed her lip and sat down at the bed.

"They're just blankets, Carter," he grinned.

"Not just that," she rolled her eyes. "I was wondering," she started, thinking about the question she'd wanted to ask throughout dinner.

"Can it wait? I can't wait to get out of these," he motioned at his dress blues, pulling a face. "We can talk after the kids go to bed, okay?"

"I guess."

"Excellent," Jack turned on his heels and went upstairs, ready to take his shower.

Sam stayed in her room to think everything over. If Ilse is their aunt, then who is their real mother? She frowned as she tried to think of all the possibilities, but no one came to mind. For a minute, she thought about Kerry but that had practically been over before it had begun, right?  _Right?_  No, that couldn't be true; they looked nothing like the CIA agent, but they  _did_  look like Ilse. However, if Ilse was their mother, Milou wouldn't call her aunt… Had Jack been seeing another woman? That was almost impossible, considering when he and Kerry had broken up and Ilse came into the picture. Especially taking the kids' age into account. Milou had even showed her that picture of her and Ilse once, when she'd wanted to show her room to Sam. Not that she had taken a clear look, but it definitely wasn't Kerry. Now, Sam berated herself for not taking a better look, because she'd assumed it was Ilse but perhaps it wasn't…

She looked up as she saw something move in the corner of her eye and, craning her neck, she caught a glimpse of Ilse carrying Maddy to the downstairs bathroom. Leaning back on the bed, she cringed as she heard the little girl cough violently, followed by Ilse's soothing voice. Maddy had had a coughing fit during dinner as well and Sam had sympathized with her as her frail body was shaking with each cough, tears appeared in the girl's eyes and she'd been gasping for breath. Luckily, Jack had bought the syrup and he'd given it to her after dinner, but apparently it didn't work yet. The coughing abated slightly and it sounded like they'd turned on the shower, before the door was closed, leaving Sam alone with her thoughts once more.

Glancing at her bag, Sam considered unpacking it but quickly dismissed that idea. She was exhausted, really. It had been a long week and a horrible day in particular, with Pete's accusations and the meeting with the President and the JCS that seemed to take forever. However, it was almost 2100 hours and probably too early for her to go to bed. Not to mention she still wanted to have that talk with her General…

"Colonel?"

Ilse's soft voice sounded from the doorway and Sam leaned up on her elbows. "Yes?" She hadn't even heard her approach, so engrossed in thought.

"I was just in the bathroom with Maddy–"

"I heard," Sam nodded, sitting up completely. "How is she?"

"Oh, much better now, the steam always helps her breathe," Ilse smiled, touched by Carter's concern. "She's still in there and the water is running… I figured perhaps you'd like to take a bath? You must be exhausted from your long day, not to mention hanging around here with the kids asking for your attention."

"Oh, that's okay," she tried to wave it off, not wanting her to think that she didn't like being around the children.

Shaking her head, Ilse grinned. "Please, I know how demanding they can be, especially if you're not used to it. Besides, I'm sure you'd love taking a bath… if you want I can get you a glass of wine with it, I'm sure there are a few bottles around here," she replied, casting a look over her shoulder.

Holding up her hand, Sam protested. "Really, you don't have to go through all that trouble." It was very unlike her to  _not_  like someone, usually she got along with almost everyone. Ilse was a whole different story though, because of her relationship with Jack O'Neill, Sam didn't  _want_  to like her… Why was she being so nice to her?

"No problem, the water was already running for Maddy, I just put the plug in," she shrugged.

It was very tempting, Sam knew that. What else was she to do with her time? "Well," she started; ready to relent when Milou appeared beside Ilse.

"Sammie, I want to show you my painting," Milou interrupted her auntie and Sammie as she stood in the doorway.

"Um," she looked at the expectant face of the little girl and couldn't help herself. "Sure."

"Milou, what does your father tell you about interrupting other people's conversation?"

"It's rude," Milou bashfully answered her auntie.

"Yes it is," Ilse scowled at her, before turning to the colonel. "Colonel Carter was–"

"Why not call me Sam?" Sam smiled at her, deciding that Ilse was trying to be nice and it wasn't in her own nature to reject someone.

Nodding, Ilse bit her lip. "Okay,  _Sam_ , it's just that Jack always refers to you as Carter," she shrugged, before glancing at her niece. "Milou, why don't you wait for me in the living room?"

"But Sammie wants to see my painting," she pouted.

"Sam has had a long day, sweetie, she'll still be here tomorrow. Now, go on, she needs some alone time to think," Ilse made a dismissive gesture towards the living room with her hand.

"Okay," Milou replied softly, before grinning at Sammie and doing as she was told.

Sam got up from the bed she had been sitting on and watched the retreating back of Milou. "I didn't mind, you know."

"I know," Ilse winked, signaled her to follow her and went to the bathroom. "And you'll get to see that painting tomorrow, I doubt she'll forget. However, sometimes you have to think of yourself and say no, Sam."

Knowing the truth in that – had she not learned that herself lately? – Sam nodded and followed the younger woman. "I guess."

"Besides, if you would have gone with her, you'd probably still be in her room tomorrow, she's really fond of you."

"She's a great kid, they all are," Sam smiled shyly and entered the steamy bathroom. "Hey."

"Hey Sammie," Maddy grinned at her from the cabinet she'd been sitting on. "I put in bubble bath," she pointed at the foam in the tub.

Ilse's eyes widened at the amount of foam in the tub and, glancing at Sam, she knew she wasn't the only one. Perhaps it hadn't been such a good idea to tell Maddy to stay there while she got Carter… "We can see that, yes."

"Thank you," Sam chuckled, patting the girl's head. She looked rather adorable as she was beaming proudly, with her hair slightly damp and curly from the steam.

"Come on," Ilse lifted Maddy from the cabinet and placed her on the floor. "I'll be with you in a minute," she said, opening the door for the little girl.

"Have fun," Maddy cheered at Sam, before going to the living room.

"Yes, but mostly relax and take your time, there's no rush," Ilse told her as she pulled out two towels. "Take your time to think everything over."

Frowning, Sam turned to her. This wasn't the first time she'd told her to relax and think things over. "What do you feel I should be thinking over?"

"Your reassignment, of course," Ilse replied in her most innocent tone. Sam wasn't stupid; she didn't have to spell it out for her, did she? "Everything you might need is over there," she pointed at the rack, "or here."

Smiling gratefully, Sam thanked her and watched her leave before undressing and getting in the tub.

* * *

Recognizing the sound of swift and small footsteps, Jack turned just in time to see Ilse, holding Sebastian, follow Maddy into her bedroom. He turned the key, opened the door to lean forward and grabbed the sheets he'd been looking for, closing the closet. Patting the sheets in his arms, he slowly walked over to them, throwing a quick glance at his watch and seeing the time, he assumed they were heading to bed. He leaned against the doorpost, expecting them to be in their PJs and under the covers as Ilse read them a story. That was not the case, though, as the girls were playing with their Barbie dolls, while Nathan was looking at Sebastian's tags and Bastian himself… well, he looked rather tired and kept yawning.

Jack peeked around the corner and saw Ilse fumbling in the closet, muttering under her breath. "What'cha doing?"

"Pajamas," she replied without looking up. She knew the girls had a lot of PJs; surely there must be something in the damn closet? "Jack, did you happen to forget to do the laundry before you left here last time?"

"No," he drawled out, winking at Maddy who was giggling at him. "Why?"

"This is the only thing I can find," Ilse answered, holding up a white t-shirt. "I'm not even sure if these  _are_  PJs…"

"They're not," he grinned and walked into the room. Quickly grabbing the shirt from her, he inspected it. "Yup, this is mine."

Frowning, Ilse turned to face him. "Why is  _your_  shirt in their closet?"

"Dunno," Jack shrugged, not really caring. "Where's Carter?"

"Downstairs, taking a bath," Ilse replied smugly.

He tried hard not to think about…  _certain_  things, like images from Atlantis as she spoke. Right, not going downstairs just yet, he thought, glancing at the folded sheets. "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'."

"Let me take a look," he shoved her to the side to look in the closet, trying to change the subject. "Nope, can't find anything either," he concluded, although he was sure those PJs had gone somewhere… "C'mon munchkins," he placed the sheets on the table near the door, before holding out both hands to his daughters.

Without hesitation, Maddy and Milou both got up, grabbed his hands and followed him. Their Daddy often lost their PJs and they already knew where he was taking them and grinned at each other. "Daddy," Milou started, trying to get first dibs.

"Ack! No arguing," Jack rolled his eyes, having been through this more than once to know the sisters always ended up arguing. Entering his bedroom, he opened his own closet and blindly pulled out two flannel shirts, which he'd forgotten the existence of. One was reddish black checkered, while the other had the same pattern only in beige, brown and black. He frowned at the pieces of clothing, trying to figure out if those were actually his, because he couldn't remember the last time he'd worn them. Before he could open his mouth though, the two little girls next to him yanked the shirts from his hands.

Grinning, Maddy held up the brown, beige and black checkered one and reached out her arms in a silent request. "Daddy."

He smirked at her impatient tone, as if she'd been standing there for hours and reached down to help her pull it over her head. There was no need to unbutton it with her small frame and he chuckled as the hem nearly reached her ankles. "That's a good look on you, honey," he ruffled her curly hairs and pressed a kiss on her crown. When he turned, Milou was already dressed and smirking at him.

"What about me, Daddy?"

"Gorgeous," he complimented her, before kissing her forehead. "C'mon."

The three of them walked back to Ilse and the boys and Jack wondered how long Carter would stay in that darn tub, how long he'd better stay upstairs…

Ilse giggled when she saw what the girls were wearing, but considering their proud faces, she decided not to comment. "I see you two already found something," she smirked, shaking her head. "Jack, if you can get some sheets and covers for their beds," she pointed at the bare mattresses – he always stripped them because he could never tell how long it would be before they'd get back – and he nodded, already turning when she continued. "Then I'll make sure to dress them properly."

Jack walked back to the linen closet, grabbed all the sheets needed and started in his own bedroom, before proceeding towards the children's rooms. It didn't take him long, he was military after all and knew how to make a bed properly and when he joined the others in the girls' room, everyone – except for Ilse and Sebastian – was wearing PJs. "Ready for bed?"

"No," Milou protested, shaking her head.

Her siblings joined her and before he knew it, the twins were looking at him with puppy dog eyes. "Please, Daddy?"

He glanced at Ilse, who shrugged and he relented. "Well, okay, but only because of the different time zone," he elaborated, making sure they knew this was an exception. After all, their natural rhythm was still six hours behind. "I'll just make these beds and join you downstairs," he muttered.

"Thank you, Daddy," they cheered, to his amusement.

Ilse chuckled as well, before herding them downstairs. She couldn't help but notice that Sam's door was closed and, considering they'd left it open, assumed she'd join them sooner or later. Perhaps she was too tired, but surely she'd come and say goodnight to the children?

"Now that you are all here, you might as well put away your toys," she waved towards the toys strewn around the room and watched them heave a sigh, before doing as she said. Walking to the kitchen, she noticed the empty wineglass sitting on the counter, the one she'd given to Sam before going upstairs. She poured drinks for herself, Jack, Cassie, and Sam, before walking over to the study to see if Cassie was still in there. "Cassie?"

The door opened to reveal a tired Cassandra Fraiser. "Almost done," she mumbled, as she rested her head against the door.

"Want to join us for drinks?"

"Sure," Cassie nodded and as she was about to follow her into the living room, stopped by Sam's door and asked her to come along too. Hearing an "I'll be there in a minute" Cassie continued her way and plopped down on the couch, propping her sock-clad feet on the coffee table. "Thanks," she mumbled as Ilse handed her a drink.

"Did you get me a beer?" Jack asked as he entered the room and saw Ilse hand Cassie a drink.

"Yes," Ilse walked back to the kitchen and when she got back she handed out the other drinks and sat down. Jack had taken a seat next to Cassandra, imitating her posture.

Jack frowned as he noticed the wineglass in Ilse's hand. "You're drinking wine?"

"No, it's for Sam," Cassie answered for her, "she said she'd be here in a minute."

"Indeed," Ilse confirmed, taking a sip from her water as Sebastian climbed on her lap. She knew she could drink alcohol every now and then, despite breastfeeding Simone, but still wasn't really comfortable drinking. Besides, she didn't have any urges and the water was just fine. "You're getting tired, huh?"

Sebastian shook his head sleepily, before stretching and leaning back against his mother. "No."

Jack chuckled and leaned forward, lifting his nephew from her lap and placing him on his. "Don't you think this is more comfortable?"

"Probably," Ilse replied for her son, who was now lying completely relaxed against Jack's chest, his legs on Jack's. "I'll take him to bed after drinks," she murmured.

Holding out a brush, Milou looked at her. "Brush my hair?"

"Sure," Ilse sat back in her chair, making room for Milou, who climbed on her lap and handed her the brush.

Sam was watching them from the entrance hall and smiled wistfully at the family life in front of her. She was almost afraid to interrupt the moment. Looking at Milou and Ilse, she could clearly see the resemblance between them and once again wondered what was going on exactly. Milou was giggling while Ilse was brushing her hair and it reminded Sam of the moments she used to have with her mother. She stood there for a moment longer, just observing. When Milou slipped from Ilse's lap and Nathan snuggled up against Cassie, she decided to join them.

"Carter," Jack spoke softly without turning his head. He'd recognize those footsteps any time and hearing her soft cough, he beckoned her over with his free hand. "Ilse poured you some wine."

"Thanks," Sam smiled at her, thinking of where she could sit. There was still some room between Jack and Cassie, but she wasn't sure if she wanted – if she should – sit there.

"Take my seat, I'll take him to bed," Ilse gestured towards her little boy as she placed the brush on the table, next to her glass.

"I should go study some more," Cassie mumbled, also getting up. "See you guys later."

"Later Cass," Jack remarked, standing up as well. Stretching his lean frame, he looked back at Carter and his kids. "You take the couch, I'll take the chair."

Uncertain about Nathan, Sam sat down a few inches from him. He, however, immediately scooted over and patted her thigh. "Tell us a story about Atlantis."

"Yes please?" Milou chimed in, as she sat on her other side.

Sam glanced at Jack, wondering if she should. He gave her an almost imperceptible nod as he lifted Maddy to his lap.

* * *

Pete groaned and ran his hand through his hair for the umpteenth time that night. Where the hell was she? Would she have gone with that old geezer? No, his Sam would never do that. She'd acted shocked at his accusations, making him wonder if perhaps he'd been wrong, after all. Maybe the old guy didn't even want her; after all, he had that other blonde already. Plus a bunch of kids, apparently.

He reached for the phone, but stopped himself. Glancing at the sleeping forms in the bed next to his, he decided it would be better to check at the reception. His kids were asleep; they'd be fine for a few minutes. He stood and grabbed his coat, checking the keycard and wallet before leaving. Strolling towards the elevator, he peered through every hallway in the hopes of catching a glimpse of her. No such thing, however and he stepped into the elevator and pushed the button. As he reached ground floor, Pete walked over to the reception and waited until the elderly couple talking to the clerk was done.

"May I help you?"

"Yes," Pete stepped forward after the receptionist beckoned him over. "I was wondering if you could tell me if Samantha Carter had checked in already?" He spoke her last name reluctantly, still not over the fact that she'd decided to stick with her maiden name. It was because of her work, her career, she had told him. It hadn't dawned on him up until a few days ago that she'd never actually used their last name in any situation!

"I'm sorry, I can't give you that kind of information," the young man smiled politely.

Rolling his eyes, Pete handed him a fifty-dollar bill – he knew how these peoples' minds worked – and repeated her name. "Samantha Carter."

"I really am sorry," the receptionist stated again, "but I really can't tell you that."

Pete huffed – taking his money and not telling – and leaned forward. "Look, she's my wife and was supposed to come back here tonight, but I can't get a hold of her."

The man felt his eyebrows shoot up, but declined to comment. "Your wife?" He couldn't help himself and had to confirm. It was rather peculiar that the woman was supposed to be in a different room than his, wasn't it?

"Yes," Pete fumbled in his wallet and pulled out a picture of the two of them. "This is her, has she checked in yet?"

"No man," the receptionist responded, " _that_  I would've remembered. Sorry."

"Whatever," he mumbled, before making his way up to his room again.

As he closed the room behind him, he went to the bathroom to get cleaned up and ready for bed. He'd call her and she'd come. After all, wasn't she the one who wanted a divorce in the first place? They hadn't made any plans for tomorrow yet; he had assumed they'd talk about it over dinner – which obviously hadn't happened – or perhaps breakfast.

He turned off the lights and slipped under the covers, before reaching for his cell phone. Pressing one – his speed dial for her – he waited for her to pick up the phone.

* * *

Putting on a robe, Ilse checked on both her children who were still sound asleep. She smiled at her little girl and was glad she didn't seem too bothered with the different time zones. Then again, she usually slept for hours on a normal day so she could still wake up in a few hours. When she'd gone upstairs, Sebastian had insisted he wasn't tired so she had showered him before putting him down to bed and to her surprise he fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. After that, she'd gone and taken a long, hot shower herself, thanking the Gods that they hadn't run out of warm water yet. Now, she was slightly surprised to see that the rest of the rooms were still empty and decided to go downstairs to say goodnight and maybe offer a helping hand.

Not making a sound in her socks she found herself clasping a hand over her mouth to smother her giggles as she entered the living room. At least now she knew why no one was in their bed; Jack was lying back in the recliner with Maddy lying on his lap and chest, while Sam was leaning back in the couch, with a child cuddled up to her on either side. All sound asleep. It was a pretty picture and Ilse berated herself for leaving her cell phone – with camera – upstairs. Softly padding to the other side of the room, she pulled out two fleece blankets and walked back to the sitting area. She cautiously placed a blanket around Jack and Maddy – she had a few years of practice but never let her guard down when he was asleep – before moving over to the couch. She cringed as she noticed the awkward angle of Sam's neck, but she wasn't going to wake the woman up – not for all the money in the world! As she tucked the blanket under Milou's feet, she nearly jumped a mile as she heard, rather than saw, a phone vibrate.

Turning swiftly on her heels, she immediately noticed the small phone on the coffee table. It was probably Sam's because it wasn't hers or Jack's and she was pretty certain Cassie had a silver phone… For a moment, she found herself in a dilemma: would she walk away and risk them waking up because of the phone or could she pick up the phone? Shrugging, she made up her mind and leaned forward to grab the offending object.

Her fingers hovered over the keys as she looked at the screen. Seeing it was  _Pete_  calling, her thumb came down hard on the right button –  _ignore_. A smile was tugging at her lips as she pressed the button again, effectively turning off the device and placed it back on the coffee table. She left the room on her toes and looked in on Cassie in the study. "Cassie, I'm going to bed," she whispered.

"Okay," Cassie nodded and, looking at the time, closed off the computer. "I should get going too… why are we whispering?"

"Take a look in the living room before you go upstairs," Ilse smirked, "but don't make a sound!"

Cassie waved her off and put her things together. Curious about the other woman's remark, she peeked around the doorway before climbing the stairs with a big smile on her face.


	36. Divorce

Jack groaned and rolled over to look at the alarm clock. It was almost 0600 hours, time to get up. He slowly got up and stretched his lean frame to get the kinks out of his back. Falling asleep in the recliner hadn't done his body any good. He shuffled to the en suite bathroom, rolling his shoulders in the meantime. Turning on the faucet, he discarded his boxers in the hamper and stepped into the shower.

He'd woken up in the dark living room last night with Maddy fast asleep on his lap and a blanket covering them. A glance at the couch confirmed his suspicions that they'd all fallen asleep somewhere in between Carter telling a story about Atlantis and the kids asking them questions about the stars and planets they had visited. Thanks to his years in black ops, he'd silently gotten up, carried Maddy to her bed and tucked her in. She never woke or even stirred and he'd gone back downstairs. Carefully lifting the blanket on one side had given him the opportunity to scoop Milou up and had brought her to bed as well. By the time he was standing in front of the couch again, he couldn't help but look at Carter. She was beautiful and her tired features were relaxed, almost peaceful, in sleep. He had to stop himself from touching her, trace her delicate features with his finger and had let out a deep sigh, before picking up Nathan. Carter had stirred for a moment, but her eyes remained close and her breathing steady. He'd shrugged and brought his son upstairs. Jack had contemplated his next course of action and, after getting no response to him whispering her surname, easily lifted Carter and moved to the guestroom. She'd been wearing sweatpants, thick socks and a cardigan over her top when he placed her on the bed. Her eyes fluttered for a moment when he tucked her in and she'd frowned. He simply told her to go back to sleep as he'd brushed her bangs out of her face.

Shaking his head to stop his train of thought, Jack lathered his body in a swift, routine move. It had been hard on him to  _not_  kiss her goodnight, even it was just on the forehead, but he'd used all of his self-control and went to bed himself after putting the blankets back to their spot. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Ilse had been the one to provide them in the first place. Especially knowing she'd been bugging him for the past two years about Carter… Well, actually since the first time her uncanny intuition had figured out that he liked his 2IC a little too much, which had been over a decade ago. Still, she'd been bugging him more recently after learning about Carter's divorce and somehow she'd known – not guessed, she'd actually  _known_  – that something had happened on Atlantis. Ilse kept telling him that she was doing it for his benefit, since he'd been the one to persuade her to give Matt a chance and they'd ended up getting married and having another baby. In a way, it was repaying the favor, she claimed, but Jack knew better. She loved matchmaking, especially when it came to him – and Carter – it seemed.

Five minutes later he left his bedroom, fully clothed and stuck his head in Ilse's room to check on the baby. Ilse usually slept until 0700 hours – or at least, she tried to with the children waking early – and he'd made a habit of checking on Simone if she and her mother were staying at his place or he at theirs. His kids were used to his routine and usually woke around the same time, indirectly waking Sebastian as well. However, Ilse kept Simone in her room because she sometimes woke in the middle of the night, hungry. Since he was already awake and Ilse was alone – without her husband – he silently crept in the room and picked up his niece, who was already looking at him with those green eyes of her. He decided not to check on the other children, not wanting to wake them in case they were still asleep considering yesterday had been a long day for them as well. Grabbing the diaper bag, he made his way downstairs and made coffee. While waiting for his cup of coffee, Jack changed Simone and played with her.

It didn't take long before he heard the first footsteps running down the stairs and Maddy and Milou joined him in the kitchen. "Good morning," he smiled at his girls and grabbed the bread for their breakfast.

"Morning Daddy," Milou smiled at him as she fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "Can we play outside?"

"Maybe after breakfast," he mumbled, glancing out the window. Sometime last night it had finally stopped snowing but there was still more than enough to frolic around in. He grabbed the peanut butter and jelly jars, as well as butter and his own Fruit Loops. It had taken him some time to appreciate the taste again after that time loop, but it was still his favorite breakfast. He placed Simone in the playpen in the corner of the room and saw that Maddy had already placed the carton of milk on the table for him. "Juice for you ladies?"

"Actually, I'd prefer a cup of coffee, Sir," Sam quipped as she opened the door to the kitchen in the corner – straight ahead of her room – and overheard his question to the children.

"Coming right up, Colonel," Jack replied as he turned to face her. She was still wearing the clothes she had on last night, her long hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she gave him a shy smile. Damn, he could get used to having her around in the morning!

"Sammie, you can sit here," Milou patted the chair next to her as she grinned broadly. "Do you want some?"

Looking at where the girl's finger was pointing at – peanut butter – Sam shook her head. "No thanks honey," she cautiously took a few steps forward and glanced at the chair Milou had patted. It was the chair next to her with the General on her other side.

"Sit Carter," Jack ordered as he noticed her hesitancy. He poured two cups of coffee and placed them on the table. "You should eat some breakfast, it's an important meal, you know."

"Yes Sir," she bit her lip and sat down. The light from the windows was almost blinding and she could tell there was a lot of snow. "I guess it stopped snowing."

"It did," Jack nodded and poured milk over his fruit loops. Was their relationship so screwed up that they could only talk about the weather? "Sleep well?"

Blushing, Sam nodded and quickly took a sip of her coffee, almost burning her tongue because of the hot liquid. The smile tugging at his lips told her everything she needed to know… Apparently, her being in his arms wasn't a dream but it had actually happened! She shifted uncomfortably on her chair, unsure of what to say. "Thanks for… you know."

"No problem," he grinned as she pointed in the general direction of the couch.

Chewing her bread, Maddy nodded her head. "I slept well, too Daddy."

Milou rolled her eyes at her sister. "You're not supposed to talk with food in your mouth," she berated her. "Ew, Daddy!"

"Madison stop it," Jack scowled at her as she opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out at her sister – showing the half-eaten breakfast in her mouth.

Sam repressed a giggle at the situation and quickly schooled her features in a neutral face as she reached over to make herself breakfast. "Have you taken a look outside yet, Sir?"

"I think the road is passable," he shrugged, understanding she was referring to her meeting with her soon-to-be ex-husband. He looked up when he heard the two boys padding over to them. "Where is your shirt?"

"It's hot," Sebastian replied, rubbing his bare stomach. "I'm not very hungwy."

Jack gingerly touched his forehead to feel if he had a fever but it felt normal. "It's still pretty cold, you should wear a shirt."

"That's what I said," Nathan replied, rolling his eyes as he climbed on a chair. "Morning," he looked at Sam.

"Good morning," Sam replied, smiling as he showed that typical lopsided O'Neill-grin. He was still dressed in blue PJs, while the two girls were wearing the same flannel shirts that had made her smile the other night. Sebastian, however, was only wearing boxers and didn't even have socks on his feet while she was sure the floor was cold.

Picking up Sebastian in a swift move, Jack turned to Carter. "Could you keep an eye on them while I get him dressed?"

"Sure," she answered a lot braver than she actually felt. Glancing around the table, the three children were all eating a sandwich – Milou obviously more decent as the twins had jelly-traces on their cheeks and were unable to keep their mouths entirely closed as they chewed. Her attention wandered as a comfortable silence descended upon the table and she quietly took another sip of coffee, enjoying the caffeine that had already started to kick in.

As Milou finished her sandwich, she slipped from her chair and walked over to the playpen. "Sammie, I think Simone is hungry."

Sam frowned; she hadn't realized the baby was there as well and quickly got up to check on her. She was gurgling and reaching out with her little fists as Sam leaned over her. Acting on instinct, she picked her up and stroked the soft wisps of hair. "Hey there," she whispered as Simone fisted her cardigan.

When Jack entered the living room, he stopped dead in his tracks the moment he laid eyes on Carter cooing softly to his little niece. She looked rather natural holding the baby and seemed oblivious to her surroundings, completely focused on Simone as she was rubbing the girl's belly. He heard Ilse coming down the stairs and waited for her at the bottom.

"She's a natural," Ilse whispered to him as she shifted Sebastian in her arms, also observing Sam with her daughter. It didn't take her much effort to picture Sam and Jack together with a baby of their own… That is, if they would finally open their eyes and started talking about their oh so obvious feelings for each other! If only Sam could see Jack's face right now, she mused as she glanced at him. He was too good at hiding behind his blank face and did it much too often, especially when it came to a certain Samantha Carter. Surely enough was enough? They were taking their damned time, as if they had forever to finally admit they loved the other. Ilse was just shaking her head at the couple when Milou accidently knocked her cup of juice over as she climbed back on her chair.

"Oops!"

Ilse immediately put her son on his own two feet on the floor, grabbed a dishcloth and some paper towels and in a flash the cup was standing upright, the juice was gone and the table gleamed. "You should be more careful," she mumbled to Milou, who had the grace to look ashamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Sam mumbled as she looked at the table, Milou, Ilse and the General. "I was kind of distracted," she smiled nervously as her cheeks burned up, and glanced at the cute baby girl in her arms. She felt like an idiot for getting caught up in her daydreams while the General had asked her to watch  _all_  the children. Still, she couldn't help herself as Simone asked for her attention again.

"It's okay," Ilse shrugged, "it's just juice."

"I should have been more aware," Sam protested. "Something terrible could have happened!"

"Carter, relax, it's just juice," Jack chimed in, patting her shoulder as he walked past her.

"It could've been a candle," Sam started, shaking her head. "If that–"

"Ack! No candles, just cups of juice." When she stayed silent, Jack looked at her. "Carter?"

"Yes Sir," she mumbled, still feeling like a failure. One of the kids could have fallen off their chair and hit their head, while she had been thinking about having a child of her own…

"Really Sam," Ilse smiled at her, "it's no big deal. I was just telling Jack that you were a natural," she jerked her head to her daughter, who was still lying snugly in the Colonel's arms.

"I don't think a natural would've zoned out while she's supposed to watch four small children," Sam mumbled.

"Please," Ilse huffed, rolling her eyes. "One child is a handful on its own, the multitasking is something you will learn in time when you have kids."

Sam shrugged and held out the baby to her. "Here, you better take her," she smiled a last time at the big green eyes that had been watching her every move before Ilse took her, "I think Milou was right; she's hungry."

"Well, in that case I'll be right back for breakfast," Ilse grinned at her daughter's attempts to get a drink. "Milou you might as well come too so you can get dressed."

Milou grimaced as she looked down at the juice on her PJs and quickly jumped up to follow her auntie.

"I'll make you some tea," Jack mumbled as they walked upstairs and went to the kitchen to fill the water boiler and flick it on. "Want another cup of coffee Carter?"

"No thank you, Sir. I guess I should get dressed," she mumbled, peering out of the window. Hopefully, she would be able to get a hold of her lawyer friend, Emma, and go over to the law firm she was working at with Pete to sign the paperwork. That is, if she could get through the snow. "How bad do you think the snow is, Sir?"

Jack thought about making a flippant remark, but seeing her screw up her nose he knew she was being serious and abandoned that idea. "Well, the main roads are probably cleared already, after all this is Washington," he shrugged and walked over to the television to watch the news. The weatherman confirmed his theory. "See."

Sam joined him and bent down to grab her cell phone, which was still lying on the coffee table. "Huh," she mumbled as she noticed it was turned off.

"Perhaps the battery died," Jack offered, before walking back to the table. He quickly put peanut butter on a piece of bread for Sebastian. "Four or six?" He asked the boy as his knife hovered over the sandwich.

"I'm not very hungwy," Sebastian complained, his face slightly contorted.

"You have to eat something," Jack replied, rolling his eyes. "If you don't eat, you can't go outside to play in the snow."

"Four," Sebastian replied immediately, holding up four fingers to emphasize his words. "Six is too much, I'll be full."

"Of course you will," Jack chuckled, shaking his head at the boy's logic as he cut the slice.

"Sir, is it okay for me to use the bathroom?" Sam asked politely from over at the couch.

Jack cleared his throat at the images that popped into his head and simply nodded. "You don't have to ask, go ahead Carter."

She held her cell phone in hand and made her way over to her room. She tried calling Emma when it turned on – rather strange that it was turned off since the battery was fine– and left a voicemail, after which she went to the bathroom.

* * *

Sitting in the cab, Sam was anxiously tapping her thighs. She still had half an hour before the appointment with Emma and would be there in a few minutes. Taking the snow in account, she'd made sure to be on the road and still have plenty of time. It was a good thing too, because there was a lot of traffic. Seemingly everyone had errands to run now that the roads were somewhat accessible again. Others had to get to work, she mused. The General had taken a day off, he'd told her and he'd also said that Ilse was taking it slow at work, considering it was her company now and she could do what she wanted, she'd decided to spend more time with the kids.

Sam was still unsure of which kids he'd actually been referring to… There had been a moment before he had to dress the children that she could have asked him in private. However, she had decided that she wanted this damn divorce first, to make sure she wasn't influenced by  _him_  in any way. That probably wasn't true, she knew that, but if there was still a chance that they could pursue a romantic relationship she wanted him to know that she wanted a divorce and not just because he was available.

Well, that all sounded perfect in her mind, but the real question was if Pete would actually show up at Emma's office to sign the papers. She'd called him after making the appointment with Emma, making sure that he couldn't get out of it. Pete had insisted he'd go there on his own and had rejected her offer to pick him up, even if she didn't really want to see him or spend time with him after their argument at the airport. She still couldn't fathom the way he'd lashed into her. Nevertheless, if it meant she would never have to deal with him again, she'd set aside her personal feelings for now and get through the meeting and the paperwork.

Mark! She would have to tell him about the divorce and some of the things that had happened and her motivation, or else he'd stick with his friend and she'd be the bad guy! Of course, Mark already knew about Pete lying that they were back together, considering he'd been the one to inform her and saw her reaction. Still, she was afraid he didn't know the real nature of Pete and if she didn't explain to her brother how his friend – her husband at the moment – had hurt her, there was a good chance she'd keep running into Pete at birthday parties and such. If she'd be welcome at all, considering how manipulative Pete apparently could be and he could easily trick Mark into believing his side of the story – hadn't he done exactly that when she'd been on Atlantis?

The cabdriver's announcement that they had reached their destination brought her out of her thoughts and she quickly paid the man before walking up to the large building. She peered through her sunglasses and observed the passersby by the entrance, to see if Pete was on his way. After a few moments she couldn't keep her restlessness in check and proceeded into the building and went up to Emma's office.

She was about to knock on the door, when it swung open and revealed the corpulent form of former-Captain Emma Reed. "Sam!"

"Emma," Sam smiled at her and was surprised when she found herself engulfed in a hug. "Good to see you again," she mumbled, while it felt as if her last breath was squeezed from her lungs.

"Well, you hardly changed a bit! Still a tiny thing, I see," Emma leaned back and looked at the lean form of her old friend, whom she met at the Academy.

"And you're a successful lawyer, instead of a mere captain," Sam replied as she sat down at the chair Emma pointed at.

"Yes, I am, the military wasn't for me," Emma shrugged and plopped down in her chair. "I'm glad you're early, this way we can catch up a bit instead of rushing into business."

Chuckling nervously, Sam bit her lip. "Yeah, it'll probably help settle my nerves too."

"No need to be nervous," she patted Sam's hand and leaned back in her chair. "What about you? Are you still in the military? I always thought you were the perfect soldier, albeit perhaps a tad emotional, but with your upbringing and your principles when it came to rules and regulations… now, I'm doubting however."

Sam ran her hand through her long locks as Emma pointed at them. "I'm still in the military, yes."

"Major? It has a nice ring to it, Major Carter."

"Colonel," Sam admitted, blushing slightly as the other woman gaped at her.

"Lieutenant or-"

"Full bird."

"Well, I guess I was right then; you  _are_  a perfect soldier. Where are you stationed?"

"It's classified, but I was just released of command and am awaiting reassignment," she relented as Emma gave a disapproving snort.

"Looks like another Carter is going to the top," Emma winked at her. After a few more minutes of small talk, Emma decided to broach the topic her old friend came for. "So, what about this marriage of yours?"

"Well," Sam cleared her throat and straightened in her seat. "I want to end it."

"I assumed as much," Emma tried to suppress the chuckle, seeing how uncomfortable Sam was. Leaning forward, she rested her arms on her desk and squinted. "You didn't marry that Hanson-guy did you?"

Sam's eyes widened at the question. "No!"

"Good, he was kind of… weird," she shrugged, not sure how to describe him without insulting Sam's choice in men.

"I know," Sam made an awkward smile. "I broke the engagement off after a while… I guess we lost touch right before."

"What about the divorce?"

"He's not contesting it," Sam replied, shrugging. "We actually already had the papers drawn up before I was deployed, ah…  _abroad_ , but when I came back it turned out he hadn't filed them," she tried keeping the anger out of her voice.

Hiding her surprise, Emma simply nodded. "What about the paperwork?"

"He shredded it," she grunted.

"I see…"

"Yeah," Sam mumbled, looking away. It was getting late, Pete should be here by now…

"Where is this charming man?" Emma asked sarcastically, glancing at the clock.

Unsure, Sam told her she didn't know. "I offered to pick him up, but he insisted he would get here on his own."

Emma decided not to go into that and just wait a little while longer. She'd handled more divorces than she could count and, unfortunately, it wasn't strange for one of the parties not to show up. No need to upset Sam even more, though. "We'll give him a few more minutes."

At that moment, someone knocked on the door. Emma got up and opening it, she was confronted with who she assumed to be Sam's soon-to-be ex-husband.

"Pete Shanahan, I'm looking for Emma Reed?"

"Come in, Sam is already here," Emma replied, stepping aside to let him enter. "Take a seat." She walked around the desk and took a seat as well. It surprised her to see Sam – the tough, imperturbable former-Cadet Carter, now Colonel Carter – fidget nervously with the hem of her leather jacket. "Sam informed me that you are in agreement over the divorce and  _lost_  your previous drawn up papers, is that correct?"

"Yeah," Pete started, glancing at his wife. She hadn't even said a word when he came in. Where the hell had she been all day and yesterday _? Perhaps she'd been with General O'Neill…_ After all, she had avoided him and ignored his phone call.

"And you're still in agreement with–"

"Where were you?"

Startled, Sam looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"You didn't come back to the hotel yesterday, I checked at the reception and the receptionist hadn't seen you check in, he told me."

"I don't think it's any of your business," she mumbled, shaking her head.

Emma braced herself for an argument between the two people in front of her. Perhaps this Pete did not agree with Sam after all. Leaning back, Emma stayed quiet and observed the two of them. When she first started out in this particular area she'd felt uncomfortable with the personal display of affection or even hatred in some cases, but with time she'd learned to just lean back, relax and let the people rant for a moment. She only interfered when it got out of hand and most of the time the couples resolved their issues on their own, which only helped the rest of the proceedings.

"None of my business?" Pete reiterated. "I'm still your husband," he huffed. "You were with him, weren't you?"

Emma's eyes widened at the accusation and now she started to feel uncomfortable. Shifting on her seat, she glanced at Sam. She'd never expected Samantha Carter to be the unfaithful type… Sam had never been one to let loose and always followed the rules, never relinquishing the hold her principles seem to have on her. At first, she'd thought Sam was quite uptight and didn't know how to relax, but with time they'd had fun together and gotten along quite well. Still, Sam as a cheater?

"Pete, please," Sam said exasperated, rolling her eyes. "I already told you at the airport I'm not having an affair," she still had trouble saying it aloud; because of that night she'd spent with Jack. It wasn't an affair, not really. "We agreed to get a divorce, let us just do what we came here for."

"Sam," Pete started, when she interrupted him.

"No, don't Sam me! We've been separated for well over two years now… hell, we've almost been separated longer than we were ever together."

"You didn't answer my question, where were you?"

Turning in her chair to face him, Sam glared at him. "I don't owe you an explanation–"

"You have the audacity to say you're not sleeping with your CO, but you can't even tell me where you were yesterday or where you spent the night, for that matter," he pointed a finger at her.

Something in the air changed and Emma quickly sat up, ready to intervene if necessary. Samantha Carter sleeping with her commanding officer?This day just kept getting weirder and weirder… "Sam, Pete," she spoke in a calming voice and reached over the desk.

Sam turned to her, eyes blazing, daring her to interrupt her. "–but if you must know: the meeting ran late and the General invited me over for dinner and offered his guestroom," she continued, ignoring Pete and Emma. Saying it aloud, she realized how strange that sounded and a glance at Emma confirmed that – it wasn't everyday a general or any other commanding officer would invite a subordinate over for dinner, let alone offer a place to sleep. SG-1 was different though, the entire SGC was different because of their line of work and the strong bonds that were formed between teammates. Not that she could explain that to Pete or Emma. "So, yes, I stayed over at the General's house–"

"I knew it!"

"Ilse was there as well," Sam continued, still not sure about the relationship between her and Jack. She could've sworn the other woman had been wearing a wedding band the other day, but it could've been the exhaustion and her mind playing tricks on her considering there hadn't been any jewelry on Ilse's fingers this morning. "As well as Cassie and the General's children."

"Please, we both know that Cassie would love for you and your precious General to get together, she'd lie for you anytime," Pete dismissed her argument. "You really expect me to believe this?"

Gritting her teeth, Sam tightened her grip on the arms of her chair. "I  _expect_  you to sign the damn paperwork, like you promised over two years ago."

He huffed and shook his head. "After you've been screwing your CO?"

Emma almost jumped up when Sam's fist came down on her desk and she immediately placed her hand on her heart, as if she could force it to calm down. This was getting out of control; she'd never seen Sam lose her self-control or patience, for that matter!

"Dammit Pete! If you are so certain why not agree to the divorce?"

"Because," he leaned forward, holding her gaze, "you're  _my_  wife and I love you we can get through this."

Both women sat there gaping in the office, stunned. Was he really this thick-headed?

Taking a deep breath, Sam tried to quell her anger and get her self-control back. "Pete," she said in a placating tone. "I don't love you and I don't think you really love me, this," she motioned between them, "isn't working. I'm not sure if it ever did and–"

"But I do love you," he reached for her hands.

Sam pulled her hands back and shook her head. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have run a background check on me after we first slept together, you wouldn't have stalked me and you sure as hell wouldn't have told my family we were back together while I thought we were divorced!"

This could so easily be a soap opera, Emma thought as she relaxed and leaned back now that the worst seemed to be over. Stalking, background checks, lying about the divorce? Apparently, Sam still had a thing for the lunatic fringe… "Let's just all calm down shall we? Sam, Pete?"

Sam mumbled something incomprehensible as Pete huffed. She was never one to talk much about her private life, not even to friends let alone estranged friends or strangers and this entire situation was embarrassing. She thought it couldn't get any worse after the airport, but apparently it could. Someone was obviously out to get her, make her life – or at least this past week – almost impossible. "The house has already been sold, we both have our own house now, there are no debts or mortgages, no shared properties, and I don't want spousal support…" Sam started summing up the agreement they had made when she'd first convinced Pete of the divorce.

"No children together," Pete mentioned, "therefore no child support or a parenting plan or whatever is needed."

Sam cringed at his remark and wondered if he'd said that on purpose. "Irreconcilable differences," she added.

Pete shrugged and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Or incompatibility, because she's having an affair with her CO and, well… I'm not him. Sam is not willing to work on our marriage anymore–"

"Irremediable breakdown of the marriage," Sam spoke through gritted teeth, feeling her anger flare up again. She was tempted to confront him about his words at the airport, those hurtful things he'd been screaming at her, but decided not to. It was of no use to keep going at it.

"I see," Emma let out a deep breath and realized it was a good thing she'd planned two hours for this appointment. Looking at both of them, she started summing up the things they had agreed to and tried to ignore the uncomfortable atmosphere. It was a good thing that Sam was getting rid of that guy because he sounded like one of the clients from her coworkers – the criminal defense lawyers.

After another hour, Sam watched as Pete signed the papers and finally stretched her lean form to get the kinks out of her back. She even managed a small smile for Emma, who had been more than patient with the two of them. Even now she felt the urge to seriously injure Pete, but she'd been able to restrain herself from physically hurting him and now they were finally getting their divorce! Emma would file the paperwork for them and told them it would probably be resolved in a matter of weeks – with the holidays at the end of the month – and their marriage would be dissolved. It felt like a weight fell off Sam's shoulders and she could finally breathe again. She couldn't wait to finally be completely rid of Pete. He left early since she didn't want to talk to him and made that pretty clear and she stayed for another ten minutes thanking Emma for her patience and the work she'd done. Not to mention the silent support she'd given her.

After that, she called a cab and phoned Mark while she was waiting. She informed him of the proceedings and that she and Pete had been in a heated argument at the airport – without giving him any details – and weren't on speaking terms. As he started complaining about her treatment of his friend, she kindly informed him about Pete running a background check on her and her CO – Cassie had told her the other day – and that he'd stalked her. By the time she'd gotten in the cab and was driving back to Jack O'Neill's household, her brother was finally being reasonable and even went as far as telling her he supported her decision. However, he still wanted to talk to Pete, because they had been friends for years. Realizing she could hardly stop or blame him – he didn't know Pete's true nature – she told him he should, but emphasized that she didn't want to have anything to with her ex. As they reached the house, she said her goodbyes and Mark told her he understood and gave her his best before hanging up, leaving her staring at her phone in surprise. She hadn't expected him to do a 180 during their phone call, but knew she couldn't be happier at the moment.

* * *

Well, I probably could, Sam thought as she opened the unlocked door and stepped inside the General's house. The path had been cleared of snow and she easily shrugged off her black leather jacket and took off her boots. She heard a female voice coming from the living room and decided to grab her warm slippers from her room before stepping in. It didn't sound like Cassie or one of the girls; therefore it must be Ilse she mused. She didn't hear another voice and wondered who she was talking to – and laughing at or with – before she was out of reach and inside her warm room. Grabbing a dark blue cardigan, she quickly changed her outfit to something more comfortable and headed to the kitchen.

Once there, she could clearly overhear Ilse on the phone – not that she was trying to eavesdrop – and wondered where everyone else was. Ilse obviously hadn't heard her as she was pacing the living room, giggling every now and then. Sam saw she kept close to the playpen and assumed Simone was in it, but other than that no one was around. Knowing Cassie, she was probably still asleep and wouldn't show her face until noon. Making herself a cup of coffee – she didn't want to interrupt Ilse and the General had told her to stop being so darn polite earlier – Sam stared out of the window. A smile tugged on her lips as she saw  _her_  general playing in the snow with the children. The kids were all wrapped up and she could hardly tell them apart with their beanies, thick winter coats and scarves.

"God, you're such a guy," Ilse's flirtatious tone brought her out of her thoughts. "You only think of one thing, don't you? Sometimes I wonder why I even  _like_  you."

Despite her remark, Ilse was chuckling and obviously flirting with that  _guy_  on the phone. Sam felt her anger flare up again at the thought of Ilse cheating on Jack while he was only a few feet away. How could she do that? Even if she – Sam – couldn't have him, she wouldn't let some other woman treat him like  _that_ , no matter how much the General obviously cared for her. Sam glared at Ilse, who was dressed in a pretty, dark green woolen dress with her hair in a thick braid over her shoulders and kept pacing as if she owned the place – which she probably did, at least half of it.

It was hard  _not_ overhearing the other woman and Sam wasn't trying.

"I doubt I'd fit into  _that_ , I'm still losing the last of my pregnancy pounds."

God, were they actually talking about what she thought they were talking? The way Ilse was blushing was all the confirmation Sam needed and she let out a groan as she poured the coffee in a cup. What pregnancy pounds might that be? Yes, the delivery hadn't been that long ago, but Ilse hardly looked any different than Sam remembered. Perhaps a bit more mature, which couldn't hurt with her youthful face. Sam rolled her eyes at her own thoughts and realized she was actually jealous of another woman for probably the first time in her life. She'd never been the type to get jealous over looks or anything – although she wouldn't mind looking a bit less like a tomboy but that was part of the job, she assumed – not to mention age, but Ilse had  _him_ and by the way she was acting on the phone with someone else told Sam she didn't deserve him.


	37. It's You

Ilse felt her cheeks burn as Matt flirted incessantly with her even though she wasn't a prude – far from it. His low and deep voice could still make her knees buckle and she knew he knew that. Oh, how he loved to tease her about it. At times like these, she was especially sensitive. After all, they hadn't seen each other in almost a month. He was in France at the moment for his latest exhibition and before that he'd been in the States while she was in London, where they spent most of their time together now that she was re-organizing their branch there. She hadn't sold her apartment in the Netherlands, though and wasn't sure she ever could. She loved that place and Matt had admitted he loved the view too. Although now he was talking about a different kind of view…

_"I told you before that you are perfect the way you are right now, love."_

She chuckled; he'd been spending too much time in the UK that was for sure! Not that she minded him calling her that, it was better than being called 'babe' or something similar…

 _"Especially those lovely… curves,"_ he continued when she didn't respond.

"Well, thanks to those  _curves_  I probably couldn't fit in it, right now," she shrugged as she looked down. Yup, definitely more curvy. She wasn't completely dissatisfied with her body, but she wouldn't mind getting rid of those last pounds. Good genes were obviously running in the family, since she, Lily, and their mother had had the same slim figure and didn't have to exercise much to stay in shape. She wasn't overweight or anything, but her breasts were bigger as well as her hips, thighs and even her ass. The only thing she did work hard for was her tummy and that was pretty much back in shape. Matt liking her new curves didn't mean she didn't want to fit in her old clothes. If those would fit, she'd be more than happy with the way she looked. It wasn't about the money for buying a new wardrobe, but there were trousers, pants, skirts, jumpsuits and even dresses that she couldn't fit in with her fuller body and those weren't available anymore.

_"You could try…"_

The suggestive tone of his reply made her blush even deeper and she knew it was ridiculous. Usually she was the one who made the suggestive comments and not the other way around. It was probably because of the fact she was in Jack's living room and her daughter was playing nearby, not to mention that the kids could storm inside at any moment. "I could."

 _"The red peignoir would work for me too,_ " she could hear his grin through the phone line and rolled her eyes at his simple mind.  _"After all, you'll end up naked anyway."_

"You do realize that would actually require you to be at the same location?"

_"I know, I'll be on my way to the airport in the morning; there's a good chance the flights to DC will resume overnight."_

Her heart made a little jump at the prospect of finally seeing him again, feeling his arms around her. Like a schoolgirl with her first crush… Ilse sighed and tried to think back to when she'd had these feelings before. She knew she hadn't, not ever. There had been an instant connection between her and Matt, but that wasn't very strange since she usually got along with people and so did he. However, that connection soon turned into attraction and she'd let him seduce her one night. She had never been the kind of girl to settle with a guy and had thought that would be the end of it. For a while it seemed that way, even after he'd told her his intentions. She had brushed him off, but they'd remained friends and through their respective jobs kept in touch as well. He'd asked her to model for him again and she'd relented. They had flirted again, but she'd made sure that was all that would happen. Until the moment they'd gotten drunk together and ended up in bed – and her pregnant afterwards.

At first, he'd told her he didn't want a child but would support her if she needed him to – they both knew she had more than enough money –  _if_  the child was his. That had hurt, because she'd known with absolute certainty that he was the father of her unborn baby. It had strengthened her resolve to let him be and keep her distance. Jack's incessant interfering had eventually led to her sending Matt a copy of the ultrasound and he'd contacted her afterwards. Again, Jack had been the one to urge her to go see him and talk it over. However, it soon turned out that Matt  _did_  want to be involved, but apparently he was afraid of her rejecting him because she had done so in the past. She'd given him a chance – after Jack had convinced her – and he'd never let her down and now they were married with two children.

"Are you saying you're getting your fine ass over here?"

He chuckled and the deep sound warmed her from the inside, making her smile.  _"I knew you just loved me for my ass."_

"Well, it  _is_  a good looking ass," she shrugged and plopped down on the couch. Glancing at her watch and making the calculation in her head, she frowned. "Shouldn't you be in bed?"

_"Oh, but I am."_

"You are?"

_"Yes dear."_

"I wouldn't want to keep you from getting a good night's rest," she fiddled with the hem of her dress, reluctant to hang up the phone. She really missed him and they didn't get to talk much with both their schedules. Since the beginning of December she'd taken it easier at work, delegating, but he was still very busy. He'd even been to Italy last week for the last painting of his current series, working all hours of the day. Sometimes she'd even get jealous – she had never been the possessive or jealous type in her life – when he was spending his time with some no doubt beautiful model instead of being with her. She knew he loved her, though and that was probably the only thing keeping the green-eyed monster at bay.

_"Me neither… I got ready for bed before I called, knowing I'd be much more comfortable on these satin sheets, naked, waiting for you to start talking dirty."_

She pretended to be shocked, while suppressing a smile. "Matthew James Brock!"

_"Come on, you know you want to, love."_

"I don't think so."

He huffed and she could tell he was rolling his eyes.  _"Why, is Jack around?"_

She knew he didn't like Jack. Well, they got along great, but he didn't like the way she and Jack got along. He'd told her in the beginning of their relationship that he was uncomfortable with how close they were. Even knowing their shared history didn't diminish that, he'd said, it might even have had a contrary effect. After all, they went way back and knew each other quite well, not to mention they'd grown even closer after Lily's death and Jack adopting the kids. She wouldn't be surprised if her relationship with Jack had been one of the reasons Matt had been holding back when she had turned out to be pregnant… Well, she'd told him to get over it or get out, because Jack was family. After the death of her mother, he was the only family she had left together with the kids, of course. It had gotten better these past two years, but she knew he was still wary.

Telling him about Sam hadn't even helped but Ilse knew that if Matt got here in time to see Jack and Sam interact, he'd know there was nothing to worry about. Now all she had to do was get those two together and make them talk, somehow. She would have to wait for Sam to get back from the lawyer though. It had been a few hours now and the colonel was definitely taking her time. At first, Ilse had been concerned that Pete hadn't shown up but that would mean Sam would've been back in no-time.

"He's outside, playing in the snow."

_"Playing?"_

"With your son," she replied, wishing he'd take more effort into spending time with his son and daughter. She knew he was busy, especially now, but even if he was at home he'd only spend a certain amount of time with his children. He'd better be home for Christmas after he'd missed Sinterklaas and even Thanksgiving – not that she had a real connection with that American holiday but Matt did.

 _"I wish I was there_ ," he sighed.  _"I really miss you guys."_

She knew he did, it had been one of the first things he'd said as she answered his call. He'd asked about how the kids were doing, before flirting. "I miss you too," she answered his sigh with one of her own and looked outside, where Jack and the kids were making a snowman. "I should let you get some rest."

_"Yeah… I hope to be there soon, I'll call if I know more. I love you, Ilse."_

"Love you too," she replied, before hanging up and getting up from the couch. She moved over to the playpen and picked up her sleeping daughter to carry her upstairs.

* * *

Debating with herself what to do, Sam wandered through the living room. Should she tell the General about what she'd overheard? Wait here to confront Ilse? She didn't want to come across as jealous or meddlesome, especially without knowing the details of their relationship. Sighing, she plopped down on the piano bench and gingerly touched the black and white keys. She'd played a bit as a child, but by the time she started to actually like it her Dad had been transferred again and she'd never resumed her lessons.

Smiling, she thought about how proud Milou had been as Cassie praised her after playing the keys. She'd never thought of the General playing the piano before Milou had told her about it and even now, she found it hard to imagine him behind it even with those long fingers of his. Milou had already demonstrated a better technique the other day than Sam had ever managed with all her lessons, so apparently Jack O'Neill really could play the piano quite well. She found herself eager to hear and see him play it as her hands flipped through the sheets of music. Grabbing them for closer examination, she didn't recognize anything and was about to place them back when she looked up and noticed the shimmering, silver letters gracing the black polish on the maple. Her fingers were tracing the graceful, cursive  _"Lillian"_ when she startled as the door to the deck opened and Milou stumbled in.

"You don't want to play outside anymore?" Sam gently inquired as the girl stomped the snow of her boots.

"I have to pee," she chuckled and sat down, trying to pull off the boots, but hindered in her movements by the winter coat wrapping her up like the Michelin Man.

Sam hastily got up and helped her take them off, before pulling her upright. "Well, don't let me stop you."

"Thanks Sammie," Milou beamed and ran towards the bathroom.

"Don't mention it," she mumbled and turned to walk over to the fireplace. Apparently, someone had started a fire when she'd been meeting up with Emma and she was drawn towards the flames. The living room was large and looked spacious despite the grand piano in the corner. With time she'd gotten to know Jack better and knew he wasn't the type for a stuffy room – unlike Daniel, for example – and this was reflected in his interior design of both his houses, without giving it an empty look. It was a style she found suiting to his character and one she secretly admired and wouldn't mind living with. The house breathed Jack O'Neill thanks to the few personal touches, like the pictures on the mantle. She hadn't been surprised by the fact there was a picture of Charlie in Colorado, which was later joined with pictures of his other children. Here he seemed to have even more pictures, which did surprise her; perhaps he needed them because he hated the city?

There were pictures of the twins together, one of his two little girls and a recent picture with Milou holding Simone. There was a striking resemblance between her commanding officer and an older gentleman who had to be his father, in a black and white picture. She smiled as she leaned closer, but the quality wasn't very good. There was another one with two blonde girls and Charlie in it, which made her frown. Perhaps they were cousins? One girl was a few years older, while the other was younger than Charlie. It looked as if the younger one had the same brown eyes, so they must be family.

She recognized the landscape of one the planets they had visited their first year on SG-1 in a team picture and she smiled, thinking back to those days. Next to that one, was a wooden frame containing a photograph of a blonde girl in her late teens, a huge grin plastered on her face and what looked like Jack's aviator sunglasses on her nose. It could be an old picture of Ilse, since there was a certain resemblance but the glasses covered most of her face. The last two were a picture of Charlie and Jack together and one with three women, one of which was Ilse and that probably meant the older one was her mother and the other a sister perhaps?

"Do you like pictures?"

Sam pivoted on her heels as Milou's voice sounded from the entrance hall. "I do when they tell a story," she replied.

Milou nodded and joined her by the fireplace. "Me too, I like that one," she pointed at the one of Charlie and their Daddy.

"So do I," Sam agreed as she glanced at it. Jack looked different in that picture, untainted by the loss of his son. The sparkle in his eyes had returned a few years ago, around the time he'd gotten the kids, she assumed since she'd been too busy with making her marriage work to notice at the time.

Noticing she was going over all the pictures, Milou tugged on her cardigan. "I like that one, too," and pointed at the one of her Mommy, Auntie Ilse and Grandma. "They're so pretty."

Patting the girl's shoulder, Sam nodded an affirmative. "Yeah, they are…"

"Daddy says I'll grow up like my Mommy," Milou continued, enthralled by the flames in front of her.

"Yes, I heard him say you take after your mother," she confirmed and gently tugged on her sleeve. "Shouldn't you take off your jacket?"

Grinning, Milou shook her head and turned towards the door. "No, I'm going back."

"Oh, well, have fun," Sam half-heartedly encouraged her.

"Are you coming too?"

"Maybe later," she gnawed her lip and watched Milou put on her boots before joining the others outside. Sam had always loved the snow and she would certainly love rolling around in it with Jack, but somehow that didn't seem right… She knew she needed to talk to him, but when? The moments they were alone had been scarce and the times that it had happened, it didn't feel right to broach that certain topic. She wasn't afraid to admit she was scared shitless, who knew where the conversation would end? What if she opened up to him and he would simply turn her down?

She automatically started pacing the room as the thoughts ran through her mind. There were so many possibilities and only one of them included what she really wanted. The real question was what she would give to have him, all of him. Would she allow him to hurt Ilse for her sake? Did she even have the right to ask him that after everything she had put him through? Her mind was driving her crazy and there was one scenario that kept appearing – would  _he_  be willing to give up his life as he knew it now, for her?

* * *

Ilse gently closed the door of her bedroom and padded downstairs in her slippers. She heard Cassie stumble around in her bedroom, but decided to wait for Cassie to join them downstairs instead of greeting her already. For some reason, the younger woman needed a caffeine shot in the morning before she could carry on a conversation and would be grumpy without it – one of the things she seemed to share with Jack. Besides, she usually slept in, didn't come downstairs before showering and would use lunch as breakfast. Ilse smiled to herself as she realized she, herself, had been like that in high school but quickly grew out of it; hopefully Cassie would grow out of it soon too, considering she had to start her internship next year.

Passing the entrance hall, Ilse noticed the partly melted snow and assumed that meant that Sam had gotten back from the lawyer. However, the door to the guest room was open and didn't show anyone inside, while the living room as well as the kitchen were empty too. The doormat by the door to the deck showed snow as well and she quickly walked over there to see if Jack and the kids were still outside. The cheering alone was enough to convince her, but what really drew her attention was the lone figure of one Colonel Samantha Carter leaning on the railing, presumably observing the others. Never having been one to ignore an opportunity, Ilse went back to the entrance hall, pulled her legwarmers over her panty and slipped into her knee-high leather boots, before donning her winter coat and scarf.

She took a moment watching the people outside with her hand on the doorknob. Jack always said she had horrible timing and she knew he didn't want her to interfere, but those two had been taking their time and she'd had enough of their evasive maneuvers. If Jack would see or hear her, he'd probably try to stop her, telling her this wasn't the right moment and that she had to mind her own business. He'd probably get mad at her for talking to Sam, but she saw it more as repaying the favor: hadn't he been interfering in  _her_  life when she'd gotten pregnant after her night with Matt? Besides, her timing may be horrible, but Ilse didn't mind; she was a firm believer of there being no time like the present.

As quietly as possible she slid the door open and stepped out. A shiver ran down her spine as her body became aware of the low temperature and she pulled her scarf closer around her neck. No one seemed to pay attention to her and Ilse took a few steps joining Sam by the railing. Taking her time, Ilse pulled her gloves out of her coat pockets and put them on, before placing her leather-covered hands on the wooden railing. A smile graced her face as she watched the children play in the snow with Jack – his scarf placed around the snowman's neck – and she had to repress a chuckle when Nathan and Sebastian tried to throw snowballs at the girls and failed miserably. They were a few meters away and hadn't noticed her yet, but she was almost touching shoulders with Sam. Ilse was certain the Colonel was aware of her presence and yet they both stayed quiet.

The silence dragged on for several minutes, neither of them moving or acknowledging the other. Ilse had, however, observed Sam as she'd been watching Jack and the kids. The cold was sneaking through her tights and she regretted the short hemline of her dress. Pushing off the railing, Ilse hugged her upper body while taking a step forward to lean against the wooden frame with her belly. A glance to her side confirmed that Sam was getting cold too, if her paler-than-usual complexion was anything to go by. Of course, the clenched jaw was a sign as well, unless there was a different reason for that, but Ilse couldn't think of anything why Sam would be upset with her or any of the others.

Looking back to the scene in front of her, Ilse took a deep breath. "You love him."

Staring straight ahead, Sam wondered what the other woman wanted. A heart to heart? Ilse was a smart girl and she'd obviously seen through Sam. Was this her way of marking her territory? Was she warning her to back off? Ilse had been polite towards her, kind and friendly even, perhaps this was when she'd show her true nature and tell her what she really thought of Sam's presence in their lives. What was she supposed to answer?Tightening her grip on the railing Sam couldn't for the life of her tell how long she'd been standing here, watching the General. Long enough for the cold to numb her hands, though. Should she bring up the phone conversation she had overheard? Confront Ilse with her suspicions…

Determined to be at least as stubborn as her, Ilse remained silent and decided to just stand there until Sam would answer. From the corner of her eye, Ilse watched the Colonel next to her who hadn't moved an inch. The only obvious movement was her soft breathing, only betrayed by the cold air. She was just wondering if Sam was going to answer or that she should try again, when Sam spoke up.

"The General cares deeply for you," Sam countered, not wanting to say aloud that he  _loved_  her.

Ilse turned towards her and cocked her head to the side. "Yes, he does," she nodded, wondering where this was going. "It's mutual."

Speaking through gritted teeth, Sam finally looked at her. "Is it?"

Obviously, there was something bothering her, but Ilse decided to simply let it play out since Sam apparently had something to tell her. At least she hadn't denied loving Jack when Ilse brought it up from out of nowhere, which was a good sign. Right?"Yes."

Sam squinted and bit her lower lip, before turning back to the activities in the snow. No one paid attention to the two of them, which was a good thing, she mused.  _He_  didn't have to know about this, not yet anyway. "Then why?"

The question was whispered so softly that Ilse had to strain to hear her, especially as it had started to snow again and the wind was playing with her hoop earrings, the sound distracting her so much that she could only hear the last word. "Why what?" Why did they care about each other? Somehow, she reckoned that wasn't what Sam was asking.

Ilse's raised brows suggested that she really didn't know what she was talking about. Sam frowned, why was she still denying it? She had overheard her flirting with another man, hell the woman had said she loved the man – the father of Sebastian apparently, perhaps even Simone – on the phone. Then again, Ilse hadn't known Sam had been in the kitchen and could easily overhear her side of the conversation. "I overheard you on the phone," she decided to be frank, hoping the other would reciprocate.

"And…?" Ilse startled when Sam looked at her with blazing eyes and instinctively grabbed the railing for support.

Contemplating her response, Sam nodded to herself as she played it safe. "Are you having an affair?"

"What?" Frowning, Ilse relaxed her stance. It was almost too ridiculous for words; her having an affair, since she'd never felt what she felt for Matt for any other guy and wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. Certainly not for an affair, for sex, while she had a husband who loved her – and whom she loved – could satisfy her  _and_  put up with her non-standard personality. And how exactly had they gotten to this particular subject? Clearly there was some sort of misunderstanding here. "I'm happily married."

Sam closed her eyes at her response. Apparently, the wedding band hadn't been a figment of her imagination combined with her exhaustion. She'd even thought she'd see a glimpse of it when Ilse put on her gloves. "Married," she muttered under her breath. If Ilse was married to the General, why hadn't he said something? Why had he slept with her on Atlantis? He had even said he wanted more than just that night, that they would get out from under the regs some way. Looking up, she found Ilse's questioning face turned towards her. "Sebastian," she started, jerking her head towards the boy, "wasn't planned, right? His father–"

"Yeah," Ilse gave a humorless chuckle, shaking her head as she thought back a few years. She was utterly confused by the turn of conversations and still didn't know what Sam wanted from her. "Definitely not planned," she confirmed as she looked at her son, "nonetheless, he was very much welcomed and loved." She turned back to the woman next to her and felt she needed to explain as she didn't respond. "I'm not the type to plan my life and I definitely wasn't thinking of kids or babies with the twins not even out of diapers." Taking in a deep breath, Ilse let her fingers dance over the railing as she felt scrutinized by Sam, which in turn made her uncomfortable. Still, she wanted to prompt Sam to talk to Jack – knowing he wouldn't take the first step after her rejections in the past – and felt the need to keep talking. "I had never really given the idea of children much thought, you know. I was busy with my career and I loved every minute of it. Don't get me wrong, I liked kids and being an aunt was nice, but I wasn't planning on having any of my own," she sighed, thinking back five years ago when Milou had been a little baby and Lily still alive. "Then one night, it just happened-"

"Just happened?" Sam reiterated incredulous.

Ilse shrugged and stared at her hands on the railing. "Yeah, I'll admit it… That first time, I – we – had been drinking and were tipsy, if not close to getting drunk," slightly embarrassed she lowered her voice. "Before I knew it, I turned out to be pregnant."

In the past Sam had always understood it when women told her they had been thinking about their careers, not even considering children or thinking that day would come – she had been one of those women. However, now that she didn't have a child of her own and the chances to get one were slim to none, her anger and jealousy appeared. She couldn't have a child, but Ilse was acting as if it meant nothing. What, her entire life was based on a bottle of booze? Getting drunk, pregnant and married? What first time? Milou had been a mistake too? Had this woman ever heard of birth control? "A drunken mistake," she summed it up in a bitter tone. "What, you got drunk, your clothes just disappeared and before you knew it you landed on his dick?" Sam huffed and shook her head in a disbelieving manner. "And that happened several times?"

"Hey," Ilse glared at her and pointed her finger. "I don't know what gives you the right to judge me, but you don't see me blaming you for your mistakes, now do you?"

Surprised, Sam backed away a bit and frowned. What was she referring to?

"It only happened once," Ilse tried defending herself, "and I know that once is enough, but we used protection."

"While you were drunk, yes that's very reliable," Sam rolled her eyes.

"I always go double Dutch," she huffed in reply and, seeing Sam's confused face continued. "Use the pill and a condom."

"That obviously didn't work out," Sam pointed at the children playing in the snow. Not that she would consider those kids a mistake, but it was obvious what Ilse meant.

"Sebastian, yes," she bashfully admitted, "but Simone was planned."

Confused, Sam frowned and looked to her for an explanation. "What?"

"I grew up an only child," Ilse shrugged. "Well, my sister was born when I was eight years old. At first, that was a huge age difference. I loved her, as a baby and when she grew up, but I always thought it would've been better if we were closer in age. Seeing Milou and the twins together only strengthened that idea, and thus we decided to try for another baby. At the moment, the difference between Bastian and Simone is huge, but will change in about a year or two. Thankfully, Bastian has his cousins to play with and can learn to share from them."

"Cousins?"

"Yes," Ilse nodded at the puzzled expression on Sam's face and jerked her head towards Jack's children. "The kids spend a lot of time together and are closer than most cousins," she shrugged.

The wheels in Sam's mind were working overtime as she tried to comprehend what she'd just been told. Did that mean that Ilse wasn't their mother? But who was? What if she misinterpreted what Ilse was telling her? "Wait," she mumbled, holding up her hand.

"What?"

"Are you saying you're not…"

Hearing her voice trail off, Ilse frowned at her, silently urging her to finish her question. When Sam just gave her an expectant look, she tried to figure out what she was talking about… Oh! She didn't think that… did she? Ilse had assumed that Sam  _knew_ , especially after Jack had gone to Atlantis. He hadn't told her what had happened exactly, but she immediately noticed a change in his demeanor and the cause wasn't hard to deduce. Acting like herself, she'd blurted out her suspicions to Jack who had given her the answer she needed by his strange reaction – probably because she'd caught him off guard. "What are you asking, exactly?" Ilse tried, cocking her head. "You thought I was their mother?"

"You're not," Sam's question sounded more like a statement. She had suspected for some time now, but every time she'd been convinced of the fact, there would be something that didn't add up. Like who was their mother?

"Don't get me wrong," Ilse held up her hand. "I love them like my own and I'd do anything for them, but biologically speaking they're not mine, no."

Sighing, Sam ducked her head and studied the wooden railing. "I don't understand."

Ilse  _did_  understand. She finally understood what had been holding Sam back! God, if Jack had just been honest about the kids and everything…"My sister," she started before Sam interrupted her.

"Lily," she remembered.

Frowning, Ilse furrowed her brow. "How do you know?"

"You and the General were on the phone with her once, I remember," she replied. It had made a lasting impression on her, seeing the General in his comfort zone, joking and teasing.

"I guess Jack is right; you really are a genius," Ilse smiled at her.

Sam snorted self-deprecatingly realizing the irony in that statement. It had taken her years to finally discover that Ilse wasn't even their mother! "What about her?"

"Lily had cancer when she was pregnant," Ilse stared off, deep in thought. "Milou was only a few months old and it turned out she – Lil – was pregnant again, with twins for crying out loud! Due to the pregnancy she couldn't have chemo or radiation and surgery was out of the question. Somehow, she made peace with that…"

Hearing the emotion in the other woman's voice, Sam remained quiet and gave her the time to regain her composure and continue her story.

"Lily was very strong and confident, especially for someone her age," Ilse finally continued. "She knew what she wanted and made sure she got exactly that. Hearing her options, she knew what to do and since abortion was out of the question for her, she decided to continue with the pregnancy for as long as she could. She died shortly after the delivery."

"I'm sorry," Sam whispered, knowing what losing a loved one meant. "That is just horrible."

"It was… it was very hard, on all of us. Milou was eight months and the twins weren't a week old when she died, we hardly had the time to grief."

Sam nodded her understanding – she couldn't imagine going through something like that with her brother – and gave Ilse the time she needed. After a few moments though, the silence was weighing heavier on her and she needed an answer. "I still don't understand… I mean, the General… and you–"

"She had already split with Milou's father, but for the sake of Milou – and because he was so damned charming in her eyes – they tried to make it work again, which led to the twins. As soon as he heard he was becoming a father again, he split and signed off his rights, for all three of them. Lily asked Jack to take the kids because she knew he would be a great parent, a great father."

"Then how–" Sam stopped herself to try and think this through. Process this new information. "Okay, Lily was their mother and that explains why the children look like you," she made a vague gesture towards Ilse's nose and face in general, "since you're her sister. I see a lot of the General in them too, how can that be?"

Ilse frowned and tried to suppress her surprise. Apparently, Jack hadn't told Sam  _anything_  at all about his family, not even on Atlantis, which surprised her in a way. "She was Jack's sister."

"The General doesn't have a sister," Sam retorted, remembering from years ago when Loki had made a clone of him that he didn't have family that needed to be contacted.

"Not anymore," Ilse mumbled wistfully, already feeling the tears starting to form.

"Wait, how can she be your sister and then General's?"

For a genius she can be slow… "Half-sister," she replied. "Brennan," was all she said, and, seeing her puzzled expression she hastily explained, "Jack's father."

"He remarried?"

"With my mother, yes. That resulted into Lily."

Finally connecting all the dots, Sam nodded and went over everything in her mind. "She must have been very young."

"Eight years younger than me," Ilse shrugged, "she was twenty-two at the time of her death."

"The blonde in the photograph," Sam mumbled as a light bulb went off in her head.

Ilse smiled and motioned towards the living room with her head. "You saw the picture of her with Jack's sunglasses?"

"And the one of you and your mother, I think."

"Yeah," Ilse smiled wistfully, thinking of the two women who'd meant so much to her and were now both gone. "There's even a picture of us – Lily and me – with Charlie."

"I had no idea," Sam whispered as the implications of Ilse's explanation settled in and she felt like a fool. "What about–"

"Sam," Ilse interrupted her. "You should really talk to Jack, not to me."

"You two…"

"Nothing ever happened," she couldn't mistake the look in Sam's eyes and quickly tried to reassure her. "Like I said, I care about him, a lot. He's the only family I have left, even if he isn't really blood. I won't deny that we flirt from time to time, but that's all it is, harmless flirting. It is safe because nothing could – or would – ever happen. I'm not saying I never felt attracted to him," she decided to be frank. "But nothing ever happened, because it would be too weird. Besides, my mother would have had a heart attack and Brennan would have turned in his grave," she joked, trying to lighten the mood. "He loves you, you know."

"What, no," Sam shook her head, that couldn't be true.

"He does, I know him, he told me. We talk about a lot of things, Sam and I've known him for most of my life. I tried telling him that you're just as much in love with him as he is with you, but your rejections have hurt him," she couldn't help but scowl, "and I don't think he believes me. I had hoped everything would change when I met you, because I could clearly see your feelings for him. Instead, you rejected him and married another man," Ilse tried to keep the blame out of her voice, but knew she wasn't completely successful. "When he came back from Atlantis, I knew something had changed between you and I was quick with making assumptions. I was right; Jack's reaction was all the proof I needed. Yet here you two are, still dancing around the issue instead of taking a chance. For some reason Jack doesn't believe that you love him and has this idea that you love someone else, someone for whom you broke up your marriage."

"I can't just go up to him and–"

"Why not? He loves you more than anything – well, you might have to share that first place with the kids – and would do almost anything for you. But you can't expect him to throw himself out there again, after everything that has happened between you two. Sam, Jack is a great guy and if I didn't have my husband and wasn't related to Jack in some weird way, I would take a chance. Not that I think I'd have any chance with you around, but you never know." She could see Sam was processing the information she had provided and decided to take it a step further. "You have to be sure, though," she warned her. "You have to be absolutely certain that he is what you want before you go up to him, because you can't play with his feelings like you have done in the past. Besides, the kids are here as well – he would never give them up, so you might as well accept that they're a part of his life now. And you'll have to deal with me too on occasion," she chuckled, "which can be quite trying sometimes according to my husband."

"You want me to go up to him, bare my soul and tell him my deepest secret without knowing what's going to happen?"

"Just jump in with both feet," she smiled at her stunned face. "But you better be damn sure you want to swim."

"I do want him," Sam mumbled, more to herself than anyone else. "I just don't see how we'll make this work. I can't believe he didn't tell me all of this," she made a wide hand gesture, trying to include all the revelations Ilse had just made. "Not to mention the regs are still there and–"

"Jack will think of something and if not, he'll retire if that means he gets to have you."

"You say that now, but he never did," Sam huffed, reminded of the time she'd been contemplating Pete's proposal and deducing that if Jack O'Neill wanted her he would've made it known or would have retired.

Ilse frowned at her, confused. "Sam, Jack has been handing his retirement papers for at least twice a year for the last decade as far as I know, they've just never been accepted."

"What?"

"Yeah, the President wouldn't let him go and considering Jack didn't think he could have you, he didn't insist or take further action, especially not after you married that  _cop_."

Tears formed in her eyes and Sam placed a hand over her mouth as realization dawned on her. She had lost so many years if what Ilse said was true! "Oh my God."

"Go to him, talk to him. You two have a lot of explaining to do, but I guess it's better late than never," Ilse gently pushed her towards the deck.

"What, I can't just–"

"Yes you can, you're getting that divorce, right?" Seeing Sam nod, Ilse continued. "You want Jack, you're getting divorced and he wants you too. Go on."

Sam almost stumbled down the short stairs as Ilse shoved her into the snow. Right, she was going to do this… she could do this.

"Oh and Sam?"

Turning, Sam looked at her. "Yeah?"

"Try to start by calling him 'Jack' okay?" Ilse grinned, pleased that her plan was working out even better than she'd hoped.

Sam chuckled and walked over to the General –  _Jack –_ and the kids playing in the snow. She was nervous and didn't know how to broach the subject. Ilse was right, he had tried several times in the past, he'd even been the one to take a chance on Atlantis – twice, their lovemaking as well as the short conversation afterwards – and now it was her turn. She felt like kicking herself over her stupidity, for making assumptions and for marrying Pete. Not to mention telling  _Jack_  that she left Pete because of her feelings for another man, without telling him that  _he_  was that man! If Ilse hadn't come out and talked to her, Sam wasn't sure if she would've ever done this. She heard Ilse from behind her, yelling for the kids to come inside for some hot chocolate.

"Carter," Jack looked up, surprised to see her. "I'm guessing you're the reason the kids are getting hot cocoa?"

"Yes Sir," she nodded. " _Jack_ ," she immediately corrected herself.

Jack's eyebrows shot up and he quickly swatted the snow from his clothes, waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind. When she remained quiet, he grew concerned. "Is it about the divorce? Did that lowlife not show up?"

Hearing the anger in his voice, Sam quickly placed a hand on his arm. "No, everything went fine; my friend will be filing the paperwork some time today."

"Good," Jack replied, pleased with the situation. He tried not to show it too much, considering it was probably still hard for her and he didn't want to scare her off. Not that he seemed to be very successful in the  _not_  scaring her off, because she had been distant these past few days. It wasn't the homecoming he'd been looking forward to, not after everything that had happened between them on Atlantis, everything they had said in her office.

Not sure how to start, Sam patted his shoulder to remove some more snow as she gnawed her lip. She could feel the tension between them rising the longer she stayed quiet and his scrutinizing eyes weren't of much help. "It's you," she blurted out.


	38. Excuse Me?

Jack stared at her rosy cheeks and pulled up his collar, trying to shield his neck from the cold now his scarf was hanging around the snowman’s neck. He waited until the sound of the children’s footsteps faded and glanced at the deck. Ilse was giving him a smug grin – could the woman look more pleased with herself? – and Nathan was the last to step inside, after which she followed, effectively leaving him and Carter alone in the backyard. Looking back to Carter, keeping Ilse’s grin in mind, Jack knew he was in trouble. Considering how nervous Carter seemed to be and the fact that he’d seen both women engrossed in conversation on the deck – he should’ve known there was nothing innocent about it – he feared the worst. Or was it?

“Excuse me?”

Oh God… What if Ilse was wrong?Sam swallowed hard and fidgeted nervously with her scarf. Now or never, right? “It’s you,” she repeated slowly, trying to get her breathing under control. Why was he frowning at her like that?

Straightening, Jack wondered what she was talking about and, not wanting to get his hopes up, tried to play safe. “What about me?”

Taking a deep breath, Sam tried to gather all her courage and searched his face for any signs he felt the same. “Ilse told me…”

“What exactly did she say?” Jack squinted at her as he tried to think of all the things Ilse could have told Carter. Ilse knew him far too well, especially if whatever she had told Carter had made his Colonel this nervous. Averting her eyes, he found himself mesmerized by her quivering lips as she released a deep breath, standing so close to him that he could feel her breath touch his cheek.

What hadn’t she said would be a better question, Sam mused. She bit her lip as she tried to think of a way to broach the subject she really wanted to discuss, even if she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the truth. She had come this far, surely she could follow through? Carters weren’t quitters, she told herself as she locked gazes with _Jack_. “She told me about your sister, Lily, as well as the children. About your father and her mother. That Lily died and you adopted her children,” she tried to catch her breath between her rambling and continued. “That I hurt you when I married Pete, that I was an idiot for rejecting you. That I should jump in with both feet because I wanted to swim… and thatyouloveme.”

Perplexed, Jack stared at her, trying to figure out what she’d been rambling about. Was she saying that…? “Carter,” he sighed and held up his hand as she tried to interrupt him. “You want to swim?”

Hearing the disbelief in his voice Sam felt her heart sink and looked away, feeling like an idiot for the second time in ten minutes. “Never mind, _Sir_ ,” she turned to make her way back inside and tell Ilse she was horribly mistaken.

“Carter,” Jack grabbed her arm and swiveled her around to face him again. “ _Sam_ ,” he quickly corrected himself as he noticed the hurt in her blue eyes and realized what she’d been trying to tell him. “You’re sure that you want this,” he gestured between them as he referred to her jumping in with both feet. Not wanting to scare her off or make a fool of himself, he tried to ignore her last statement… At least, for now. “You want to _swim_?”

“I think so,” her face softened as she saw the pleading in his eyes. “I want to take a chance and go fishing with you,” she stated, surprising herself. “You?”

“I thought I was pretty clear back on Atlantis,” he murmured as his free hand caressed her cheek, while the other pulled her closer. “Then Woolsey and Shanahan happened,” he rolled his eyes as he pulled back from her. He wanted to kiss her, but he knew he shouldn’t. If they didn’t talk this through, he feared they might never. It wasn’t something new – hell, he’d wanted to kiss her since the moment they met – and he had experience with ignoring his desires when it came to Samantha Carter… Still, it was hard when she was looking at him with such open eyes, pink cheeks, slightly parted lips and her long, blonde hair framing her face. Little snowflakes were descending from the sky and he automatically raised his hand to brush some flakes off her cheek and nose.

“I know,” Sam cast her eyes downward and ducked her head to hide her blush. “I swear I had no idea,” she mumbled, referring to Pete not filing the divorce papers meaning she was still a bound woman.

Jack let his hand slide down her cheek and gently lifted her chin in order to look her in the eye. He wanted to believe that she hadn’t known she was still married, that she hadn’t played him like a fool. Even after Atlantis, he still had a hard time grasping that she might feel the same for him as he did for her. “Sam?”

She glanced up at him through her lashes and tried to convey her feelings for him via her eyes. “I swear,” she repeated, looking him dead in the eye. “I handed him the paperwork before I left for Atlantis and he promised he would sign and file them as he seemed to agree with my reasoning,” she bit her lip and looked away, ashamed that she’d taken Pete’s word for it now knowing what he’d done in the past. “I know,” she sighed and took a deep breath, “I shouldn’t have trusted him, but I didn’t know…”

“It’s okay,” Jack reassured her, believing and understanding her explanation. “Besides, there wasn’t any time for you to wait for him to sign and file the paperwork yourself, since you had to get to Atlantis as soon as possible.”

“I still don’t understand,” Sam started and stepped away from him to pace, needing some space and watched the snow fly about with every step she took. “Why didn’t you tell me about Pete stalking me and running those background checks?”

Rubbing a hand over his cold face, Jack grimaced. How could he explain that without giving away too much? He’d almost blurted it out the other day, but thankfully she hadn’t heard him. Then again, she just told him she wanted to take a chance and Ilse had apparently already blabbed about his feelings for Carter…

“Jack?”

He caught her askant glance and decided to be honest. What did he have to lose _?_ If he was honest, he might convince her… or make a fool of himself. Nevertheless, if he didn’t tell her the truth then what would that mean for the possibility of a romantic relationship between them? “I don’t know, Carter… I–Would you have believed me?”

“What?” Sam frowned, surprised by his question. “Why wouldn’t I have?”

“You were in love,” he replied through gritted teeth, the thought of her and Shanahan together still hurt. “You said he made you happy and then you were engaged…”

“I didn’t have a reason to distrust you,” she retorted, stopping in front of him. _Did I?_

Jack cocked his head as he tried to phrase an answer. “I never – ever – begrudged you your happiness,” he started, swallowing hard as her expression turned curious, “but I figured you wouldn’t have thought he’d be capable of doing that.”

“Sir, we had been working together for eight years and you’ve always had my six,” Sam tried, “if you had any evidence I don’t see why you couldn’t have told me…”

Hearing her voice trail off, Jack slowly nodded. It had been a possibility to tell and show her what they – Hammond, the President, the JCS, and he himself – had discovered. “Before I knew it, you were planning on marrying him,” Jack continued his previous explanation. “I-I didn’t want you to,” he admitted, ashamed.

“I remember,” she recalled. “Was that what you meant when you asked me if there was anything you could do or say to stop me from going through with the wedding?”

Jack huffed and shook his head. That hadn’t even crossed his mind at the time! “No,” he replied honestly, letting out a humorless chuckle as he clenched his fists. “I care about you,” he turned to face her. “A lot more than I’m supposed to.”

Stunned by the unexpected turn of conversation, Sam simply nodded at his words, which sounded more like an accusation than anything else. Unable to form a reply, she simply waited for him to continue as he dragged his hand through his hair.

“I’ve known Ilse since she was yay high,” Jack gestured with his hands and jerked his head towards the house, knowing his stepsister was hiding in there. “My dad died when Lily was still a toddler,” he sighed, lost in memories. “He left Anna and Lily behind, as well as Ilse who’d been living with them up until then, after his death she went to stay with her father because it was too much on Anna. We grew closer over his loss and I tried to help them out whenever I could, balancing my military life as well as Sara and Charlie with them. It wasn’t easy and because of the age difference and my father dying, Lily was more than just my little sister…”

Seeing him struggle with his feelings, Sam stepped closer. She laid her hand on his arm, gave it a gentle squeeze to let him know that she was listening even if she had a hard time following his disjointed explanation. He’d never been the touchy-feely kind of guy, always claiming not to talk feelings and she knew she just had to let him finish or he might clam up altogether. Silently spurring him on, she shivered when a gust of cold wind chilled her through her leather jacket, her bare hand trembling on his sleeve.

“When Charlie–” his voice almost broke and he awkwardly cleared his throat. “After what happened, I grew more protective of Lily and tried to keep her from harm. Getting back from Abydos she was my first stop and I felt I had almost let her down,” Jack confessed, never having admitted to anyone – not even himself – that if Daniel hadn’t convinced them on Abydos he’d be dead and would’ve hurt his little sister in a way he’d never thought himself capable of. “By then, Ilse had grown up to a rebellious teenager, and, having lost her father as well, the bond between her and Lily grew stronger. Lily took after her mother and sister and had no trouble twisting me around her little finger,” he chuckled, “and Ilse was a charmer as well.”

“I can imagine,” Sam muttered under her breath, having seen Ilse in action. Noticing the silence, she looked up to get his attention. “Jack?”

“After Lily died, I adopted the kids,” Jack nodded to confirm what Ilse had apparently already told her. “Ilse was there to help me, with the kids as well as the loss,” he grimaced, uncomfortable talking about all of this. “I know her through and through and she loves to remind me that she knows me quite well too.”

Despite the situation, Sam giggled at the annoyance sounding through his voice. She’d known this man for over a decade and still had trouble reading him sometimes, especially after everything that had happened in the past few years. She could only imagine some of the things he kept from everyone by his gruff exterior and her earlier conversation with Ilse had left her suspecting that perhaps Jack O’Neill actually _did_ show his hidden qualities from time to time to those he loved. “I don’t really know what to say to that,” she bashfully admitted, “but I can only imagine what it must have been like–”

“What I’m trying to say,” he let out an exasperated sigh and rolled his eyes over his own inadequacy, “is that she’s right.”

Frowning, Sam tried to understand what he was referring to. Right about what? “About…?”

“I couldn’t stand seeing you with that cop,” Jack shrugged and tried to hold her gaze. “I knew you wanted him, that he made you happy and it… it killed me.”

Her breath hitched as he made his confession and Sam could see the truth behind his words in those chocolaty eyes of his. “Jack–”

“It killed me that _he_ was the one that made you happy, that _he_ was the one you wanted to be with,” he interrupted her as he placed his finger over her – soft – lips. “That Shannon–”

“Shanahan–”

Ignoring her, Jack continued. “–was allowed to tell you he loved you, that he could hold you, kiss you, make love to you. That he was the one marrying you and offering you the life _I_ wanted to share with you.”

The moment his finger touched her lips a tingling sensation coursed through her body and his words warmed her even more. Wait, why was he speaking in past tense? “I’m sorry,” she murmured against his finger, blinking to keep the tears that were burning behind her eyes at bay. “I never meant to hurt you…”

“That day during the quarantine,” he briefly closed his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to form the words whirling through his mind.

“God,” Sam almost sniffed, “I should have listened to you, but I was _so_ convinced that Pete was the one–”

“Ssh, it’s okay,” Jack hushed her, shaking his head. “I should have been clearer, I should have told you that… I do love you,” he almost whispered, unable to tear away from those blue orbs.

“You love me,” Sam reiterated, not yet comprehending the meaning of his words.

“I do,” he smirked; glad she wasn’t turning him down yet. “I have and always will.”

She took a step closer, their shoes standing nose to nose and rested her forehead against his. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sighing, Jack closed his eyes, relishing the intimate gesture and touch as her cold skin touched his forehead and her breath warmed his cheek. “Because,” he imitated her soft murmur.

“Why?” Sam repeated as she bit her lip, enjoying their skin contact.

“Because you’re kind, compassionate, smart as hell, a kickass soldier, beautiful and could have any man,” he closed his eyes as he repeated the reasons he’d once given her, the arguments with which he’d tried to convince himself that he didn’t deserve her, that she didn’t belong to him. “You’re so young,” he mumbled, his finger tracing her cheek, “sixteen years my junior, not to mention my second in command for years and I’m still your commanding officer–”

“No,” she protested, interrupting him and placing her finger on his lips to stop him from talking. “Not today,” her eyes willed him to believe her, “right now, we’re just Jack and Sam.”

“I meant it when I said I couldn’t ask you to keep your life on hold, _Sam_ ,” he spoke through her protest and gently pressed a kiss against her finger. “You deserve much more than what I could ever give you…”

“I’m not asking for more,” she smiled as she saw surprise flash through his dark eyes, “I just want you.”

His heart skipped a beat as she smiled that megawatt smile at him and he couldn’t suppress his own grin at the images her words conjured; a life with Samantha Carter. “God knows I want you too,” he groaned, still resisting the urge to kiss her. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know what he had told you,” he resumed their earlier conversation, knowing he needed to explain himself or they would never have a real chance. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” Jack swallowed hard, knowing that Sam would’ve been hurt if he’d told her. “I didn’t want you to blame me,” he finally admitted.

“I wouldn’t,” Sam leaned back; shocked that he would think that. “I would never blame you for something Pete did…”

Jack shrugged and stuffed his cold hands in his pockets. “I was jealous.”

She gasped at his confession and her hand immediately covered her mouth, finally realizing exactly _how much_ she had hurt him. For him to admit such a thing, to admit he’d been jealous… She had been such an idiot! What had she been thinking, choosing Pete over a man like Jack O’Neill?Reaching out, she cupped his cheek and caressed it with her thumb. “I’m such a fool,” she felt her eyes tearing up.

“No,” he covered her hand with his and gave it – what he hoped to be – a reassuring squeeze, “you’re not. You have every right to a normal life, to _want_ a normal life. Hell, I was the one encouraging you to find a life!”

“Yeah,” she let out a self-deprecating chuckle, “what were you thinking?”

Despite the tension he felt in his body, the heated atmosphere and their subject of conversation, he grinned at her teasing comment. “When I’m around you? Nothing much,” he turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand.

“I don’t believe you,” Sam mumbled, enjoying the feeling of his lips on her hand.

“You should,” he mumbled as he kissed his way to the soft skin of her wrist, his nose pushing her leather sleeve out of the way.

She found herself mesmerized by his dark brown eyes when he looked up and let his tongue dart out to taste her skin, making her breath hitch. “I missed you,” she whispered in a throaty voice.

He pulled back, letting his thumb trace the patterns on her wrist his tongue had just made. Her pulse was racing and he couldn’t help but look a little smug. “Me too.”

“Not just,” Sam made a vague hand gesture, “now,” she tried to think of a way to put down in words what she was feeling. She knew he thought she was talking about this past year in which she _had_ missed him terribly, it had been almost unbearable not being able to be around him after the night they had shared and the promises he had made. “I _missed_ you,” she put emphasis on the word, trying to make him understand. “These past few years I missed being around you, seeing you, talking to you…”

Jack simply nodded, now realizing she meant these past five years in which she had met and married Shanahan, distancing herself from him. “I know,” he was surprised by the emotions that overtook him as she looked at him with something akin to anguish in her eyes.

“I shouldn’t have told you to leave me alone.”

“Carter,” he rolled his eyes, “we both knew that was inevitable.”

“Was it?” Sam asked, raising her brows, not expecting him to tell her that.

“I already knew we’d lose touch,” he simply shrugged as he let go of her wrist. “With me being in DC and you–”

“At the SGC,” she finished for him.

“–getting married to Shannon,” Jack corrected her. “I wanted you to be happy,” he rocked back on his feet and took a deep breath. “Even if it was with that _cop_ , as long as you were happy I could tolerate it. Doesn’t mean I wanted to be around you,” he startled as she gasped loudly. “No, no, that’s _not_ what I meant! I just couldn’t stand seeing you two together, with him… _touching_ you,” he grimaced at the bad taste the word left in his mouth.

“Oh, Jack,” Sam almost cried out, feeling her heart break for what she had put him through. “You deserve so much better,” she held up her hand to stop him from interrupting her as he clearly wanted to, “after how I treated you. I knew I still had feelings for you,” she slowly admitted, casting her eyes downward to watch her foot kicking up some snow, not able to look him in the eye. “Even when I accepted Pete’s proposal…”

Swallowing hard, Jack tried to remain calm and let her say whatever it was she wanted to tell him without interrupting her, as she had let him. He suppressed the urge to grab her by the shoulders and try to shake some sense in her, make her understand how she had made him feel by accepting Shanahan’s proposal while she apparently still had feelings for _him_! If she had just told him… if she had turned the cop down and told him, Jack, how she had felt. He tried not to think about the time they had wasted with both of them being stubborn and afraid to admit their feelings…

“I still cared for you,” her eyes darted up quickly to make sure he was still paying attention and to see the look on his face. She still had the ability to read him on occasion, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what his clenched fists and the gritting of his teeth meant. He was right; she never should’ve accepted Pete’s proposal. Now she had ended up hurting the only man she’d ever love.“I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” she admitted, blushing, “even when we…” She heard him hiss and looked up to see him turn around and pace through the snow, and knew she didn’t have to explain what she’d been about to say. His posture was almost screaming for her to stop talking – she knew he didn’t want to think about that aspect of her marriage – and shook her head. “I didn’t know what your feelings for me were,” she tried and knew she’d gotten his attention. “That’s why I asked you in my lab…”

Jack stopped his pacing and narrowed his eyes at her, knowing exactly what she was referring to. “It took all my self-restraint to _not_ throw that little box against the wall and crush it, to sit there and talk to you about your life with another man,” he spoke through gritted teeth, the memory still haunting him.

“I wanted you to tell me that you still cared for me,” she admitted, holding his gaze. “It had been over four years since we left it in the room–”

“You wanted to leave it there,” he muttered under his breath, dragging a hand through his hair.

“And you didn’t?” She glared at him, her voice an octave higher. “You nearly let them kill you before you said those words and I still had to drag them out of you,” she huffed.

“How was I supposed to know that was the reason that snake thought we were zanexes?” He yelled, finally able to let some of his frustrations out.

“You could have tried using your brain to figure it out instead of _offering_ it to Anise for her to examine!”

Glowering at her, Jack took a step closer, his voice dangerously low. “Well, excuse me, Carter, but we’re not all geniuses with super brains–”

“Oh please!” She exclaimed, throwing her hands up. “That’s your excuse for everything isn’t it?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Jack O’Neill begging, that would be a first,” Sam huffed, getting just as frustrated as he was. “You’d rather die than–”

“Lose you,” Jack finished softly, his anger forgotten.

Her head snapped up at his reply and she was taken aback by the emotions that were swirling in his eyes. “–admit you cared for me,” she continued lamely, her anger dissolving when she saw the love in his face.

“I had no idea,” he shook his head, “if you reciprocated my feelings or not. _I_ didn’t even realize how much I,” _loved you_ , “cared for you until that damn force shield was between us and I couldn’t get you out.”

“Neither did I,” she whispered, before looking at the sky and taking a moment to calm the turmoil she felt inside. “I still tried, though.”

Her statement made his heart ache and Jack could do nothing but nod. He knew she was right; she’d been the one to take a chance that day and urge him to tell the truth. “It would’ve been worse,” he tried to defend himself.

“What?”

 


	39. A Beautiful Day

"You just got promoted to Major and while I know Hammond would've made sure you got that promotion one day, it was still my recommendation," he replied to clarify. "We'd been working together for four years, the rumor mill was getting out of control already and–"

"We were still fighting the Goa'uld," she interrupted him, understanding what he'd been trying to say. "Integrity first, service before self…"

Jack grimaced at her mumbling, knowing it was true; it was part of who they were and her soldier-side was one of the things he loved about her. He couldn't really think of anything he didn't love about her… He sighed and fiddled with the zipper of his coat. "Yeah."

Coughing uncomfortably, Sam stared off into the distance feeling they had reached an impasse. It had been their 'thing' for years, both of them military to the bone. Those core values were part of who they were and for her it had been a very important factor in her life, growing up as a military brat. Jack, of course, had a few more years in the service than she had, so it wasn't  _that_  strange that they had both kept their feelings to themselves in order to perform their duties and keep the planet safe.

Now, however, the time had come for her to claim the life, the love and the man she wanted, or so she thought. She'd put her duties, her country, her planet, her galaxy and even different galaxies before herself for as long as she could remember. She'd given the service the best years of her life and she was tired of giving up everything and not getting anything in return. From day one, they had been told they'd have to understand that the needs of the institution will sometimes outweigh personal desires, but in Sam's case it had been her entire life instead of just sometimes! She startled as Jack broke the silence.

"Not to mention we wouldn't be here if you had been transferred off SG-1," Jack remarked casually, knowing that she was the one that had saved their butts – and Earth – more times than he could count. They had to face the facts; if they'd gotten together her reassignment to another SG-team would have been the most optimistic outcome.

She wanted to protest, tell him about all the possibilities – all the alternate realities they'd come across and those they didn't even know of – but refrained, knowing deep down that he was right. For all they had learned in the last decade she knew that the chance they could have had a romantic relationship were so slim remote didn't even cover it. "Jack," she said instead, not knowing what she could possibly use as an argument.

"It's true and you know it." It wasn't an accusation and he knew she knew that. "It would've ended badly, Carter."

"I know," she confirmed, nodding slowly, her eyes cast downwards once again. Sam didn't want to think of what he was specifically referring to, it could be the consequences for their careers but he could also mean they wouldn't have lasted. She refused to consider the latter, though. He was her man, her perfection and she knew they could be great together, if they would just try. "This time it won't," she whispered, her voice sounding more confident than she felt.

"It won't," Jack repeated, grinning slightly as he took in her lovely features. "We can do this," he mumbled, more to himself than her.

"We'll have to wait until the divorce comes through," Sam added hesitantly, afraid he wouldn't want to wait. "We can't – I don't think I can…"

Taking a step closer, Jack grabbed both her hands with his. "Ssh, I know."

Intertwining her fingers with his, Sam let out a happy sigh. She could get used to this! "I know I hurt you by marrying Pete, but I thought I was doing the right thing–"

"I know," Jack sighed, pushing down the feelings of hurt that resurfaced every time he thought about it.

"–and I know now that I was mistaken. I just – I didn't know what to think, anymore. Pete made me feel special," she bit her lip, unsure of what she was actually trying to accomplish.

Jack gulped at her confession, feeling something akin to guilt for  _not_  making her feel special and jealousy towards Shanahan. "Carter, I–"

"Hear me out," she smiled shyly at him and looked back down to study their intertwined fingers. They looked good together, his tanned skin in contrast to her pale hand. "He made me feel special and loved," she frowned and blew out a deep breath. "I wasn't sure exactly what my feelings for you meant… I-I was afraid I was hiding behind them, that you were my safe bet so that I couldn't get hurt by someone else. That also meant I couldn't be loved or," she broke their handholding to hold up a hand and smother his protest as he was about to open his mouth, "at least not the way I wanted to be loved. That I couldn't feel that joy, feel someone's arms around me or come home to somebody. I realized that when I was aboard the  _Prometheus_ and it was why I accepted Mark's offer to hook me up with Pete."

"I understand," Jack nodded gravely. He understood and could even accept it, but that didn't mean it hadn't hurt. "As much as it hurt, I knew you deserved to be happy," he grimaced slightly. However, he couldn't deny that a part of him regretted telling her to get a life. What had Daniel said again when they'd visited Carter in her new house? He thought something had happened on  _Prometheus_  and apparently, the good doctor was right. Daniel had also accused him of not stopping Sam, telling him that by not speaking up when she'd shown him the ring she'd perceived his reaction – or lack thereof – as an encouragement. "I didn't want to hold you back, hell, I thought you'd moved on and found something,"  _better_ , "else,  _someone_ else."

"So did I," Sam mumbled, locking gazes with him. "You and Kerry…"

"You'd moved on and I figured I should do the same," he said, exasperated. Dragging a hand through his hair, he looked at the ground, ashamed. "I ended up using her."

"You didn't mean to," she tried to comfort him and squeezed the hand she was still holding, while bringing her other up to cup his cheek.

"Didn't I?" Jack asked in an emotional voice. "I knew what,  _who_ , I wanted and Kerry wasn't it."

"Oh Jack," Sam caressed his cheek with her thumb. "We've hurt so many people…"

"I know," he mumbled as he leaned against her touch. "I should have told you about Shannon's background check, but I couldn't. I-I didn't want  _that_  to be the reason," he shrugged, not wanting to go into details. He didn't want to tell her that he didn't want to be her second choice, that she would only choose him if she would dump the cop. "I wanted it to be your own choice," Jack explained, "I didn't want to force you or make the decision for you."

Sam nodded, realizing he was right. There was a good chance she would have felt pressured to leave Pete and perhaps she'd fall back into thinking Jack was her safe bet. It may have taken her a few years, but now she was sure that Jack was the one for her and she couldn't have been this sure if the things in the past hadn't happened. If they both hadn't made mistakes, if she would have kept wondering 'what if' with Pete or another man… "This is my choice," she muttered, before pulling him closer and kissing his cold lips.

Jack startled when he felt her lips on his, but easily opened his mouth to allow her access when she increased the pressure. He welcomed her tongue with his, enjoying the taste of her as he cupped the back of her head to pull her even closer.

* * *

"Hi Cassie," Maddy greeted her as Cassie walked into the room.

"Hey," Cassie smiled and waved at the kids at the table on her way to get a cup of coffee. She nodded to Ilse, who was on the phone.

"Yes, I'll hold," Ilse rolled her eyes and shifted the receiver in her hand. "Good afternoon Cassandra," she smiled. "Sleep well?"

"Meh," she shrugged and poured herself some coffee. "Why are you so cheerful?"

"Because it's a beautiful day," Ilse grinned at her.

Cassie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "It snows all the time, what's so beautiful about it? If you recall, you're supposed to be at the cabin and I should be in Nevada, but thanks to the snow we're stuck here."

"Have you even looked outside?"

Recognizing the innocent tone as anything but, Cassie frowned when Ilse returned her attention to the person on the other line. Sipping from her coffee, she walked over to the window to look outside on her way to the table. "Oh my God," she gasped, turning to Ilse.

Ilse mouthed a 'what?' while listening to the man on the other side of the call, knowing what she must have seen.

"I can't believe this… Jack and Sam," she pointed at the couple outside, "they're all over each other, what happened?"

"Thank you," Ilse murmured and disconnected the call. "I told you it was a beautiful day, didn't I?"

"You knew," Cassie stated, stunned.

"Well," Ilse joined the children at the table and reached for a glass of milk. "I may have hinted something to Sam."

Grinning, Cassie joined them and grabbed the bread. "Excellent."

"I thought so," Ilse replied, grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

"I take it the divorce is settled?"

"The papers would be filed by Sam's old friend, as I understood," she nodded an affirmative.

"Great," Cassie took a bite and cocked her head. "They have a lot to discuss–"

"They've been out there for over an hour," Ilse replied as she glanced at the clock. "I called in the kids for hot chocolate, but we decided to start lunch already and leave those two to talk… I'd figured the cold would make sure they'd talk everything over, but apparently they need their time."

"Well, they have years to discuss… Perhaps they need some more privacy," Cassie offered. "You know, for  _other_  things. After all, they've been waiting for this for ages, not to mention the way they're making out, they're worse than some of my classmates," she grimaced.

"I know," Ilse chuckled; glad the two Air Force officers had finally admitted their feelings for each other. "Why do you think I booked a flight for two to Minnesota?"

"You didn't!"

"I did."

"For when?"

"Tomorrow," Ilse replied. "I figured I might as well wait for Matt to get here, that way he can help watch the kids. I take it you're off to Nevada soon?"

"If the flights are resumed," Cassie nodded absentmindedly. "I can't believe they finally got their act together," she grinned as she cast another look outside.

* * *

Sam took in a quivering breath as Jack broke the kiss off and was surprised she was still feeling all tingly over a kiss. It had started as an innocent kiss, for her to show him that  _he_  was the one she wanted to be with, that she chose him. However, as soon as he'd responded, she felt herself losing control and things had turned passionate. The butterflies in her stomach had warmed her from the inside, not to mention the feelings his tongue and hands had stirred up. Now, however, after what felt like an eternity, they broke loose and she could feel the coldness of the winter seep through her leather jacket. "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea," she grinned shyly, not feeling apologetic in the slightest.

"Maybe," Jack echoed in a hoarse voice, before his hand grabbed hold of hers. Caressing her cold hand, he couldn't help but feel a little smug when he noticed she was still trying to catch her breath. He assumed she hadn't intended on kissing him like  _that_  but he'd lost his self-control when she'd started moaning in his mouth, her small slender hands pulling him closer and before he knew it her hands were everywhere and she was pushing herself against him. "I didn't mind, though," he flashed her a grin.

His lopsided grin made her heart skip a beat and Sam felt her cheeks burning under his attention. "I want you," she stated as she looked down at their hands. "I realized that after everything we went through together," she looked up to see his reaction, "but also the things that happened when we weren't in each other's lives," referring to her marriage with Pete she noticed the flash of pain in his eyes, "that you are the one I want to be with. I know that for a fact now."

"C'mere," taking a step forward, Jack reached around her to pull her against his chest. "No matter what happened, I still love you, Samantha Carter," he mumbled with his lips against her temple. "I've wanted to spend the rest of my life with you for as long as I can remember," he added, closing his eyes as she let out a deep sigh, relishing the feeling of holding her in his arms. He wasn't a man of many words or patience, but he wanted to do this right before he'd lose her again. It hadn't escaped his attention that she'd been careful not to talk about love, but if she was being honest about wanting to be with him, they'd have the rest of their lives together. In that time he could prove to her how much he loved her and he could wait that long for her to admit her feelings, if it meant being with her every day.

Being held by him, his strong arms surrounding her and breathing in his scent, Sam felt more satisfied and happy than she'd been in a long time. It was strange how him embracing her could make her feel this safe and loved, when she was perfectly capable of kicking anyone's ass to defend herself and thought of herself as an independent woman. Her knees almost buckled when he dipped his head and nuzzled her neck and she tightened her hold on him, trying to pull him even closer to savor the moment. She'd never felt like this with any other man simply holding her. That probably should've been a sign, she mused, thinking back to her marriage. Pete's embrace had never made her heart pound, while Jack's had done so from the beginning, even before she had realized she was in love with him. At the time, she'd always blamed it on the rush of adrenaline – because they'd usually just survived a fight for their lives – or on feeling self-conscious about  _hugging_ her commanding officer… It had been foolish of her to think so. Something kept nagging at her, though and she knew she had to bring it up or else her mind would never be at peace. "Jack?"

"Hm?" He traced her neck and pressed kisses on her soft skin, his nose pushing the collar of her jacket to the side. Grateful she was wearing her scarf loose around her neck, he let his lips and tongue trace her collarbone, making her shudder. "What is it, Samantha?"

She bit back a grin as he drawled out her name, her memories taking her back to their night on Atlantis… Shaking her head to clear her mind, she gnawed on her lip. "I- I… why didn't you tell me before?"

Frowning, Jack pulled back to look at her. "That I love you?" The words still foreign on his tongue and he couldn't believe that he'd actually said it aloud a few times now and nothing Earth shattering had happened.

"I- I just can't help but wonder if I'd gone through with everything if I'd known…" She let her voice trail off and looked away.

"Really?" He cleared his throat, remembering all the times he'd told himself not to dwell on it or torture himself with all the possibilities… not that it had helped much.

Not sure if he was being sarcastic, she tried looking him in the eye, but his face was blank as he stared back at her. "There was a reason it took me two weeks to accept Pete's proposal," she tried gingerly.

Jack froze at her retort and briefly closed his eyes, chastising himself for his stupidity. "You caught me off guard," he replied, trying to keep his tone of voice light. "A few weeks before, you more or less told me you were in love with some cop. We all stood by as he endangered our operation at Daniel's house and got himself shot, with you almost worrying your brains out at his bedside," he huffed, letting go of her and taking a step back. "I'd been told by Hammond and the President about his background check on you and didn't know if he'd told you," Jack paced the snow again, throwing a few glances at her as he tried to explain himself while fidgeting with the hem of his jacket or making wild gestures with his hands. "At that time, I wasn't authorized yet to tell you, so I couldn't say anything even if I knew how to…"

"But still," Sam protested softly, gnawing her bottom lip. "You were so…"

He cocked his head as she waved her hand around and stopped mid-stride, having a pretty good idea of what she was trying to say. "Evasive? Vague?"

She nodded at his suggestions and looked at him expectantly.

"God, Sam," Jack dragged a hand over his face, at a loss for words because  _he_  wasn't even sure what had kept him from stopping her that day. "I thought you were moving on, because things were clearly turning serious between you two. All I had – all I  _knew_  – was what you said during the zanex testing, which was years ago. Like I said, you deserve more and I thought he was giving you that. I figured you were having commitment issues – which is understandable with your background," he hastened himself to add, because he knew about the fate of most of her love interests. In addition, what losing her mother had done to her father. "You were talking about the future, kids and I didn't know what to say. I was still your CO, had been for the past eight years and for all I knew your response to the zanex testing meant that you felt the entire team was more like a family, which isn't how you're supposed to feel about your comrades according to the Air Force regulations."

Seeing his frustrations, Sam reached out and placed her hand on his sleeve. "I know, it was the same for me," she explained, smiling ruefully as she remembered how his words during the zatarc testing had sparked hope in her heart, only for it to come crashing down the longer she thought about the meaning of them. "That's why I asked you what if–"

"Things had been different," he finished, nodding.

"Yeah…"

Hearing her voice trail off, Jack covered her hand with his and, with his free hand, lifted her chin to look her in the eye. "What things? How different?" He asked, squinting. "I wanted to believe you were asking about things between us," he motioned with his hand, "but I couldn't be sure. I chose the safe explanation–"

"You wouldn't have been there," she concluded, remembering by heart the words that had never left her mind. "It could mean anything," she frowned, still not satisfied with the explanation.

"It could," Jack confirmed.

"That's why you said what you said," Sam groaned, rolling her eyes. "You could've told me during the quarantine, you said you didn't want to influence my decision."

"That's true," he admitted, remembering that horrible conversation between them. "You're a grown woman, Sam, I knew you could make your own decisions and I just wanted to make sure that you knew where I stood," Jack offered, shrugging casually.

"Where you stood," she slowly repeating, snorting. "It only confused me even more," she confessed, feeling embarrassed about it. "I got mad–"

"I noticed," Jack acknowledged, disdain over the conversation clearly sounding through.

Ashamed, Sam stared at their boots. They were almost standing toe to toe, both their noses covered in white flocks of snow. His more than hers, because he'd been pacing, kicking up the snow with every step he took. Some time since they'd been outside it had started snowing again, but the flakes coming from the sky were now small and few in numbers and disappeared in the already-present piles of snow as soon as they hit the ground. In the beginning she'd felt the snow on her face, her hands and even through her jeans and they had decorated her boots for a while too, but now the cold had numbed her skin and the flakes weren't distinguishable anymore. With the exception of the few on Jack's shoulders and in his hair, she noticed as she looked up in his face, feeling his eyes on her, almost burning a hole through her as he silently – but clearly impatiently – waited for her to react. "You never told me you loved me," she whispered, feeling foolish about saying it aloud, scared to sound like a wronged child. "I know you said you wanted to be with me, that you couldn't ask me to put my life on hold for  _someday_ , but you never, ever said you actually loved me."

Astounded, he simply stared at her. Jack knew the surprise in his eyes was probably clear for her to see, because she looked away, embarrassed. "I thought that was obvious," he remarked, waiting for her to look at him again. When she did, he continued. "I couldn't say it aloud, Carter, I was still your CO, you had been my second in command for years and by that time I was even base commander. I already overstepped boundaries by telling you that I felt the same as I did with the zanex testing, that I wanted to be with you… It would've come back to bite me, us –  _you_  – had you not felt the same." He knew she understood what he was trying to say – that if someone had found out or overheard, it would've been bad for  _her_  career as she was the woman, his 2IC for years and the military was still a boys' club – when her eyes widened. "Crap," he huffed, "did you really think I was just talking about  _sex_?"

"I don't know," she replied, frustrated. "I didn't know, I couldn't be sure," she threw up her hands and lifted her shoulders. "How was I supposed to know what you meant,  _exactly_? I'd been trying to understand, to read you for years, but you hardly ever let anyone in and I couldn't simply  _assume_ ," she put emphasis on the last word. "Because if I were wrong…"

Nodding slowly, Jack agreed. "Yeah…"

"On one hand I had Pete who'd professed his love for me many times, who showed me many times how much he loved me and on the other hand were you; my commanding officer, someone unattainable with vague and evasive answers. I wanted you to tell me, to clarify… hell, to force me to choose, to dump Pete, to pressure me about everything – make the decision for me," she lowered her voice. "I wanted you to tell or show me, to kiss me," Sam looked away, ashamed of herself and her behavior, "to offer to retire."

Jack pricked up his ears to hear her last sentence as she looked away, her voice carried away by the wind and was shocked. "I had no idea," he mumbled, shaking his head. "I didn't know what to do without overstepping," rolling his eyes, Jack sighed exasperated. "I couldn't ask you to give up your career," he ran a hand through his hair in a frustrated manner. "Still can't," he added quickly. "I can retire, I've done it before."

"I don't want you to," Sam protested.

"What?"

"That's not what I meant," she tried to explain. "You were telling me you wanted to be with me, but I couldn't see how, I couldn't picture a working romantic relationship between us, not with our positions."

"So… you don't want me to retire?" He cautiously inquired, confused by her once again.

"No! You can't leave the program, you're too valuable."

"Yeah well," Jack shrugged, not really caring. "I can't –  _won't_  – ask you to give up your career, not with you being on a fast track to become General Carter. Besides, our positions aren't what they were, there are no more Goa'uld, Ori and you've kicked some major Wraith ass  _abroad_ … they don't need me anymore."

"Jack," Sam groaned impatiently.

"I don't mind–"

"You'd get bored within a week."

"I wouldn't–"

"You would," she insisted.

"I'd have you," he smiled smugly, placing his hands on her hips to pull her closer.

She chuckled, despite the situation. "What about my reassignment? I wouldn't be here all the time, especially not if they want me on the new ship," she objected.

"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it," Jack shrugged. "Besides, I'll have the kids to keep me company."

"They go to school, don't they?"

"Oh, don't let those angelic faces fool you," he grinned, "I'll probably need the hours they're gone to recharge."

"Still," Sam shook her head, "I don't want you to retire."

"We'll see. I would've done it for you, you know," Jack looked at her, hoping she could see the truth in his eyes.

"I know," she whispered, biting her lip. "Ilse told me about your retirement papers, I- I didn't know and I felt stupid when she told me."

"I never told you, perhaps I should have," he offered, his hand brushing away a lock of her hair.

"Didn't they reject them?"

"Well… yes," Jack chuckled, making her giggle. Oh, how he loved that giggle…

"It would've been false hope," Sam commented, feeling somber again. She shifted uncomfortably on her feet as a heavy silence descended upon them, both of them thinking of what could have been if they'd just spoken up. She knew she still had to tell him she loved him, but she couldn't. Not now, they had to talk about everything first, get things in the open. "I thought you'd moved on, too."

Jack looked up when her voice broke the awkward silence and frowned. "What?"

"That day, when I asked you," she made a hand gesture, "in my lab, when I showed you the ring. I thought you'd moved on."

"Because of Kerry?"

"You were so reserved and our friendship felt strained," Sam elaborated.

"I know," Jack admitted. "I didn't know how to act around you," he shrugged.

"Because of Pete?"

"Because of everything."

"Because you loved me?"

"Yes, Samantha, because I loved you," Jack replied in a placating tone. It was almost as if she still didn't believe him, he pondered. "I loved you and all those things – including your relationship with Shannon and my promotion – had caused a shift in our working relationship and our friendship."

"I overheard you and Daniel," Sam blurted out, unable to keep it to herself any longer.

Raising a brow, Jack looked at her inquiringly. "What?"

"I overheard you."

"When?"

"At my house," she shrugged.

"You're going to have to do a little better than that, Carter," Jack said, exasperated. What was she talking about?

"That day, when you all came over to the new house."

"And…?"

Stunned that he was still playing dumb, Sam glared at him. "And I overheard you after the tour, when you two were in my study. Talking. Quite loudly."

Rubbing his chin, Jack tried to think of what she could have overheard. "Daniel and I were talking, in your study?" He asked to clarify and, seeing her nod, he dug deeper in his memories. "Oh."

"Yes, 'oh'," Sam reiterated, crossing her arms. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I left my phone in the living room and I couldn't help but overhear your loud voices."

"So…?" Jack questioned, wanting to know what was so bad about it. After all, she already knew he was in love with her, right?

"I overheard Daniel talking about dinner," she recalled, "which I assume was the dinner we were  _supposed_  to have in Washington and you told him there was some big emergency–"

"There was!" Jack exclaimed.

"Let me finish," she said, clenching her jaw. "Please," Sam added when he wanted to open his mouth again.

"Fine," he relented, motioning with his hand for her to continue.

"Daniel was blabbing about my experience on the  _Prometheus_ ," since she'd already explained that, Sam didn't think she needed to go into further detail about it. "How we – you and I – were both trying to move on but that it was useless, since I was the one you  _loved_ ," Sam put emphasis on the last word, remembering how her heart had seemed to break when she'd heard his response.

"Yes," Jack simply nodded, still wondering what all the fuss was about.

"Yes?" She repeated her voice almost a shriek in disbelief. "That's all you have to say about it?"

"Sam, I just told you–"

"And you  _denied_  it," she interrupted him.

"What?"

"You denied I was the one you were in love with and," she held up her hand, "don't tell me you only said that to Daniel because he's, well… Daniel."

The pieces finally fell in place for Jack and he had to suppress a chuckle at the irony of it all. "Then what did I say,  _Samantha?"_

"Er," Sam tried to think back and shrugged, "you two fell quiet."

"And after that?"

"I don't know, Cassie came into the room and I'd heard enough."

"Well," Jack reached for her hand and held it tightly when she tried to pull back, "if you would've been any good at eavesdropping," he continued, smiling, "you would have heard that I admitted my feelings for you to Daniel." Placing a finger on her lips as she wanted to interrupt him, he shook his head. "My turn now."

"Fine," she mumbled against his finger.

"That my feelings for you had only grown stronger, but that the Samantha Carter I knew and loved wasn't the one outside in the yard, entertaining friends and playing the dutiful fiancée," he added. "That the Samantha Carter I fell in love with was an adrenaline junkie, one who loved fiddling with her motorcycles, who loved the Air Force and the job that we do. One who loves to meet new races and is friendly and kind, while the soldier in her never lets its guard down. The Samantha Carter Daniel was referring to wasn't the same; your motorcycles weren't even part of the tour, she neglected Cassie, was hesitant with decision making, and couldn't seem to make up her mind when it came to us…" He let his voice trail off and took a deep breath, holding her gaze. "That wasn't the Samantha Carter I know and love, that was someone else."

Realizing he was right, Sam could do nothing but nod. There were no objections to be made, because hadn't she thought exactly the same thing? That marrying Pete had changed her somehow? She hadn't been making compromises, she'd been changing who she was for him and ended up not liking herself. "You're right," she mumbled. "It was never my intention, but I wanted a normal life so badly and didn't realize the sacrifices I was making–"

"I know," Jack hushed her, not wanting to see her upset over things in the past. "Let's not dwell."

"So, you never meant that?"

"Nope."

"And Ilse?"

"What about her?" He asked, genuinely confused.

"You two…?"

Rolling his eyes, Jack turned to glare at the house. "What did Ilse say?"

"Why?" Sam asked her suspicions roused.

"Nothing ever happened between us, I swear," he looked at her again, willing her to believe him. "That kiss–"

Shocked, Sam's eyes widened. "What kiss?"

"Crap," Jack scrubbed his face with his hand. "I take it she didn't mention that?"

"No, she didn't," Sam huffed. "What kiss?"

"It was nothing," he tried to reassure her.

"Right," she skeptically raised a brow. "So… what else do you place under 'nothing happened?'"

"Really Sam, nothing – besides that kiss – ever happened."

"Yet Ilse didn't mention it to me."

"It was years ago," Jack defended himself.

Glaring at him, Sam held her head high. "How many years?"

"Way too many," Jack mumbled, realizing how much time had passed and how old he suddenly felt.

"What the–"

Holding up his hands, Jack tried to reassure her, suddenly understanding how that sounded. "That came out wrong," he quickly said. "I meant way too many to even matter."

"Five years?" Sam anxiously bit her lip, praying for it not to be true. She'd started to like Ilse – now that she knew they weren't an item and Ilse was married to someone else – but if they'd been involved when she and Pete…

"No," Jack made a dismissive gesture with his hand. "More like fifteen."

"Fifteen years ago?" Stunned, Sam stared at him. "Wait, weren't you married–"

"Oh yes," he stated in a false cheery voice. "Can you imagine how pleased Sara was when Ilse threw herself at me?"

"She threw herself at you?"

"For crying out loud, Carter, she was just a kid. Did you really think I'd go after her?"

Realizing he spoke the truth – he'd finally let his mask fall – Sam shook her head. "I believe you, but still…"

"Ilse was a teenager and she was, um… spontaneous," Jack tried to explain. "Sara and Charlie were out shopping and I was in the yard with Lily, Ilse and Anna – their mother – when Anna went inside," he sighed. "Probably to let Sara and Charlie back in, when all of a sudden Ilse threw herself at me. I made it perfectly clear that I wasn't interested in her like that," he elaborated, "and tried to explain it to Sara, who'd just walked in. As you can imagine, she wasn't exactly thrilled with what happened and insisted we leave early. I relented, knowing how mad she was and – even after Ilse apologized – how her acceptance and tolerance of my little sister and her family had quickly turned to dislike… Like I said before, juggling my military life with Sara and Charlie as well as Lily, Ilse and Anna wasn't ideal and Sara didn't like me spending so much time with them – effectively leaving less time for her and Charlie."

"I see," Sam mumbled, mulling it over in her head.

"It wasn't much later when," Jack awkwardly cleared his throat, "the accident happened and our marriage wasn't very solid to begin with…" he shrugged. Sometimes he wondered if he and Sara would have stayed together hadn't they had Charlie in the first place. They'd been young and naïve when he'd proposed to her and she'd romanticized the life as a military wife. He was good at what he did and in a way that was a bad thing because it took him away from her even more, but if he hadn't been that good he wouldn't have survived. Then Sara had turned out to be pregnant and Jack couldn't have been happier, but she'd silently come to hate his job and absence. "I swear Carter, that was the only thing that ever happened and  _will_  happen. Ilse's happily married and more like a sister than anything else. Besides, you've ruined me," he grinned slightly.

"I… what?" She frowned, not understanding what he meant.

"Oh yes, Samantha Carter," Jack replied, cupping her cheeks with his hands. "You've stolen my heart and ruined me for other women," he pressed a soft kiss on her lips and pulled back when she was about to respond. "Not that I mind," he quipped, smiling a genuine smile. "You're all I can think about," he murmured, only slightly embarrassed by his own admission.

Sam smiled a megawatt smile when his eyes revealed the truth in his words and she could see the longing and desire burning in them. "I guess that makes us even," she mumbled, before pulling him in for another kiss.

He chuckled as they broke for air and let his thumb trace her soft lips. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"For what?"

"For not telling you sooner," Jack explained, knowing what they could have prevented. "I wanted to–"

"But you couldn't," Sam finished for him. "I understand now." She did, she really understood, because it had been the same for her. "As much as I love this," she stole another kiss and traced his lips with her tongue, before thrusting it into his warm mouth, their tongues dueling for dominance. "I'm getting cold," she mumbled between kisses.

"I know," Jack murmured against her lips and broke back. "We should get inside," he stretched out his hand and looked at her expectantly.

Licking her lips, Sam grabbed his hand and followed him up to the house.


	40. By the Warmth of the Fire

"I hope you don't mind, but we already started – and finished – lunch," Ilse said, carrying dirty plates to the kitchen as Jack and Sam came through the door. "If we had to wait for you two lovebirds…"

"It's okay," Jack mumbled, ignoring her comments as he stomped his feet on the doormat to get rid of most of the snow on his boots.

Sam followed his example and quickly pulled off her boots and placed them next to the door. Wiggling her toes, she softly padded over to the fire to warm her cold body. From her position at the fireplace she shot Ilse a glance every now and then while the woman was cleaning the table. She knew she'd started to like Ilse a while ago, but she hadn't let herself because she'd been jealous over her relationship with Jack and even her easy friendship with Cassie in the beginning. When Ilse had addressed her on the porch, Sam realized that Ilse was kind and nice and cared a lot about Jack, making her appreciate the younger woman even more. However, now that Jack had let it slip that they'd kissed once, she wasn't sure how to act towards her. There was no reason to be jealous, Jack had made that clear – besides, it was years ago – but she still felt awkward about it now she knew.

"Is something wrong?" Ilse inquired gently as everyone – even the children – had fallen quiet and a heavy atmosphere was present in the house. "I thought you two had, you know, done the talking and everything was more than okay?"

"No, we did and yes," Jack nodded, grabbing himself a sandwich and taking a seat at the table. Looking up, he saw Carter –  _Sam_  – staring at him. "You should eat something too."

Giving a faint smile, Sam joined him at the table and reached for the bread.

Rolling her eyes, Ilse couldn't take it anymore. "Seriously, what is wrong?"

Jack had to suppress a chuckle as she stood there, hands on her hip and frowning at the two of them. "It's nothing," he dismissed her comment with a wave of his hand.

Ilse quickly took the stack of dirty plates Milou handed her, before the girl would drop them or trip and placed them in the dishwasher. Nathan was already waiting with dirty cups and joined his two sisters and cousin in the living room after handing them over. She couldn't help but notice the looks Sam had been giving her and when the woman's eyes darted from Jack to her again, she sighed aloud. "What?"

Gnawing her lip, Sam looked back at Jack. "It's just… I don't know," she mumbled, accepting the cup of coffee Cassie handed her.

"I told her about the kiss," Jack shrugged, realizing that was why Sam was acting so… weird.

"What kiss?"

"You know," Jack scowled at her as he made a vague hand gesture. When she didn't respond, he just kept staring at Ilse until he saw something dawning on her.

"Oh," Ilse smiled awkwardly, "that kiss," she nodded slowly, finally realizing why Jack had been glaring at her. It made sense for Sam to be uncomfortable about it. "Yes, that," she ducked her head and lowered her voice, "let's not tell Matt about that, okay?"

"He doesn't know?" Jack asked incredulous.

Looking from Jack to Ilse, Sam frowned, trying to understand. "Matt is your husband?"

"Yes," Ilse nodded to Sam and cocked her head, looking at Jack. "You know how suspicious he can be."

"You don't think he'll be more suspicious when he finds out and you never bothered to tell him?"

She shrugged. "Who's going to tell him?"

"Come on, there's a good chance he'll find out eventually," Jack challenged her reasoning.

"How? The only people that know – and are still  _alive_  – are you and me. And Sam apparently," she added as she glanced over her shoulder and saw that Cassie was playing with the children, having heard nothing of their conversation.

"Hey, he's  _your_  husband," Jack held up his hands in surrender. "I just think you should tell him before he finds out on his own and  _then_  he'll be suspicious–"

Ilse let out a humorless chuckle. "You don't think he'll be suspicious if I'll bring it up now? I've never told him because it has nothing to do with our marriage, it's way in the past and it's not like he's ever told me about his love life from before we met. If I am to bring it up now, he'll only wonder what's happened for me to feel the need to tell him."

"Right," Jack mumbled, taking a bite.

"She has a point," Sam chimed in, knowing she'd rather not know because now she felt awkward about it.

"Thank you, Sam," Ilse smiled at her. "I knew there was a reason I liked you."

Jack chuckled at his stepsister, before grabbing Sam's hand and gently caressing it with his thumb. He enjoyed touching her, just because he could. "Maybe."

Sam smiled at him and quickly finished her lunch; she wasn't really hungry with all the butterflies still wreaking havoc in her stomach as a result from their earlier conversation. She was glad she'd finally taken the step after so many years and that everything seemed to be all right; lightning hadn't struck and the Earth hadn't exploded, yet.

There were still things they had to discuss, like why Jack never explained to her who Ilse really was and why she'd almost forbidden their friends to talk to her about him while she was married to Pete… Oh, she still felt stupid over that. The hardest part however, would be telling him about her infertility. Next to them finding some kind of loophole for their relationship, because she didn't want him to retire for her and she knew he'd never let her resign – he'd tried stopping her when she'd married Pete and he sure as hell wouldn't let her resign for himself.

As soon as he'd finished his lunch, Jack stood and tugged on Sam's hand to pull her up as well. They joined the others in the living room and he quickly encircled her waist with his arm, pulling her close. Her little gasp and the apologetic smile she gave him, told him she hadn't expected it and was still getting used to… this. He pressed a kiss on the top of her head, before facing his kids – who were all staring at them, even Cassie. "So, um… yeah," he started somewhat uncomfortable. Was he supposed to come out and tell them about him and Sam? How much would they understand of it anyway? Was it fair to tell the children while they still hadn't found a way to legally be together? Not to mention the fact that Carter was still married until the divorce papers were approved by a judge.

"It's okay," Milou stated somberly, looking up at her Daddy and Sammie. "We know."

Nathan and Maddy bobbed their heads in unison as the adults stared at them, both pouting slightly.

Sam's joyous feeling about being held by Jack quickly disappeared as she noticed the looks on their faces. Fear caught her heart when she realized she hadn't expected them to object to the relationship, but was sure that Jack would call it off if the kids didn't agree with them. "Know what?" She asked, awkwardly clearing her throat. Her heart almost broke when Milou looked at her with sad eyes and Sam felt her hope plummet at that expression, because she loved that little girl and if she wasn't okay with this…

"Cassie and Auntie Ilse told us," Maddy spoke softly, yet clearly.

Jack's head snapped towards the two women in question but they both stared back at him, a puzzled expression gracing their features. "What do you mean, honey?"

"We know we can't go with you," Nathan added, his shoulders slightly sagging.

Milou got up, grabbed her stuffed animal from where it lay on the floor and turned back to her father. "I wanted to go ice skating," her lip quivered, before she took a deep breath. "But we'll stay here while you go to the cabin."

"What?" Jack exclaimed, both surprised and relieved by this turn of events.

"Oh that," Ilse let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. For a minute she'd been afraid of what her nieces and nephew were about to say, knowing how they seemed to know everything… "Phew," she grinned at Jack and Sam. "Well, I booked you two a flight to Minnesota, because I think you need some time alone to, you know… discuss and  _do_  certain things," she waggled her eyebrows in a suggestive and teasing manner.

Frowning at her explanation, Jack couldn't help but be skeptical. "You did?"

"I did," she grinned as she bobbed her head up and down.

Sam leaned back against Jack's chest and ducked her head to hide her giggle of relief. She'd been afraid the children didn't want her in their lives and – even if she wasn't completely certain they did want her – was somewhat glad their disappointment was over ice skating and the cabin. "Thank God," she muttered under her breath.

"Don't worry about the kids, I'll take care of them," Ilse explained as she petted Milou's hair.

Milou threw her arms, one hand holding Poesje – who had seen better days – around her waist and snuggled closer to her aunt, enjoying the attention. "Why can't we go with Daddy and Sammie?"

"Because," Ilse stroked Milou's bangs out of her face as the girl threw her head back to look at her, "they need some time alone and you guys have to help me keep Uncle Matt in line."

Maddy jumped up and smiled. "Uncle Matt is coming?"

"Yes, when exactly is he coming?" Jack asked, grinning.

"Late this evening and your flight leaves in the morning," Ilse informed the two of them. "He told me he was dying to see your new painting," she told Maddy, making the little girl beam with pride over her latest creation.

"I'll show it tonight," she replied, cheering.

"Ah, I don't think so," Jack objected, shaking his head. "He'll probably get here very late, but why don't you make sure to display it on the easel in your room?"

"Okay," Maddy stormed off heading for the stairs.

"You two should probably make those tests Thor sent you," Ilse told the other two O'Neill children and waved in the direction of the stairs.

"He gives them homework?" Sam frowned, looking at Ilse.

"Something like that," Jack answered instead as he took a seat on the couch and gestured for her to come sit next to him.

Feeling slightly self-conscious with Ilse and Cassie grinning at her, Sam blushed as she sat down. "So…"

Cassie laughed at their discomfort and rolled her eyes. "I should probably go study," she said reluctantly and headed for the study. The smile on her face didn't waver though; she was too damn happy that those two had finally come to their senses…  _Oh, Daniel!_ She had to try to call the SGC, see if he was back. He needed to know this!

Waving towards her son, Ilse looked at Jack. "Do you mind?"

Glancing at the clock and realizing the time, he shook his head. "No, go on," and waited for her to leave the room, before turning to Sam. "She needs to feed Simone," he told her, before cautiously placing his arm over the back of the couch.

"Oh, of course," Sam nodded, still feeling uncomfortable. A slow grin appeared on her face when she felt his arm around her shoulders and she snuggled a little closer.

Jack hadn't even realized his arm had slowly descended and rested around her shoulders until he felt her cuddle up to him. Suppressing a ridiculous grin, he beckoned Bastian closer and pulled him on his lap. "Wanna watch  _The Simpsons_?"

"Yeah," Sebastian grinned at his uncle and made himself comfortable on his lap, waiting until the TV turned on.

* * *

Cassie didn't bother suppressing the grin on her face when she entered the living room and saw Jack and Sam snuggled up together on the couch. She'd been studying for a few hours now and it was getting late. Plus, she was getting thirsty. She gave Ilse – who was sitting at the table with her laptop – a small wave, before grabbing something to drink. "Looks like Lily's suggestion finally had some result," she motioned her head towards the couple on the couch.

"That it does," Ilse looked up, a small smile playing around her lips as she looked at the couch.

"What suggestion?" Sam asked, craning her neck from her position next to Jack to look at the two women.

"Oh, you know," Jack shrugged.

"Jack?"

"Lily was the one who suggested Jack go talk to you, all those years ago," Ilse offered innocently, as Jack wasn't giving a straight answer.

Frowning, Sam turned to Jack for clarification. "What, when?"

"During the quarantine," he mumbled, not needing to be reminded of that particular time.

"Oh," she ducked her head, a new wave of guilt washing over her. "I didn't know…"

Taking a deep breath, Jack shifted on the couch to face her. "Our friendship was strained and it was taking its toll on our working relationship."

Sam nodded as he tried to explain, knowing all too well what their friendship had been like at that time. "I know and our earlier conversation hadn't helped much either," she mentioned, referring to when she'd shown him the ring as they'd discussed earlier today outside.

"I realized we needed to talk before we'd let our personal feelings interfere with our work," Jack continued after she'd finished.

"Yes, it would've been a first," Sam joked, knowing that in all their time working together they'd never let their feelings get in the way up until she'd gotten engaged to Pete…

"And with Lily nagging at me," Jack rolled his eyes and made a vague hand gesture. "Not to mention Ilse too," he mock glared at her.

"He needed some persuasion," Ilse grinned, not feeling apologetic in the least. "Too bad it took you guys years after that to finally get together."

"Better late than never," Cassie chimed in. "By the way, when are we having dinner?"

Jack turned to look at her. "Why, are you hungry?"

"A bit," Cassie shrugged at them. "I've been studying all day; do you have any idea how much energy that takes?"

"Well, don't look at me," Sam mumbled, "I'm no good at cooking."

"I'll make something," Ilse offered, glancing at Jack for approval.

"Sure, go ahead," he waved at her.

"Daddy," Milou cried out as she ran down the stairs. "Auntie Ilse!"

"What is it?" Jack groaned, glad the afternoon had been so quiet with the kids playing in their rooms.

"Bastian woke up from Simone's crying," she stated, annoyance clear on her face. "They won't stop."

"I'll get them," he held up a hand to Ilse, who was about to walk towards the stairs.

Doubting, Sam bit her lip. "Need some help?"

Surprised, Jack smiled at her. "If you want," he decided it best for her to choose for herself and not force her to help out with his family.

"I do," she smiled and followed him upstairs. She winced when they reached the first floor and heard what sounded like Simone crying her lungs out. "In there I take it?"

"Yeah," Jack grinned as she pointed at the door. Feeling brave, he opened it and padded over to the little girl's crib. "Hush now," he mumbled as he picked her up and tried to soothe her. "Could you get Bastian?"

"Sure," Sam nodded and walked towards the other rooms, peeking inside to check the whereabouts of the boy. "Hello Sebastian," she greeted the eager toddler, standing in his crib. "Do you want to come downstairs with me?"

"Yes," he bobbed his head, outstretching his arms towards her. "I want Mommy."

Easily lifting him, Sam looked around the room to find his clothes. "Jack?" She startled when she heard his footsteps behind her and turned on her heels. "Hey," she grinned stupidly.

"Hey," he returned the grin, while his hand was rubbing Simone's tummy. "Something wrong?"

"I don't know where his clothes are," she shrugged.

"You take this one, I'll get him dressed," Jack waited for her to place Sebastian on the floor and handed her the girl.

Sam was still slightly amazed with how he handled all of this so easily, but had to remind herself that he'd been doing this for the last few years while she'd been married to Pete. Next to that, he'd done it before over twenty years ago, with Charlie. He was such a natural father and it only served to make her heart ache more. How would she tell him that she wouldn't be able to give him a child? Looking at him with Sebastian convinced her even more that he wouldn't mind another child, in fact, he'd probably love it. He'd been so adorable with the little boy earlier this afternoon when they'd sat down and watched TV, while the others were doing other things. It was obvious his kids as well as Ilse's kids adored him and vice versa. She'd noticed the effect he had on children very early on since she started working with him all those years ago and it made the discovery of him losing his son only worse. Still, the loss of his child hadn't prevented him from caring for other children. She'd only have to look around for the evidence, considering his children weren't biologically his children – unlike what she'd assumed from the moment of learning of their existence.

"You two seem to be getting along very well," Jack smirked, as he got up and looked at Sam holding his little niece. Simone had gotten hold of her dog tags and was playing with them, while Sam was cooing softly to her. No matter how much Sam protested, she really was a natural, he thought. Every time she was holding the baby or playing with his kids, he felt something flutter in his heart, especially when that lovely smile of hers appeared on her face without her realizing it. He could watch her for hours…

"I think she just likes my dog tags," Sam shrugged, smiling shyly. "You were the one that stopped the crying… why was she even crying?"

"Dirty diaper," Jack replied, picking up Bastian and walking towards the door. "It was easily fixed," he grinned as he saw her disbelief. "Trust me, I've done this before. You coming?"

"Yeah," she mumbled, stepping out of the way to follow him downstairs. "So… it was your sister who urged you to talk to me?"

"Her and Ilse, yes," Jack rolled his eyes at the memory. "They were practically begging over the phone…"

"Which is how  _I_  got roped into attending your engagement party," Ilse chimed in from the living room. "Ah, there are my babies!"

"Mommy," Sebastian reached out for her, squirming in his uncle's hold.

Ilse took her son from Jack and hugged him tightly. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," he smiled at her. "Is Daddy here?"

"No, not yet. When you wake up tomorrow, honey," she gave him a kiss and placed him on his own two feet. "Dinner will be ready in twenty minutes," she told the others.

"I think this one wants her mommy too," Sam said, a little flushed as Simone was obviously searching for food.

"I'll take her," Ilse chuckled, gently taking her from Sam. "Jack, could you watch the food?"

"Sure," he mumbled as he moved to the kitchen, while Ilse went to feed her daughter.

"What did she mean?"

Jack turned as he heard Sam's voice behind him. "What?"

Sam walked around him and leaned against the counter with her rear as she looked at him. "Ilse, just now."

"What did she say again?"

"About my engagement party," she made a vague hand gesture.

"Oh, that," Jack shrugged, lifting the lid to check the food and stirred the food. "She may have mentioned something about owing me if I finally told you about my feelings…"

"After which you asked her to the party," Sam concluded, nodding absentmindedly.

"Yeah, sort of," he responded. Glancing to his side, he saw the look on her face. "What?"

"It's nothing," she smiled tightly.

"It is something if it's bothering you," Jack mumbled, turning to fully face her. "C'mon Carter."

His cajoling tone brought a real smile to her face and she shook her head. "Nah, don't worry about it."

"Carter," he rolled his eyes, reverting back to old habits because he wasn't sure how else to handle it.

"Jack," she imitated his tone.

"Spit it out," he said as he put the spatula down on the counter. "Is it," he scrubbed his face with his hand and grimaced, "because of Shanahan?"

"No," she tried to reassure him, "not really." Sam placed her hand on his arm and squeezed it, gnawing her lip. "It's just… I don't know, I just thought back to when I came to your house and…"

Hearing her voice trail off, Jack raised his brows. "And…?"

"Ilse was here," she ducked her head, feeling foolish for mentioning it and even more so because – at the time – she had no right to feel betrayed or jealous.

"Oh, that," he nodded, remembering that awkward evening when Carter and her cop fiancé had come by his place because she'd forgotten to apologize after her outburst earlier that day. He'd been busy clearing the guestroom for Ilse to sleep in, while she'd gone to shower when the car had pulled up on his driveway. He remembered being pissed at Carter for bringing the cop, not to mention how the guy had tried rubbing it in that he'd gotten the girl.

"Yeah," Sam smiled awkwardly. She dared to cautiously look up to see his face and felt even worse when she noticed the pain in his eyes. "I'm sorry; I shouldn't have mentioned it–"

Jack's hand reached out to stop her as she tried to walk away. "It's okay, if we can't talk about this, then…"

"I just- I didn't want to remind you of Pete and… everything."

"What about Ilse being here?"

"I- I felt hurt and betrayed," Sam admitted, ashamed. "I thought you didn't care about me the way I thought you did and after everything you'd said during the quarantine–"

"Don't forget, Sam, that you shot  _me_  down," he whispered.

"I know, but it was only days after we'd gotten out of the mountain and you were already here with…"

"With…?" He questioned as she just shrugged and didn't finish her sentence.

"Another woman," Sam spoke just as softly, her voice barely a whisper. "I had been doubting my decision and that only strengthened my resolve, as well as that day during the housewarming," she referred to the conversation they'd had earlier in which he'd explained that he hadn't denied loving her to Daniel…

"You were with Pete," Jack stated, before she interrupted him.

"I know… I also know I never had the right to be jealous or anything," she averted her eyes and stared out the window. "Doesn't mean I didn't feel it."

Jack let out a humorless chuckle and shook his head. "Yeah," he had felt it all the time. "You simply assumed that there was something between Ilse and me, you never  _asked_."

"We all assumed, Jack," she tried to justify her reasoning. "You could've  _told_  us."

"Why?" He shrugged her hand off his sleeve and reached for the spatula again; making sure dinner wouldn't be ruined.

"Because we were friends, SG-1 was like family," Sam protested.

"Yeah, well, at the time I didn't feel very familial towards you," he mumbled, not sure if he ever had. "Like I said, our friendship was strained; I didn't feel like telling you about my past all of a sudden."

"Me or the guys?" She blurted out, the question burning on her tongue since Ilse had told her the truth.

Jack slowly turned his head and locked gazes with her. "You," he said truthfully.

She gulped and awkwardly cleared her throat, tearing her gaze from his and instead focusing on the counter. "I see."

"You were leaving, moving on," he shrugged, "my family was all I had left."

"Did you–" she stopped herself to clear her head.

"Did I what?"

"Tell Daniel and Teal'c?"

"Sort of," Jack mumbled, moving to grab the plates.

"What do you mean? Did you or did you not tell them?"

"I told them about the kids and Lily, but Cassie told me they hadn't realized Ilse and I weren't involved… Well, Teal'c maybe, but Daniel definitely not."

"Because you didn't tell them?"

"How was I supposed to know they thought we were living together? I told them Ilse was Lil's half-sister," he motioned towards the living room where Ilse was talking with Cassie.

"We all thought that," Sam bashfully admitted.

"Yeah well, that's not my fault, I hardly saw Ilse at the time."

"You were both living in Europe and we'd seen you together… then you had children all of a sudden."

"For you, yes," Jack couldn't help but say. "They had known for quite some time."

"I guess," Sam shrugged, chastising herself for her stupidity and him for his reluctance to tell them about his sister. "If I'd just stayed in touch," she objected.

"I doubt it would've made a difference," Jack spoke softly, reaching out to cup her cheek. "You thought you were doing the right thing," he admitted, even if it had killed him that she'd married Shanahan, "and chose yourself for once. It was inevitable that we would lose touch and this only gave me a better excuse," he confessed, caressing her face with his thumb. "If I'd told you, I would've been able to better explain why I had to leave that day we were supposed to have dinner in DC… or the weekend before your wedding."

"Because of Lily?"

"Yeah… I wasn't thinking clearly and perhaps I should've told you, there's nothing we can change about it now."

"I want you to know that I realize how foolish I was to think that I could tell everyone to  _not_ talk about you to me. It was my decision to break contact and I should've never involved our friends in that."

Jack simply shrugged and pulled her closer. "In some way, I can understand… besides, you should talk to them about this."

"I know, I just can't help but think–"

"Don't, let's not dwell, Sam," he leaned forward and placed a feather light kiss on her lips. "What's done is done, what matters is what we do now."

Taking a deep breath, she nodded and placed her arms around his neck. "I guess you're right," she mumbled, before leaning in to kiss him.

* * *

"Hm," Ilse protested as Sebastian shifted on her lap. "Just move a bit here," she lifted him and placed more of his weight on the couch, because her leg was falling asleep.

"Okay," he mumbled sleepily and snuggled closer to her.

She petted his hair – which was in desperate need of a haircut – and pressed a kiss against his temple. "You should probably get to bed."

"That's what happens if you let them oversleep their naptime," Jack grinned from the other couch.

"Tell me about it," Ilse groaned, rolling her eyes. Because of the late lunch – they'd waited for Jack and Sam when they were outside before deciding to just start – the schedule had changed and she'd put him to bed later than usual and he'd still been asleep when she'd gone to check on him. Only after Simone had started crying had he woken up. "At least he's not the only one…"

"Yeah," Jack chuckled, looking around the living room. They'd planned on watching a movie, but it hadn't taken his kids long to fall asleep – probably because they'd been playing in the snow all morning and had taken a bath after dinner. Cassie had soon followed, exhausted from studying the entire afternoon. Sam had been slumbering against his chest for about an hour and he wasn't about to complain!

When she heard her phone vibrate, Ilse tried to reach it by leaning towards the table, but the weight of Sebastian was holding her back, leaving the cell phone just out of reach. "Argh," she groaned again, frustrated because she'd been waiting for a text or call from Matt to know when he was supposed to land – and he hadn't contacted her so far – and was getting tired.

Jack gingerly shifted Sam from his chest, while Maddy was leaning against his other side and grabbed the phone – which just stopped. "Here," he mumbled, handing it to Ilse.

"Oh, they just hung up?" She rolled her eyes and opened the phone only to see a text from Matt. "Oh, Matt's plane has landed already and he just stepped in a car!"

"I thought his plane would be landing tonight," Jack frowned, recalling what she had told him. "After midnight."

"Me too," she mumbled, re-reading the message. "I guess he took a flight earlier," she said, excited at the prospect of seeing her husband again.

"Mommy?"

"Sorry honey didn't mean to wake you," Ilse ruffled Sebastian's hair when he looked up at her.

"When's Daddy coming?"

"Not much longer now," she reassured him, "you can stay up."

"Yay," he cheered, sleep forgotten.

"Is Uncle Matt coming?" Milou asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

"Yeah," Ilse grinned, longing to be able to hold her husband since almost two months.

"Is he staying here with you?"

"We'll see, sweetie," Jack told her, seeing Ilse's expression change. He knew she missed Matt and at the same time understood their marriage; Matt was a successful artist and his work was in high demand, while Ilse had become the sole owner of her family business after her mother's death. Ilse was an independent woman, who didn't mind spending some time alone – or with her kids – but two months was a lot of time. Especially with two small children, considering Matt had only seen his kids via pictures for the last few weeks and Simone was almost growing by the day! It was more than natural for Ilse to want to spend time with her husband, in particular if he had to leave again soon. No need for her to be bothered with that now, though.

* * *

Sam woke from her slumbering when she heard the door slam and a child scream for its father. Must be Sebastian, she thought, blinking sleepily. The voice was more high-pitched than normal, but his father was supposed to get here tonight. Sebastian never spoke much, was actually quite quiet for a little boy his age but she was pretty sure he was the one who was so excited. Sitting up, she saw a tall man lean down and pick up the boy.

"Hey little man!" Matt greeted his son, lifting him and hugging him tightly. God, how much he had missed them…"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

"Daddy!" Sebastian ignored his comment and threw his arms around his neck. "Missed you."

"Yeah, I missed you too," he ruffled his hair and pressed a kiss on his crown. He looked up to see his wife standing a few meters away, barely able to hide the big smile on her face. "Come here you."

Smiling, Ilse walked up to him and threw her arms around her two men. "Hi."

Matt cupped the back of her head and pulled her closer for a passionate kiss. "Hi yourself," he mumbled, after breaking the kiss and let his forehead rest against hers. "I thought I'd surprise you and get an earlier flight."

"You did," she chuckled, pressing her body against his, despite the coldness of his coat from the weather outside. "I love you for it."

He pressed a soft kiss on her lips and let his hand tangle in her long hair. "Love you too… where's my little princess?"

"Asleep, I put her to bed about two hours ago," Ilse pointed over his shoulder towards the staircase. "You can see her in a minute," she'd barely finished her sentence when Milou and Maddy padded over to him.

"Uncle Matt!"

"Hey girls," he handed Bastian to Ilse and leaned down to hug his nieces. "You've gotten so tall!"

"You're prickly," Maddy screwed up her nose and rubbed her cheek, after he kissed it.

"I'm not," Matt placed a hand over his heart, in mock hurt.

Milou started giggling, touching his cheek. "You are!"

"You should've shaved," Jack grinned, closing up the door for the night after letting Matt in and walked up to him. "Good to see you again."

"You too, Jack," Matt stood, shook his hand and clasped Jack's shoulder. "Where's your boy?"

"Sound asleep," Sam replied from the couch, glancing at the boy's sleeping form.

"Matt," Ilse grinned, "let me introduce you to Colonel Samantha Carter!"

"Hi," Sam smiled, dragging a hand through her hair in the hopes of un-flattening it from her slumber on the couch, as she straightened and shook his hand.

"Well, hello there," Matt grinned, giving her an appreciative onceover. "I've heard a lot about you," he smirked.

"Nothing but good things, I hope," she mumbled, blushing slightly under his attention. "Because, if we're going to be frank, I never heard of you before yesterday."

Ilse laughed as she grabbed Matt's hand and pulled him towards the couch. "That would be my fault."

"Really?" Matt looked around at the faces, realizing the Colonel was telling the truth. "I'm sorry to hear that, Colonel. My lovely wife sometimes forgets to tell people about me," he joked.

"Please, call me Sam."

"Okay Sam," he nodded and sat down next to Ilse. Sebastian immediately crawled over to his lap and he pulled him against his chest. "Cassie still asleep, too?"

"Yeah, she's been studying all day."

"Well, it is rather late here," Matt offered, making sure his watch was displaying the right time.

"Yes, we were about to bring the kids to bed when I got your text," Ilse mumbled, letting her head rest on his shoulder, while her hand was going through his dark, almost black hair.

"Ah, bedtime already?"

"In a minute," Ilse smirked, seeing the meaningful glance in his eyes.


	41. The End...

 

"Ew," Milou's face scrunched up in disgust.

Giggling, Ilse broke the kiss off and rested her forehead on Matt's shoulder, which was – with his 6′ 3″ – the perfect height for her. "What?"

"You're kissing," she replied, loathing in her voice.

"Yes and I like it," Matt teased her, pressing another kiss on Ilse's lips. He chuckled when Milou started protesting again. "Sweetie, we haven't seen each other in two months, it's what grownups do."

"I know, but it's icky. And you're always kissing."

"Because we like each other," Ilse answered, while her hands were roaming over Matt's back. "You want breakfast, Milou?"

"Don't think I'm hungry anymore," she petulantly stated.

Letting her head fall back, Ilse rolled her eyes at her niece, the drama queen. "We'll talk again in ten years."

"Na-huh," Milou vehemently shook her head. "I don't like boys."

"Not yet," Matt smirked, pressing himself against Ilse, who was leaning against the counter. "Just wait…"

Ilse broke free of his hold and gently pushed him back to grab breakfast. "Milou, give me a hand."

"Will you stop kissing?"

"For now," she mumbled, handing the girl a carton of milk and placed the other items on the counter. Opening the dishwasher – they'd turned it on before they went to bed last night – Matt grabbed a couple of clean plates and helped them to set the table and Ilse brought the cups of juices.

"Auntie Ilse," Maddy started as she climbed on her seat. "Daddy's not here yet."

"I know, he's still asleep."

"Maybe we should wake him," Nathan suggested, a pensive expression on his face.

"I don't think that's a good idea," Matt chuckled, handing them a spoon for their cereal.

"He and Sammie have to go to the airport and Daddy never sleeps in," Milou offered, frowning.

Holding up her hand and biting back a smile, Ilse shook her head. "Don't you kids worry about that, I'm sure Daddy set the alarm. It's not even seven yet."

"But Daddy is always up before us," Maddy protested, wondering if something was wrong with her father.

Shaking his head, Matt smiled. "He needs his rest," only to receive a poke in his ribs from his own wife.

"Can I wake Sammie?" Milou asked, her spoon frozen midair. "She was up early yesterday too."

"No, no, you can't," Ilse shook her head and poured the twins some milk in their bowls. "Just eat your breakfast."

"Sammie won't mind," she tried again.

"I know, but she'll get out of bed when she wants to."

Taking a bite from her cereal, Maddy frowned. "Can't she sleep in the plane? And Daddy too."

"Maybe they don't like sleeping in the plane," Matt offered, grabbing some food for himself as he sat down next to his wife. Leaning towards her, he smirked. "At least, not as much as in bed," he whispered softly, only for her to hear.

Almost choking on her tea, Ilse coughed a few times and glared at him. He just winked at her and patted her knee, before his hand traveled higher… "Matt," she objected and swatted his hand away.

"Why," Nathan started, chewing loudly, "are Daddy and Sammie going alone?"

"No talking with your mouth full Nathan," Ilse scolded him gently.

Swallowing the last of her food, Maddy piped up. "Yes, why?"

"Because," Matt shrugged, placing his hand back on Ilse's thigh under the table. He couldn't help himself when she was sitting next to him, wearing one of his shirts. He knew she wasn't wearing anything underneath it, with the exception of one of the skimpy thongs she usually wore, which made it all the more enticing.

"Because of what?" Milou challenged him in a petulant tone, before taking a sip of her juice.

"Yes,  _dear_ ," Ilse scowled at him with a small smile on her face, her hand reaching under the table to grab and still his hand, which was doing a way too good of a job of teasing her. "Do tell."

"Well," he cleared his throat as she squeezed his hand. "It's because, eh… they like each other," he explained to the children, "a lot."

Nodding, Milou recalled. "Sammie loves Daddy."

"Uh-huh," Nathan agreed with her between bites.

"He loves her too," Maddy smiled at her auntie and uncle. "Kinda like how Uncle Matt loves you," she told her Auntie Ilse.

"Oh yeah," Matt grinned as he quickly disposed of the hold his wife had on his hand and brought hers up to press a kiss on it. "They do look good together."

* * *

Stifling a yawn, Jack opened his eyes and relished the feeling of waking up with Samantha Carter in his arms. Her blonde hairs were tickling his nose, but he didn't dare move. Instead, he decided to enjoy it and breathe in her nice shampoo. Nothing had happened last night, except for some cuddling and snuggling up together – which he could admit, at least to himself, he really liked doing with her – because that was what they'd agreed on earlier that day, outside in the snow. They still didn't have a real solution considering she didn't want him to retire and her divorce hadn't gone through yet. But they hadn't been able to resist crawling in bed together…

"Good morning," Sam mumbled with her head still on his chest, as she lazily stretched out her arms, careful not to hit him.

"Ah yes, a good morning indeed," he smirked and pressed a kiss on her crown. "Sleep well?"

"Like a baby," she wasn't afraid to admit, it had been the best night – with the exception of that particular night on Atlantis perhaps – she could remember. "You?"

"Yeah," Jack responded, although he'd woken up a few times, his subconscious afraid that it would all turn out to be a dream and he had to check if she was still there. Her soft breathing and weight on his chest told him that, but he couldn't resist looking at her every time he woke up, even if the room was scarcely lit. Looking down, he noticed her smiling sleepily up at him and he felt himself smile back, before caressing her cheek with his hand.

"Hmm," she murmured, as his calloused fingers traced the contours of her face. A girl could get used to this, she thought, snuggling a bit closer and pressing a kiss on his bare chest.

"Sam," Jack weakly protested as her lips – and  _that_  was definitely a tongue – burned his skin and her hot breath was teasing his nipples. Clearing his throat, he reached down to still her hand. "Carter!"

Smirking, Sam looked up at him after his warning groan. "What?"

Her innocent tone didn't fool him and he squinted at her. "I thought we'd agreed to… you know."

"No?" She drawled out, her fingers playing with the waistband of his boxers as his hand held her wrist in place. "What do you mean, Jack?"

"Sam," he said in a tight voice as one of her nails scraped over his skin, tracing the hairs from his navel to his boxers. His body was already paying more than enough attention to her presence and actions, and he could feel his  _interest_  growing by the second… as if waking up with her in his arms wasn't hard enough already! "You might not want to do that."

Sam ducked her head to hide her growing smile for his growing discomfort and teasingly ran her tongue over his nipple, making him gasp. "What if I want to?"

"Oh no, you don't," he tried to convince her through gritted teeth and pulled her hand up, holding it in an iron grip on his chest. He thought about placing it on the covers to prevent more wandering, but considering she'd already pushed the covers down to his waist, that didn't seem like such a good idea. "Samantha," he drew her attention by using her full name in a placating tone and used his most charming smile on her. "I thought you didn't want to go any further until the, er…" He really didn't want to remind her of that weasel or the divorce, "paperwork was done?"

"So did I," she agreed, shyly smiling up at him. "I just, you know," she half shrugged with her exposed shoulder, "changed my mind."

"Oh, did you now?"

"Oh yeah," Sam beamed at him, "probably has something to do with waking up in your bed," she mumbled, before kissing his neck, "and in your arms…"

Closing his eyes, Jack tried to keep his body under control as much as possible as she was kissing her way up to his throat, only to be followed by his ear. "Sam," he hissed in a dangerous, low warning when she threw her leg over his and he felt her foot move up his calf.

"Jaaack," she teasingly responded, nibbling on his earlobe as she pressed her body flush against his.

"No seriously, Sam," he grunted, letting his head fall back on the pillow, trying to ignore her advances. "We shouldn't be doing this, not now–"

"Why not? At least this time we're not here in official capacity," she mumbled, tracing his ear with her tongue. "I'm awaiting reassignment, you're on leave and thus I'm not under your command. Right now, we're not Carter and Sir, we're simply Sam and Jack."

"Still," Jack tried to object, but he could already feel his resolve weaken under her caresses. "I want to do this right and–"

"Oh, I don't have any doubts about that," she giggled as her knee came into contact with a more sensitive part of his anatomy, "I'm sure you can do this more than right."

Scooting to the other side of the bed, Jack tried to evade her less than subtle touches and shook his head. "No, we said we'd wait and we will," he used his most commanding tone as he tried to keep his cool.

"Oh come on, Jack," Sam sat up and scooted over to him, "don't be a tease–"

" _I'm_  the tease?"

"Yes," she threw her arms around his waist to keep him there. "In contrast to Atlantis, this," she made a vague hand gesture in the air, "isn't as much against the regs and at least this time the paperwork has actually been submitted."

"Not  _as much_ , yes," he leaned in and kissed her softly. "Still against the regs, though."

"Meh," Sam shrugged, before pulling him back in, their kiss soon turning more passionate.

* * *

Throwing a last, lingering look on his Colonel as she walked towards the bathroom, Jack rubbed his hair dry with a towel, the corners of his mouth still slightly curved upwards. God, that woman was a tease, he thought grinning as she swayed her hips the last few steps and cast a glance over her shoulder, winking at him before she went in and closed the door behind her cute, little six – only clad in blue shorts and a tank top that was hardly worth the name. He still marveled at the fact he'd been able to keep her at bay – well, kind of – when they woke up with her only wearing that little outfit and practically seducing him on the spot.

No wonder his shower had mostly consisted of cold water, Jack pondered, before throwing the wet towel over a chair. Okay, maybe kissing was still against the regs too, but it wasn't as bad as going all the way, right? Besides, they deserved a bit of leniency after all the years they'd lost. Not to mention the fact that they'd saved the world – and others – several universes and galaxies of destruction, more than once! Hell, probably more than ten times already – he should ask Teal'c, he was keeping score.

Yes, if anyone was going to take action against them, he'd inform them that they were lucky he'd kept a tight rein on his desires for so long! Okay, maybe not, but still. The woman could make him practically do anything with that smile of hers. Shaking his head at his own thoughts, Jack walked out of the room in his jeans, pulling a shirt over his head before peeking in the rooms of the kids. Padding over to Ilse's door, he took a moment as he pricked his ears and knocked loudly, making sure he wasn't interrupting anything… Oh no, he definitely didn't want to walk into something! Getting no answer, he cautiously opened the door only to reveal the same absence of people as the other rooms, with the exception of the soft breathing from his little niece in her crib.

Shrugging, Jack continued downstairs to find the kids in the living room. They were watching some cartoon he didn't know, probably because they usually were either at school and him at work or outside playing at this hour! Yeah, he and Sam had taken their time in bed and he'd only gotten up to shower when the alarm – set for 0815 for a change – had gone off, forcing him to take action. Sam had just smiled lazily at him, still trying to break his resolve no doubt and he'd darted into the bathroom, her giggles finally fading when he had turned on the faucet.

"Daddy!"

"Hey honey," Jack patted Milou's hair as she looked up at him from the couch. "What are you watching?"

"Dunno," she shrugged, not really caring. "I was waiting for you to come downstairs… can we go play outside?"

"Not dressed like that you can't," he objected, pointing at their PJs and uncombed hair. "Where's your aunt?"

"She was loading the dishwasher," Maddy offered, pulling on his hand. "Kiss Daddy."

He leaned down and pressed a kiss against her forehead, making his little girl smile. "You had breakfast already?"

"Hours ago," Milou rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Auntie Ilse and Uncle Matt said we had to wait for you before we could get dressed."

"Sammie is still asleep too, Daddy," Nathan tore his attention from the TV to look at his father. "Can we wake her up?"

Jack understood why Ilse had said that, probably afraid to leave one of the kids unsupervised… "Ah, no, Sam is taking a shower," he hastily responded, moving towards the kitchen.

"I didn't hear her," Maddy responded, a challenging look on her face.

"Me either," Nathan chimed in.

"Neither," Jack corrected him, ignoring the rest of their remarks and turning to walk into the kitchen. "For crying out loud," he protested, making a show of covering his eyes with his arm, "not in my kitchen!"

"Jack," Ilse drawled out after her giggles subsided, "we were just kissing."

"Dressed like that?" He pointed at the lack of clothes on her body as he glared at the couple.

"Unlike some we didn't have the luxury of hiding out in our rooms," she petulantly retorted.

Looking over his shoulder, Matt grinned at him. "Yes, we had to make do with the privacy of your kitchen."

"Please," Jack groaned, "just get off the counter and get dressed," he motioned with his hand towards Ilse.

"Sure thing," she smiled at him, jumping from the counter and grabbing Matt by his shirt. "You know, I would've thought a night with Sam would make you less grumpy in the morning."

"Out," he scowled at her, pointing at the door opening. "I'll watch the kids while Sam and I have breakfast."

As if on cue, Sam walked into the living room, hearing her name. "Good morning everyone," she smiled at the children, who waved at her, their attention fixed on the television. "Jack?"

"He's in the kitchen, making you breakfast," Ilse smirked at her as they came out and padded through the living room. "Hope you slept well?"

"Fine," Sam said, feeling her cheeks burn up.

"You look great," Matt smirked. "We'll be upstairs, getting dressed just yell if you need us."

"Sure," she mumbled, walking over to the kitchen. Remembering something she'd wanted to ask since the moment Ilse had approached her on the deck, Sam turned on her heels. "Why did you choose now to tell me?"

Picking up on what Sam meant, Ilse shrugged. "Jack always told me not to interfere; he said he just wanted you to be happy."

"But you did anyway, why not sooner or not at all?"

Incredulous, Ilse stared at her. "Isn't it obvious?"

"No?" Sam drawled out, uncertain about what she was referring to.

"You weren't happy anymore," she elaborated in a sympathizing tone.

Swallowing, Sam nodded; it was true but to hear someone else say – or even notice – it was a different story.

"Oh and Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Your cell phone rang and – since I didn't want to disturb you – I answered it; it was your friend, Emma the lawyer."

"Really?" Sam questioned, surprised to hear from Emma so soon and ignoring the little jab. "What was it, nothing serious I hope?"

"Depends on how you look at it," Ilse winked at her. "She said she'd pulled a favor for you and was able to get your paperwork on the pile of one of the judges, meaning that it'll be processed before the holidays… she mentioned something about an early present."

"Wow, that's great!"

"It is," Jack agreed, placing two plates on the table, overhearing their conversation. "Bye now," he waved his stepsister and her husband off. "Sam?"

"Yeah," she watched the retreating forms of the couple, before turning to the table, her mind running light-years a second. "I wonder how long it'll take," she mentioned, joining him.

* * *

"Daddy?"

Feeling like he just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, Jack pulled back from Sam and smiled bashfully at his oldest daughter. "Yes?"

"Are you having a baby?"

"What?" Jack exclaimed, stunned.

"What, no," Sam said at the same time, ducking her head in embarrassment. Her face was flushed, she could feel her cheeks burning at being caught making out with Jack O'Neill and wondered for a moment how she'd respond if it had actually been someone important, instead of the little girl.

"Milou, honey," Jack tried gently, "what makes you think that?"

"Dunno," she shrugged.

He silently rolled his eyes at her latest expletive and tried to urge her on by scowling at her, while entangling himself from Carter's arms. "Hm?"

"Auntie Ilse and Uncle Matt always do that," she started.

Well, he had to give the kid credit for her observational skills, he mused, glancing guiltily at Carter –  _Sam._  He'd been thinking of her as Carter for years and while he was able to call her Sam most of the times now, his subconscious was obviously still adjusting. Even if he liked to call her Carter, simply because he was the only one who called her that. He had to bite back a grin when he realized what Matt had said when he'd 'caught' them; this kitchen really was a great place to hide from the kids – until they found him, of course.

"They say that's what grownups do when they like each other," Milou continued, "and they had a baby."

"Well, don't worry about it," Jack shrugged, "no babies here," he tried to keep his tone light and glanced at Sam.

Sam in turn, tried to give a reassuring smile, but it came out somewhat awkward, making her silently berate herself over her behavior. She needed to tell him, she knew that, but deep down she knew she was afraid of his reaction. Besides, when was she supposed to tell him? It's not like she'd had the time!Nodding to her own thoughts, Sam tried to think about the chances she'd had. It would've been ridiculous to tell him on Atlantis, considering they hadn't even made any plans yet. She could have explained it in the presidential limousine after Pete's accusations at the airport, but she'd been too shaken up at that time and Jack wasn't pushing her answers or anything. Maybe she should have told him yesterday, during their conversation in the snow… "No," she said in a slightly hoarse tone of emotions, "no baby."

"Oh," Milou replied, taking it all in. "Okay."

Perplexed at her reaction – not to mention her question – Jack simply stared at her retreating back, before turning to the woman next to him. "Well, that was awkward."

Raising a brow, Sam looked at him. "Ya think?"

"At least they know," he shrugged, brushing her bangs out of her face. "She didn't seem to have a problem with it…"

"Yeah," she nodded, "it takes away the question of how to break the news," Sam agreed. For some reason, she'd been unsure whether his children would accept her in their life, even if they seemed to like her at the moment. After all, she was just a friend to their father, or so it seemed.

"Jack? Sam?"

"In here, Cassie," Jack replied, hearing the young woman's voice coming from the living room.

"Ah, good morning," Cassandra smiled as she looked at the two people who meant the most to her.

"Morning," he frowned at her grin.

"Sorry," Cassie said bashfully, "it's just so nice to see you two together."

"Thanks," Sam smiled at her, feeling slightly uncomfortable about it.

"Oh, Ilse said that they were done in the bathroom and that she'd fed Simone, mentioning the kids could come upstairs so that she could get them dressed."

* * *

"What are you reading?" Jack glared at Ilse, who was way too quiet this morning. He'd already packed up for his stay at the cabin – not that he needed much, he had clothes there – and was waiting for Sam to do the same. She had a bunch of things in the guestroom and had insisted on cleaning the sheets and what not, so he'd let her. Matt had decided to take the kids outside to play in the remaining snow, which had made Ilse smile for some reason and he was left with Ilse in the same room, although if the stumbling was anything to go by Sam would join them soon. Cassie was also packing, she'd be taking a flight back to Nevada this evening and Simone was in the playpen in the corner next to the piano.

"Nothing," Ilse replied sweetly.

Not buying her answer combined with the angelic smile she was giving him, Jack leaned forward. "Yeah right."

"What?"

"I'm not buying that; you're way too pensively reading that and marking things for it to be nothing."

"Can't it just be work stuff?"

"It could," he agreed, "but then you would just say so."

"Maybe," she shrugged, returning her attention to the papers.

"C'mon, give," he tried in a stern tone.

"Okay," Ilse sighed, rolling her eyes and relenting. "Just some of the Air Force Instructions."

Stunned, Jack stared at her with a blank face. "Excuse me?"

"Yeah, the one about personnel, you know," she said in an innocent tone, "professional and unprofessional relationships."

"Why?" He drawled out the word, feeling he knew exactly why.

"Oh, I think I've developed a sudden interest in this sort of material," she smirked. "Especially what you often refer to as the 'frat regs'."

"Great," he groaned, hearing Sam zip up her bag in the background.

Ilse just smiled at him, knowing she had to tell him sooner or later and in this case, sooner was better considering they were waiting for a cab to bring them to the airport. "You know, the way I'm reading this," she started, "I think you should just get married."

"Oh yes, just like that," Jack retorted, sarcastically. "I never knew you were such a romantic."

"Seriously Jack, if neither of you is going to retire, resign or get transferred out of your chain of command – which is going to be tricky as I understand – this is probably the best way. Maybe the only possibility."

"How do you figure?" He glared at her, still wanting to know the answer though.

"Well, married couples are allowed to serve together, regardless of the chain of command."

"Yes, if we would have been married  _before_  we started in the same chain of command that would be a valid point," he rolled his eyes.

"Come on, Jack," Ilse leaned forward, showing him her notes. "I'll be the first to admit it would raise a few eyebrows if you two got married considering your ranks and everything, but in your case there is no unprofessional behavior in the past."

"I'm sure they'll buy that as a defense during the court martial."

"No need to be all sarcastic," she scolded.

"I wouldn't have to be if you'd be realistic, Ilse. There have been rumors for years there was something between Carter and me–"

"But there wasn't, not really," she interrupted him.

"–if we get hitched now, there most certainly would be nothing we can do for either of our careers or freedom."

"What if you could prove that nothing happened? That you two just got married without having crossed the line between professional and unprofessional conduct of behavior."

"Just got married," he reiterated, making it sound more like a question than a statement. "Yes, well, you see most people actually have a history before getting married."

"I know that," Ilse rolled her eyes at him. "But you two don't, not really. Well, with one exception perhaps – what happens on Atlantis stays on Atlantis – but you took up more leave yesterday and considering Sam is awaiting reassignment, technically you have done nothing wrong. If you have done anything at all, that is," she winked at him.

"I don't think they'd just take our word for it, you know," he sneered, still wondering about what to do himself.

"You could back up your statements–"

"Yeah, Carter backing me up and I'll back her up, that's going to work," he interrupted her. "And," he raised his hand to stop her from talking, "before you say we can use character witnesses or something, I doubt they'd believe anyone on their word." Jack concluded, crossing his arms as he leaned back, hearing Sam walk towards them carrying her bag.

"What I was going to suggest before you so rudely interrupted me," Ilse glared at him, also noticing Sam joining them, "why not use that lie detector test."

"A lie detector test?" Jack frowned at her and sighed. "Ilse, part of our training is resisting such things."

"I know that," she replied, getting annoyed with his constant interruptions. "I meant that sanex-thing you told me about, the one that nearly got you killed all those years ago. Certainly would be a good way to use it now."

"Zzzanex, with a 'z'," Jack corrected her, thinking about her suggestion.

"Actually, it's a zatarc detector, Sir- ah, Jack," Sam mumbled absentmindedly, her own mind engrossed in figuring out a solution to their little problem.

"Really? That makes more sense," Ilse nodded, "I kept associating it with deodorant or those antidepressants," she muttered. "And 'Sir'?" She smirked, "that must be interesting in–"

"Don't even go there," Jack warned her, glowering.

"Still," Ilse chuckled, "think about it… You could always offer to be tested with it if you're challenged, although you might need to put the emphasis on your work at the SGC or at least try to evade Atlantis…"

"Funny," he rolled his eyes.

Sam looked up when she heard a car pull up the driveway and peeked out the window. "Looks like our ride is here."

"Let's say goodbye and get going," Jack responded, getting up.

* * *

"Ah, here you are," Jack mumbled, taking a closer step and trapping her body between his arms and body when he leaned at the railing.

Letting her body lean against his, Sam sighed and turned her head to look at him. "This is great."

"I told ya," he murmured against her soft skin, his head resting in the crook of her neck.

"I can't believe we didn't do this years ago," she pressed a kiss against his temple, smiling as his sexy gray hair tickled her nose.

Pressing his body harder against her, Jack breathed in her scent. "Yes, well, let's not dwell," he whispered, before nuzzling her neck.

Sam chuckled and let her head fall back, giving him a better angle. "Considering all of this," she made a vague hand gesture, encompassing the two of them and the situation they were in, "maybe we shouldn't have."

"Maybe."

"Jack?"

Straightening, he looked at her face. "Yes?"

Gnawing her lip, Sam contemplated her next words. Did she really want to ruin this moment? They'd only just arrived after their two-hour flight and it had taken them about an hour to drive up to the cabin, including shopping for groceries. She'd been enjoying the view while Jack had been taking their stuff inside and opened the windows, to let everything vent for a moment. He'd told her it would be better this way, so they could start the fire afterwards to get everything back to a comfortable temperature. "It really is beautiful out here. I love the pond and the view."

"You're beautiful," he grinned and kissed her cheek, "and I love you. Especially when you're blushing furiously like you are now."

She'd never been good at taking compliments and his remark only made her face burn more. Smiling shyly, she ducked her head and studied the railing. Her hands moved of their own volition and covered his, once again she was amazed at the contrast and yet it felt like this was right, they fitted together somehow. "I was thinking," she started, her fingers caressing the back of his hands.

"I'd be surprised if you'd ever stop," he joked lamely, but it ensured a smile from her, which was what he was aiming for.

"And," she continued, putting emphasis on the word, "maybe there was a point to what Ilse suggested."

"What are you saying?"

"We can try to get special permission, which I think would be unfair," she made sure to let him know that.

"Why?" He drawled out, liking the idea of getting a Presidential blessing to get their relationship approved.

Sam shrugged, not sure. "I don't know, I don't want special treatment–"

"Maybe we deserve special treatment," Jack suggested, his eyes twinkling mischievously.

She grinned and shook her head. "No, we don't."

"But we saved the planet a dozen times, granted," he placed a finger on her lips to stop her from interrupting him, "you did most of the work, but still…"

Pressing a soft kiss against his finger, Sam smiled. "We were doing our job, a duty to our country, our planet–"

"The same job that has been keeping us apart," he reminded her, unsubtly.

"It should be for the entire SGC and HWS," she frowned, thinking about his proposal. "Plus the Atlantis Expedition."

"Extenuating circumstances," Jack agreed.

"Still, if it doesn't work the legal way, going through the right channels," Sam summed up, "then I want to get married."

Stunned, Jack stared at her, his mouth agape. "You do?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I want to marry you, Jack O'Neill and if the USAF won't allow us to be together, we'll just do it sooner rather than later."

"Are you sure?"

Sam beamed at him and turned in his arms. "I've never been surer in my life."

"Not even when you wanted to blow up that sun?"

She giggled and shook her head, "No."

Her giggles reverberated through his chest and he leaned closer to steal a kiss. "Good, because I want that too," he mumbled.

* * *

Snuggling up to his warm body, Sam let out a sigh of contentment. This was what she'd always pictured when her mother used to end the fairytales with a "and they lived happily ever after" – granted, it may not have been this exact situation or with this incredibly sexy man, but it was the feeling of being loved and loving someone so intently that it hurt. "Jack?"

His only reaction was the slight turning of his head towards her and she felt his arm around her waist tighten and pull her a bit closer. His eyes remained closed however, but there was a small smile playing around his lips. Lips she just had to kiss… "Jack," she tried again, before kissing him and letting her tongue trace the contours of his lips. "I love you," she whispered against his mouth and immediately felt him respond.

Opening his mouth for her, he welcomed her tongue with his and groaned when she brushed against him. "Sam," he broke the kiss and locked gazes with her blue orbs. "I love you too."

"I know," she smiled and lay back so her head could rest on his shoulder.

A comfortable silence descended upon them and Jack knew there wasn't anything in the world that could make him feel more at home. As long as he had Sam and his kids, he wouldn't even mind being stranded on some backwater planet.

"Jack?"

He opened his eyes when she broke the silence after several minutes and was surprised to see her looking at him intently as she leaned her chin in her hand. "What?" He wondered what else there was that she'd want to tell him and mimicked her posture.

"Do you think your kids will accept me?"

Surprised, he frowned. "Of course they will, they love you already."

"It's different," Sam objected, "first I was just a friend, now they'll have to share you with me."

"Nah, you're worrying over nothing, Sam," he waved her argument away. "Besides, they already know how I feel about you and I'm pretty sure Ilse has been prepping them for this the last few days…"

She smiled when he waggled his eyebrows at her and gently swatted his shoulder. "So… they wouldn't mind us being a family?"

"I doubt Milou would've reacted the way she did if she'd minded," Jack half-shrugged. "Besides, the kids are always asking for you and they love hanging out with you."

"What about…" Sam anxiously bit her lip and furrowed her brow in concern when she looked at him. "The future?"

"What about it?"

"How do you see it?"

He brought up his hand to brush her bangs out of her face and traced the contour of her cheek. "With you and the kids by my side."

"What kids?"

"Huh?"

She let out a deep sigh and knew this was the moment. "Would you want more children?"

"Oh," Jack replied, rolling on his back as he dragged a hand through his hair. "I don't know, do you?"

"I asked first," Sam petulantly stated.

He chuckled at her childish response and raised an eyebrow at her. "Fine, I'll go first… I honestly don't know, Sam," he looked at her, trying to read her. "I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to be eighty when they graduate from high school, I'd like to see them get settled into a life and not be, you know, dead before their twenty-first birthday."

"I see," she mumbled as she nodded slowly.

Misinterpreting her reaction, Jack rolled back on his side and gently lifted her chin to look her in the eye. "But I know that you'd be a great parent and I can understand if you want a baby," he sighed, trying to picture it in his mind. "If it's something you really want, I understand that. You know me, I love kids," he grinned at her, "and I wouldn't mind if you'd get pregnant, but it's not something I desperately want or need. I'd be more than happy with you and the kids we do have… I mean, you know I can't refuse you anything, right?" He chuckled, shaking his head. "Hell, you convinced me to take one of those damn snakes; I sure as hell couldn't refuse you something as amazing as a baby."

Letting out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding, Sam squeezed his hand. "Okay."

"Sam," he squeezed back as he tried to hold her gaze. "If you want this, just tell me."

"No, it's not that," she shook her head and let go of his hand to roll on her back.

"You don't want children?" He asked incredulous. Jack had always pictured her to have one or more kids, having seen her interact with various children throughout her career.

"I'm not sure," Sam tried, letting her arm fall over her eyes.

Clearing his throat, Jack glared at her. "Sam, you do understand that it's not just going to be you and me, right?" He asked, hesitatingly, fear gripping his heart.

"I do," she replied quickly wanting to reassure him, sitting up to look at him. "I love your kids; I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Thank God," Jack muttered under his breath, letting his head fall in relief.

"No, it's just that… You know, after Jolinar?"

"What about it?" He asked warily, still getting a sick feeling in his stomach whenever thinking about what that snake had put her through and continued to do to her, by leaving its memories and feelings behind. "Is it a physical thing or are just reluctant to share your body with someone else again?"

Surprised that he would mention such a thing, Sam cupped his cheek and caressed it with her thumb. "No, it's just that after she died, I was really messed up," she started, frowning as she cut herself off.

"I remember." It had broken his heart to see her so defeated and depressed over missing something she hadn't even wanted in the first place.

"Not just mentally, physically too."

"Go on," he urged her, turning his head to kiss the palm of her hand reassuringly.

"She left behind a protein–"

"The one that was used as a marker for Ma'chello's Goa'uld killers," he finished for her.

Sam nodded and swallowed hard, trying to get the courage to continue. "Yeah, that's not all she did…"

Hearing her voice trail off and seeing the sadness in her eyes, Jack got concerned and straightened. "Carter…"

She snorted as he reverted to their old routine with the little warning in his tone. "She screwed up my body chemistry."

"Meaning…?"

"I'm not sure if I  _can get_  pregnant," Sam blew out a deep breath as she let the words tumble out of her mouth.

"Which is why you asked me if I wanted kids," Jack mumbled, nodding his head in understanding and silently chastising himself for not expecting this. There was always a catch with those damn snakes and he should have known that she'd want a child of her own! "God, I can't imagine Sam," he replied awkwardly, not sure how to react. "C'mere."

She crawled into his arms and held him tightly. "Pete and I," she felt him freeze for a moment at the mention of Pete's name, before his muscles relaxed again, "we tried and I just couldn't get pregnant," she sniffed.

"I'm sorry," Jack murmured in her ear, trying to comfort her by slowly rubbing soothing circles on her back and just holding her. "We can try if you want to," he whispered in her ear, "although I'm not sure if the world is ready for a little Carter yet." He felt her smile against his neck and kissed her hair, all the while mumbling comforting things in her ear. After a while, her breathing evened out and he knew she was slumbering. "Anything for you, Samantha Carter."

"I love you, Jack," she mumbled sleepily, hugging him even tighter. "You were the reason I broke it off with Pete, you were the one I was in love with."

"I know," he soothed her, "I know and I understand." He waited for her to fall asleep before letting himself relax. Now he understood why Sam had been behaving differently since she'd gotten back from Atlantis; first because Shanahan had been throwing accusations at her – and Jack now realized why he'd said what he'd said – then when she'd been watching the kids, especially with Simone… He breathed in deeply and willed his mind to stop thinking, because he needed the sleep. Rolling on his back, he pulled her with him and secured the blankets around them. They were together now, that was all that mattered. It had been a long and painful ride, but it was most definitely worth it if it meant he got to spend the rest of his life trying to make her happy, make her smile that gorgeous megawatt smile of hers and raise the kids together.

"I love you too, Samantha," he whispered in her ear, before finally allowing the darkness to take over.

 

 

The End…

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have a beta, so any mistakes are my own. I love feedback and/or constructive criticism or just a comment to let me know why you (don't) like it or if anything is bothering you about my story.
> 
> This fic (in its entirety) has been given the 2011 GateFic Award in the SG-1 Het Fic: Sam/Jack Drama category!
> 
> Disclaimer: see profile


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